


Lovesick

by Perry_Downing



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben POV, Ben Solo Pain Train: Teen Edition, Besotted Ben, F/M, Jealousy, Oh good there's the angst, Possessive Behavior, Reluctant Rey, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:35:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 132,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22405813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perry_Downing/pseuds/Perry_Downing
Summary: **COMPLETE**Rey travels back to when Ben is 19 and training with Luke.This, this is what, who he’s been waiting for. Which is especially odd since he wants to be a Jedi Master, and Luke has never been seen with anyone. Is it even allowed? He’d never thought it would matter much to him.But now, now it godsdamned matters, because he’s in love. At least he thinks he is. He’s 19 and he’s never felt like this before, so it’s hard to tell. And he’s not going to ask anyone. He has a hard enough time hiding her from the voices as it is.Because that’s one thing he does know. Rey isn’t to be shared.With anyone.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3342
Kudos: 2207





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A plot bunny grabbed me by the throat and teen Ben would not shut up. I hope this is relatively short, as I have no intention of getting sidetracked from 'Tethered' and wrapping up 'Unbiden'. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> And of course, thank you to my partner in crime, ArtemisBare.

The new girl is driving him _insane_. Mysterious doesn’t even begin to cover it. She’d arrived out of nowhere and Master Luke had simply acted like she’d always been here.

He doesn’t really care though because when he’d first seen her odd three-bun hairstyle, it was like everything narrowed down to her luminous hazel eyes and her face had broken into the most glorious smile he’d ever seen. It was as if she wanted to run to him, the way he wanted to run to her.

But then everything changed. She keeps her distance, but he can feel her watching him. And Ben watches her, oh how he watches her.

He didn’t know he could feel like this. Sure, he’d kissed a couple of the other apprentices, but that was just when they were playing challenge or revelation. There’d been a pretty twi-lek the last time he’d visited his mother, but now it all just feels … childish. Even a bit vulgar.

This, this is what, _who_ he’s been waiting for. Which is especially odd since he wants to be a Jedi Master, and Luke has never been seen with anyone. Is it even allowed? He’d never thought it would matter much to him.

But now, now it godsdamned matters, because he’s in love. At least he thinks he is. He’s 19 and he’s never felt like this before, so it’s hard to tell. And he’s not going to ask _anyone_. He has a hard enough time hiding her from the voices as it is.

Because that’s one thing he does know. Rey isn’t to be shared. 

With anyone. 

\---

Ben picks at his breakfast, not able to really focus on anything but _her_. Today he’s going to talk to her. He doesn’t care that she makes him so nervous his belly feels full of flitterbugs. He’s going to gather his courage and really talk to her.

Before training begins, she usually goes for a walk in the field beyond the temple. He simply has to make words come out when he approaches her.

Stars, she’s just so beautiful …

“Still mooning over the new girl?” Tai asks cheerfully as he sits down next to Ben.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he baldly lies. But if _Tai_ has noticed, Rey is sure to have noticed, too and he throws down his fork. Bantha spit, he’s so bad at this.

“What do you even know about her? Have you actually talked to her yet?” he asks, nodding in Rey’s direction as she sits by herself, positively inhaling her food. 

“No,” Ben grumbles.

“Well, Daxon is making noises about getting to know her, so you might want to hurry it up.”

Daxon? No, not _Daxon_. He’s just awful and the thought of anyone trying anything with Rey makes him lose control for a moment, the water glasses vibrating with the Force and his fists clench.

Tai smirks. “Don’t know what I’m talking about. Right.”

Ben tries not to bolt after Rey when he sees her leave the dining hall.

\---

He’d given it a few minutes, and now he’s trotting to catch up with her.

“Rey?” he tries to call out but his voice cracks over her name. He cringes, already messing this up. Typical.

She startles and turns to him. He immediately wants to go to her, find out what’s wrong. She looks so sad. But then her expression clears and she’s actually smiling! At him!

“Hey, Ben. What do you need?”

_You_.

“I just saw you and thought I’d say, uhm, hi.”

Her eyes flit back and forth and there’s a clear point where she makes a decision. Taking in a deep breath she asks, “Do you want to walk with me?”

Ben’s chest swells and he gives her what he hopes is a charming grin, but it’s probably just a lovesick grimace. “Uh, yeah, that’d be … great.”

\---

She picks wildflowers as they walk and now he’s absolutely sure that he’s in love with her. He wants to weave them into a crown, place it on her silky hair. She’d look like the nymphs from his mother’s old Alderaanian fairy tales. 

He wants to _talk_ to her, but his mind is a complete blank. Everything he can think of to ask just sounds stupid so he only tries not to stare. He doesn’t manage it.

Suddenly, she breaks the silence. “Did you always want to be a Jedi?” she asks with an eagerness he can’t quite understand. She wants to learn about him?

“Uh, no … not really. But, well … my powers started to really spike when I was 10 … my family couldn’t handle me.”

She nods, and he can sense she wants to know more about it but she goes quiet again.

Come on, Solo, get it together. “What about you? Is this what you always wanted?”

Rey looks like she might cry for a moment and his heart hammers in his chest. What did he do wrong?

But she breathes in slowly and says, “I didn’t know I had the Force until a year ago.”

“A year ago? But you’re already so skilled!” She’s almost as strong as he is, and that’s saying a lot. He could watch her train for hours. He has.

“I … I met someone. He … he helped me.”

He? Oh. Ben doesn’t like this. At all. The look on her face, this other man is clearly important to her. “And where is he now?” he asks in a strangled tone.

Looking away for a moment, she whispers, “Gone.”

“Oh. I’m … uhm, I’m sorry,” he stutters out lamely. This is ridiculous. _He_ is ridiculous. He’s dined with diplomats and kings, why is he sounding like he’s 12?

“It’s alright,” she says softly, her eyes so wistful. Then she shakes her head and she’s smiling again. “What did you want to be, if not a Jedi?”

Ben blinks at the return to their topic. “I suppose I always thought I’d be a senator, like my mother.”

“Senator Organa?” she asks with warmth in her eyes. 

“Yeah. So you’ve heard of her?” he says with a lopsided smile. Of course she has. _Everyone_ has.

She raises her eyebrows. “She is kind of famous.”

Ben sighs. He can never get away from his family. He loves them, he does … but just once he’d like to only be Ben.

That’s when the most amazing thing happens. She stops walking and takes his hand. Rey is touching him! On purpose!

“That has to be hard. Having all that legacy on your shoulders.”

The way she’s looking at him. Like she really _sees_ him makes his tummy do a strange little swoop. Oh, he’s such a goner for this girl.

\---

That’s how it starts. He walks with her every day now. She hasn’t taken his hand again, but it’s alright. He gets to spend time with her and that’s enough.

For now.

\---

She spends a lot of time talking to Master Luke, more than any of the other apprentices. Often they’re hidden away in his private chambers. Ben wants to ask what they’re talking about, but she gets strange, uncomfortable, when he asks her too much about herself. He doesn’t like making her uncomfortable.

Mostly, she asks about him. She seems to like stories about his father the best, so he spends much of his time traveling his memories, trying to find a new outlandish tale to make her smile.

Today Rey is particularly quiet and he decides to take a chance and ask her what’s wrong.

“Rey?”

“Hmmm?” she responds in a faraway voice.

“Are you … are you okay?”

“Oh, I just … I’m just missing my friends from …” She hesitates before continuing, “Back home.”

“You’ve never told me where you’re from.” Maybe today she’ll open up a bit.

“Oh … uhm, I’m from … uh … Takodana.”

“Brilliant! Do you know old Maz’s place?”

Genuine panic fills her eyes and she shakes her head back and forth frantically. It’s strange, because everyone should know about Maz if they’re from Takodana.

“I mean, of course I know of Maz, I just, I never met her.”

“My dad used to take me there all the time. She’s something else. Maybe someday I could introduce you?”

“That … that’s okay. I don’t think I’ll be going back there.”

Rey really seems unsettled and he frowns. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Just didn’t sleep well, I guess. Uhm, I’m gonna go get ready for training, alright?”

Ben watches her rush away and whispers to himself, “What did I do?”

\---

The rest of the day is awful. He loses his sparring match with Voe of all people. And right in front of Rey, too. She kept looking at him sadly, like she’s disappointed in him or something. Did he screw everything up? Of course he did. That’s what he does.

Now he’s sitting on a rock at the edge of the meditation clearing, looking up at the moon. His throat is tight and he wipes away furious tears. She’ll never want him back, now. Stupid, stupid, Ben Solo.

He clutches his legs to his chest and hides his face between his knees, ashamed of his sniffles.

Finally, he feels like he can face being around people again when he senses her. He always seems to know where she is. Is that part of loving someone? He’d like to ask his uncle, but he’s been stranger than usual, lately. Almost like he’s afraid of Ben.

She gets closer, and Maker, he hopes she won’t be able to tell he’s been crying.

“Ben?” she asks in that lilting accent of hers.

“Hi,” he croaks.

“I … I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about disappearing on you earlier. I don’t … I don’t want you to think that anything’s wrong with us.”

Us? She said, “Us.” Hot damn, she said, “Us.” 

“It’s fine,” he lies.

“Scoot over,” she requests and he swiftly complies. She sits right next to him and he can feel her body heat. The moonlight glints off her hair and her eyes are so deep and dark. Stars, he just wants to put his arm around her, but he doesn’t dare.

But then she puts her hand on his wrist. “I like you, Ben. You know that right?”

“Uhm. Yes? I mean … I hoped.” he manages to say through the absolute bliss of her fingers on his skin. He’s never felt anything as good as her touching him. 

“Things are complicated for me right now, but it’s not you, it’s not your fault. I just … I didn’t want you to think … I didn’t want you to think I don’t like you,” she rushes to say.

“Okay,” he says dumbly. He wants to tell her that he likes her, too. More than likes her, but his mouth won’t move.

Then he can’t think because she threads her arm through his and leans her head on his shoulder. It’s almost like holding her and he’s never been so happy in his life.

Rey likes him!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preposterous Palpatine/Sneaky Snoke make an appearance and Besotted Ben grapples with horrifying gossip about Reluctant Rey.

“You’ve been hiding something from me,” the voice whispers as he tries to fall asleep.

“No … nothing important,” he evades.

“Perhaps it’s something I could help you with … I sense longing.”

“It’s nothing.” _Everything._

“You know I always help you.”

“I get to have privacy!” Ben flares, pushing through the fear in the pit of his stomach. He hasn’t defied the voice in a long time. He’s not really sure _why_ he doesn’t want to trust it.

“Of course you do. Besides, I’ll find out in time.”

In his bed, Ben flinches, hoping that isn’t true. Maybe the voice could help, like it always has … No. NO! Rey is precious. He won’t let the voice have her. When it talks about his parents—about how they don’t understand him—it feels so true. But after … he doesn’t want to be confused about Rey.

Because deep down, he knows the voice is wrong about his parents.

\---

Ben watches like a hawk as _Daxon_ sits next to Rey during breakfast. And what’s worse is she doesn’t seem to mind. True, Ben might have his daily walks with Rey, but he hasn’t yet managed to sit with her at meals. Some part of him wants to keep her a secret. From _everyone_.

Now, though … now he’s wondering if it isn’t time for a more public claiming of her. Would she even want that? It’s not like he’s managed to kiss her or anything. They don’t even hold hands.

Rey laughs at something Daxon says and Ben sees red. His fingers clench to wrap around that smug throat, show him who the better Jedi is. He stands swiftly, about to interrupt this little interlude when he feels a hand on his forearm.

He looks to his right and finds Voe grasping his sleeve. She shakes her head and says, “Ben, no.”

“Why not?” he nearly snarls.

“She won’t appreciate you treating her like a child who needs to be protected.”

“But it’s Daxon,” he complains.

“Look, I know you two have … history, but I’m sure she’s not interested in him, not like that.”

“Then why is she talking to him!” he sputters.

“Because she’s nice? Come on, you don’t just walk over there and steal her back like she’s a twyla’s toy. She’s new. Let her get to know people.”

Slowly, Ben sits back down. “But what if she … she … she _likes_ him.”

Voe rolls her eyes. “I’m pretty sure you have nothing to worry about, there.”

“Why?” he asks suspiciously.

She throws her hands up. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because everyone knows you’ve been walking together for weeks now.”

Well, it’s only been just over two weeks, but that everyone has noticed makes him feel a bit exposed and also a tad smug. Maybe Voe is right, that he has nothing to worry about.

“She _did_ say that she likes me.”

Voe gives him an impatient expression and huffs, “Duh.”

\---

“Alright, pair up!” Master Luke calls out to the older students. “Ben, I’d like you to spar with Rey.”

Ben isn’t sure what he thinks about that. He doesn’t really want to fight with her, but on the other hand, it means _time_ with her. She’s been more distant ever since she’d come to sit with him that night and he hasn’t known how to cross the space between them. Maybe this will help?

Everyone takes their places and stands ready, with their hands prepared to reach for their sabers. It strikes him then how strange it is that Rey already had one when she arrived. It’s a beautiful shade of gold, but the hilt is strange.

She only found her powers a year ago. Who has been training her? Are there other Jedi out there? It reminds him of how she’d spoken of that other man, the one who’d helped her, and his mind isn’t focused properly when Luke calls out, “Begin!”

Rey goes on the offense immediately, rushing him, hard and fast. He hadn’t been prepared for her ferocity and before he knows it, he’s tripped over his own feet and landed on his ass. A twitter of amusement at _Ben Solo_ making such a stupid mistake sweeps through the room.

His cheeks burn with humiliation. He’d wanted to show her how good he is. He’s the best fighter in the school, almost as good as Luke. 

She doesn’t gloat at least, just offering him a hand up and a grin. When she pulls him to his feet, she holds on to his hand for just a moment too long. But he can’t dwell on the tingling in his fingers, he has to get his mind in the fight.

“Ready?” she asks.

‘This time,” he grumbles.

“Let’s see,” she says with teasing eyes.

Then their sabers clash with a force that surprises him and he realizes Rey isn’t really sparring. She’s fighting for real. Well, two can play at that game.

Light on his feet, he parries each of her swings, using his endurance to tire her out. He can always fight longer and harder than the other students.

As they dance across the practice room, he realizes that he needs to _win_. He needs to prove to her that he can protect her, that he’s the strongest one here. Even if that means she has to lose. It’s not like he wants to beat her. Right?

Memories of the voice come then, how he’s better, stronger than any of them. How he has to show them why they should respect him, follow him. _Make_ her want him.

Rey’s fierce, determined face pulls his attention back to the fight. Gods, she’s so graceful, and he realizes that he’s the one growing tired. Where in the galaxy did she learn how to fight? It’s like she’s inside his head, always knowing what he’s going to try next. 

Her cheeks are flushed and she’s started to breathe harshly. If he thought she was pretty before, she’s downright delicious like this. His blood is up and, Force, he’s getting turned on!

As they move across the floor, it’s so easy to imagine her flushed and glistening from altogether different activities. Not that he would know, but he’s always had a vivid imagination.

They’re near the edge of the space and he finally gets the upper hand, forcing her to the wall with sabers clashed. Quick as a viper, his hand shoots out and he pins her wrist to the wall, the action forcing her to drop her saber with a startled yelp.

He extinguishes his own saber and steps into her body, keeping her wrist in his other hand, panting as he looks down into her face. Her chest heaves and her tunic has come loose, giving him a _very_ pleasing view of the tops her breasts.

Their faces are so close as he leans towards her that he can feel her pants for breath, smell her scent. He should let her go, step back, but he’s trapped by her heated gaze. It’s almost as if she wants this as much as he does, and his head starts to descend.

“I think that’s enough, Ben,” Master Skywalker admonishes, breaking the spell.

Ben shakes his head quickly, but it still takes him longer than it should to release Rey.

As he steps back, he prays to all the gods that she won’t notice his painful erection.

\---

That night the older students sit around the communal fire, the little ones already having been ushered off to Bed. Luke had gone with them, so the conversation has turned to gossip and what their master calls frivolities.

Ben remembers when his uncle had a sense of humor and he smiles at memories of how his mother used to tease him mercilessly.

Rey sits alone, watching the fire, and Ben watches her. He wants to stand up and go sit next to her, but there’s an impenetrable solitude to her he doesn’t know how to break through. She’s rubbing her hand and clearly lost in thought. What is she thinking about?

Then he’s pulled from his musings by the most annoying apprentice at the school. _Daxon._

“So, I guess Alderaan must have been pretty open minded,” Daxon says casually.

“What are you talking about?” Ben growls. He just wants to get back to watching Rey and trying to work up the courage to invade her space.

“Well, on Bentha Six I certainly never looked at _my_ cousin the way you look at the new girl.”

Ben whirls towards Daxon and exclaims, “What?!”

“Oh, come on Solo. I know you miss a lot, but even you must have heard what everyone’s saying about her?”

“Daxon, I really don’t care about children’s tales.”

“Heh. Well you might want to know this one. They’re saying she’s Luke’s daughter.”

Horror, pure horror blooms in his chest. She can’t be! Then … oh gods, no!

“That’s not true. That’s impossible.”

Daxon shrugs. “I dunno. Things got pretty wild after the Empire went down. Maybe even old Master Luke had a little fun.”

Is that why he feels so drawn to her? Because they’re … related? The thought makes him hate himself more than normal. 

Ben can’t handle this. He has to be alone.

\---

In his little hut, he throws himself down on his bed and rubs his face. If Rey’s his … his … he can’t even think the word. He loves her. But not like _that_. Could he even manage to be around her if she was just … family? Forever out of reach?

Gods, the things he’s imagined about her in this very bed … He’s even taken himself in hand to thoughts of her pretty lips and haunted eyes. What would that make him if they’re _related_?

Running both hands through his hair, he kicks at his bed roll. It can’t be true. It just can’t.

\---

The next morning finds him outside of Master Luke’s hut. The sun has only just risen, but Ben couldn’t take it anymore.

He hadn’t slept all night, tortured by thoughts of a forbidden Rey. At one point he’d even decided he didn’t care if she’s his _cousin_. Many systems don’t care about that. It’s not like it’s … taboo. Well, not really. It’s just frowned on.

But is that why Rey keeps him at arm’s length? Had she just meant that she likes him in more general terms? But Voe had said … 

He stands straighter and knocks on Luke’s door. He hears rustling from inside, then the door opens to find his master looking a little bleary. 

“Uncle Luke—”

Luke looks at him sternly. “We’ve talked about this, Ben.”

Ben ducks his head. “Right. Sorry. Master Luke, I need to speak with you.”

“It’s not even time for first meditation,” Luke says with exasperation. “What has you so fired up.”

“It’s Rey.”

Real worry streaks through Luke’s eyes. “Is she alright?”

“What? Yes, why wouldn’t she be?”

Luke looks away briefly. “Nothing. Why do you need to talk about Rey?” Now his eyes take on a teasing glint and Ben pauses. His uncle wouldn’t tease him about this … would he? His father, well, his father would think it’s hilarious and would have quite a laugh at his expense, but his uncle? He doesn’t think so.

Now that Ben is here, he doesn’t know how to ask what he needs to know. “I just … where did she come from?”

“Why don’t you ask her?” Luke evades.

“I did, she got strange about it.”

Luke nods. “And?”

“It’s just weird, she shows up already nearly as well trained as I am, she already has a saber … who _is_ she?”

“That’s for Rey to share.”

Ben huffs in frustration. Talking to Luke is never, ever straightforward.

“I mean, is there anything I should know about her?”

“Is there something you _want_ to know about her?”

Ben’s lips thing into a line and his jaw works. “Fine, you want me to ask, I’ll ask.”

Luke’s hands go wide. “By all means.”

“I she …” Ben pauses, preparing himself for a soul-rending blow. “Is she your daughter?”

Then the strangest thing happens. Luke begins to laugh. Not just a chuckle, no, a full throated guffaw. And he doesn’t stop until he’s wheezing, leaving Ben standing in the doorway feeling like an idiot.

“You thought she was your cousin?” Luke manages between gasps for breath.

“Well, you just accepted her! What else was I supposed to think!”

“Oh, Ben ... No. She’s not my daughter. You don’t need to worry.”

Sublime relief cascades through him and he finds himself chuckling along with his uncle. “Yeah, you’re right. You couldn’t have a daughter.”

Luke looks mildly affronted. “Well, I wouldn’t say that. But as far as I know, I have no children. If I did, don’t you think you would have met any little Skywalkers running around? I wouldn’t just abandon my own child.”

“You’re right … you’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Luke puts his hand on his shoulder. “Don’t listen to gossips like Daxon.”

“How’d you know?” Ben asks.

“I didn’t, but it seemed a good guess. Now, if there isn’t anything else …”

Ben realizes he’s invading Luke’s morning and he says, “Right, sorry. I … I’ll see you for morning meditation.”

“Skip it. Get some sleep. You look like the wrong end of a sarlacc.”

\---

He can’t manage to sleep because he feels like he’s walking on air. All that worry for nothing. Of course Rey isn’t his cousin! She doesn’t look a thing like Luke and anyway, he would have sensed in the Force.

Stupid Daxon.

\---

“What did Daxon say to you to make you leave so quickly?” Rey asks as they go on their walk.

“Oh … it’s actually pretty funny.”

“Funny doesn’t usually make someone run away like stormtroopers are on their tail.”

“He said that everyone thinks you’re Master Luke’s daughter.”

Rey stops walking and simply blinks at him. There’s something like sadness in her gaze, but then she laughs a thin, mirthless laugh. “Yeah. No. Trust me, Luke isn’t my father.”

“Yeah. Luke told me.”

“Wait. Did you think I’d …” She hesitates then she steps closer to him. “Ben, I wouldn't have these feelings for you if I was your _cousin_.”

“You … you have feelings for me?”

“I thought that was pretty obvious,” she says, her brow furrowing.

“I mean, you said you liked me …”

“I do. A lot. I just … I went through a rough time and I’m … I’m still working through all of that.”

“You mean that man, the one who helped you,” he says with a slight edge to his voice.

Pure anguish blooms on her face and she quietly says, “That’s part of it.” Then her face clears. “All that matters right now, though, is that I … I care about you.”

Ben hesitates for a moment, then he’s the one to instigate touching her as he takes both her hands in his. Stars, hers are so small in his. 

“I care about you, too. So much,” he says fervently.

She smiles and threads their fingers together.

“I know you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, you're like a brilliant little angel on my right shoulder to offset the feels murdering demon on the left.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who gave up some of his weekend time with me so I could deal with this rabid plot bunny.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Tentatively, I plan to work on 'Tethered' this week and 'Lovesick' once I've posted for the day. Of course, Teen Ben is a pushy little shit who just wants to kiss Rey RIGHT NOW. Thank you all for giving this your time!
> 
> Special shout out to unlimitedhappylife for the original nudge towards this plot!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben gets a wee Kylo Ren. And First date for our little darlings! Oh, and they officially start holding hands; better glove up there, we know what happens when they hold hands. ;)

“You never talk about yourself much,” Ben observes as they walk. They have a path they always follow, never straying far into the jungle.

Rey shrugs. “There’s not much to tell.”

“But your family … you haven’t said anything about them.”

Her spine stiffens and Ben wonders what he’s said. “I just prefer to hear about you,” she explains with a guarded tone.

What must he do to get her to open up to him? She’s been on Yavin 4 for almost a month now and he still knows barely anything about her. He hoards what little crumbs she gives him jealously, turning them over in his mind.

He stops walking and she stops, too, but doesn’t turn to him.

“Rey,” he murmurs, his voice laced with how much she means to him. 

Moving to stand in front of her, his hand trembles as he finds the courage to reach out for her, the way he always wants to. He tentatively cups her cheek, and oh, she leans into his touch like the cat he had as a boy.

When she sighs and presses his hand against her cheek with her own, he breathes out, “Please … I want to _know_ you.”

Her eyes close, as if in pain. Someone has hurt Rey, of this he’s sure. He just wants her to let him soothe away this deep anguish he feels reaching out to him in the Force.

“I know,” she sighs.

“Just tell me something. Anything. I don’t care how small.”

Her hand strokes his, and she’s pulling it from her face. But she keeps their fingers tangled together and he feels like he can breathe again. Those eyes, they pull him in, and he can see so much calling to him. What is it about this girl that makes every molecule of his being spark and keen?

Smiling slightly, she offers, “I’ve always wanted to learn to swim.”

In that moment, he knows she’s not really from Takodana. It’s littered with lagoons and he’d had his doubts anyway. But he doesn’t press, grateful for any little tidbit. 

“Would you like to learn?”

Her expression grows wistful. “Are you offering to teach me?”

Shyly he nods, knowing just where he wants to take her. 

She makes a little smile and glances away. But when she looks back at him, her smile is full and hopeful. “I’d like that,” she says quietly.

“Tomorrow? After afternoon meditation?”

“Yeah …” She nods. “Yeah.”

Then she’s tugging at his hand and they keep walking. This time though, she doesn’t drop his hand and they walk on, fingers linked in a way that feels like something has shifted between them.

“Tell me something else,” he requests, hoping he’s not pushing his luck.

“I love to fly, as far and as fast as I can.” Her tone is bright and there’s an openness to her he can sense is difficult for her.

“Well, you’d like my dad, then.”

Her smile is gentle when she says, “Yeah. I bet I would”

\---

He wakes stupidly early, too excited to sleep for one more minute. Today he’s taking Rey to the falls! Luckily, it’s his shift in the kitchens for the mid-day meal, so he’ll be able to pack something for dinner in case she doesn’t want to rush back.

Ben really hopes she doesn’t want to rush back.

As one of the eldest students, he’s allowed a bit more leeway with his schedule and he knows Master Luke won’t mind if they skip dinner as long as they’re back in time for the evening fire. If he’s really lucky, he’ll be able to show Rey the beginnings of the sunset over the water. 

He’s eager to get her something. Something to show that she’s always on his mind, but it’s too soon. There’s a letter to his mother that he’s begun and deleted a dozen times, trying to figure out how to ask her to send him a necklace or bracelet. But that would open him up to so many questions, so it remains unfinished.

This though, this he can do. Give her a beautiful experience.

As he readies for the day, he remembers how she’d joined him next to the fire last night. She’d plopped down next to him like it was the most natural thing in the world and threaded their hands together. Clearly, holding hands is allowed now. 

Maybe it always was.

\---

Tai slides into the seat next to Ben during the morning meal. His pale blue eyes twinkle and he elbows Ben in the ribs playfully.

“Saw you holding hands with Rey last night. Finally noticed she’s over the moons for you, huh?”

He knows Rey cares about him, but he’s equally certain that he’s far more invested than she is. If he had his way, she’d already be sleeping in his hut, propriety be damned. There have been flirtations amongst the apprentices, but nothing nearly so serious. Rey is it for him, of that he’s sure. 

“Things are … progressing,” Ben admits carefully.

“Well, looks to me like you might end up getting a stern talking to from Master Luke if you aren’t careful. Remember that Togruta I met on that off-world mission to Quol?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, Master Luke sat me down and told me all about how a Jedi must devote their life to the Force; that I shouldn’t be focused on _trivialities_.”

Ben knows the old Jedi Order had been almost monkish, no marriage, no children. But his uncle hasn’t really gone into that. No attachments seems to be something he’d left behind, always encouraging the apprentices to stay in contact with their families. But he doesn’t know what that means for love.

He’d seemed almost amused about Ben’s fear that Rey was his cousin, certainly he’d understood _why_ Ben had been so frantic. No, if anything there had been an undercurrent of approval.

“I’ll worry about that when the time comes.”

“Well, the way you look at her, I’d say there’ll be little Ben Solos running around in no time.”

Ben frowns, not liking the casual way he’s talking about something so dear to his heart. And stars, children! Obviously, he’s _thought_ about it. It’s hard not to when he imagines a future with her. 

“I mean, just look at her? How could you not want to get under her robe—”

Ben’s hand shoots out and without even thinking, he’s squeezing his friend’s throat with the Force.

“Do—not—speak—of—her,” he snarls.

He hears a tray clatter and it breaks through the dark fog. He immediately drops his hand, horrified by what he’d done. Tai eyes him warily, and Ben looks around frantically. His stomach sinks when he sees Rey’s frightened eyes on the other side of the dining hall.

Tai is rubbing his throat and coughing. What has he done! “Tai, I’m so sorry!”

There’s a long pause, then he smiles easily. “You always did have a temper. I get it, no joking about your girl. But next time just tell me, for Force’s sake!”

He glances over at Rey, finding her cleaning up her breakfast tray. It’s so early that no one else has made it to the hall, and, impossibly, Master Skywalker is late. He doesn’t even want to imagine what would have happened if he’d seen.

\---

The relief he feels when she still takes his hand for their morning walk is nearly overwhelming. 

But he’s not lucky enough for her to just leave it alone. “What … what happened with Tai?” she asks.

Staring straight ahead Ben searches for the right words; he’s not even sure what happened himself. “He was joking around, and I … I didn’t like what he said about you.”

“That was over me?” she asks, her tone sad.

“I guess. Yeah.”

“I … I don’t want you to hurt people over me. Please Ben.”

He glances over at her worried face and the guilt is crushing. “I didn’t even really mean to, but I promise it won’t happen again.”

“Thank you.” She makes a relieved expression. “What did he say, anyway?” she asks plainly.

Ben feels heat rise in his cheeks. He doesn’t really want to tell her. “It was nothing,” he dismisses.

Now she stops walking and turns towards him, dropping his hand. “Ben, you Force choked him.”

Ben cringes, hating to hear the words, but he remains stubbornly silent.

“Should I ask Tai?” Her brow rises in challenge.

That’s even worse and Ben hangs his head. “He just suggested that I … that I _want_ you.”

He thinks he’s managed to hide how much he craves to touch her, see what’s secreted under her robes, at least from her. 

Glancing up, he finds her eyes speculative. “Is he right?” She steps closer, close enough that he can feel her body heat. 

His heart speeds up and he can’t seem to take in a full breath. She’s temptingly near, so easy to crush to him, and her eyes simmer. She’s so _close_.

“Ben?” she nudges. “Is he right?”

He has to look away, feeling too exposed.

“Say it,” she commands and he’s helpless.

“Yes,” he whispers.

She goes up on her toes and murmurs in his ear, “ _Good_.”

But then she just skips away and all he can do is follow her.

\---

Ben carries the bundle of food and towels as he leads them to the falls. It’s not far, just a short hike from the training temple. The jungle is lush, and it would be a hard trek if the path hadn’t been worn down by years of fledgling Jedi making their way to the refreshing water.

They come around the last bend, and there they are. The small waterfall cascades down into a picturesque pool of perfectly clear water before continuing on as a burbling creek. The sky is blue and warm sunshine dapples the crystal surface.

“Oh, Ben … it’s beautiful!” she exclaims.

“Just wait until you feel the water!”

“Will it be cold?” she asks with trepidation. “I once fell into the water and it was so, so cold.”

“No, not this time of year. It’s not warm, but it feels amazing on a hot day like this.”

He leads them to a large flat stone and sets down his bundle. As he starts to undress, Rey gets a strange expression. “What … what are you doing?”

“Uhm, getting ready to go swimming?” he says with query in his tone.

“I … I didn’t know we’d be _naked_ ,” she says nervously.

His eyes just about fall out of his head in shock, his mind racing. “No!” he sputters. “You keep your underthings on.”

“Oh! Oh, okay,” she says with obvious relief.

That’s when it hits him that this might not be the best idea he’s ever had. They won’t be naked, but he’s about to see far more of Rey than he ever has before. Oh gods, all that skin. How is he going to keep from _reacting_?

In an instant, he decides he’ll just get in before Rey is undressed so that the water will hide any unwelcome visitors. 

He speeds up removing his clothing and dives into the water with no warning to Rey. When he comes to the surface, her eyes are huge with fear. “Ben!”

“What?” he asks, wiping the water from his face. 

“Nothing. I just got worried.”

He grins crookedly. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

Her eyes get that haunted look, but her expression clears quickly. “I know. I know,” she says as if reminding herself.

Not for the first time he wonders what happened to that other man.

But he’s not going to let his jealousy ruin this. He hasn’t been here in a long time and the water feels fantastic. Maybe the cool temperature will help keep him in check.

Then Rey starts to take off her clothes, and soon she’s in just her underthings. Nope, the water isn’t going to do bantha spit. Her skin is kissed by the sun and her legs seem to go for parsecs. She’s lithe, but deliciously curved, her slender waist flaring out to hips he wants to … down boy.

Teaching her to swim, that’s why they’re here.

The water only reaches just above his waist, though it’s deeper near the falls. “Okay, the water won’t come much past your … uh chest,” he says, cringing. Great, now he’s staring at her breasts.

Thankfully, Rey doesn’t seem to notice as she gingerly sits at the edge and puts her legs in. “Oh! It’s lovely.”

“Not too cold, not too warm.”

Her eyes crinkle. “Perfect.”

The sun is hitting her hair, making it shine with hints of gold, and all he can do is agree. “Yes, perfect.”

Wading over to her, he holds out his hands. She takes them and he gently encourages her to slide into the waiting water. She scrabbles a bit to find her footing on the sandy bottom, but then she’s beaming up at him.

“There, that was the hardest part.”

She raises a brow and he chuckles. “Okay, maybe putting your whole face under the water is the hardest part,” he amends.

\---

Rey is a natural. She’d sputtered a bit when she’d first waded into the deeper water, but now she’s paddling around the swimming hole, grinning like a small child. He’s managed to hide what it does to him to see her all wet and inviting and he thinks it’s going marvelously.

“Okay, I want to show you how to float on your back,” he says.

She looks up at him attentively. He’s been touching her through all of this, but this feels a bit more intimate, somehow. 

“I’m … uh, I’m going to show you how to hold your body.”

“Uh huh.”

He places one arm behind her shoulders, and the other at her knees. “I’m gonna lift you, alright?” he warns.

As soon as she’s in his arms, her own limbs go around his neck instinctively and he realizes he’s _holding_ Rey. He blinks down on her dumbly. She feels like perfection and their faces are dangerously close.

But she’s looking up into his eyes with such trust that he finds he doesn’t want to push for more; not right now. He simply stands there for a long time, just staring into her wide, blinking eyes.

She breaks the spell with a breathless, “Now what?”

He shakes his head and time starts to move properly again. “Right. Right. Okay, now, just straighten out.” 

Rey does, but she keeps her head lifted out of the water. 

“Do you feel how the water is holding you, like your body wants to float?”

She nods and he says, “Now, if you put your head back and just let it carry you, you’ll stay at the surface.”

Skepticism fills her face, but she does as he’d bidden. And just like that, she’s floating. He keeps a hand at her waist, just in case. The last thing he wants is for her to get frightened. 

Once she seems truly comfortable, he floats beside her and she gropes for his hand. Now they’re bobbing along side by side, connected by their twined fingers. He’s never felt so peaceful before.

And he drifts. With Rey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who I swear is 90% of anything funny that falls out of my fingers.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who brought home a huge Kylo Ren coffee mug. He regretfully said, "There was no Rey." He knows his audience.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Well, Besotted Ben has kept me up writing two nights in a row now, but I'm determined to work on 'Tethered' today, so I think this might be the last chapter of 'Lovesick' for the week. *Eyes Muse cackling in the background* Thank you all so much for the enthusiastic response to this story!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, poor Besotted Ben. Reluctant Rey finally cracks. We knew the fluff couldn't go on forever ...

The sun is low, the shadows lengthening, and he knows they should start to walk back, but he’s having the best time of his life.

After drying off in the sun, they’d redressed, and he’d prepared their meal. It wasn’t anything special, just simple food he'd grabbed from the kitchen. He’d offered her a piece of bread with cheese and she’d surprised him when she’d playfully opened her mouth. _That_ had had him shifting, trying to ease the growing tension in his belly.

Then he’d been genuinely impressed. He’s never seen _anyone_ love food as much as Rey. She’d eaten more than him, which is saying something.

Now he’s sitting with his legs outstretched with Rey lying next to him. Her hand is on his thigh and it’s a bit hard to think clearly. She’s looking up at the jungle canopy and they’re simply enjoying the sound of the waterfall and a few bird calls. It’s serene and oh so beautiful. Not as beautiful as her, though.

It’s begun to get a little cold, however, and he sighs. He really doesn’t want to go. But then she shivers.

“We should maybe head back,” he says forlornly.

“No! It’s so peaceful out here. Besides, I like being alone with you,” she offers shyly. 

“Yeah, the school can be a little much,” he agrees.

“That’s not what I meant,” she says with heavy meaning and Ben’s chest expands to try and fit the swell of feeling her words inspire.

He wants to tell her that being with her, just her, makes him feel like everything finally makes sense, but all he manages is, “I like being alone with you, too.”

She shivers again and he makes a disappointed face. Rey being uncomfortable in any way simply isn’t an option. He wishes he’d brought his robe or a blanket. 

When she starts to rub her arms, he accepts that there’s no other option but to return, so he gets to his feet and holds out his hand. “Come on, the wind is picking up. Let’s go.”

Then she pouts, she actually pouts, but she lets him pull her to her feet.

“But I don’t want to go,” she says, her lower lip jutting out and looking frustratingly tempting.

“You’re cold,” he points out.

Her eyes flit away, but then she’s looking up at him through her lashes. “You could warm me up?”

He just blinks at her, trying to think through the immediate lust-filled haze at her insinuation. Then she draws closer and she places her hands on his chest, the heat of her hands burning right into his heart. Their bodies are almost touching, and Maker, he wants to think of just the right thing to say.

But he’s still struck mute. She’s so close that he can feel her body tremble when a gust of wind stirs her hair. _That_ spurs him into action and he hesitantly starts to draw her to him, making sure not to cage her. She doesn’t pull away, though. Instead, she returns his tentative embrace, wrapping her arms around his waist with the most delightful little mewl.

Before he’s really caught up, he realizes he’s holding Rey. _Oh, Force, he’s holding Rey!_ Something in him slides into place, like he’s always been waiting for this moment. He knows it’s not just because he’s holding a pretty girl in his arms. No, this is something stronger, deeper. It’s as if some part of her is twining around his heart and all he can do is surrender to it.

She lets out a soft sigh and lays her head on his chest. He’s sure she can hear his heart thumping wildly, but he truly doesn’t care. Let her know what she does to him. He could never find the words, anyway.

Realizing that she wants this, wants to be in his arms, makes him bolder, and he tightens his embrace, stroking her back, thrilled at the heat that travels up his fingers from touching her. 

“A-are you warm enough,” he stammers out.

“Mmmhmm. You’re like a furnace.”

“Good. Good.” His lungs can’t quite get enough air and he desperately wants to tell her what she means to him. But he’d just sound like an idiot, he’s sure, so he keeps his mouth firmly shut.

He almost calls out in physical pain when she pulls back, but she doesn’t go far, simply looking up into his eyes. She blinks slowly, and the dim light makes her eyes a deep brown, her lips an enticing red. 

She’s so kissable and the way she’s looking at him, it makes him think that maybe that’s what she wants? That’s how this goes, right? That’s the next step?

He just wants to get it right. Then the decision is taken from him as she goes on her toes and presses her lips against his. The desperate little whimper that escapes her makes him groan into her mouth and he’s pulling her to him, trying to deepen the kiss.

He’s had so little practice, he’s not sure what he’s doing. Plus, he’s certain kissing Rey is entirely different. Then his trepidation is replaced with pure heat, because she’s kissing him back with a frantic kind of fervor and he all he can do is try to keep up. 

The rightness of it, the way it feels like he’s drowning in Rey, overwhelms all of his senses. All he can feel is her, all he can smell is her, all he can taste is her, and all he can hear are the high little noises she’s making.

Diving deeper, deeper into her, he draws his tongue along her lip, needing to be tangled with her completely.

But then she wrenches herself out of his arms and looks at him like she’s terrified. Did he do something wrong? Did he hurt her? Oh, gods, has he _forced_ himself on her?

That’s when he notices the tears gathering in her eyes and she cries out. “I’m sorry! I—I—I can’t do this!” Her tears break free and a sob is torn from her throat and she’s running. 

Running from him.

“Rey!” he calls after her. “Please, what did I do? Rey!”

She’s already tearing down the path back to the training temple, leaving him standing next to the waterfall, his body still primed from her touch and his heart shattering.

\---

He stands there for an age, numb. For a moment he’d thought he should go after her. But he’d sensed in the Force, strongly, that she hadn’t wanted him to follow. So he sits back down on the rock, ignoring how his soul teems with the need to chase her down, hold her to him, make her understand that he’d never hurt her, that his devotion knows no bounds.

Wrapping his arms around his torso, he begins to rock back and forth, trying to find some hollow comfort in giving her time to make it back. 

He won’t make her see him. 

But … what did he do wrong?

\---

Ben doesn’t go to the communal fire that night, avoiding all people entirely as he slinks to his hut. Master Luke will have words for him in the morning, but right now he truly doesn’t care.

All he can do is go over their disastrous kiss over and over again. At first, it had been everything he’d ever dreamed kissing could be. He wishes he’d never kissed anyone else, because nothing had ever felt so right and he understands why he never could figure out all the fuss.

Because kissing Rey had felt like the sun cresting the horizon, light bathing everything. He’d been able to _see_ for the first time in his life. It all finally made sense. Rey made it make sense.

Why had she run from him? Everything had been perfect, _perfect_ and he had to go and mess it all up with his desire. He should have known she wouldn’t want that. Want him.

But she’d kissed him first. Hadn’t she?

That’s when the tears come and he curls into a little ball, his heart crying almost as hard as his body.

\--- 

She won’t look at him at breakfast, sitting as far away as possible. 

He doesn’t even try to eat, just pushing his food around on his plate. Rey wolfs down her food like someone is going to take it from her. He tries not to stare, he really does, but he needs some sign that she doesn’t hate him. 

When she gets up to leave, he decides he’s just going to follow her, ask her what happened, but Master Luke steps in front of him.

“You weren’t at the communal fire last night. Neither was Rey,” he says with an amused twinkle in his eye.

Ben’s eyes close briefly in frustration. Not now!

“I’m sorry, Master Luke,” he says obediently, hoping if he’s contrite this won’t last long. 

“I know that I let the older students have a bit of freedom, but don’t abuse that privilege, Ben.”

“It won’t happen again.” Ben’s whole body is vibrating with the need to find Rey.

Luke chuckles. “I doubt that, but do be a little more circumspect, hmm?”

The reminder that his uncle knows about his feelings for Rey knifes through him and he has the strangest desire to ask for his advice. But he doesn’t trust Luke like that. He doesn’t trust _anyone_ like that. He thought he could maybe trust Rey, but that’s all turned to ash.

“I will, Master Luke,” he agrees as he bounces on his heels.

Luke smiles indulgently. “Go. I know it’s time for your walk with her.”

Ben flinches but takes his escape opportunity quickly, hoping that Rey will still be walking like she always does.

When he gets to their field, she’s nowhere to be found. He lets out a bellow of frustration and heartache before slumping to the ground. His hands clench at the long grass and he breathes hard through his nose.

He just needs to understand! No, that’s not true. He just needs _her_. 

\---

Ben can’t even begin to focus on meditation. He’s just full of self-recrimination. What had he been thinking, pushing for more? If he’d just left things as they were, he’d still have her attention. Instead, he senses her presence in the meditation clearing.

She’s pulsing with sadness and it guts him. He did this. Somehow, he hurt her.

He just wished he knew how.

\---

He’s barely sleeping. He doesn’t eat. Training has been a joke. Thankfully, everyone seems to know to stay the hell away from him.

\---

“What’s wrong, my boy?” the voice asks kindly.

Ben is so close to telling the voice. He’s always confided in it before. But that strong sense that Rey must be protected rises in him, and he only responds with, “I’m just having trouble with my training.” It’s not precisely a lie.

“Hmmm, I think there’s more to it than that.”

“I’m just sick of it.” And he is. The monotony of his days is making everything that much more unbearable.

“Yes, the life of a Jedi can be … trying.”

“It’s the same stupid stuff, meditation, sparring, _more_ meditation. He never teaches us anything new!” His well-polished complaints about Master Luke come easily to him because they’re true.

“Have you ever considered a different path?” the voice asks with a touch of eagerness.

“What do you mean?” Ben asks with confusion. “This is my life.”

“But do you want it to be?”

Something in Ben snaps, because he doesn’t. He wants to take Rey and make a _new_ life, away from the cloying, oppressive, stagnant _Jedi_. But he can’t. She won’t even talk to him.

“I don’t know,” Ben responds hollowly.

\---

Rey always manages to slip past him, avoiding him like he has a disease. After days of suffering, he finally can’t take it any longer. He’s going to _make_ her talk to him.

That evening as the communal fire winds down, he manages to corner her as she’s heading to her hut.

“Rey, please,” he nearly begs.

She looks at him like she’s terrified of him and tears instantly spring to her eyes. She shakes her head furiously and tries to move past him.

He knows he shouldn’t, but he steps in front of her, trapping her between his body and one of the outbuildings. 

“What did I do?” he asks the question that’s been haunting him.

“Nothing. Nothing. I just … I just can’t.”

“I don’t understand,” he presses. “I thought … I thought we cared for one another.”

Her face twists in pain. “I do, I do care, Ben.”

“Then why?”

“I can’t explain,” she says, her moment of openness gone in an instant.

“Just tell me what I did wrong, this is killing me.”

“I … I … I’m not ready,” she finally stutters out.

Ben’s lip curls. “Because of that other man.”

She looks at him, a moment of confusion clouding her beautiful features. Then she looks away and says, “Yes.”

“But he’s not here!” Ben flares. And he is. He’s right here. Wanting her.

Now fire fills her eyes. “I know! He’s gone!”

“So, you’d rather a ghost to me!”

A tear trails down her cheek and she looks around as if trying to find something, anything to help her.

“I just can’t explain.”

“Why? Did you love him so much?”

Her face grows hard. “Yes.”

Ben feels like he’s been punched in the gut. Doesn’t she know he’d do anything for her? On some level, he knows it’s ridiculous to be jealous of a dead man, but right now he wants to challenge his rival, prove that no one could love Rey the way he does.

“But I’m here. I’m right here.”

Her face breaks into a thousand pieces and she pushes past him with the most plaintive sob he’s ever heard.

Hanging his head, he joins her in her tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who is being a real champ as I flood her inbox with chapters of this and 'Tethered'.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who is being so patient with my muse.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm having so much fun reading your reactions to this story! You may have noticed I've given up on making this short. I still hope it's not a another sprawling monster of a fic, but at this point, who knows? ArtemisBare thinks my muse found some cocaine and is gleefully keeping me up at all hours. Thank you all for giving this your time!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben pines, hard, while Reluctant Rey keeps trying to figure out how to handle this impossible situation. The dark calls to our boy then Loser Luke strikes again.

He watches her during meditation. It’s fast becoming his favorite time of day because her eyes are closed and he can get away with it. Rey looks miserable. More often than not, when he sees her, her eyes are red and puffy, her face blotchy.

And it’s destroying him.

To not comfort her when she’s so obviously been crying goes against every instinct he possesses. He wants to stride through the other apprentices, pull her into his arms and croon how he loves her into ear. Deep down, where he lives, he knows she’s his to protect and he’s _failing_.

But it also makes him angry. If she’s so upset with how things are, why isn’t she talking to him? He can sense how deeply unhappy she is, and it just makes _no sense_.

To be fair, he hasn’t tried again, keeping himself at the outskirts of temple life. As often as he can, he follows her from a safe distance, trying to keep his Force signature hidden. She’s replaced her walks with hard runs through the jungle, but they don’t seem to help.

As for his own existence, he does what’s expected of him, but no more. It’s not like he has any real friends, just that casual relationship you build over the years. 

That’s … that’s not really true. Tai has tried to talk to him, but Ben just shrugs him off. Even Voe has been oddly kind, and she’s usually quick to find fault. 

Rey has been talking to Master Luke frequently, and it makes him feel abandoned all over again. His uncle must know what’s going on, yet he doesn’t even try to reach out to Ben. He thought he’d be used to that easy dismissal, but he’s not. It still hurts. 

Master Luke gives him a stern look, and Ben closes his eyes. But he doesn’t meditate. He just thinks about her.

\---

He’s walking past Luke’s private sanctuary when Rey flies from the room in tears. She sees him and comes to an abrupt halt. For what feels like an eternity, they’re lost in each other’s eyes, then she leans towards him, her hands lifting. But then she cries harder and rushes past him. 

He could _sense_ that she’d wanted to fall into his arms and his hands ball into fists. That’s it. He needs answers and his master is going to give them to him.

Stalking into Luke’s space, his mother’s twin sighs heavily when he sees him.

“Ben, this isn’t really a good time—”

“Tell me what’s going on with Rey.”

Luke’s lips purse. “It’s not my story to tell.”

“Bantha shit. She won’t talk to me, but she’s clearly hurting because of it.”

“She has her reasons,” Luke says cryptically.

“Just tell me what I did wrong,” Ben begs. He can’t shake the feeling that this is all his fault, that he’s to blame for her anguish.

“Oh, Ben … you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why? Why is she crying all the time if it’s not me?” he wails, frustrated at how young he sounds.

Luke gets the strangest expression, then rubs the bridge of his nose. “It’s not _your_ fault.”

“Then what? Is it that other man?”

Looking up sharply, he asks, “You know about him?”

“Only a little.” Though that Rey has talked to Luke about him, too, unsettles Ben. Just how deep do her feelings go?

“All I can say is that yes, it’s about … him.” 

Of course it is. He’ll never have her back if she’s prefers a dead man to him. But why wouldn’t she? It is him, after all.

\---

He tries to talk to her at dinner, sitting down across from her. Master Luke had just spouted more evasive, patronizing pablum, so he’s going to the source. 

“Rey, you have to talk to me,” he says forcefully. 

Her face goes flat and she shakes her head.

“We’re both suffering, I know we are. Just tell me _why_.”

“I don’t know how,” she finally whispers.

“You mean so much to me. We don’t have to touch any more, I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself,” he tries. It might be the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, but if he can at least have her in his life, he’ll do it.

Her face twists and she grabs her tray, fleeing him. Again. Ben slumps down, hunched over the table. His fists clench and he just wants to break something. Hurt something. The pain is too much and he wants something, anything, to feel just a fraction of his teeming need, his screaming anguish.

_That’s_ when Daxon sits down next to him and Ben makes a sneering smile. The voice calmly says, “Your rage is powerful, my boy. _Use it_.”

“So, I guess she’s really sick of you, huh, Solo,” Daxon taunts.

“Get up and walk away,” Ben warns.

Daxon snorts. “What? Is the Little Prince gonna hurt me if I don’t?”

Ben’s jaw works at the hated nickname. Daxon has always, _always_ implied he’s only here because of his family, not his own right to be a Jedi and in that moment, Ben _hates_ him. 

“ _Yes_ ,” Ben hisses.

“Maybe I’ll just go find Rey. See if she’s interested in a _real_ man. Been a while since I got my dick wet.”

Ben’s vision tunnels, blood rushing in his ears. He’s immediately assaulted by images of Rey, _his_ Rey, under Daxon and he doesn’t even remember throwing the first punch.

But now he has the hated _boy_ on his back and his fists fly over and over again into his face, the satisfying feeling of bone crunching making him grin.

He feels hands try to pull him off, but he flings them away with the Force, continuing to beat the despised Daxon.

Then the haze of pure rage lifts when he hears Rey’s voice cut through the chaos in his head. “Ben, no!”

His limbs go rigid and he can’t move, then he’s flying back, landing hard against the stone floor of the dining hall. Rey’s face fills his vision and her stricken expression makes his heart ache. He just wants to see her smile again.

The adrenalin courses through his system and he shakes his head trying to clear it.

Rey’s hands are on his face and she’s crying. He hates when she cries. He hates when he _makes_ her cry. “Oh, Ben … what did I do to you?”

“Just come back to me. Please Rey. I need you.”

She helps him sit up and that’s when he sees Luke crouched over Daxon’s form, in an intense Force healing trance.

In a flash, he remembers what he’s done and fear blooms in his chest. Luke only uses the Force when he has to. What did he _do_?

Rey looks over at the scene and starts to pull at his tunic. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

He’s not sure he should leave, but Rey wants him to, so he will. A bit unsteady on his feet, he lets her guide him from the dining hall.

Outside, she takes his hands, which now hurt like hell. The skin over his knuckles is split and he’s almost certain he’s broken something in one of them. How hard did he hit Daxon?

“Here, let me see,” she says as she takes his hands. “Oh, Ben …”

“I … I’m sorry. For whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

“Shhhh, not now.” She holds his hands and closes her eyes, breathing in deeply. Her Force signature slides over his as she breathes in and out.

The sensation is _heady_. Rey is deep inside him as he feels his skin and bone knit back together. But feeling Rey like this, he’s breathing harshly from how she’s rushing through him. Something in him is winding around her, her weaving within him, like a tether forming between them. He’s never felt so connected to another person.

He looks down to find his hands whole and she opens her eyes. She doesn’t let his hands go, however. 

Her eyes are huge with sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I’ve done this all so badly.”

Was there a right way to break his heart? “Please, just tell me _why_.”

She takes in a deep breath. “I can’t.” He’s about to argue with her when she rushes to say, “But it’s not your fault. And I never should have made you think it was.”

“We can just be friends—” he starts to say.

“That’s not … that’s not what I want,” she says with an odd tone.

He clutches at her fingers. “Please. I can’t lose you.”

“I know. I can’t lose you, either.”

“But you don’t even want to be friends?” he asks in complete confusion.

She looks away and her eyes clench briefly. “I do want to be with you, Ben. I’ve never stopped … caring about you. But it … it hurts.”

“I hurt you?” he asks with horror.

Her eyes fly to his, “No! No … I can’t explain. I don’t know how. But this, this isn’t working.”

Fear fills him then, a visceral kind of terror that feels ancient and instinctual. 

“What do you mean?” he asks slowly.

She’s about to answer when the dark storm of Luke Skywalker interrupts them.

“Ben!” he says with an angry voice.

Ben turns towards his uncle, keeping one of Rey’s hands firmly in his. He’s not letting her get away until he knows what she’d been about to say. But she doesn’t even try to pull away, standing straighter next to him. 

“It’s not his fault,” Rey defends.

“The hell it’s not!” His eyes go to Ben’s. “You almost killed Daxon.”

“What?” Ben asks, not sure he’d heard correctly. Killed? He’s never liked the other apprentice, but he doesn’t want him _dead_. 

“You heard me. I’ve tried to ignore your behavior, I truly have. This isn’t the first time you’ve lost your temper. I think it’s time for you to go home.”

“What?” he breathes out. Leave the training temple? It’s been his home for nine years. Yes, he never wanted to come, but now, now it’s all he really knows. Then it hits him. Rey. He’d be parted from _Rey_!

“No, Uncle Luke, please! I never meant to hurt him!” Ben entreats.

“Master Luke, you _know_ what’s going on. You have to watch over him!” Rey pleads at the same time.

“Hush, both of you. I know this isn’t what you wanted, but I can’t put the other students in danger. Not even for my sister’s son.”

Ben flinches. Even in this moment, he won’t claim him.

Rey pulls at Luke’s robes. “But you know, you _know_!”

“And maybe this is what he truly needs. His parents. I can’t help him,” Luke says with finality and he turns, walking away.

Ben stands there, stunned, Rey’s hand still in his, the only thing keeping him from flying apart. Because this means he’ll have to leave her. She’s finally talking to him again, holding his hand, and now he’s going to be ripped from her side. Maybe forever.

He glances down on her and finds her face determined. Determined and _angry_. “Don’t worry. It’s going to be alright,” she says. “It has to be,” she says to herself.

“But … I don’t want to leave you.”

Her eyes widen. “I’ll talk to him. Make him see reason.”

“Do you think that will work? Master Luke … well, when he makes a decision …”

“Oh, don’t worry. I think I can convince him,” she says with a confidence he doesn’t share.

It’s tempting, very tempting to ignore the bantha in the room and just keep holding her hand, but he’s been in utter torment for days and he still _needs_ to understand. He pushes away his worry about leaving the school and focuses on Rey.

“I think we need to talk. Really talk,” he implores.

Rey makes a funny face. “Do we have to?”

Ben nods and Rey sighs. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s go somewhere we can be alone.”

\---

He stops walking as soon as he realizes she’s taking him to her hut. “Rey, are you sure?”

She shrugs. “No one will bother us here.” 

Rey tugs at his hand and he keeps walking with her in a daze. The thought of being in her personal space is electrifying and his mind tumbles with _possibilities_. Wait, no. Everything is a complete mess, he won’t think about Rey’s bed.

He ducks his head to enter and sees that Rey has amassed quite a collection of odds and ends in her short time at the temple. She’s already managed to acquire a bench, littered with spare parts. There’s even a half-repaired droid.

She sits down on her bed roll and gestures for Ben to join her. But his eyes bulge out of his head and he starts to sit on the floor.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she huffs.

He’s always helpless when it comes to Rey, so he gingerly sits next to her, leaving quite a bit of space.

She turns, facing him and he just looks at her, neither of them speaking. 

It’s such a luxury to be able to simply memorize her features for the hundredth time. Her bright eyes and fine brows, her pert nose and shapely lips … he truly could spend hours only looking at her.

But she breaks the silence. “I’m sorry, Ben. I didn’t want to hurt you and I know I did.”

He nods. “Yeah. Yeah you did.”

“All I can tell you is that I thought I was doing the right thing. I can’t explain, not really, but please believe me that I was hurting just as much.”

“Then why wouldn’t you talk to me?” He grimaces at the slight whine in his voice.

“I didn’t know how … stars, this is so hard.”

“What did you mean when you said this isn’t working?” he asks fearfully.

“Not being with you. I don’t know how …”

“I don’t know how, either,” he admits.

Her eyes fill with entreaty and she crosses the distance between them, once again taking his hand. “Could we … could we start over?”

It doesn’t sit well with him, to just brush the last few days away. He’s still confused and deeply hurt. And he _still_ doesn’t understand. But if it means having Rey back, he’ll agree to it. He’d agree to anything.

Carefully, he asks, “What does that look like?”

“Maybe … go slow?”

Slow. He can do slow. He’ll probably burn up in his imaginings, but he was doing that, anyway. 

“Whatever you need, Rey.”

Relief lines her entire form and she smiles at him, scooting closer. “Could you … could you maybe hold me?”

If getting to hold her is part of going slow, he is absolutely on board. He lifts his arm and she melts into his side. He gathers her close and only just manages to keep from kissing her temple. 

She feels unbelievably good, and after his fraught morning, tears prick at his eyes from all the emotions coursing through him. If Luke really makes him leave, he’ll lose her just when she’s come back to him.

He won’t let that happen, he thinks darkly.

Rey is his and nothing and no one is going to take her from him.

Ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, I added crunchy bits just for you!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who had to go on an unexpected business trip and was so sweet about it, bringing me my favorite pho for dinner by way of apology.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I was so worried you'd all come for head on the last chapter. I should probably say that my HEA policy is still firmly in place. Your wonderful comments are making this that much more satisfying to write and they're keeping my muse in coffee and cigarettes. Thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reluctant Rey has clearly made a bit of a breakthrough on her feelings for Besotted Ben and they snuggle in the fluff. Will Loser Luke stick to his guns?

Holding Rey in her little hut after days of distance and pain is so soothing, he can’t even really begin to fathom it. It’s just so _right_. Her hand comes up and she places it on his chest, pressing him slightly. She can’t possibly mean she wants him to lay back. Can she?

He stiffens and her hand falls, her own form growing tense. 

“No, please don’t pull away!” he pleads with panic.

“I just … I thought we could get more comfortable.”

“But you said you wanted to go slow,” he says in a confused tone. Laying down with her in a _bed_ feels like the exact opposite of that.

“I do. But … I need to be close. I’ve missed you so much. I can’t even begin to explain how much I’ve needed to be in your arms again.” Her voice sounds haunted, and he adds this to his growing list of things that don’t quite make sense. All she had to do was ask, and he would have crossed systems in order to hold her. She must know that.

However, the last thing he’s going to do is press her to explain, not when he’s almost drunk on the feel of her.

“You won’t … you won’t run from me again?” he asks carefully.

“I’m done running, Ben. This is where I’m meant to be.”

His throat goes tight with emotion, to hear she feels the same way he does unfurls something inside him. He wants to ask her, ask if she feels as drawn to him as he does to her, but the answer frightens him, so instead, he holds her gently as he lays back on the bed.

They scramble a bit to get comfortable, kicking off their shoes. Then she settles her head on his chest and he wraps her as close as he can with both arms. He lets out a quiet whimper as she tangles her legs with his and he really does think he might start crying.

After needing her so much, he’d never imagined he would get to feel something so singular as having her this near, feeling her whole body pressed against his. His heart just isn’t large enough to contain all the love coursing through him, and he has to say _something._

“Rey … I … I …”

“I know. I feel it, too.”

Maker, he hopes that’s true. He’s never let himself believe she could love him back, but having her wrapped so tightly in his arms makes him think anything is possible.

She nestles in even closer and he takes in a shaky breath. He doesn’t care how late it is, he’s going to hold her for as long as she’ll allow.

\---

The morning light slants across his face and he turns his head to avoid the glare. Oh, what a delicious dream, holding Rey all night long. Wait. Oh, gods! They fell asleep! He’d never meant to spend the night with her, and he’s consumed by frantic fear.

Will Rey be angry with him? Think he’s taken liberties? Then ice trickles down his spine. Everyone will think that they’d … they’d … when he’d _never_ treat her like that. Carry her off to her hut and bed her after such chaos. No, he intends to court her properly, make it clear how dear she is to him. 

Rey is sleeping heavily, snoring lightly as her little hand clutches at his tunic, as if she’s afraid he’ll disappear into thin air.

“Rey, sweetheart,” he murmurs, gently nudging her shoulder.

She crinkles her face and mumbles, “Sleeping. Comfy.”

“I know, but it’s morning. We fell asleep.”

At that her eyes crack open and he waits to see how angry she is. But instead, she smiles at him languidly and the way she’s looking at him, sleep mussed and so vulnerable, makes his heart sing.

This. He wants this for the rest of his life.

She goes up on one elbow, gazing down on him. He looks at her bashfully. “I’m sorry, I never meant to fall asleep.”

Rey shrugs. “I dunno. It felt right.”

“You always feel right,” he blurts and she smiles happily. Then her eyes become deep and nearly desperate, her lip trembling as she strokes his face. She seems almost frightened.

“You’re so beautiful …” she breathes out. It’s odd to be called beautiful, but she’s touching him like he’s precious and he leans into her fingertips, wanting more contact. But then the moment is over, and she draws away, sitting up.

He awkwardly joins her, his limbs still stiff from sleep, but soon they’re sitting cross legged across from each other.

“So, you aren’t … you aren’t worried what people will think?” he asks worriedly. 

“Let them think what they want. What’s between us is ours and no one else’s,” she says with finality.

Her words make him feel amazingly safe, like she really does want to be with him, and he can’t help it, he pulls her to him and soon she’s sprawled in his lap. He cups the back of neck and nuzzles at her temple.

She giggles and playfully pushes back, but he tightens his hold, refusing to releaser her. 

“Come on, we should get up. It’s probably past morning meditation.”

That reminds him, like a splash of cold water, that Luke had said he had to leave. He’s about to bring it up when stills in his arms and looks at him with a conflicted expression.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Daxon … you really hurt him.”

He’d almost forgotten about what he’d done. So much had happened that it seems almost like a dream. “I know,” he says bleakly. 

“Why, why did you do that?”

“He … he said something crude about you and I didn’t even decide to hit him, I just did.”

“While I thank you for defending my honor, I _can_ protect myself.”

“I know you can, but I swear, it just … I just had to.” _You’re mine._

“The dark side, it was all around you.” Her expression is troubled and tight.

He wants to ask her if that’s really so bad, if they should be so afraid of the dark side. It’s still the Force. How can they have that balance Luke always blathers on about without it?

Instead, he says, “Sometimes I … struggle.”

“I know. I can sense it. There’s … there’s darkness in you.”

“Does it frighten you?” he asks, a bit defensively.

She smiles sadly. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out. I do know there’s darkness in me, too.”

He’s wondered. There’s a deep well of pain inside this young woman who holds his heart in her hands, and it calls to him, makes him trust her.

Ben is a bit surprised that that’s still true. He thought he’d be wary of her, but instead he’s just relieved that she’s back. Somehow, he knows she didn’t want to hurt him. 

“You should apologize, make things right.”

Scowling, he responds gruffly, “You don’t know what he said about you, and no, I’m not going to tell you.”

“Are there any words that are worth the beating you gave him?”

He knows she’s right. But the thought of apologizing to _Daxon_ galls him.

“Just think about it, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He sighs and changes the subject. “Do you really think Luke will relent?”

She nods. “I’ll talk to him after breakfast. But it doesn’t really matter.”

“Of course it matters!” he sputters. They’d be torn apart again, and that he won’t allow.

“I’d just come with you,” she says like it’s the most obvious thing in the galaxy. 

“What?” he asks, a bit stunned.

“Do you really think I could just let you leave after everything?” He has no idea how to form words at the complete devotion she’s showing him and he just gapes. Her face crumbles and she’s pulsing with insecurity. “I mean … unless you don’t want me—”

“No! I mean yes! I mean, of course I’d want you to come with me!” he rushes to say. 

She ducks her head and makes a private smile, then she’s looking back at him. “See? Everything will be fine.” 

But her smile wavers ever so slightly.

\---

They walk to breakfast together, hands linked. Ben is so happy that he’d not been prepared for the hush that comes over the dining hall when they enter.

No one will look at him, and the older students gather around Daxon protectively. 

His chest is heavy with regret, and he’s grateful Luke’s healing had ensured there were no bruises, no sign of his brutality. But a snarling voice breaks free from somewhere ugly inside him. Daxon deserved it. He disrespected Rey.

Her hand tightens in his and she catches his gaze, clearly trying to communicate support. “Go on,” she says softly. “Now would be a good time to say you’re sorry.”

“But I’m not,” he argues.

She turns to him and the disappointment in her eyes makes his stomach squirm. “Is that really true?” she asks keenly.

Glowering, he has to acknowledge in his own head that he _is_ sorry. He wouldn’t be if it had just been a single punch, but he really had taken it too far.

Ben sighs loudly and starts to move towards Daxon. He’ll do anything to wipe that look from her eyes.

However, before he can get there, Luke steps in front of him. “I think it’s better if you take your meals in your hut until your father arrives.”

“That’s not fair!” Rey rushes to say, her eyes blazing. Stars, she’s magnificent.

Luke sighs. “It’s really for the best.”

Her jaw works and she says with a furious tone, “May we speak privately, _Master_ Luke?”

“I don’t know what it will accomplish—”

“You owe me that much,” she nearly snarls, causing Luke to blink in surprise. 

But then he’s nodding. “Come to my sanctuary, then.” His stern eyes go to Ben. “Go wait in your hut, pack your things. Han should be here by tonight.”

\---

Ben angrily packs his clothing away as he fumes. He doesn’t want to go, this has become his home. Besides, he doesn’t really want to relive the way his parents never have time for him. How he always felt in the way, a second thought.

On some level he knows he’s not being fair, but he’s too angry.

Knowing that Rey is willing to come with him calms him somewhat, but then he has a horrible thought. What if his parents say no? He hadn’t thought of that and now he’s no longer angry. No, he’s afraid.

Would Rey be willing to just strike out into the galaxy with him? Try to make a life together? He doesn’t even begin to know what to do. He has no education, no skills. He’s just a half-trained Jedi.

Rey deserves so much more than that. 

\---

By the time Rey arrives at his hut, he’s managed to tie himself into so many knots that his stomach cramps with anxiety. He’s convinced that it’s all going to fall apart, that he’s going to lose her.

He wants to gather her close, but she’s positively vibrating with anger as she slams into his space.

“That selfish, myopic, ignorant old nerf herder!” she spits. “I tried everything, but he won’t budge.” She starts to pace and lets out an inarticulate howl. “I just want to slap him!”

“He knows, he knows!” she yells as she makes another turn around the small room.

That doesn’t really make sense, but it’s all falling apart, and Ben thinks he might be sick. He can’t lose Rey, he just can’t. He doesn’t care that he has to leave the temple, he just needs Rey.

“And on top of everything, he’s comming Leia right now, telling her that it _wouldn’t be a good idea for me to come with you_!” She says the last bit with a mocking tone, but Ben is too terrified to enjoy her ire on his behalf.

His mother always, _always_ listens to her twin. He rakes his fingers through his hair and goes down into a crouch as he starts to breathe quickly. What is he going to do? He won’t be without Rey. He won’t!

“Hey, hey. It’s alright,” Rey soothes, going on her knees in front of him. Her hands come up and she’s pulling him to her. Soon, his head is on her shoulder and for a moment, it feels like it really is alright.

Calmer now, he plaintively asks, “What are we going to do?”

“Maybe Leia won’t listen to Luke.” It strikes him as odd that she calls his mother Leia, but he wants them to be close, so maybe it’s a good sign.

“Not likely. She’s been following his advice when it comes to me for as long as I can remember.”

She stands and pulls him to his feet then looks up at him with a grin. “Then we’ll just have to convince Han.”

He blinks down on her and finds himself smiling. That … that could work. 

His dad will do just about anything to drive his mom crazy.

\---

They’d spent the day packing and keeping to themselves. He’d been surprised that Rey hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to the other apprentices, but then he’d realized she never had seemed to make friends. She hasn’t brought up apologizing again, thank the Maker.

Now they’re sitting around the fire pit while the other students eat their dinner. Rey had hidden away a shocking amount of food in her hut, so they hadn’t had to brave the dining hall again. 

“Where do your parents live, anyway?” she asks.

“Well, my mother keeps apartments in several places, but right now she’s on Hosnian Prime.” A queer sort of sadness flits through her eyes, but it’s gone in an instant.

“But not your dad?” she asks, her brow furrowed.

“Oh, he visits, but he pretty much lives on the _Falcon._ Uh, the _Millennium Falcon._ Listen, when you see the ship, _don’t_ say it’s a hunk of junk.” His father is very sensitive about his ship and he still remembers having to clean the _whole_ galley when he’d suggested the old girl was on her last legs.

“I’ve heard of her. She’s supposed to be really fast.”

“Oh, she is, when she feels like it. Wonkiest computer interface I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, I’m looking forward to seeing her ag- uh, seeing her.”

“Don’t expect much,” he mumbles, and he’s surprised at Rey’s offended expression.

He hears the _Falcon’_ s telltale engines and his anxiety comes for him again, making his legs bounce.

Rey squeezes his knee and says, “Don’t worry, it’s going to be alright. I have a feeling Han is going to like me.” 

She makes a secret smile and Ben hopes her confidence isn’t misplaced. “Listen, Rey, if this goes badly—”

“It won’t, I won’t let it,” she says with determination. 

“But if it does, I’m prepared to try and make a go of it with you. We could work on a freighter or something, just until I can figure something out.”

She laces his fingers with hers and looks deeply into his eyes. “I know. Whatever happens, we’re together.”

He nods. “Together.”

Then he turns his head, sensing someone approaching.

“So, this is the little girlfriend, huh kid?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who read even though she had a headache! Feel better soon, m'dear.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who returns from his business trip tonight! Happy Perry.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! This will be the last chapter until probably Tuesday. My Celebration roommate is coming for a visit, so I don't think I'll have time to write. Thank you all for being just the best, the absolute best!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helpful Han decides the opportunity to needle Leery Leia is too good to pass up while Besotted Ben and Reluctant Rey make progress.

“So, this is the little girlfriend, huh kid?”

The both spring to their feet and Rey has gone strangely pale, as if she’d seen a ghost. Her eyes shine with unshed tears.

Ignoring his father, he rubs her back and soothes, “Shhh, don’t be so nervous.”

Rey swallows hard and shakes her head, her expression clearing. She smiles, her strange bearing gone in an instant.

“Hey, Dad,” Ben acknowledges, refocusing on his father.

“You really put your foot in it with Luke,” Han observes raking his hand through his graying hair.

Ben’s eyes flit around and he rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah.”

“Did the other guy deserve it?”

“Yes,” Ben hisses and Rey looks at him with recrimination.

“Good. Never start a fight if you aren’t prepared to end it.”

Rey rolls her eyes but she’s smiling again.

Ben searches for words. How do you introduce your reason for living to your father? “Uh, Rey, this is my dad, Han Solo. And Dad, this is Rey,” he says proudly.

Tentatively, she steps towards his father and holds her hand out. “It’s so good to se—meet you, sir.”

He shakes her hand and steps back, looking her up and down. “You too,” he says gruffly. “Never thought I’d see the day. Thought Jedi frowned on this stuff.”

Ben takes her hand, very obviously and holds his father’s eyes with intent. “I don’t care.”

Han’s eyebrows rise. “Like that, is it?”

“Yes,” Ben responds confidently.

“Huh. Well, say your goodbyes, I promised your mother we’d be back by morning.”

“Rey’s coming with us.”

Now his father’s eyebrows crawl to his hairline. “Oh, she is, is she?”

“If you want me to set one foot on the _Falcon_ , yes.” He can feel the defiance burning in his eyes.

“I dunno. Your mom was pretty clear that the girl stays behind.”

“Her name is Rey,” Ben growls.

Rey herself stays silent, eyes darting back and forth between father and son.

Han sighs and jerks his head over to the edge of the clearing where they’d built the fire pit so many years ago.

Stiffly, Ben follows his father away from Rey’s hearing.

“Look, kid, I know you think the suns rise and set on this girl, but you’re young.”

“It’s not like that,” Ben says.

“Sure, sure. I lost my head over a girl when I was your age. I remember. But let me tell you, I was a helluva lot older and wiser when I got my ass handed to me by your mom. Real love comes later.”

At first Ben wants to just yell at his father, make him understand that this is different. But then he remembers something. “Mom wasn’t much older than I am when she met you,” he points out.

“Women are smarter, they don’t act like idiots over us like we do over them.”

“Then trust Rey,” Ben pleads.

“Ben, I don’t even know her,” his father says with exasperation.

“ _Get_ to know her. You’ll like her. She’s looking forward to seeing the legendary _Millennium Falcon_ …” he says enticingly.

Han makes an appreciative nod. “Girl knows her stuff.”

“She’s amazing. I’ve never felt anything like this. It’s not … it’s not some crush. This is _real_ ,” Ben presses. 

“Your mom won’t like it.”

“When did that ever stop you?” Ben challenges.

Han gives him a speculative look then chuckles. “Yeah, yeah.”

Ben reins in his desire to argue and can only show his need for Rey. “Please.”

“She means that much to you?” Han asks, peering at Ben with curiosity.

“I love her,” Ben declares. Then gets a bit sheepish. “But don’t say anything, I haven’t told her yet.”

“I ever tell you how I told your mother?” Han asks, clearly about to launch into a story.

Ben rolls his eyes. “Yes, about a million times. I love you, I know, blah blah blah.”

“Hey! I thought I was gonna die!” Han sputters. 

“I know, I was _this_ close to being there.” Ben had been conceived a few months later.

“Watch it, kid.”

Ben’s pretty sure he’s won his dad over, but he has to be sure. “So it’s okay? She can come?”

His father huffs out a breath. “I’m gonna be sleeping in the _Falcon_ for this.”

“Won’t be the first time.”

Han nods. “Not the last, either. Yeah, okay. Bring your girl. But once we get to Hosnian Prime, you’re on your own.”

Ben can’t help it, he’s so happy he hugs his father tightly. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Okay, okay,” he grumbles, awkwardly patting Ben’s back. 

\---

“Oh …” Rey breathes out as the ship comes into view. “She’s so beautiful.”

Privately, Ben thinks she’s laying it on a little thick, but his dad is positively beaming, so maybe not.

“Fastest ship in the galaxy.”

“I’ve heard so many stories. Is it really true she led the fight at Endor?”

“Yup. My girl here as seen a lot of action.”

“She’s gorgeous,” Rey enthuses.

Han leans over to Ben and says in a loud whisper, “I like her.”

Rey ducks her head and Ben begins to think it really might be okay.

\---

Ben looks up on Uncle Chewie, preparing himself for the giant hug he knows is coming his way. The wookiee howls and Ben smiles.

“I missed you too, Uncle Chewie,” he says, wrapped up in long shaggy arms before Chewie lets him go.

There’s another quiet roar and Rey steps forward. “Oh, my name is Rey … I’m Ben’s … uhm …”

Ben _wants_ to say intended, but he decides ‘Ben’s’ is about right. “She’s my girl,” Ben explains.

Tromping up the ramp behind them, Han calls out, “Chewie, prep the _Falcon_ for hyperspace. Time to get this show on the road.”

\---

Once they’re in hyperspace, Ben settles in next to Rey on the bench around dejarik table, hoping for some quality cuddle time, but then there’s a loud alarm and he sighs. This ship is held together through sheer force of will.

He’s surprised when Rey jumps up and goes to a panel, slamming it twice then flipping a switch. The blaring stops just as his father comes around the corner. 

“How’d you know to do that?” his father asks, his hands on his hips, looking utterly perplexed.

“Oh, uhm. I’ve read about the YTs. The power relay is known to be finicky.”

“Huh.” Then Han winks at Ben. “You better keep this one.”

“I plan to,” Ben says with pride.

\---

Han pulls Ben aside and says, “So, sleeping arrangements.”

Ben’s face falls. “I’ll just bunk down in the main cabin.” There’s only one extra private berth.

“Look, I don’t care. Just don’t make any new little Solos. One _Falcon_ baby is enough.”

“Dad!” Ben exclaims.

Han rolls his eyes. “I was young once, too.”

Ben’s cheeks flame and he doesn’t want his father thinking he’d be so … so casual with Rey. “It’s not like that,” he mumbles.

“Really don’t want to know details. Do what you want, but just be safe.”

“No, it really … we haven’t …” His hands flail.

“What are you waiting for?” Han asks with a baffled expression.

“How long was it before you even kissed Mom?” Ben asks pointedly.

Han glowers. “Your mother talks too much.”

“Uh huh,” Ben says to his father’s retreating back.

\---

“You’re being silly,” Rey says. “You can … you can sleep with me.” Her eyes grow shy, but she gives him a small smile.

“I don’t … I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“We slept next to each other last night and it was the best I’ve ever slept.”

“Me, too,” he sighs out. He never sleeps through the night, yet he’d managed to sleep the whole night through with her in his arms.

“Come on, then,” she says, taking his hand and tugging him towards the extra berth.

He’s too excited to wrap himself around her again to question how she knew which way to go.

\---

Figuring out how to fit his large frame and hers in the bunk he’d always thought of as his had been a bit awkward, but now they’re snuggly ensconced in each other, her head once again on his chest. He loves holding her, having her completely protected by his embrace.

Because he has a deep need to keep her safe. It’s not like there’s even any danger, but something ancient stirs in his blood when he’s with Rey.

Rey is fidgeting with his tunic, however, so he asks, “Is everything alright?”

“I’m nervous about meeting your mother,” she says in a quiet voice.

Ben sighs. His mother is formidable, and he’s never brought a girl home. He never had a reason to, and he has to admit, he’s nervous, too. “Don’t worry, Rey. Together, remember?”

He can feel her smile against his chest. “I remember. Together.”

Then she surprises him when she cranes her neck up and places the softest kiss on his cheek. The feel of her lips against him goes straight to his core and he desperately hopes she doesn’t notice that he’s started to harden. He doesn’t want to press her in any way. 

“You mean so much to me,” she murmurs.

Stroking her back, he says in a low voice, “Oh, Rey, I don’t know how to explain how much I care about you.”

He’s decided he’s not going to tell her he loves her until she’s ready for kissing, again. He won’t overwhelm her with his devotion _or_ his desire.

Rey makes a contented noise and rubs her cheek against him. In the dark he smiles broadly. This is more than enough for him. For now.

\---

Ben startles awake to the sound of his dad rapping on the door to the extra quarters and his muffled voice brings him fully alert.

“Hey kids, time to get decent. We’re about to touch down.”

Rey’s sleepy eyes fly to his and she’s blushing. 

Dammit, Dad … “Rey, I told him that we aren’t … that … that …”

“It’s okay. I know it’s kind of strange that we aren’t … you know.”

He sits up swiftly, almost thunking his head on the durasteel. “Don’t ever think that. What’s between us is up to us.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but—“

“Slow, I remember.”

Then she’s getting out of bed and she looks around the small room. Ben immediately sees her predicament. “I’ll just go to the main cabin so you can change.” They’d both slept in their clothes.

As he’s about to leave, she snags his arm, pulling him to stand in front of her. “Thank you,” she whispers. Then she pulls his face to hers, kissing him once on the lips, so sweetly. He desperately wants to deepen the kiss, finally give form to his need for her, but he holds himself back.

Instead, he smiles down on her and strokes her cheek once before ducking out. 

On his way to the main cabin, he stops in the corridor and it hits him. Rey had kissed him, and he punches the air.

Maybe slow isn’t going to be so slow after all.

\---

“Han!” Leia exclaims as she comes out to meet them. 

“Yeah?” Han’s tone is all innocence.

“You were supposed to get Ben, and _only_ Ben.”

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for young love.” He smirks with satisfaction.

Chewie snickers and for the first time in his life, Ben is enjoying his parents’ combative dynamic.

Looking at Han sternly, Leia commands, “You have to take her back.”

Rey is shrinking into his side, and it spurs him into action. “No,” Ben says with finality.

HIs mother’s head slowly swivels towards him. “No?”

“That’s right. Rey stays with me.”

“Ben, Luke said it wasn’t a good idea, that you need family right now.”

Something inside him wants to snap that Rey _is_ his family, but he doesn’t know what Rey would think about that, so he says, “I think I know what I need better than you.”

“We only want what’s best for you. Luke says—”

“Luke kicked me out! His own nephew!”

Leia’s lips purse and she huffs out a breath. “Fine. She can stay. _Tonight_. And don’t even think about sneaking her into your room.”

Ben doesn’t like that. At all. He’d secretly been hoping to make a habit of sleeping with Rey held close, but he won’t argue the point. Yet.

Then his mother’s attention goes to Rey. “Where are my manners. I’m Leia, dear. I’m sure you’re a lovely girl, this is just family business.”

“Hello, Senator,” Rey says respectfully, but her voice cracks oddly.

“Leia, please,” his mother says, patting Rey’s arm. “Now, let’s all get inside. Breakfast is waiting.” 

Ben wants to take his mother aside, make it clear that Rey is staying or they’re both leaving tomorrow, but he decides to see how the meal plays out.

As they enter the foyer of his mother’s building, Leia grumbles to Han, “And you! Don’t even think about knocking at my door tonight.”

Han gives her a cocky grin, “Wouldn’t dream of it, Princess.”

\---

“So, Rey is it?” Leia asks as they tuck into breakfast. Ben is touched to find she’d had his favorites prepared, and Rey clearly doesn’t know where to begin, staring at the large spread of food.

“Yes.”

“Tell me about yourself,” Leia nudges.

Rey shrugs. “There’s not much to tell.”

“Well, where did you grow up?”

“Jakku,” she says softly, and Ben’s head quickly turns towards her. He’d already figured out that she’d not grown up on Takodana, but he’d never begun to imagine she’d experienced such hardship. 

He’d been to Jakku once with his father, when he was a boy. Of course they’d needed a part for the ship and everywhere he looked he’d see half-starved people and a level of poverty he’d never before imagined. Jakku had _haunted_ him. He wonders why he hadn’t sensed her, then.

Leia smiles at her sadly. “And your parents?”

“They died when I was very young.” Ben takes her hand swiftly, horrified. Why hadn’t she told him? The thought of Rey, his precious Rey, growing up on that junkyard an orphan makes him course with impotent anger.

“Oh … I see,” Leia says with regret. “I’m sorry, dear.”

Rey looks away. “It was a long time ago.” 

He wants to bundle her away and comfort her, but he can see his mother’s diplomatic brain turning, trying to figure out how to speak of happier subjects. “And what brought you to the training temple?”

“Oh, stop interrogating the girl,” Han breaks in, and Ben is impossibly relieved. His dad really does seem to want to help.

“I just want to get to know her!” Leia protests. 

“She likes ships. She likes Ben. What more is there to know?” Han asks.

“Fine,” Leia huffs. “We’ll have to have tea together, just the two of us.

Ben and Han share an apprehensive look. 

He hadn’t considered his mother whisking Rey away for a private chat, and his stomach flips nervously.

“Besides,” Leia continues. “I’m sure she’d love to see your baby holos.”

“Mom! No!”

But Rey grins and says, “Oh, I’d love that! I bet you were so cute!”

Ben rubs his face with both hands and groans while Han just cackles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. I'm convinced you're going to just say 'nope, no more' one of these days.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who is getting used to me sleeping at very odd hours while my muse has me in her thrall.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I didn't think I'd have time to write another chapter, but this one was just too tempting. Thank you all for reading! Space cupcakes for everyone!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben shows Reluctant Rey around and realizes how hard her life has been. Then Leery Leia takes him to task and he makes it very clear just where his loyalties now lie.

He keeps looking over at Rey worriedly over their nearly finished breakfast. As his mom and dad squabble, her revelations about Jakku and her parents keep replaying in his head and he wants to get her alone, talk to her.

That she’d lied to him about where she grew up, well … it hurts. But he’s far more concerned with how she’s beginning to look overwhelmed. As she glances back and forth between his parents, she seems like she might start to cry. 

The sharp sting of shame pricks him; he’d never thought to consider what it would be like to lose his parents. Instead, he’s always struggled with them so mightily. His father is always on some job and this is the longest time he can remember that he’s been with his mother without being interrupted by some aide or one of her little proteges. 

“Son,” his mother interrupts his thoughts. “After breakfast, I’d like to see you in my study. We need to discuss what happened at the training temple.” Her voice is stern, and he sinks down in his chair; it was too much to hope that she would leave it alone.

As if his previous musings had conjured him from thin air, a short, portly man slips into the breakfast room. “Senator, I know you said that you weren’t to be disturbed, but there’s an issue with the delegation from Chandrila.”

Leia throws down her napkin and sighs loudly. “It’s always something with them. They think because that’s your home planet it gives them some kind of favor,” she says to Ben.

It’s Ben’s turn to sigh. “It’s fine. Go deal with it. I’ll show Rey to the guest quarters.” He tells himself he’s used to this. But he never is.

“And I’ll just go check on the _Falcon—_ ” Han begins to say but Leia cuts him off.

“Oh no, you old scoundrel, we still need to have a little chat about our son and what bring him back _alone_ means.”

Rey looks stricken and Ben cringes. “Mom, you really don’t get it. Rey is staying with me.”

“We’ll discuss it later,” Leia says with finality, making Ben’s hackles rise.

“No, I think you need to understand—” 

The aide clears his throat and Ben jumps to his feet, grabbing Rey’s hand. “Come on Rey, I know when I’m not wanted,” he spits, and he pulls her swiftly from the room.

“Wait,” Leia says, but Ben closes the door to the breakfast room swiftly behind them as he tugs Rey away.

\---

He stalks down the corridor, with Rey hurrying to keep up, the sound of his father arguing to let him go following them. He knows he should slow down, but he’s too angry. No, he’s not angry, he’s _hurt_. His life has just been thrown into chaos and even now his mother doesn’t have time for him.

And he can’t shut out the terror that his mom will actively try to separate him from Rey. What does she really want to talk to Rey about at their _tea_?

“Ben, slow down!” Rey exclaims and he immediately slows his stride. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

She stops them in the middle of the hallway and moves to stand in front of him. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“It’s everything!” he seethes. “That, what happened in there? Her assistant barging in on us like that? It happened my whole childhood. She never, _ever_ had time for me. Oh, she’d go on about how she’d make it up to me, but it never happened. The galaxy _always_ had to come first.” Then he grimaces, realizing how selfish he must seem to her and he takes in a deep breath, trying to calm down. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me.” 

She puts her soft hand on his cheek and says, “Just because I lost my parents doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have feelings about your mother.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t even know about Jakku. Why … why did you lie to me?”

Rey’s face pulls into a sad and guilty expression. “I don’t really know,” she whispers. “I panicked.”

“Do I frighten you so much?”

“What I feel for you does, but that’s not it. It’s complicated,” she says. He’s getting really sick of her saying that.

“It’s always complicated,” he says with asperity. “Why wouldn’t you tell me about Jakku, about your parents?”

Her brow crinkles in anguish. “I didn’t know how. I only learned my parents are dead recently. It … it was too fresh.”

Her pain makes him rein himself in. He doesn’t want to cause her further suffering and he sighs. “Let’s go to the conservatory; we can talk there.”

She makes a face. “Do we have to?”

“Yeah, Rey, I think we really do.

\---

Rey gasps as she looks around the light-filled room, taking in all the blooms and ferns. She glides her fingers over one of the orchids and sighs, “It’s breathtaking.”

He’s never spent much time in this room, but somehow, he’d known Rey would like it. She’s always been drawn to nature.

“Most of these plants are from Alderaan,” he offers, hiding in trivia to keep from having to restart their conversation. He may be impatient to understand, but somehow the need to make Rey happy feels more important.

“They’re all so beautiful.” Then she looks out over the city through the huge windows. “Did you really grow up in places like this?”

He’d never really thought about it. It was just his life. “I guess.”

“Wow.” She wraps her arms around herself. “I can’t even imagine … Jakku was …”

“I know, I was there, once.”

Her eyes fly to his. “You were?”

“Yeah, I was about 9. We needed a part for the _Falcon_ ; no surprise there.” He goes up to her and gently unfolds her arms, taking her hands. “I wish I’d known you were there; I would have taken you away right then and there.”

Rey shakes her head sadly. “Even if I’d been there, I wouldn’t have gone with you.”

“But I thought you grew up there?”

Her eyes widen. “I meant even if we’d met.”

Something about the way she’d said that doesn’t sit well with him, but he doesn’t press. Instead he asks, “Why wouldn’t you have come with me?”

“I was waiting. For my parents. I didn’t know they were dead.”

Imaginings of a little Rey, waiting in that barren wasteland for parents who were never coming makes his heart _ache_. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

She shrugs and pulls her hands from his, turning and going to inspect more of the flora. 

“Don’t do that,” he implores.

“Do what?” she asks with false calm.

“Pull away from me. You never want to tell me anything about you.”

She shrugs. “What is there to tell? You’ve seen Jakku.”

“But that must have been so hard. I mean, who even raised you?”

Rey snorts. “I did.”

“But … I mean, who fed you, looked after you?”

“I did,” she repeats sharply.

Her shell is so hard, and her pain is so close to the surface that Ben backs off. “Alright … alright,” he says, coming up behind her, placing his hands on her biceps. Immediately she melts back into him and he wraps his arms around her.

He decides to take a risk and kisses her temple. Instead of making her uncomfortable, she sighs and settles even further into him.

“It doesn’t hurt so much when I’m in your arms.”

“I know what you mean. Everything feels right when I’m touching you.” He wants to ask her if she knows why that is. He’s never felt anything close to this when with anyone else.

He feels her nod but she doesn’t say anything.

They watch speeders zip by and look at the tall buildings of the Hosnian Prime skyline, simply enjoying being close. She gives him little bits every day. He just has to be patient.

\---

After an age, Ben says, “Come on, I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping.”

“Are you sure I can’t sleep with you?”

Untangling from her feels all kinds of wrong, but he doesn’t know how long they have before his mother comes looking and he wants to make sure she has a place that’s hers while he endures Leia’s wrath. 

“I don’t like it either, but I’m more focused on making my mom see what you mean to me.”

“What we mean to each other,” she corrects. 

“Yeah,” he says with a smile, a warm bubble in his chest from her words.

\---

He opens the door to the guest quarters and gestures for Rey to enter before him. She stops as soon as she crosses the threshold and Ben nearly runs into her.

“This can’t be right,” Rey says.

“Is there something wrong with the rooms?” There’s a sitting room, a bedroom, and a ‘fresher.

“No! It’s just so … I didn’t even know people lived like this. It’s too much.”

There it is again, her life of deprivation, and her hidden away stash of food takes on a much more sinister cast. He decides right then and there that he’ll work day and night at the starport to keep her fed and surrounded with flowers. He won’t let her add to the small scars on her hands.

He has a small stipend from his title as Prince of Alderaan that he’s never touched. It would be enough to buy an apartment and he’d handle the rest, so she doesn’t have to join him in drudgery. Rey will have the leisure and beauty so long denied her.

He steps around her and takes her face in his hands. “Rey, I need you to listen to me.”

She nods up at him with large eyes.

“You will never go hungry again. I won’t allow it. And this, somehow, I’ll make sure you always live somewhere like this. Hopefully somewhere even better.”

“Oh, Ben,” she responds with a watery smile. “I don’t need this. I just need you.”

“Still. Jakku is behind you. I have you now and that, that won’t ever be your life again.”

“It’s always with me,” she says quietly, the ghosts of the dunes of Jakku walking behind her eyes.

“Well, I’ll just have to fill you up with so many good memories that there’s no room for how you once had to live.”

She shrugs. “It wasn’t so bad.”

He pulls her into his arms and murmurs. “I can feel that it was. You don’t have to hide your pain, not from me.”

She shudders in his arms and whispers, “Thank you.”

Now he shrugs. “It’s just the truth.”

He pulls back and looks into her luminous eyes. He’s never managed to tell her how entrancing she is, and right now, she’s never been more lovely.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs.

She makes a face and says, “I’m nothing.”

“No, no. Don’t say that. You must know that you’re _everything_ to me.”

Rey blinks and her eyes dart to his lips. He nearly groans at the realization that she’s thinking of kissing him again. This time he’s ready, descending his head to meet her there and his soul sighs in completion as their lips touch.

This kiss … it’s slow and warm and it makes his whole body tremble with satisfaction and the overwhelming need for _more._ He keeps himself in check however, ignoring the desperate desire to thrust his tongue into her mouth and _taste_ her.

Holding Rey close, kissing her, is how his mother finds them.

“Oh! I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Leia says apologetically, but Rey is already pulling away. 

“Everything worked out with _Chandrila_ ,” Ben says with an edge. He wants to go back to kissing Rey.

Leia frowns. “Yes. For now.” She turns to Rey. “Why don’t you make yourself comfortable? Your bag should be in the bedroom.”

“Thank you for your hospitality,” Rey says formally, her cheeks slightly pink.

“I know it must seem like I don’t approve, but I promise you that’s not the case. I just need to make sure that we’re doing what’s best for Ben.”

Rey nods and says, “That’s what I want, too.”

Ben is hit with the troubling thought that if his mother somehow convinced her that she wasn’t what he needs right now, that she’d leave so he interjects, “Well, _Ben_ knows that Rey is what’s best for him.”

“I know you do, Son. But … let’s go to my study.”

Ben feels like a condemned man as he obediently follows Leia.

\---

Seated across from his mother, Ben waits for the inevitable chastisement. But she surprises him when she requests, “Tell me what happened.”

She seems open and he wonders if she’s truly prepared to listen. Against his better judgement, he decides to try. “I lost control. Another student, Daxon … he said something awful about Rey and I …” His hands flail. “I hurt him.”

“When you say, lost control, do you mean the dark side?” Leia asks keenly.

“I guess,” Ben says. “But he deserved it! Maybe not as bad as it got, but he absolutely needed to be taught a lesson.”

Leia’s face grows troubled. “Luke said you almost killed him.”

“Like I said. I lost control.”

“It sounded worse than that.”

“What do you want me to say?” Ben nearly whines. “I got kicked out, obviously it was bad.”

“Yes, but Luke said—”

“Stop saying ‘Luke said’. If you’re just going to listen to him instead of me, then why did you even want to talk to me?”

Leia’s eyes close briefly. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Look, I know what I did was wrong, so wrong. But you don’t know what he said about Rey.”

“Then tell me.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does,” Leia says carefully.

Ben huffs out an angry breath, his fists clenching at the memory. “He suggested that he’d … he’d take her from me,” he finishes awkwardly. 

“Ah,” Leia says. “I think I see.”

“Do you? Do you understand what Rey means to me?”

“I know you’re in the throes of first love.”

“No!” Ben exclaims angrily, sitting up straighter in his chair. “It’s not just some passing thing. Rey is it for me and I wouldn’t let Daxon take her from me. I wouldn’t let Luke take her from me. And I’m for damned sure not going to let you take her from me!”

Leia’s face grows trouble and her lips purse. “Ben, I don’t want to ‘take her’ from you. I’m just not sure having her stay here is the best thing for you.”

“It’s the _only_ thing for me. You need to understand something. If you try to part us, Rey and I are leaving.”

“Leaving?” Leia asks, true shock in her eyes.

“That’s right. We’re together no matter what, and if that means we go down to the starport and find work, then that’s what’s going to happen.”

Stunned, Leia sits back on her settee, mouth gaping.

“Don’t push me, Mother.”

“I see,” Leia says, folding her hands. “Well I suppose I’ll need to get to know her better, won’t I?”

Ben can’t help but notice that she hadn’t agreed. Is she going to try to convince Rey to leave him?

\---

Ben paces his room, the fear that he’s losing Rey _right now_ only growing. HIs mother is exceptionally skilled at getting what she wants. Rey is fierce, but Leia Organa is in a whole other class. If his mother has decided that Rey has to go, she’ll find a way.

He picks up one of his old model ships, and suddenly everything in his room, all of his treasures, just feel meaningless, and he throws the little X-wing into the wall, satisfied as it flies into pieces. 

Before joining Luke, he’d destroy his room in fits of temper regularly, and his parents had started to seem genuinely afraid of him. The voice had always said that they were, at least. He’s surprised the voice has been so quiet, but grateful for it.

Gods, what is his mother even saying to Rey? Is she telling her about how unstable he can be? Will Rey be frightened of him now? What if his mother turns Rey against him?

That’s it. He just can’t take it anymore and he sets off to the conservatory.

\---

Concentrating hard on muting his Force signature, he carefully approaches the door. Gently, he lays his hands on the durasteel and puts his ear to the surface.

“—I think you need to tell him,” Leia’s muffled voice says.

“But what if that’s what does it? The final step?”

“I should have trusted him more, talked to him more. Don’t make my mistakes.”

He hears Rey sigh and she’s quiet for a moment. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

Then there’s a long silence and Ben’s mind positively spins. Tell him what? Has she opened up to his mother? Finally explained why everything is so _complicated_? Does Rey know why the pull to her is so visceral? Final step to what?

Then they start talking again.

“I’m glad you trusted me, dear.”

“I always have,” Rey responds.

“I’m looking forward to knowing you this time. But let’s talk about happier things. How about those baby holos?” his mother asks, making Ben cringe. He’d really hoped they’d forgotten about that.

He hears hands clapping together and Rey positively squeals with delight. “Oh, yes please!” 

“Alright, this one is my favorite.” Oh hell. Ben knows which one his mother is talking about and he just about dies of embarrassment. He’s stark naked from the bath with his hair sticking straight up and his ears straight out. Why’d she have to start with _that_ one?

Ben slinks away. He doesn’t think he can handle the humiliation.

Besides. He has a lot to think about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare! How could I do this without you?
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who is such an excellent host to my friend!
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Turns out my friend and her husband sleep in, so here's another chapter! Hanging with a fellow Reylo is an absolute blast. Thank you all for continuing to give your time to this little fic! Mwa mwa mwa!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait, does Reluctant Rey actually communicate? She finally opens her mouth and speaks and Besotted Ben has to handle how he feels about this shocking information.

Pacing her rooms, he waits for Rey to return. He doesn’t want to admit that he’d eavesdropped on their conversation, but he needs to know. There are so many unanswered questions when it comes to Rey and he’s so tired of being kept in the dark.

Clearly, Rey had told his mother far more about herself, and the fact she doesn’t trust him is like an open wound somewhere deep inside. He’d trust Rey with anything. Well. Almost anything. He’s never told anyone about the voice, it had been very clear on that.

But if he were to tell anyone, it would be Rey. She didn’t even believe in him enough to share where she grew up, for Force’s sake!

Pace. Pace. Pace. He tries to remind himself of how she has been so fierce in her defense of him, so determined to stay with him. That means something, he’s sure of it. Rey has to have her reasons to keep so many secrets.

Maybe he shouldn’t push her. That hasn’t gone very well for him in the past. No. No! This ends today, she’s going to be honest with him. She has to; he’s liable to go mad if she doesn’t.

“What’s troubling you so, my boy?” the voice wades into the chaos in his head.

“Now isn’t a good time,” Ben growls. This is the last thing he needs.

“You’ve been very difficult to find in the Force as of late; what’s changed?”

_Everything_.

“Nothing. I’m just busy.”

“With what, I wonder?”

Ben wants to scream. He’s never wanted the voice to go away more in his life. Usually, it’s a source of comfort. During his lonely childhood, the voice was his constant companion, keeping the solitude from swallowing him whole.

Now, though, now he has to focus.

“Come now, trust in me,” the voice entreats. “Who else has supported you like I have?”

He wavers. Maybe the voice would know what to do? Maybe it even knows something about Rey? It’s always known so much about _him_. 

Then it’s moot as Rey returns to the guest quarters, her face happy and bright and he feels the voice suddenly disappear. 

Time is up and Ben loses his nerve for a moment when he sees her beaming smile.

“Ben, you were the cutest baby!” She throws her arms around his neck and pecks him on the lips.

How can she be so happy when she’s obviously hiding so much from him? His frustration comes roaring back with a vengeance. “You should tell me what? What final step?” he asks with a hard voice.

Rey’s face shifts swiftly and she drops her arms from around his neck. “How much did you hear?” she asks fearfully.

“Enough to know you confided in my mother but not me.” His tone is laced with hurt.

“It’s comp—”

“I swear to the Maker, Rey, if you say it’s complicated one more time, I’m going to lose my godsdamned mind.”

“I can’t tell you,” she evades, looking around as if she wants to be anywhere but here.

“But you could tell my mother? That’s who you could tell?”

“I ... I …” Then she’s turning away from him with a strangled sound.

Ben watches her fold in on herself, and much as he wants to hold firm, Rey is in distress and he’ll always comfort her. Even if he wants to shake all the answers from her. 

He huffs out a frustrated breath, then goes to her, pulling her into his arms. She clings to him like she thinks he’ll wink out of existence.

“I’m so scared,” she admits.

“Of what?” he asks softly. What could be so bad? Is she worried she’d push him away with the truth? “Whatever it is, it won’t change how I feel about you.”

She shudders in his arms. “I know. Nothing can change how we feel,” she says with a certainty that surprises him. Would she want that?

He pulls back slightly, looking into her stricken face. “Why is that? Why am I so drawn to you?” he finally asks one of his thousands of questions.

She looks away and stays silent for a long moment. Then she takes in a steadying breath. “I want to tell you, I do. Stars, I wish _I’d_ known sooner …”

“Known what? What is it? Please, I need to know. The way everything inside me shifted when you came into my life, I just need to _understand_ ,” he pleads.

“I remember,” she says with a faraway voice, obviously remembering how she’d felt when she first saw him. “I won’t explain how I know this but … we … we share a soul.”

“What?” he asks dumbly. He’s never heard of such a thing. A Force bond, sure, even paired souls. But one shared soul? He must be missing something.

“We’re a dyad in the Force,” she elaborates. “Two who are one."

“We … what?” he repeats.

“ _That’s_ why it’s so hard to be apart.”

A strange sort of calm comes over him and he says, “I know. Somehow, I’ve always known.”

And it’s true. He’s known from the moment he saw her that she was meant for him. It had been like a star being born in his heart. Then his eyes narrow, because this doesn’t come close to explaining anything about how secretive she is. And it makes her pushing him away that much more painful, because she’d done that to him even knowing what they are to each other.

“But … why wouldn’t you just tell me? Why did you run from me after we kissed?” _And what about that other man?_ “Why did telling me scare you?”

“I … I know things. About you. Things I shouldn’t know. And I’m afraid of what they mean.”

“What kind of things?” he asks, still keeping her in his arms, but stepping back slightly.

Her eyes close briefly. “I know how much you struggle with the dark side. I know it’s far worse than you’ve ever admitted.” 

Now he does pull back completely. Does she know about the voice? Does she know how tempted he is to change his path?

“Because of our shared soul?”

“That’s part of it.”

“Stop evading! Just tell me, not just part of it, everything!” Is this how it’s always going to be? Rey forever closed to him?

“You have to trust me! I’m so afraid if I tell you everything, you’ll fall.”

He returns to his place in front of her and takes her hands. “I would never leave you like that.”

“No, you’d take me with you,” she says with a clarity that chills him. Because she’s right. He would never go anywhere she wouldn’t follow. But the thought of her brimming with dark power _does something to him_ and he looks away partially in shame, and partially to hide his spike of lust.

“Just tell me how you know all of this, please. The whole reason,” he begs.

Rey looks up, her face the picture of anguish. “Gods …” she murmurs. Then she takes in a shuddering breath. “If I tell you, will you promise not to ask any more questions? At least for now?”

His jaw works. He doesn’t like this. At all. It will keep the distance between them, and he yearns to be as close to her as possible, not just physically, but in every way they can. But if she’ll give him this, maybe it will quiet his desperate need to _know_. 

Against his better judgement, he nods as he says, “I promise.”

“This is so hard,” she says with a depth of struggle that makes him want to tell her that it doesn’t matter. But it does. It feels like it matters more than almost anything else in his life.

“Please,” he breathes out.

She looks into his eyes intensely. “I’m from the future. Eleven years, to be exact. _That’s_ how I know so much and also why I’m terrified to make the wrong step. I can’t let it happen again.”

“What, let what happen again?” 

She gives him a warning look. “You promised.”

“Right, I’m sorry … I wasn’t thinking.” But his mind is going a million parsecs a minute. She’s from the future? How is that even possible? Obviously, it’s the Force. It’s always the Force. But he’s not read anything about it being able to do _that_ and he’s read everything he could get his hands on.

However, he starts to make connections, swiftly. It explains so much, how she just appeared, seemingly out of thin air. Because she literally did. She must have known Luke in her time. _That’s_ why he’d trusted her so quickly. And his mother … did she know her?

Did she know him? Is _he_ the other man?

Oh, gods. Does that mean in 11 years, he dies?

The questions are overwhelming him, and Rey is watching him closely. “Are you alright?” she asks.

He wants to tell her that everything is fine. That he’s simply grateful to know this, but his brain just won’t stop tumbling and he admits, “No, I’m really, really not. How could you keep this from me?” His voice is plaintive, revealing his hurt.

“Can you imagine what it’s like for me? To know so much? What if even this is enough to make it all happen again?”

“So you came to avoid something horrible,” he says, almost to himself.

She nods miserably and he realizes he’d essentially asked another question. But how is he possibly going to keep from needing to know the full story? What has her so afraid? It’s clearly bad, and he can see how knowing what will happen could have profound effects on him. On her. On the galaxy.

He comes very close to taking her by the biceps and demanding to know everything, and that’s when he realizes that he has to be alone, or he’s going to bombard her with the questions he’s promised to keep unsaid. He might even break into her mind, force her to tell him. And that urge _terrifies_ him.

“I … I need some time.”

Her eyes bulge with fear. “You want me to leave?” The way she’s coursing with pain makes it clear she’s asking if she should leave _him_.

“No! No, I just need to be able to think, on my own. Just for a little while. I never want you to leave.” Especially now that he knows she’s literally his soulmate. At least he doesn’t have to worry about his mother trying to part them. But the dark is rising in him, and he has to get away, but he thinks he has enough control left to comfort her.

“I’ll be back, soon. I promise,” he says as he pulls her back into his arms and holds her trembling form. “It’s alright. Don’t be so scared.” He says it to both of them.

“Sometimes I feel like it won’t ever be alright again.”

“How can it not be when we’re together?” he soothes and she settles into his embrace, the trembling lessening. 

She nods into his chest. “I’m sorry I hurt you so much. Before. I was just so scared.”

“I know, I know, sweetheart. It’s alright.” But it’s not. He has to think, bring himself back under control.

He pulls back and gives her his best smile as he retreats from her sitting room.

At first, he just goes to his own rooms, but his body is jangling with tension and he needs to _move_ so he grabs his jacket and makes his way to the lift. Outside, he needs to be outside.

\---

Thankfully, no one had crossed his path as he’d left his mother’s apartment. He has no idea what he would have said. To _anyone_. 

Walking swiftly, his feet pounding the ground, he heads straight for the park near his mother’s building. He’d often spent time there at the man-made lake, hidden away by the trees. Just as it had helped his buzzing head as a boy, he hopes it will today, as well.

As he strides to his destination, more questions start to tumble out. If he isn’t this other man, how could Rey have had such intense feelings for someone else when they share a soul? But she’d been so reticent at first, getting close then pulling away. Almost like she was making herself be with him.

If it was him that she loved, wouldn’t she have simply been happy to see him? But she’d obviously been grieving when he was right there, so that has to be it. The other man can’t be him. Besides, if he was, that means Rey loves him, and she’s never said that.

He nears the lake and picks his way through the brambles and brushes until he breaks through into the small clearing he’d always thought of as his. Slumping to the ground, he puts his head in his hands.

His stomach turns at the thought of Rey loving someone else when she knew she shared a soul with him and he _hates_ the other man. And he’s angry with her. How could she? From the very first moment he knew she existed, he’d been hers.

He scoffs. Of course Rey wouldn’t want him as much as he wants her. That’s just the way his life goes, he should know that by now.

But … here, now … she seems to want to be with him, truly be with him. Perhaps that’s all that matters? Besides, it’s not as if he’s told her he loves her, either. Maybe he should simply keep moving forward as if he’d never known. Let their future play out as it will. Let Rey have her secrets. He knows that he won’t let anything bad happen to her.

Then he has a truly chilling thought. What if she’s going _back_?

Before the thought is even finished, he’s running, running back to Rey.

\---

Breathing heavily, he slams through the front door of the apartment and rushing to her room. But when he gets there, she’s nowhere to be found. Conservatory. She must be in the conservatory.

He walks swiftly to the other room, only to find his mother going over reports.

“Son? Are you alright?”

“Rey. Where’s Rey?”

“Oh, she’s with your father working on the _Falcon_.”

He’s off again before his mother even finishes speaking.

\---

“Rey!” he calls as he runs out onto the landing berth. What would it do to him to have half of his soul ripped from him? He won’t survive if she’s only here for a short while. He wouldn’t want to.

His father is soldering something or the other, sparks flying, and his head pokes up from atop the ship. “Hey, kid.”

“Where’s Rey?” he asks desperately.

“Damn, Son, you seen a ghost?”

“I just need to talk to Rey,” he pleads.

“She’s in the _Falcon,_ working on the water main. ‘Fresher’s on the fritz again.”

Ben pounds up the ramp, intent on finding her as fast as he can.

\---

He finds her deep in one of the access ports, her tongue sticking out as she works.

“Rey!”

“Ben?” she asks, standing up.

“I know I promised not to ask any questions, but there’s something I have to know.”

“Ben, no,” she says with a frown.

“Please, just one. I’ll never ask anything else, I swear.”

She starts to pull herself from the access port and he lifts her easily until she’s standing in front of him. There’s a smudge of engine grease on her cheek, and if he wasn’t so frantic he’d think it was adorable.

Warily, she looks up at him and says, “I don’t promise to answer, but ask your question.”

“Are you going back? To your time. Are you leaving me?”

Her eyes grow soft and her expression affectionate. “No … no. I’m here for good. With you.”

He crushes her to him so hard she squeaks. Then he pulls back and grasps her face with both of his hands and kisses her, hard. He has her, he has her. The torrent of emotion makes him lose his head and he’s thrusting his tongue into her hot mouth before he can think better of it.

But, impossibly, she moans into the kiss, her tongue tangling with his. Oh, gods, he’s never felt anything like this and his cock grows hard an insistent, straining against his trousers. She presses against him and the slight friction feels _so good_. 

With as much intensity as the kiss began, he’s pulling back and pinning her with his eyes. “You’re mine, you hear me? Mine!”

She nods with huge eyes, and then he’s kissing her again. Kissing her with all that he is, all that he’s ever been. 

Rey is his and he doesn’t care about that other man. All that matters is she’s in his arms and she’s all his. He won’t have to give her up.

She’s his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, my dear and precious friend!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who did a great job making sure we had a great spot from which to watch Chewbacchus (the Star Wars themed Mardi Gras parade).
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Clearly I have no self-control, as I keep writing even when I said I wouldn't. My hands are screaming but I don't care. Thank you so much for generously feeding my muse with your marvelous comments!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who needs some fluff? Besotted Ben and Reluctant Rey sure do. Let's all roll around in the fluff together.

He’s never going to stop kissing her. She’s making the most delicious sounds that _inflame_ him and he pushes her back into the bulkhead. As if of their own accord, his hips press against her rhythmically, and Force, she feels _sublime_. 

There’s a little voice inside his head that tells him he’s taking it too far, that he needs to stop, talk to her, but she’s meeting him so eagerly that he firmly silences its warning.

Then he hears a throat clear and he groans in frustration, but he stops kissing her, swiveling his head towards the interruption, wanting to snarl a warning to leave them the hell alone.

Of _course_ he finds his dad’s grinning face. He glances at Rey and she looks thoroughly _debauched_ so he steps in front of her to hide her state from his father. No one, not even his family, gets to step into the sacred circle of what he shares with her.

“Hey kid. So that’s what had you all fired up.” He smirks. “Nice to see you take after your old man.”

Ben’s mind is clearing, and now he sees that he’s behaved rather poorly towards Rey. Taking whatever she’d give him. She hides behind his body, clearly embarrassed to be caught in the midst of their passion and the self-flagellation begins.

How could he have been so foolish? Losing his head like that, mauling her where his father or Chewie was bound to find them, it was just plain stupid and Rey deserves so much more from him.

“Did you need something?” he asks with a falsely calm tone.

“Yeah, I wanna have some time with your mother tonight,” Han says with a wink that tells Ben far more than he wants to know about his father’s intentions. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of credits, pressing them into Ben’s palm. “Take your girl out, show her a good time. Come home _late_.”

Ben makes a face. “Too much information, Dad.”

“You’re one to talk,” he rejoins, with a look heavy with meaning. Rey’s hands clutch at him and he shifts to hide her more completely. What must she think of him?

This is all getting way too weird, and Ben’s cheeks begin to heat. How did this become his life?

“So, we good?” Han asks. 

“Yeah. I got it.” Besides, the idea of taking Rey to see the nightlife is exciting. He’s only been a handful of times, himself. 

As Han moves on to the cockpit, his voice floats back. “Remember, _late_!”

Ben steps forward and turns around, readying himself for Rey’s wrath. She’s probably never going to let him touch her again after this. He’d obliterated her request he go slow, and he’s deeply ashamed of himself. He’d just been so overwhelmed by her revelations and the profound relief that she’s going to stay with him.

Slowly, he meets her eyes, and finds something very unexpected. They’re sparkling with mirth and then she starts to giggle, her hand flying to cover her mouth.

He blinks down on her, trying to catch up, as her giggles turn to full-throated laughs. He chuckles along with her, but he’s not entirely certain why their laughing.

“Oh, Ben,” she gets out between chortles. “You and your dad are just … it’s just wonderful to see what kind of relationship you had. I mean have.”

Interesting. So she didn’t know his father in the future. He supposes it’s not surprising, his dad is gone a lot. And anyway, he certainly hopes he’s not living with his parents when he’s 30! This line of thought has the questions beginning again and he forces them away; he’ll drive himself mad if he keeps trying to untangle the future.

Now. He wants to focus on now. He has to focus on now, or he’ll surely lose his mind.

Awkwardness has begun to settle in his belly, and he rubs the back of his neck. “So … do you want to go out … with me?” 

She steps closer to him and wraps her arms around his neck. “I’d love that.”

\---

First stop must be dinner. Now that he knows what she went through on Jakku, feeding her has taken on a level of importance to him he can’t quite quantify. He wants to prove to her that she’ll, never, ever go hungry again. He won’t allow it. 

“What kind of food do you like?”

She makes a funny face and says, “Food? I like it all.”

Luckily, Ben knows just about all the best restaurants in Republic city but then he pauses in his rapid planning. Would Rey enjoy a meal like that? On display, being judged? Somehow, he doesn’t think so, and he has an idea.

He takes her hand and says, “Come on.”

\---

The sprawling marketplace unfolds before them and he’s hit by the familiar scent of all the food stalls. All manner of cuisine is on offer here, tucked between the riot of colors of the trader’s tents. 

“Ben, it smells amazing! What is this?”

“It’s the old market, from before Republic City grew up around it. It’s probably the only place on ground level where you don’t have to watch your back.”

“And how does a Jedi know about places like _that_?” she teases.

Ben rolls his eyes. “Have you met my father? I think I knew how to pick the most defensible spot in a cantina before I could form full sentences.”

Rey laughs then she threads her arm around his and puts her head on his shoulder, sighing. “I’m so glad you know, now. I feel … I feel so much freer.”

The way she talks about it, like he’s not still bursting with questions makes him frown. But Rey does seem like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders, and he realizes what a huge step they’ve taken. Her smile is so bright, so full, all he wants to do is make her happy.

“Do you trust me?” he asks playfully.

“Of course.”

“Then let’s feed you.”

\---

First, he takes her to the old Alderaanian section. There’s a healthy population from his mother’s people on Hosnian Prime, refugees from the destroyed planet. They’d made a life for themselves and his mother always starts here first.

He finds just what he’s looking for quickly, bastelle pastry. It’s a fragrantly spiced poultry filling, wrapped in flaky dough, then drizzled with honey. It’s messy, sticky, and utterly delicious. He can’t wait to see Rey’s face when she tries it.

Buying two, he hands one to Rey and eagerly watches her take her first bite. Her teeth sink into the savory pastry and her eyes close as she groans. She chews then swallows and her eyes find Ben’s. “This is … oh my gods, Ben, I didn’t know something could taste so good!”

Smiling with pride, he winks and says, “I know. It’s from Alderaan. You should taste my mother’s!”

Rey eats the rest of hers and half of his, then grins. “What’s next?”

\---

He crams her full of marinated meat on a skewer, shaved ice with lylanberry syrup, a tart yet sweet soup hailing from Kashyyyk. She’d positively beamed when he’d shared that it was Chewie’s favorite. Clearly, she had known the wookiee in the future. He’d had to breathe in and out a few times to keep himself from trying to puzzle out more.

“Had enough?” he asks.

Wickedness crosses her face. “I’ll never have enough of you.” Then she’s kissing him deeply, her tongue immediately demanding entrance. His head is spinning from her open display of desire, the sounds of the market, the way the Force glints with the crowds. Maybe she didn’t mind so much, being caught by his father.

Then he hears someone yell, “Get a room!” 

He doesn’t even stop kissing her, just makes a rude gesture towards the direction of the voice.

He’s busy kissing his girl. Or she’s busy kissing him. He’s not really sure.

\---

Rey pokes among the different tables, looking at all the wares on display. He keeps hoping she’ll see something she wants; his need to buy her something surprises him. He just wants her to have something, something physical she can touch to know that she’s everything to him.

He really hopes she finds some jewelry she likes. It might be old fashioned, but the idea of her wearing a necklace, or even a ring, from him … well just the thought makes him swell with pride. 

Her little hands smooth over some fine silk scarves and she stops at a vibrant green with threads of gold. 

“That would look stunning on you,” he says. “You should get it.”

“Oh, I don’t have any credits,” she dismisses.

“Rey … I do. Don’t you understand by now that I’ll take care of you?”

She makes a queer face. “I don’t … I don’t even begin to know how to let you.”

“Try. Please. Let me buy this for you.”

She frowns slightly. “I’ll think about it.”

\---

It’s a brass cuff that does it. She stares at it for long minutes, her hand even trembles as she touches the bright metal. At first he thinks it’s meant for her wrist, but she holds it up to her bicep and he realizes it would be a perfect replacement for the fabric arm band she always wears.

“Please, Rey. Let me.”

“It’s really beautiful.”

“It would look wonderful on you. You know who we are to each other. Would it really be so bad for one half of a soul to get something for the other half?” he reasons.

Her lips twist into a funny little smile. “You don’t play fair, Solo.”

“No. Not when it comes to you,” he says seriously.

She nibbles at her lip for a long moment, but then she nods and it’s all he can do to not hoot in triumph.

He pays for the cuff and starts to unfasten her existing wrap and she pulls away. “What is it?”

“I … there’s a scar.”

Ah, that’s why she’s always wearing this. “I don’t care.” 

Nervously, she pulls away the fabric and he sees the strangest marking. It almost looks like two hands grasping each other and he wonders if it was intentional. His blood simmers with thoughts of the other man, but then he’s fastening his gift over the scar. It doesn’t matter. She’s his now.

“There,” he says with satisfaction. Even if her skin bears the other man, now it’s covered with _him_. “It’s just right.”

She looks at herself in the mirror and smiles a secret smile. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

Then she’s kissing him again and everything is indeed perfect.

\---

The air throbs with the deep bass of the music in the club he’d selected. He’s never really tried it before, but he wants to _dance_. Dance with Rey. Not the formal dances he’d learned for his mother’s events, but the wild, primal dances he’s watched a few times when Tai had dragged him out during their visits home. 

He might have used a bit of the Jedi mind trick to procure them a booth looking over the dance floor. He’d felt a bit guilty about it, but then he’d thought of Luke’s disapproving face and he’d suddenly felt much better.

Rey is practically on his lap, sipping her drink. It’s her second Cloud City Cruise and he wonders if she knows it’s alcoholic. They do go down easy.

“Ben, this is _amazing_ ,” she gushes.

The dance floor tangles with every species he can imagine, as they dance as if one single being. There are couples linked together so closely Ben wonders if he shouldn’t look away, and people dancing by themselves, lost to the music. Then circles of friends, just jumping and laughing. But they’re all brimming with a kind of essential joy and he wants to join. With Rey.

“Wanna dance?” he asks as Rey finishes off her drink.

Her eyes are a bit glassy, her cheeks a very appealing pink. “I’ve never danced before,” she says in a loud voice to be heard over the din.

“Me neither! Let’s go!” He grabs her hand and pulls her along with him while she laughs through a wide grin. Gods, he loves her.

They wade through the crowd and he takes her hands, just letting his body sways with the beat. He has no idea what he’s doing, but that’s the beauty of it. Something about the music just makes him want to _move_.

Rey’s body seems to know just how to follow the rhythm, and she spins, gyrating in a rather lewd way. But it’s right, it feels exactly right for the heat of the crowd, the pulsing of the music. 

His eyes are glued to how her hips are moving, it’s so easy to imagine moving with her. Moving _in_ her and he begins to harden. He’s not embarrassed though, it’s just this place, this moment. Of course his lust is coming for him. 

Her hands draw up her body in a very suggestive manner as she holds his eyes. Then she’s crooking her finger, gesturing for him to join her. He doesn’t need another invitation, and he puts his hands on those oh so inviting hips.

Rey parts her legs, and his thigh is wedged between her thighs. Oh gods, he can feel her heat. He feels drunk. He feels _drugged_. Her arms come around his neck and he bends his knees, sliding her up his thigh until he’s _right there_.

Oh gods, they’re dancing an instinctual dance and he feels lost and found and entirely in her spell. She moves to the beat, moves against him, and he _throbs_ with desire. For her.

She smiles at him, so seductively. Then she’s leaning forward, and her breath ghosts his ear, making him shiver.

“Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare! I'm beginning to figure out which chapters you're gonna like before I even send them.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who was utterly adorable this morning dancing around the bedroom naked as the day he was born. He's going to kill me if he ever sees this.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Well, day 10 of a chapter a day. I wonder how long this will last? Thank you all for your fantastic comments. Your insights really help me write. Love and hugs!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic fluff! Besotted Ben and Reluctant Rey have a quiet day recovering from their date, then Ben needs some lemon tinged alone time. ;)

“Shhh,” she shushes through giggles. He’s snickering and it threatens to turn into true laughter. He might have had a few drinks himself. They’ve just managed to make it back to the apartment and had been caught kissing furiously in the lift by his stern neighbor. He’s the diplomat of some system or the other.

The lights are all out, except for a low light in the foyer, so he’s sure his parents have gone to bed. Rey is right, they need to be quiet.

She’s kicking off her shoes, and then she’s doing something he’s never seen before. She’s freeing her hair from those blasted buns and he’s _transfixed_. He’s wanted, so badly, to see her hair free and loose. 

Sighing in relief, she shakes her head and her hair tumbles around her shoulders. Force, does she have any idea what it’s doing to him to see her hair like that? Alderaan has very precise traditions about hair, and seeing a woman’s hair free like this, well … it _means_ something. 

He can’t help it, he has to get his hands tangled in her glorious mane, and he pulls her to him in the middle of the foyer, burying his hands in her hair as he kisses her again. He groans lewdly into her mouth as his hands card through her tresses.

Yes. It’s even more exquisite than he’d imagined—so soft and silky. 

“I love your hair,” he breathes out between caresses.

_I love you._

“I love _your_ hair,” she says as her hands slide through _his_ hair. 

Somehow, they make it to the wide settee in the sitting room, and they’re tumbling down into the cushions. He lands on top of her, only just managing to catch most of his weight on his elbows and knees. 

“Are you alright?” he asks, worried he’s crushing her.

“I’m amazing,” she beams and she grabs his face, pulling him down for more kisses. He’s fully aware that there’s far more to be had than kissing, but feeling her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth, he truly can’t imagine anything being better than this.

His eyes just about fall out of his head when she snags his hand and rather forcefully places it on her breast. Even through her tunic, he’s never felt anything like the soft mound under his fingers. It’s firm, but yielding and oh gods, he’s touching Rey’s breast! 

HIs entire universe narrows down to the slight weight in his hand. She’s letting him feel her like this and, stars, his cock is so hard it hurts. 

Rey giggles and says, “Haven’t you touched a breast before?”

Eyes flying to hers, he shakes his head. “I’ve never done anything before. Just kissing,” he admits sheepishly. Then he’s trying to quiet the roaring jealousy in his chest as he realizes that other man has probably had _all_ of Rey. No. _He_ doesn’t matter. Rey is all his, now.

But he does want to know, he wants to know desperately. 

Rey’s huge yawn interrupts his spiral of grasping envy, and her hand flies to her mouth. “I’m sorry!”

“You’re tired,” he observes, regretfully pulling his hand away, but not before his fingers graze her nipple and she gasps lightly. 

“No, I’m fine,” she says a bit mulishly.

A wave of exhaustion comes over him then and the mood evaporates with their shared tiredness. “We should get to bed.”

“I don’t want to be parted from you,” she whines.

He’s the one to yawn, now, and he’s shifting off of her, but she grabs him around the shoulders and pulls him back down. 

“Not yet!” she cries in a bit of panic. 

He pauses, hovering over her, then he slides to her side, maneuvering himself until his back is to the cushions, and he gathers her in his arms.

“Just a little while,” he whispers. 

“Okay,” she agrees, as she settles into his arms, his front to her back.

Nuzzling her neck, he doesn’t even remember falling asleep to the scent of his Rey. 

\---

“Well, I guess you didn’t sneak her into your room,” his mother says in a stern tone laced with affection. It only just breaks through his haze of sleep and his head feels like death. 

He tries to open his eyes, but the morning glare makes him swiftly close them again. 

Rey flips in his arms and buries her face in his chest. “Sleeping,” she complains.

“Awe, come on Leia, they’re so cute!” his father’s voice joins the chaos that is Ben Solo’s life right now. Was it too much to ask to have woken up before his parents could find them?

Bearing the brunt of the light, he opens his eyes again and blinks against the brightness. Oh hell, why’d his mother have to open the drapes?

“Mother,” he says flatly.

Her lips purse in disapproval. “I thought I was clear about sleeping arrangements.”

“We didn’t mean to, we just fell asleep,” he defends with a quiet voice, trying to keep from disturbing Rey as she snores softly. Gods, she’s adorable.

“Hmm. Well tonight, so that there’s no _confusion_ , you sleep in your bed and she sleeps in hers.”

“But for now, just go back to sleep, Son,” his father offers.

“Han!” Leia sputters.

“Have you _seen_ the hickey on your neck? Just be grateful they’re still clothed and leave the kids alone.”

That’s the point where Ben clenches his eyes shut. He does _not_ want to see evidence of his parents … activities.

\---

When he wakes again, his head isn’t pounding so much and he smiles when he sees the pitcher of fresh water waiting on the low table next to the settee. There’s also a packet of headache tablets and he figures his mother has forgiven them.

“Rey, darling,” he croons lowly into her ear. “We need to wake up.” He doesn’t even begin to know what time it is.

“Don’t wanna,” she mumbles.

He shakes her a bit, and her eyes finally open slightly. Then she groans, “Oh gods, my head.”

“I know, sweetheart. Sit up for me and I’ll get you some water.” He’s trapped behind her and he doesn’t want to jostle her.

She stretches out and her breasts jut out, transporting him back into memory. Rey let him touch her breasts! Rey had _wanted_ him to touch her breasts. He suddenly wants to have a serious conversation with his mother about this whole not sleeping together business. Maybe his father can reason with her.

Yawning, Rey finally drags herself up, and he manages to wriggle himself into a sitting position next to her. He bends forward and pours two glasses of water. “Here,” he offers.

Rey’s eyes go wide and she positively gulps down the water as he opens the packet of headache pills. He offers her one and she swigs it down swiftly as he takes his own.

She puts her water down and rubs her temples. “I only had two drinks,” she complains.

“Yeah, but do you know how strong they were?” he asks.

“No?”

“Strong, very very strong. That club doesn’t mess about.” The way he’s feeling, he’s not entirely sure they weren’t spiked with spice, as well. 

_That_ makes his stomach fall to the floor. Did Rey want him to touch her like that, or was it just the drinks?

Furtively, he looks over at her. She seems fine, but he has to _know._

“Are you alright?” he asks tentatively. 

“Apart from feeling like my head is full of womp rats, I’m fine.”

“I mean … I know you wanted to go slow, and last night … did you … did you really want … that?”

Her eyes blink and real fear fills them. “Uhm … it’s a little fuzzy, did we … did we …” She gestures between them meaningfully and his eyes go wide.

“No! I meant, I meant … touching you … your breasts,” he mumbles the last word awkwardly.

“Oh!” she exclaims with relief. “Yes, I wanted that. I wanted a bit more than that, honestly.”

“You did?” he asks dumbly, his body immediately reacting to her words.

“Mmmhmm,” she says with coquettish eyes. 

“Great! You’re up,” his dad says with a loud voice.

Ben’s eyes clench shut and he snags a cushion from the settee, placing it strategically to hide the evidence of what Rey _always_ does to him. He’s going to have to find a bit of alone time soon, or he’s liable to burst.

“Hey, Dad,” he grumbles as Rey greets him with, “Good morning, Han.”

“Morning! Ha. It’s after lunch.”

Ben finally thinks to check his chrono and is shocked at how late it is. He has no idea when they made it back to the apartment, but clearly he’d fulfilled his father’s wishes.

Rey’s tummy growls, and Han grins knowingly. “Come on, Son. I’m gonna show you the patented Solo cure for hangovers.” His father starts towards the kitchen.

“Uhm, I guess I better go with him, find you some food.” Thankfully, his body is cooperating again.

“You’re always feeding me,” she says with a smile.

He leans forward and kisses her cheek. “And I always will.”

Her eyes shine as he follows his father, watching her for as long as he can as he moves towards the kitchens.

\---

“The trick is whilk butter. Everything you cook, you use as much of the stuff as you can. I’m telling you, nothing will turn a hangover around like a pile of eggs with whilk butter sauce.”

His dad has always been the cook in their family, though the droids usually handle it. But weekend breakfasts were a special treat, and he remembers this dish fondly. 

As his dad whisks the sauce, he says, “I think your mom has changed her tune after having tea with your girl. She really is a keeper, that one.”

“I know,” Ben says.

“Listen, I know I said you were too young, but I think maybe I was wrong about that. There’s something about you two … can’t put my finger on it, but anyway. I approve and I think your mom does, too.”

Ben wonders if he should tell his father about Rey being from the future, being literally his soul, but his dad has never liked ‘all that Force mumbo jumbo’ so he decides to keep it to himself. 

Clearly having overheard Han, Leia wanders into the kitchen. “I do. Rey is … special.”

“I’ll say, knows her way around the _Falcon_ , let me tell you!”

“Now, don’t send out the wedding invitations just yet, Han,” his mom teases.

“What, I just appreciate anyone who knows their stuff!”

Leia comes around Han and puts her arms around his waist as he flips the eggs. “Uh huh.”

A happiness settles in Ben’s chest. He loves it when his parents aren’t at each other’s throats, when he can see why they got married in the first place. 

\---

He and Rey had spent the afternoon cuddled up on the settee, just talking about nothing and everything. She’s much less guarded and had opened up a bit about her life on Jakku and he’d entertained her with stories of his early time at the training temple. 

Now they’re having dinner with his parents and everything is going surprisingly well. He’s been able to avoid thinking too much about why Rey would travel through time just for him, and his parents continue to be in good spirits.

“Oh! Remember the time that Poe told you the floor in the sitting room was lava?” Leia asks.

Rey looks at him sharply. “Poe?”

Ben _really_ doesn’t want to talk about Poe Dameron. He’s older than him and they’d been friends out of necessity, their parents socializing often. 

“Oh, he’s an old family friend, he and Ben used to be so cute together!” Leia gushes. “Anyway, Ben believed him. He was hanging off of the banister, terrified of falling in!” 

“Mom, I think that’s enough humiliation for one evening,” Ben pleads.

“Oh, you’re no fun.” She makes a mock glare. “But that does remind me, he’s going to be in town next week, he’s on a break from the Academy. So he’s coming to dinner; I thought you’d like to see him.”

“I’d love to see … meet him!” Rey says with a note of enthusiasm that makes Ben wince. Of course Rey would know _Poe Dameron_ and then his blood turns to ice.

Could _he_ be the other man?

\---

He’d been silent through the rest of the meal and had kept his distance as Rey and his father had talked ships late into the night. 

Now, he’s walking Rey to her room, and she keeps glancing at him warily.

When they reach her door, she asks, “What’s wrong? You’ve been strange since dinner.”

“It’s nothing,” he says tightly.

“Please, don’t hide from me.” Her face is so open, her eyes pleading, and he crumbles in an instant.

“It’s just so hard. I can’t ask you about the future, but I can tell when something reminds you. You’ve obviously met Poe before.”

“I have,” she acknowledges. “He was a good friend.”

“Only a friend?” Then he cringes. “Sorry, no questions.”

“No, no, that’s fine. Of course only a friend, Ben.”

The roiling jealousy that’s getting harder and harder to control settles down and he smiles down on her. “I just … I’m sorry, Poe and I … we have a history.”

“Well, remember, together. Just us.” She strokes his face and for that moment, everything is perfect. 

He tries to keep his kiss soft, gentle, but that doesn’t appear to work when it comes to his Rey, and soon they’re tangled, panting and gasping. Just when he’s about to push her into her room, see just how much further she’d wanted to take things last night, he remembers himself and steps back from her.

“Sleep well, sweetheart,” he says with a tinge of a growl.

Rey pouts and shifts on her feet. “I wish I was sleeping with you.”

“So do I. So do I,” he says regretfully.

\---

By the time he reaches his own room his core is aching, and he knows he’s going to have to do something about the situation in his trousers. And now he has so much more fodder for his fantasies. He _knows_ what her delectable breasts feel like. Gods, maybe soon he’ll even know what they _look_ like!

Quickly, he shucks his clothes and climbs into bed, his hand immediately finding his already weeping cock. Oh, Maker, it feels _so good_. 

He strokes himself firmly, imagining Rey’s hand instead of his own. Force, maybe she’ll touch him there soon! The thought alone makes him jolt forward, and he knows he won’t last long. His mind is filled with images of _Rey_. 

How delectable she’d looked at the falls with water streaming down her body, her tight little nipples straining against the cloth.

Rey, under him last night, her face flushed and her eyes full of intent as she’d placed his hand on that perfect breast. Gods, she’d felt amazing. 

Grinding himself against her in the club, how their bodies had moved together as if they were made for each other. And now he knows that they were. 

Rey, his other half, his heart, his soul. The pleasure builds swiftly, lighting up his spine, and he’s calling out, “Rey, I love you!” as his release is pulled from his deepest places.

Panting, he lets the bliss suffuse his limbs before he pulls a cloth to him with the Force, cleaning himself up.

He’s just put on his sleeping pants and laid back down when the voice breaks into his mind.

“You’ve been very hard to find in the Force, my boy,” it says with a touch of venom. “Have you been _hiding_ from me?”

He honestly answers, “No.” But he does begin to wonder if its absence is somehow due to Rey.

“No matter, I’m here now. And we have a great deal to talk about.”

Fear turns in his belly and he wonders what the voice knows. It never likes when he keeps things hidden.

“Tell me about the girl,” the voice purrs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, whose suggestions are all over this chapter. You're a peach!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who registered perrydowning.com for me as a gift.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! This is officially the longest writing streak I've ever had! I wonder how long it'll last. Thank you all so very much for giving your time and enthusiasm to this story. All my love.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loving Leia and Helpful Han take the kids on separate field trips to ensure no little Solos, then all hell breaks loose. HEA Policy in firm effect.

“Tell me about the girl,” the voice purrs.

Ben is shocked silent at first. How does the voice even _know_ about Rey? He’s sure he’s been careful, never saying a word about her.

“I know you’ve left Skywalker’s temple. I wonder why you didn’t tell me.”

“It all happened so fast,” he explains.

“Skywalker has always been so short sighted, never seeing what’s right in front of him,” the voice spits. “I’m sure you felt so abandoned. You should have reached out to me. Don’t I always help you?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.” Why is he suddenly so afraid of his only true friend? His instinct is to always protect Rey, but now he wonders _why_. The voice has been there for him since he was small, listening to his struggles with so much patience.

“You beat a boy badly. I could sense the darkness in you. Do you see now how powerful it can be?”

Remembering how right it had felt to lose control, dominate Daxon so completely, he can’t deny that a huge part of him just wants to taste that freedom again. But then he thinks of Rey’s stricken face. “But at what cost?” he asks with real curiosity. 

The voice scoffs. “You are so powerful, why concern yourself with such trivialities? You are meant for greater things, my boy.”

He hasn’t thought about that, not really, since he met Rey. Is there anything that could be greater than making a life with her? What if this path he’s considered really did part them? Much as the idea of her by his side as they walk in the dark is appealing to his baser nature, he can’t really see her making that choice.

“I’m not so sure about that anymore,” he says cautiously. He hasn’t stood up to the voice in years, too afraid he’d be left all alone again.

“And why is that?” the voice asks with no inflection.

“It’s just different with my parents, that’s all. They’re not so bad.”

“They’re just showing you what you want to see. They’ll ignore you again soon enough.”

“I don’t know … my mom isn’t as busy, now, and dad is sticking around.”

“Are you sure this isn’t simply how they always are when you’re away? Perhaps your unexpected arrival has them behaving as they usually do when you aren’t there to interrupt their lives.”

Ben frowns deeply. This doesn’t sound right at all.

“Or perhaps they’re simply putting on a good face for the _girl_ ,” the voice continues.

Before he can think better of it, he asks with rancor, “How do you know about her?”

“Ah. You are not my only friend, young Solo.” That hurts. Other boys confide in him? “Don’t let yourself be distracted by a pretty face.”

Ben’s eyes narrow, and he struggles with what to say. It feels wrong to defy the voice, but he can’t let him talk about Rey like that. “She’s none of your business,” he says firmly.

“Everything about you is my business,” the voice responds with a touch of threat.

“Not her,” Ben growls, and he immediately shields his thoughts. 

\---

All night he thrashes in his bed, tormented by nightmares. Rey on her knees in front of some frail old monster. That same monster torturing her while she screams. A man in a black mask threatening her with a spitting red saber.

No matter how hard he tries, he can’t stop the cascade of images every time he falls back to sleep, until eventually he goes to his desk and pulls up everything he has on the dark side. It had been a source of fascination, but now … now he’s beginning to wonder.

Does the voice mean him harm? What about Rey?

\---

Han laughs as Ben drags himself to the breakfast table. When he’d gone to knock softly on Rey’s door, there’d been no answer, so he’d assumed she’s still sleeping.

“You look like bantha shit,” Han remarks.

“Didn’t sleep well,” he grunts.

“No, you still can’t sleep together,” his mother interjects.

“We’ll see about that,” Ben says under his breath. After years of fitful sleep, the three nights he’d slept with Rey by his side had been a revelation and he’s desperate to have it back.

“Oh!” his mother gasps as Rey arrives. Ben’s eyes immediately go to her form and he breathes in sharply. The deep circles under her eyes make it clear she didn’t fare any better than he did. 

Rey and his mother share a look. “Is it …” Leia breathes out.

“I think so,” Rey responds, and Han makes a perplexed look.

Leia frowns, her eyes troubled. “Maybe you two should go back to bed.”

“What’s the point?” Ben asks with bitterness. If he can’t hold Rey, he’s not interested, and he gets to his feet, needing to touch her.

He rounds the table and pulls her into his arms, breathing in her scent. Now, now he calms, and she immediately returns his embrace. 

They stand wrapped together for an age and he already feels worlds better. 

His mother sighs and says, “Take her back to your room, get some sleep.”

They don’t have to be told twice, and they scurry away to the sound of Han asking, “What just happened?”

Leia sighs and says, “Sit down, husband. We have a long conversation ahead of us.”

\---

“I missed you so much,” she says as soon as he has her tucked in next to him in his bed. It’s small, but they manage to fit without too much trouble. They already need to be as close as possible. “I had terrible nightmares,” she breathes out as she clutches at his shirt.

“I did, too.” He wonders if maybe they were the same. Was he seeing her future? Had his dreams really happened? To her?

“I thought I was free of them,” she says to herself.

“You had nightmares before.” He’s very careful not to phrase it as a question.

“Always … until ….” then she trails off and he knows she won’t say more.

“Please tell me,” he entreats.

She sighs. “After … after I met you, your future self, the nightmares got worse. They didn’t go away until the first night you and I slept next to each other.”

So, whatever had happened between them in the future, it hadn’t been like this. Whatever their relationship, it had been platonic. He’s oddly pleased that he doesn’t have to be jealous of himself. 

“And so, last night …”

“They were back.”

“Mine started when I was 10.”

“Oh, Ben … all that time?”

“Yes,” he says with a hollow tone and he wonders if he should tell her about the voice. It had always comforted him in the night, making the bad dreams go away. Now though … what if it starts talking to her? Whispering in her ear, trying to part them?

“I think our connection, I think it keeps the nightmares away, so long as we’re close.”

Ben’s mind makes swift connections. Is that why the voice couldn’t reach him? And it suddenly seems much more sinister if what he shares with Rey keeps it from contacting him. Because the only thing he knows, more than he’s ever known anything before in his life, is his bond with Rey is _pure_. 

One thing is for certain. He’s not going to trust the voice any longer.

\---

Rey wakes him with a sweet kiss and it’s so easy to imagine a thousand wakings, just like this one. 

“It’s past lunch. Again,” she says with a wry smile.

“Was it really just a few days ago that we were getting up with the sun?”

“I know,” she says with a decadent stretch. “I feel like I could sleep for days with you.”

Privately, he thinks he could sleep with her for days, but not quite how she means. 

As if his mother sensed their waking, there’s a knock at his door. Who is he kidding? _Of course_ Leia senses them.

Rey untangles herself from him and is at the door before he can manage to get to his feet. As she opens his door, Ben stands awkwardly, not sure how he feels about his mother seeing him with a girl in his room, even if that girl is Rey.

“Oh, you look much better,” Leia says with relief as she glances at both of them. “Han and I have planned a little outing and we’d like you to join us as soon as you’re dressed.”

He hasn’t had a chance to make sure Rey is fed, and he says, “What about breakfast?”

“Don’t worry, we’ve thought of everything.”

Han is lurking by the door and looks skyward. “And she does mean everything.”

\---

Ben is confused when his father pulls him away, heading in the opposite direction from Rey and his mother. “Come on kid, this is father-son time.”

“But where is mom taking Rey?”

“Don’t worry. It’s better this way.”

Ben looks after Rey longingly and she gives him a huge smile, waving. She’s obviously pleased to be with his mother again and he’s absolutely certain that they had some sort of relationship in her previous life.

“Where are we going?” Ben asks as his father hails a speeder.

Han looks around quickly and says gruffly, “Med Center.”

“But I feel fine,” Ben says with confusion.

Han sighs and rakes his hand through his hair. “I’ll explain once we get there.” Then he tosses him a protein bar and grunts, “Breakfast.”

As he nibbles on the dry bar, he grimaces in the back of the speeder. “Mom better be feeding Rey better than this,” he grumbles.

“Oh, don’t worry. I heard Leia talk about shopping and ladies who lunch, whatever that means.”

Ben frowns. What the hell is going on?

\---

They pull up to the Med Center, and he’s had enough confusion for one afternoon. “Dad, explain.”

“Well, when a boy and a girl really love each other—”

“You gave me this speech when I was 12,” Ben says, giving his father a look of annoyed disbelief. 

“Yeah, well, now we’re gonna make sure you don’t make any little Reys or Bens. Today is the day you get your implant.”

His eyes bulge out of his head. “And is … is mom …?”

“Oh yeah, she’s just being nicer about it. Wants to make sure your girl has the right clothes, too. I don’t expect them to be back until we’re both snoring in front of the holovision.”

“Right clothes?”

“Your mom has accepted her. With a vengeance. There’re about a dozen events coming up, and apparently they all require somethin’ different to wear.”

Ben _hates_ events and he looks at his dad, understanding him for the first time. “Is that why you were always off on some job or the other?”

Han winks at him. “Wanna come with me?”

For a moment, Ben really, really does.

\---

Just as his father had predicted, they’re both snoozing through the end of some completely vapid holofilm, when Rey and his mother return, laughing and chattering. 

Han opens a lazy eye and peers at Ben. “The women have returned. No doubt successful from the hunt.”

Now that Rey is back, he rubs the sleep from his eyes and gets to his feet. She bursts into the family room and she’s resplendent in a tight little dress that makes him want to wrap her in the throw blanket to his left. She’d been out in public? In _that?_ What had his mother been thinking?

Rey spins, sliding her hands over her hips, and it’s all Ben can do to keep from groaning. “Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful,” he says with a strangled tone. What it really is is the sexiest damned thing he’s seen in his life.

Leia pokes her head in. “Did you guys eat?” she asks.

“Yeah, yeah,” Han yawns. Then he sways to his feet. “I’m going to bed. Where is that, by the way, Princess?”

Leia giggles like a teenager and Ben isn’t sure what to think of this strange parallel universe he’s found himself in where his parents flirt like mad and don’t scream at each other. 

“You know very well, Han. I’ll be up soon.”

Leia hugs Rey closely and says, “Thank you for a wonderful outing, Rey. Welcome to the family.” Then she kisses her cheek and pats Ben’s shoulder as she passes him. “Goodnight, Son.”

“Goodnight,” Ben says in a daze. Welcome to the family?

“Your mother, Ben, she’s wonderful. Though she did try to get me to get an implant today. I had to explain I already had one. Maker, that was embarrassing.”

His jealous rage fills him immediately and he crowds her with his larger frame. “What?” he growls. Why did she need it?

She pulls back, startled. “I got one a few months ago. It was standard procedure where I was.”

He can tell that she’s lying to him, but he’s already trying to rein himself in, remembering how he’s seriously reconsidering the dark. And he’s absolutely feeling it bubbling up within him. Taking a deep breath, he steps back and tries to give her a genuine smile.

“I got my implant today, Dad took me.”

“Well, they might be fine with us being together, but they sure aren’t in a hurry to have grandbabies!” she remarks with forced cheer, her eyes still looking a bit wary.

But he _is_. He wants to plant a baby in her belly as soon as possible, make her his completely. Then he shakes his head. Where had that thought come from? Of course he doesn’t want that. Certainly not _yet_.

“Come on, I’m exhausted,” she says with a yawn.

He watches her backside sway all the way back to his rooms, trying not to imagine all the men who got to see this tempting view.

\---

Ben can’t quite get his jealousy under control. Why did she _really_ get that implant? 

Yet, Rey is so happy as she pulls out various items of clothing that droids had delivered to his room. Clearly, his mother has decided this is Rey’s room now, too. 

Then she squeals in delight as she finds a small gold box. He recognizes it as from one of the local confectioners, his mother’s favorite.

“Oh, Ben. Have you had these?” she asks as she opens the box and shows him a decadent box of chocolates.

“Mmmhmm,” he says, getting pulled into her glee. Who cares what came before him? All that matters is making Rey happy. 

He’s about to pluck one from the box, when she swiftly closes it on his fingers. With a playful grin, she teases, “Nope, all mine.”

Oh really? Well two can play at that game. He leans into her and growls, “You know I can take whatever I want.”

Expecting her to continue their teasing, he’s horrified when she goes stark white, her eyes blinking rapidly.

“Rey?”

She shakes her head, her eyes clenched against something. Against him? 

“Rey, what is it?”

“It’s nothing, just a memory.”

But she’s shaking and he needs to fix this. “I didn’t mean I would take them. They’re all yours.”

Her face screws up and she grabs her head. “I know. I know you didn’t. I just … it’s so hard. You’re so like him, sometimes, and it scares me.”

And that’s when something inside him snaps. All his questions rush into him with violent intensity. Why did she need that implant? Did that other man _touch_ her? What really brought her here? “Who?! Who am I like? The other man? The one who died? The one you _loved_?”

“ _Yes_ ,” the voice croons. “Make her tell you.”

He grabs her by the shoulders, and her frantic face only spurs him forward. If she’s afraid, it means he’s close to his answers. Answers she’s denied him time and again. If she won’t give them to him, he’s going to _take_ them.

“I know you won’t tell me, I know you’re too afraid,” he sneers, the dark side storming inside him.

“What, no, Ben, please stop—”

“NO!” he bellows. “I will know what you know. It’s my future, too!”

And in that moment, he breaks into her mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. I promise, I got enough sleep last night. Really!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who surprised me with my Valentine's Day gift. He's taking me to Hot Springs, Arkansas for a weekend of soaking in the hot springs and massages!
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Your investment in this story is giving me the energy I need to keep this chapter a day writing streak, and I'm so, so grateful to you all!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes boom. Besotted Ben done screwed up.

His fingers dig into the flesh of her bicep, and he uses the other hand to rush into her memories with the Force. She’s so surprised that there’s no fight and he slides into her mind easily.

The first thing he finds is a memory of Rey strapped to a horrible chair-like apparatus, fear and defiance filling her in equal measure. Crouched at her feet is the man in the mask from his nightmares. But then horror blooms in his chest as he watches the specter remove the severe mask and his own face stares back at him. He’s older, brimming with the dark, but it’s unmistakably him.

He should stop, tears are streaming down her face, her eyes wide with shock, but he _has_ to find the other man, know who it was that Rey loved so fiercely. Coursing with the dark side, he focuses intently.

Rey’s face shifts from surprise to bared teeth, and she’s fighting him, hard. Trying to push him out, but he holds firm. Her eyes light with fire and she throws a memory at him with so much force he almost loses his bearings in her mind.

He sees himself on a long, narrow bridge, cloaked in darkness and his father is with him. And then his entire galaxy flies apart as he sees that spitting red saber plunge into his father’s chest.

Immediately, he’s thrust from her mind and he can’t think. He’d just seen the unimaginable. He … he killed his father?

That’s when his parents break into the room and his mother looks at him with genuine fear. “What did you do?” she cries out.

Rey slips from his hold, falling to her knees, sobbing so hard she can barely breathe. Her weeping scours the dark from his entire being and he crouches in front of her, finally seeing what he’d done to his Rey. His soul. 

He’d violated her mind! 

How could he, _how could he_?

“Han, stay with Rey,” Leia demands and she’s pulling Ben out of his bedroom and down the hall to her study. 

“What did you do?” she repeats with a hard voice. Her study is dark save a small light fighting against the oppressive gloom that now cloaks everything.

“I … I had to know. It was like I wasn’t myself. I’d never do that to Rey!” He can’t even think about what he’d seen. His father ...

“Well, you did. You were lost in the dark side; I could feel it clear across the apartment.”

He can still hear her sobs and his father’s murmured comfort, and he pulls from his mother. He has to get back to her, fix this.

“Stop right there, young man,” his mother says, and he feels the Force pull at his limbs. His mother never uses the Force, she’s clearly dead serious. “You’ve done something unforgivable, haven’t you?”

“I … I had to know,” he repeats in a whisper. Leia’s hard face makes him break wide open. “I … I went into her memories.”

His mother gasps. “Oh, Son …” She comes up to him but doesn’t touch him. “What did you need to know so desperately?”

“There’s another man, from the future. Rey loved him, but she won’t tell me who he is!” he defends, badly. His eyes go to the open door of the room and his whole body vibrates with the need to be with Rey.

“You always were a jealous boy, never wanting to share anything with the other children, least of all yourself,” she sighs. Then her face grows intensely serious. “Ben, that other man, he’s you.”

“But … she loved him,” he says in confusion. And yet his future self had hurt her. Will he always hurt her?

“Yes. Precisely. Rey is completely devoted to you. Why do you think she came back? She did it to _save_ you. To keep you from falling to the dark side.”

He’s thought about it, the dark. But he’d never genuinely wanted _only_ the dark side. He’d wanted to have full use of both sides of the Force. To deny half of the power available had always seemed short sighted. 

Now though … the things it made him do ... What else did his future self put Rey through? The eyes he’d seen, they’d been deep pools of pain. How did she come to care for him even though he’d imprisoned her? How deeply does she love him? Can he ever be worthy of that level of constancy?

The sound of her weeping has finally stopped and, somehow, that’s worse. “Please, Mom, let me go to her. I have to make this right.”

“I’m not sure you can,” Leia says sadly. “You’ve abused her trust, invaded her privacy almost beyond imagining. You’ve stolen from her.”

_Violated her._

He feels like he’s going to be sick. He never wants to touch the dark ever again, not if that’s how it poisoned him. But … she was willing to come back to him even after he’d killed his own father … maybe … maybe she’ll forgive him for this.

“I have to try.”

Leia looks deeply troubled, but she nods and he’s flying from her study.

The image that greets him in his room makes him stand completely still. His father’s hand is on Rey’s shoulder and he’s crouched next to her. She’s in a fetal position and just blinking slowly. There’s no light behind her eyes.

He’s never seen anyone look so shattered before. And he’s the one who did it.

To her.

“Rey?” he croaks.

She doesn’t respond. Her eyes don’t even shift. It’s like she’s not even in there any longer.

He meets his father’s gaze, and the disappointment he finds makes him stagger back. 

“I … I didn’t mean to,” Ben says in a low, shamed tone.

“I’m not sure that matters,” Han responds quietly.

Ben joins them on the floor and lays on his side so he’s face-to-face with Rey. 

“Rey?”

This time her eyes flick to his and a single tear leaks out. It feels like that tear slices through his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

With no inflection in her tone, she says, “I’m used to it.”

What else has his future self _done_ to her? 

“I promise, I’ll never invade your mind again. I promise,” he pleads.

“I thought … I thought if I loved you enough, I could keep you here with me. But I’m too late.”

“No, no, you aren’t. I see. I see now. I’ll never leave you.”

“Everyone leaves me. My parents. Your parents. You. The dark takes everything.”

“No … no … I won’t let it.”

“You can’t stop it. No one can.”

“I’ll show you, I’ll prove it to you.”

For one moment, her eyes finally meet his, and the desolation he finds is like a burned-out forest, nothing left but ash. Then her eyes slide away.

“Rey?”

Blink.

“Rey?”

Blink.

“Rey?” he calls out desperately, but she doesn’t respond. With a trembling hand, he reaches out for her, softly stroking her cheek.

And she flinches.

His touch hurts her, and he wrenches his hand back, terrified to harm her further.

He feels his mother’s hands on him. “Come away, Ben. She needs time.”

“I can’t leave her,” he chokes out, tears wrapping around his throat and _squeezing_. 

“Come away,” Leia repeats and he lets himself be pulled to his feet.

He stares at her for an eternity before his mother leads him away.

\---

Leia walks him to the guest quarters, and he doesn’t quite remember the journey. He knows his feet had moved, but time has become unstuck.

“What do you need?” his mother asks quietly.

“Rey,” he responds, only able to speak his one true need.

Her eyes clench shut in pain. “I know … but is there anything else?”

He sits heavily on the bed, and the scent of Rey hits him, hard. She’d slept in this bed just last night. Ben can’t face talking about what he’d seen in her mind, the nightmare bridge and that moment where his future self had committed the most unnatural of sins. All he can do is shake his head. 

She sighs and pulls the throw blanket from the end of the bed, going to the chair at the edge of the room. Before she sits, she says, “Try and get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere.” She wraps herself in the blanket and pulls her legs up until she’s curled in a ball.

Mirroring her position, Ben falls back into bed and draws his knees to his chest.

That’s when the tears come. He doesn’t sob, he doesn’t weep. But the tears cut down his face as his heart keens for its mate.

What has he done?

Rey …

\---

Somehow, he falls asleep. But there’s no relief to be found in his dreamscape. Only Rey’s broken face and wrenching tears.

\---

First light finally breaks, and he drags himself from Rey’s bed. His mother is softly snoring in her chair, the blanket having fallen from her shoulders. He tucks her back in and shuffles out of the room, lost.

He wants to go to Rey, but he knows he doesn’t deserve the comfort just seeing her would bring him, so he makes his way to the kitchen. Caf is the only thing he can imagine helping right now.

He’s surprised to find his father already brewing the caffeinated beverage and he’s instantly angry.

“You left Rey alone?” he growls.

“She finally fell asleep, thought I’d let her get some rest.”

Oh. Well that’s alright he supposes.

Fearfully, he asks, “Is she alright? Did she say anything?”

His father’s gaze is full of such sadness and it hits Ben straight in the gut. He has to push away the image of his father falling away from his murderer’s hand. The only place he can find to hide is that it hasn’t happened yet.

“No, she’s not alright. What you did …”

“I know,” Ben says miserably.

“I’m not sure you do,” Han responds.

“I broke her trust.”

“You broke her _heart_.”

Ben hides his face in his hands and murmurs, “I know.”

“Do you? That girl lived through hell and crossed time, because that’s how much she loves you. I’ve never seen anything like it. And I’ve seen a lot.”

The tears prick his eyes again and he can’t face anymore so he starts to leave the kitchen.

“Hey … hey kid, come back.”

Ben whirls back to face his father. “I know! I know I’ve done something … something _evil_. And to Rey. I can’t really believe I did it. It didn’t feel like me. I’d never, ever hurt her!”

“But you did,”

“I know,” Ben moans.

“Come on, sit. Let’s figure out how to fix this.”

He hesitantly follows his father to the kitchen table as his father slides a cup of caf in front of him. “Normally, I’d add a shot of Corellian brandy to that, but something tells me alcohol won’t help.”

“Nothing can help.”

“Time and love. Trust me, I’ve screwed up with your mom, more times than I care to admit. Rey loves you. It’s going to work itself out. I mean, there’s that dyad thingie working for you.”

“I’ve never even told her,” Ben breathes out. 

“Told her what?”

“That I love her. Gods, Dad, I love her so much.”

“I know, I know you do. I’m sure Rey knows, too.”

“How could she believe I love her after what I did to her?”

His father frowns into his cup but doesn’t say anything.

\---

Ben haunts the apartment, waiting for any sign of Rey, but she doesn’t emerge from his bedroom. Several times, he lurks in the corridor outside the door, but he knows he’s lost all right to her attention, so he never knocks.

\---

She never comes out. All day. His parents bring her food, so at least he knows she’s being fed. But he’s not sure if she’s actually eating, making him feel like more of a failure.

Because that’s what he’s done. He’s failed her. He couldn’t even protect her from himself. 

He can’t tell his parents what he’d seen and he’s noticed neither of them have asked. Clearly, they respect the sanctity of her mind far more than he does.

\---

“Do you want me to stay with you?” his mother asks him as he begins to make his way to the guest quarters. 

“No, I’ll be fine,” he lies.

Leia frowns but doesn’t press. “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

She starts to turn to leave when Ben asks, “Has she said anything?”

His mother shakes her head. “Not much. It was all I could do to get her to drink some tea.”

“She’s not … she’s not eating?”

Leia’s voice shudders with sadness. “No.”

He only nods and softly closes the guest room door.

\---

The nightmares are brutal. Over and over again he relives her betrayed face as he’d cut into her mind, the tears running down her perfect face as he’d driven in ever deeper. 

That mask and fiery red saber frighten him most of all.

When he endures his father’s death at his own hand, he can’t take it anymore and he tears the blanket off the bed, stalking down the hallway.

\---

In front of her door, he curls up on the floor, facing the barrier between them, wrapping himself in the throw from the guest room. 

At least he’s close to her, here.

Then he hears it, Rey is softly weeping and something inside him cracks. His heart is all alone, crying tears he’d torn from her.

His trembling hand finds her door and he lays his palm flat against the panel.

He whispers, “I’m here. I’m here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. I hope today is kind to you.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who patiently listened to me squeal every time a new comment came in. 'Ben, no!' was by far the most popular sentiment.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! For those of you who haven't read my work before, please know that you can trust me. I will fix this. Thank you all so much for riding this pain train with me. I couldn't keep up this pace without you!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reluctant Rey is just a bit too forgiving, but Besotted Ben completely misses it because they share one brain cell.

He wakes up to Rey burrowing into his arms and curling back into him. Instinctively, he wraps her up completely. Then it hits him. Rey! She’s here, with him. He thought he might never be allowed to touch her again, and her she is, cocooning herself with his warmth. 

Terrified to speak, he just soaks up the feeling of her soft body held close and treasured. But he’s now completely awake, not having been sleeping deeply anyway. He desperately wants to tell her how sorry he is, how much he loves her, but what if that makes her leave?

Then he realizes she’s sleeping on the cold floor with him and that doesn’t sit well with him. At all. Rey has had too many nights sleeping in makeshift cots and as long as he breathes, Rey will sleep in a _bed_.

He begins to untangle himself, and she clings to him, shuddering out, “Don’t leave me!”

“Shhh, shhh. I’m not going anywhere.”

He gets to his knees and hooks his arms behind her legs and back and stands, lifting her up. She immediately wraps her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Holding her as close as he can, he takes her back into his room, making soothing nonsense noises the whole way.

While he has no idea why Rey has graced him with her presence, he’s going to tend to her as best as she’ll let him. 

Gently, he lays her down on his bed and swiftly crawls in after her. He hasn’t even swung his legs in before she’s on him, her hands clutching at his sleepwear. Cautiously, he begins to stroke his fingers through her hair, and she winds her legs with his. Once they’re as tangled together as they could possibly be, she seems to settle.

“Do you need anything?” he whispers.

She shakes her head as her fingers knead into him. Slowly, he keeps carding his hands through her tresses and senses her calming. Soon she’s asleep and he stares at the ceiling. 

He’s afraid to fall asleep. His behavior … well it’s unforgivable, and who knows if this is the last night she’ll seek him out. And so he continues to thread her hair through his fingers and breathe in her scent. His heart bleeds, but it’s no worse than he deserves.

How could he have ever risked _this_? What can he do to mend their shared soul that he so carelessly shattered?

\---

Though he’d never really slept, too focused on Rey, he feels oddly rested when she begins to stir. Her head lifts and her eyes open.

He’s half-convinced that she’ll run from the room when she sees him, but instead, she only blinks slowly and he’s falling into her eyes. Their connection has changed, and he can sense so much more from her.

The bleakness is nearly overwhelming and he feels like he’s choking on her sadness.

“Oh, Rey …” he murmurs. “I’m so sorry. I’m just so, so sorry.”

She nods and starts to pull from his arms. While his instincts scream at him to snatch her back, never let her go, he forces himself to keep his hold loose. Soon she’s on her feet and he’s so glad he didn’t give up a moment of holding her while she slept.

But they need to talk, he knows they do.

“Tell me what you need,” he requests softly, sitting up.

Her hands fall to her sides, her back turned to him. “I don’t know,” she says with a hollow voice.

Cautiously, he gets to his feet and comes behind her. He craves to pull her back into his arms, but the last thing he wants to do is cross her boundaries. Again.

“Could we … could we talk?” he asks, his voice full of fear.

She shrugs and he comes around her, looking down on her now-empty eyes.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks in a trembling voice.

Finally, she shows real spark as she cries out, “No!”

“May I touch you?” he asks, keeping his bearing as open and non-threatening as he can. He feels like he’s trying to coax her the way he had the feral kitten he’d found as a boy.

She nods once and he takes her hands, oh so gently.

“I know I crossed every line there is to cross. I know I’ve hurt you, worse than I ever knew that I could. I promise that I’ll never invade your privacy like that, never again.” He squeezes her hands. “You aren’t too late; I won’t ever fall to the dark side.”

Her eyes fill with tears and his do, too.

“But,” her eyes immediately grow wary. “ _But_ , I think we have to start being honest with each other. If you still … if you still want to be with me.”

She lets out one small sob and the tears break free, coursing down her face. “I don’t know how not to be,” she whispers.

“Oh, oh, sweetheart … I don’t want you to feel you have no choice.”

“I had a choice, once. And I chose you.”

He wipes the tears from her face and keeps her cheek cupped in his hand. “I would always choose you.”

“Me, too,” she says quietly. 

He can’t speak for a moment, the relief making his tears threaten to fall. And then he doesn’t care, let them fall, he won’t hide anything from Rey. 

And so he’s crying when he asks, “Still?”

“Still,” she confirms. 

“Rey … you must know.”

“Know what?” she asks. 

He doesn’t know how long her mercy will last, still certain her willingness to be in the same room as him is some sort of blessed dream. He can’t take the chance that he’s never able to tell her.

“You must know … you must know how much I love you.”

Her face crumples and he panics. Why is he always hurting her?

“I … I hoped,” she chokes out.

“I love you, with everything that I am, I love you.”

“I never … I never knew … in the future.”

Ben swallows down the strange swell of jealousy. How is it possible to be jealous of one’s self?”

“I loved you the moment I saw you. I’m sure I did, then, too.” He can’t imagine a reality where he doesn’t love Rey.

She lets out a desperate sob and she’s reaching for him. In an instant he has her in his arms again. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he chants. Her whole body shakes, and he murmurs, “I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Finally, she draws back and her eyes find his. There’s happiness there for the first time since his catastrophic choice to break into her mind.

“May I … may I kiss you?” he asks, hopeful and terrified at the same time.

Her slight nod is all he needs and he slowly brings his lips to her.

Oh. Oh … it’s the most beautiful feeling he’s ever known, feeling that connection again. Only, it’s so much stronger now. Something between them has fundamentally changed, of that he’s sure. He doesn’t let it spiral, however. This is about soothing the pain he’s caused, not igniting the fire that often threatens to consume them.

He draws back and looks into her eyes. He knows that they have so much more to say to each other, but his need to care for her triumphs. “Let me feed you,” he pleads. “Mom said you weren’t eating.”

She makes a funny little smile tinged with sadness. “I am pretty hungry.”

“Come on then,” he says, taking her hand and tugging her to the door.

She follows him and he finds he can almost breathe.

Then he realizes for all his talk of honesty, he’s going to have to tell her about the voice.

\---

He’d hoped that his parents wouldn’t be up yet, but they’re sitting at the breakfast table, nibbling at pastries and sipping caf. His mother is studying reports and it gives him pause. He realizes she hasn’t been working. At all.

Leia’s eyes go to their faces, then to their linked hands and she makes a small, private smile.

“Hey, kids,” Han says a bit too enthusiastically. “Kiss and make up?”

“Han!” Leia sputters, batting at him.

“What?” he squawks, holding his hands up defensively.

His mom just rolls her eyes.

“Hey, uh, Dad? Could you show me how to make those griddle cakes you made when I was a kid?” After the horrible image of his father dying at his own hand, he finds he wants to spend as much time with him as he can, reassure himself that it hasn’t happened. That it will never happen.

Though this plan has one glaring flaw. He’ll need both hands and he regretfully let’s her go. She surprises him, though, turning back to him and kissing his cheek softly. She whispers, “I’m not going anywhere,” into his ear.

He frowns slightly. This is all a bit too easy and he wants to talk with her, but again, feeding her takes precedence.

His dad lumbers up next to him and starts to pull ingredients from the cupboard. 

\--- 

As they ladle the batter into the waiting pan, Han says, “So, your mom and I were talking. We thought maybe you’d like to come with me on a short job.”

“That’s up to Rey. If she wants to come, then sure.”

“Uh … well, we thought maybe it might be good for you two to have a little time apart. Just so you can both really think. Don’t think you’ll get much space if you’re sleeping outside her door.”

“Saw that, did you?” Ben asks with a cringe.

“Oh yeah.” Then he whispers with a wink, “Good thinking, too.”

“It wasn’t a gambit,” Ben growls, lowly, trying to keep their conversation private.

“Just saying I wish I’d thought of it. Might have saved me a few nights on the _Falcon_.”

Ben just gives his father a withering stare. 

His dad shrugs. “Anyway, you two … you’re pretty … intense. After what happened, we just thought some time to think might not be the worst idea.”

Ben just about jumps out of his skin when Rey’s voice pipes up right behind him. “I think it’s a good idea.”

Turning around swiftly, Ben asks, “You do?”

“I … I get confused when you’re near. All I can feel is the bond between us and I can’t think clearly.”

“Oh,” Ben says with a forlorn voice. What if she decides she doesn’t want him any longer while he’s gone?

As if she’s heard him, she says, “Nothing will change between us. I promise.”

He sighs. “But they need to, don’t they?” he asks keenly.

“I … I …”

Then he smells the griddle cake burning and he swears, turning back to the range.

Her hand is soft against his back when she says, “We’ll talk after breakfast.”

\---

Watching Rey eat her fill had made him feel somewhat better, but he doesn’t like the idea of leaving her behind. It feels too much like abandoning her after hurting her. Like they’d both been abandoned.

She’d agreed to talk with him, and he’d taken her to the conservatory again. She’d seemed to like it so much.

Rey wanders throughout the space, her hand gliding over all of the flowers and plants. She lingers most over the orchids and he makes a note of it. 

Taking her hand, he leads her over to a set of chairs facing each other. He wants to have her as close as he can, but somehow, he thinks being able to see her face is what really matters.

As soon as she sits, her arms wrap around her torso and he sees that she’s still afraid of him. He accepts it. She’s right to be.

He’s about to try to explain himself when she looks at him with clear eyes. “Why did you do that, Ben?”

All the words he’d been planning flee his head and he opens and closes his mouth until finally he says, “I had to know who the other man was.”

“Why didn’t you just ask?”

“You made me promise not to!”

She looks away then puts her head in her hands. “You’re right. I did.” She lifts her head. “But … why did you need to know so badly?”

“Because you said you love him! Then you already had that implant and … and …”

“Wait … were you … jealous?” she asks in disbelief.

“It was killing me,” he admits truthfully. “The thought of someone else touching you … it got into my head and I lost control.”

“But … we share a soul … Ben, don’t you know there could never be anyone for me but you?”

“You … you were so strange when we first met, like you were grieving. Him. Me.”

“I was,” she says softly.

“Then why did you leave him … me … us?”

Pure anguish fills her face and she whispers, “I didn’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You … you died, Ben.”

He blinks and then it all makes a horrible kind of sense. She _had_ been grieving, having lost a version of himself.

She takes in a long breath. “You sacrificed yourself, for me. You saved my life.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say to that. How could he ever show her that he loves her as much, more than his future self, if he’d given her the ultimate gift of his devotion?

“So that’s … that’s why you would come close then run away.”

“Yes … it was so hard. I’d just lost you, it hurt so much. Every time you smiled, I’d see _my_ Ben.”

Ice freezes over his heart. Maybe she doesn’t love him at all. Maybe she’s just trying to cobble together a life with him out of fragments of the man she once loved. 

She leans forward and takes his hand. “But … _but_ as time went on, I got to know _you_. And … and I fell for you all over again. This time though … it didn’t hurt, not like it did the first time. I love you. _You_.”

Her words make him want to grab her and spin her around the room, but he knows it’s not really the time for that. But he still feels a bit giddy. Rey loves him back!

He wonders if he should ask for more details about himself, about what he’d done to her, but he suddenly doesn’t want to know. At all. He doesn’t want to know more of what he’s capable of. He wants to shut that door forever. Perhaps she was right to hide things from him.

There are things he wants to say. She’s still a shade of herself and he wonders if maybe his father is right. Maybe Rey really does need space. He can’t even imagine the chaos that must be in her head, having to navigate this new world while still healing.

He wants to tell her about the voice, he really does, but he can’t seem to bring that presence here, now that he can see what it nearly cost him. Because he’ll never forget how it had pushed him to force himself into her mind.

Whatever happens next, he’ll never let the voice anywhere near him or Rey ever again.

He’s going to protect her, from the voice, from the dark side.

From himself, if he has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, Ben isn't just getting away with it. But Rey is so traumatized that she just needs him right now.
> 
> Thank you, ArtemisBare, for continuing to put up with me. 
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who almost always brings me home a little treat.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Two weeks of a chapter a day! Thank you all so very much for trusting me to make this all better. That faith means the world to me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Space Kids get some time apart and Besotted Ben gets blue-balled by the Force and his mom.

Rey is snuggled safely across his lap and they’re watching a holo. After such a fraught day and a half, Ben had thought it might help soothe things between them. He tries to pay attention, he really does. But he just keeps staring at her perfect face.

Rey, however, is watching intently, and every time she laughs, his heart swells. He loves making her happy, even with something so simple. He doesn’t even know the plot, and as he strokes her hair, he decides he truly doesn’t care.

She’s always made him feel a bit frantic and desperate, but the need to be close to her after he nearly destroyed the beautiful thing between them is like a living thing. It’s hungry and it _craves._

He’ll never, ever get enough of her.

She hasn’t put her hair back up, much to his relief and consternation. Having her hair long and loose has … implications in the Alderaanian tradition and he wonders what his mother thinks about it all. 

“Ben,” Rey admonishes. “Are you even watching this?”

“Uhm. Not really.”

“But you picked it!”

“Honestly, all that mattered to me was holding you,” he admits sheepishly. 

“Oh, really?” she asks with an arched brow.

“Mmmhmm.” Then he nuzzles the soft skin of her throat. He can’t help himself, he has to taste, so he leaves an open mouthed kiss at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, hoping he’s not pushing for too much, too soon after his behavior.

But she makes a little moan and squirms a bit in his lap. Oh, he adores the noises his touch, his lips elicit. So, he does it again, sucking slightly. Rey gasps and wriggles again. She’s placed just so on his lap and he’s _reacting_.

Craning her neck, she catches his eyes and smiles wickedly, making it clear she knows _exactly_ what she’s doing to him. Then she shifts in his lap, turning towards him and before he’s caught up, she’s kissing him.

Really kissing him. He’d thought she might not be comfortable with the more passionate side of their relationship, but there’s intent and that heat that always moves between them, a delicious undercurrent to everything. He’s not entirely certain his heart will survive if she ever lets him see her naked.

Before he knows it, he has his hand at her waist and her shirt’s ridden up. His fingers glide along the thin strip of skin, entranced by the silken texture. It’s so easy to imagine sliding his hand _up_. She’s not wearing anything under her shirt and if he just … no, he won’t even try. 

Then she arches her back, as if she’s inviting more. Could she be asking for him to … He holds her eyes for a moment and she nods. Slowly, his hand starts to inch up her bare skin, disbelief rioting through him.

He goes back to kissing her as his fingers travel closer, closer. Oh gods, just the thought of feeling that perfect weight in his hand, skin to skin, has him rock hard for her. His fingertips have just grazed the underside of her breast when he hears a loud clearing of a throat. Immediately, he snatches his hand back and stops kissing her, his gaze swiftly finding the source of the noise.

His mother is standing at the entryway to the family room, her arms crossed and looking quite disapproving. “I do believe that’s what your bedroom is for,” she says with just a touch of humor.

Ben sighs in relief at the realization that his mother isn’t truly angry with them. Rey is hiding her face in his hair and he can’t help but laugh at their predicament.

“Rey, dear, don’t be embarrassed. I was teasing.”

Slowly, Rey comes out of her hiding place, but her cheeks are absolutely flaming. 

“Well, this is as good a time as any.” Leia comes into the room, flicking off the holo emitter, and sits in a chair opposite them. Rey scrambles from his lap and Ben crosses his legs, hoping his mother won’t notice his predicament. 

“I wanted to talk with you both, about Ben going with Han. It’s only for a few days and I—we—think you both could use some space. “

He and Rey share a look and she smiles encouragingly. Ben grasps her hand. He doesn’t like this, not really. He doesn’t want to be away from Rey, not even for a few days. They’ve only just started to knit back together and the thought of her having time to think about his actions makes him extremely nervous.

“Why?” he asks his mother neutrally.

She sighs. “I think you both need to really process what … happened. Both at the temple and the other night. What it means for you, both together and as individuals.”

“I don’t like the idea of Rey all alone,” Ben says with a frown.

Leia looks at him oddly. “She’ll have me. I know I’ve only just met her, but after what we’ve shared, I’d like to think she trusts me.”

Rey nods quickly. “I do.”

“But won’t you have to work?” Ben asks, still confused at how much time she’s spent at the apartment.

“I cleared my calendar the minute Rey told me about what happens to you in the future.”

He can’t remember his mother _ever_ doing that before and he looks at her with shock.

“I know … I know I didn’t handle my responsibilities to you and the galaxy well in the past. Rey’s arrival was a much needed wake-up comm.” She looks away, her face full of sadness. “I’m sorry I was almost too late.”

Ben doesn’t know how to feel. He’d wanted his mother’s attention, so badly, when he was younger, and there’s a deep well of pain that he’s not sure he can ever drain. But he sees that she’s trying and that has to count for something.

“It’s alright,” he mumbles with a shrug.

“No, it’s not, but it’s where we are.” Leia holds his eyes and it’s Ben’s turn to look away. Sighing, his mother says, “Your father is leaving this evening and I do think you should consider joining him.”

Ben’s jaw works as he thinks, hard.

“I … I’d like you to go,” Rey says with a note of entreaty.

His fingers clutch hers and he can’t shake the fear that he’ll return to everything being different. “What about the nightmares?” he asks with a quivering voice.

Leia puts her hands on her knees and pushes herself up from her chair. “I’ll give you some time to talk.” 

Once they’re alone, Rey says, “I’ve dealt with them for years. I’ll be alright.”

Ben frowns, not liking the idea of her suffering. But she’s right. He knows how to cope with them, too. Besides, he’d like the opportunity to tell the voice to go to hell before he explains it all to Rey. He’d like to be able to say he’s taken care of it when he tells her about it.

Rey lets out a long breath. “I … I also want you to spend time with your father.”

He winces, the image of his father’s murder flashing behind his eyes. “Yeah … I’d like that, too.”

“It won’t be long, and I’ll still love you when you come back,” she says with a smile.

“Promise?” he says, disliking the naked insecurity that underlies his tone.

“I promise.”

\---

“Alright, alright, come on kid,” his father grouses as he’s kissing Rey goodbye. Kissing and kissing and kissing.

She pulls back and whispers, “Go. Remember, together.”

He takes a deep breath and answers, “Together,” firmly.

Then he stiffly turns to walk up the _Falcon_ ’s ramp. His feet feel like he’s walking through thick mud; all he wants to do is run back to Rey. It’s a short trip, he _knows_ it is, but it feels like an eternity.

As he’s halfway up the durasteel, he turns and finds Rey’s open, beautiful face watching him. There are tears in her eyes, but she’s smiling.

Well, if she can do this, so can he. He manages to make it the rest of the way.

“Finally!” Han exclaims. “I know you’re nuts about her, but this’ll be three days, tops.”

Ben only nods, trying to push away the desolation. He’d _wanted_ to spend this time with his dad, anyway. 

“Well, come on, I need you to co-pilot.”

Ben perks up immediately. Han has only let him help fly the _Falcon_ a handful of times. “Where’s Chewie?”

“He’s staying behind. This is just us. Figured you might wanna talk.”

Ben really doesn’t. He wants to forget it ever happened, but on some level he supposes his father is right. He shouldn’t just shut it all away, much as he wants to.

He follows his dad to the cockpit and can’t suppress his grin as he takes the co-pilot’s chair.

\---

“What’s the job, anyway?” Ben asks as they enter hyperspace.

“We’re headed to the Murakam System, gotta pick up some plants.”

“Plants,” Ben says flatly.

“Yeah, I know. But these aren’t strictly legal. They aren’t illegal, mind you, but … regulated,” Han says carefully.

“Dad, are we running drugs?” Ben asks, only mildly surprised. 

“No! I wouldn’t take you on that kind of trip. Besides, you know your mother.”

“So, what’s the deal with them?”

His dad looks slightly uncomfortable. “Well, uh, they say they have the Force.”

Ben blinks. He’s read about some flora having latent sensitivity to the Force and he’s instantly fascinated. “What are they called?”

“Black orchids, or sometimes just Murakami orchids.”

“Huh …” Ben roots around in his bag and finds his datapad, immediately pulling up every article he can find.

Han makes a boisterous laugh. “Always with your nose in some research.”

“I like to learn things,” Ben says defensively. His father was always twitting him about how much he read when he was younger.

“I know. You could read before you could talk properly.”

“I could?” Ben asks in surprise.

“Oh yeah. Always made me proud to have such a smart son,” Han says and Ben looks at him in confusion.

“But you were always teasing me for studying.”

“Well, sure. I mean … I tease you about everything.”

Ben sits back in his chair. He’d never thought about it that way.

\---

He yawns hugely and his dad chuckles. “Get some sleep. We’ll be there by morning.”

Ben really doesn’t want to. Black orchids are enthralling and he’s absolutely going to ask his dad if he can keep one back for Rey. They bond with Force users, even allowing for rudimentary communication. He’s certain she’d love it.

But he should try to get some sleep, so he stands, stretching. “Yeah, you’re right. G’night.”

“‘Night, kid.”

\---

In his little cabin, with the berth he shared with Rey, he sighs heavily, missing her. He’d comm her to say goodnight, but that’s always tricky through hyperspace. Besides, he’s supposed to be giving her accursed _space_. 

He pulls off his shirt and he’s about to remove his trousers when he gets the most peculiar sensation. His senses are screaming that Rey is here, but that’s impossible. But he can’t shake the feeling and he whirls around to find her standing right in front of him.

Rubbing his eyes to make sure he’s not seeing things, he blinks furiously. Did she stow away?

“It’s alright! I should have warned you!” she exclaims with outstretched hands.

“What’s going on?” he asks, completely confused.

“It’s the dyad, our bond. We … we appear to each other, sometimes.”

He raises an eyebrow, too many questions running through him to settle on just one. Finally, he asks, “Why hasn’t this happened before?”

Her eyes grow sad. “I think because you hadn’t … you hadn’t gone into my mind before.”

Flinching, he looks away. “I’m sorry,” he utters lowly.

“I know, I know.”

Then her eyes go to his very naked torso and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. He’s finally begun to fill out, and he’s rather proud of his new muscles, but it still seems like he should hide himself from her.

Then she starts to giggle and his face falls. That’s really not the reaction he’d hoped to inspire.

Her eyes go wide and she starts to shake her head. “No! I’m not laughing at you, I promise. It’s just … once when the bond connected me to you in the future you weren’t wearing a shirt then, either. Stars, I was so flustered.”

He’s utterly shocked when she steps up to him and her hands clasp his wrists. They can touch? What _is_ this? Just how powerful is the bond between them? She pulls his arms away and she smiles. 

She gets that look that usually means something good for him and she says, “This time I get to _touch_.” Her hands smooth over his bare chest and he groans. Her fingers leave a trail of fire in their wake.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” she says in a husky voice that makes pleasure tighten in his core.

He places his hands over hers and he’s astounded. It feels like she’s really here. “How is this even possible?” he asks in awe.

“I have no idea, we never could figure out how to control it. It just … happens.”

“Well I’m very grateful that it does.” Yes, he’s going to research this, yes, it’s fascinating. But not nearly as fascinating as Rey’s lips.

“How was your evening?” he asks, staring at her plump mouth.

“It was fine, but I’d really rather be kissing you. I don’t know how long this will last.”

Her hands move along him as she finds his lips, kissing him softly at first. Then she strokes his nipples and slides her tongue into his mouth at that same moment. Oh, gods, that feels _amazing_ , and it’s like her kisses and teasing fingers are going straight to his cock.

Pulling her close, he presses himself against her, and he’s beginning to get completely lost in the sensation of her hands on his naked back, her tongue tangling with his. Force, he hopes the bond holds. As if the universe heard him, his hand is halfway up her shirt when she’s gone.

He lets out a strangled cry of frustration and stares down at his _very_ prominent erection. His loud sigh fills the small cabin.

Well, it won’t be the first time he’s taken himself in hand in this berth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who always asks REALLY good questions. Our conversations yield some of the best scenes.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who has taken to wearing very dapper vests as of late. He really wants a frock coat next.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm beginning to get a little tired, so I don't know if there will be a chapter tomorrow. I might need to take a day off, but we'll see. You're all absolutely splendid!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben and Helpful Han have some father-son bonding time, Solo style!

“My boy,” the voice whispers softly, pulling him from sleep. “Where have you been?” it asks with censure. It seems strained, even exhausted.

“I think it’s time for you to leave; I don’t need you anymore,” Ben says, still groggy. He’d wanted to say something strong and clear, but the minute he heard the voice he’d felt young and foolish.

“Is that any way to talk to your only friend?” the voice asks, sounding almost hurt.

Ben wonders if that’s really true. Tai and Voe had always tried to be his friend, but he’d shy away from them, convinced they didn’t mean it. His history with the voice tumbles out in front of him and he sees, for the first time, how it has always nipped at his self-confidence.

“That’s not true,” Ben responds with more strength. “I have others in my life.”

“Like your parents? Who shipped you off to Skywalker when they didn’t want to handle you any longer?”

That hurts, because though things seem to be changing with his mom and dad, they _had_ done that. He’d begged, cried, pleaded as much as his 10-year-old self could. He doesn’t think his memory is that faulty.

“Don’t you remember? Night after night I would stay up with you, listen to you,” it croons.

“That was a long time ago,” he says firmly, though he does feel guilty all of the sudden. The voice _had_ saved him. Hadn’t it?

“Is this about the girl?” it asks with a slight growl.

And that’s when Ben knows, deep down, that the voice does not want what’s best for him. It’s clearly threatened by Rey and that tells him all he needs to know. Rey is everything good and right in his life.

“I’m not talking about her. You need to leave.”

“Now, now. Let’s not be hasty. Perhaps you just need time,” the voice lilts.

“No. Thank you for what you’ve done for me, but I don’t need you anymore.”

“You’ve already said that,” it says with a clipped tone. “And I don’t believe you.”

“You should. I don’t want to force you from my mind, but I will.”

His blood chills when the voice laughs. “Oh, Ben Solo, you do not begin to have the power.”

“Watch me,” he growls, focusing on the tether between he and Rey, throwing up every wall he can.

The voice is strained when it says, “I will come for you. You _and Rey_.”

And then it’s gone.

But he feels no relief because the voice knows her name.

\---

“Rough night?” his father asks as he trudges to the galley to find breakfast.

“Hard to sleep without Rey,” he grunts. He’s shaken by what had transpired, but he knows his father is the last person who would understand a voice in his head for years.

Han purses his lips and hesitates for a moment before asking, “You slept okay, before, though, right? Now you’re just missing your girl?”

Ben openly gapes at his father. “You don’t remember?”

“What, when you were little? Leia always said it was just night terrors.”

Ben swallows down his hurt and shakes his head. “No … they never went away.”

“Even after you went to Luke?”

Scoffing, Ben says, “You say that like he welcomed me with open arms.”

Han makes a face. “Didn’t he?”

All Ben can do is snort. “No. He made it very clear I wasn’t to expect special treatment.”

His father looks genuinely troubled and Ben sees for the first time that perhaps he never knew how cold his supposed uncle had been.

His dad thrusts a cup of caf at him and says, “We’re landing in a few minutes.” His voice is gruff and Ben watches him retreat quickly. 

How had he missed how much his father cares?

\---

“Okay, this is the easy part of the job. We just gotta load the cargo,” Han instructs.

Ben looks out at two pallets of around four dozen orchids. They’re breathtaking, a deep purple with a golden center that draws him in like a supernova. He can feel the pulsing power of these flowers and he doesn’t care what his father says, one of these is coming with him for Rey.

He goes to lift one tray of orchids, and he feels a strong sense of wariness. They’re … afraid. He wants to soothe them, but he has no idea where they’re headed. He tries to block out their cries as he carries them into the cargo hold.

\---

“Dad … where are these going?” Ben asks, still unsettled.

“Research facility. On Kamino.”

Ben frowns. He knows of Kamino. It’s where the cloned troopers from the Empire came from. What would they want with Force sensitive orchids?

“Why couldn’t they request them through official channels?”

Han shrugs. “Don’t know. Didn’t think about it. They want their flowers, they’re getting them.”

Ben tries to focus on guiding the _Falcon_ away from the spaceport, but something about all of this feels important. 

\---

“This is the tricky part,” Han says as they come up against the check-point. They wait in a long line of ships, hoping not to be inspected. “I need you to use the Force to hide these damned plants.”

Ben blinks at his dad. “You might have mentioned it sooner,” he grumbles.

“Gotta keep you on your toes,” his father says with a grin.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben grouses. But he focuses and it doesn’t take much to cloak the dim signature of the cargo.

As they pass through the gateway, Ben can’t help but notice the stark white woman with pale violet hair. Her eyes are a piercing blue and she seems to stare into his soul. She holds his gaze as she nods and the Republic officer waves them through.

“There, easy as air cake!” Han exclaims. Ben isn’t so sure ...

Then he turns to his father and asks, “And what would you have done if I hadn’t decided to come?”

His father smiles widely. “Woulda been a longer trip.”

\---

“How long is it to Kamino?” Ben asks.

“Oh, day and a bit. It’s past the Rishi Maze.”

Ben nods. If they transfer the cargo quickly, he’ll have Rey back in his arms by tomorrow night.

He catches his father’s eyes. “We haven’t discussed my fee.”

“Oh ho! Look who’s getting big for his britches!”

“I know I saved you time at the very least. I only want one thing.”

“Alright, kid. What d’ya want?”

“One of those orchids. For Rey.”

Han chuckles. “Yeah. Okay.”

Ben blinks. He’d expected more of a fight.

“What? You think I don’t like to bring your mom flowers?” Han says defensively.

\---

The hum of hyperspace has his eyes drooping, and then he remembers how Rey had appeared the night before. Maybe the bond needs for him to be alone. “I think I’m gonna turn in,” he says to his father.

Han yawns and says, “Yeah, me too. No reason to just watch hyperspace go by.”

As they both make their way to their cabins, Han stops him. “I know you’re meant for more than your dad’s scoundrel life … but I was real proud of you today.”

A lump instantly forms in his throat. When he was a boy, all he’d wanted to do was pilot the _Falcon_ and follow his father anywhere. It was only after he’d watched his father leave for the dozenth time that he’d focused on his mother’s path.

He could press his father, hold him to account. But all he can remember is the scene Rey had shown him, and instead he grasps his father’s shoulder.

“I love you, Dad,” he says, with tears threatening to fall.

He’s surprised when his father pulls him into a quick hug. “Me, too,” he says with a gruff voice.

Neither of them acknowledge how they wipe their eyes as they go to their berths.

\---

He pauses as he’s about to change into his sleeping pants. He really doesn’t want Rey to see him with his backside hanging out. But he doesn’t sense her, so he swiftly pulls on his sleeping attire.

Punching his pillow, he accepts it was too much to hope that he’d see her again. But he doesn’t give himself any relief, too afraid the Force would connect them. The thought is both humiliating and titillating. If she caught him, would she … help?

\---

His head splits open with the invasion. He sees his older self, his face hard, determined. But he _feels_ as his consciousness invades Rey’s.

“I know you’ve seen the map. And now you’ll give it to me.”

Who is this man that he became, who can be so cold with her? Wasn’t he feeling the ardent pull, the need for her? And yet he’d still strapped her down and taken from her.

But then the dream, the nightmare shifts, and it’s his own familiar face snarling with intent as he roots through her mind.

It hurts, gods, it hurts! He can feel the tears streaming down her face, how she fights him. He’s never known betrayal like this.

Rey’s scream rips him from sleep and he’s instantly alert. She’s thrashing in the bed next to him, and he quickly shakes her awake. Somehow, he’s shared her dream, and the Force has brought her to him.

When her eyes spring open, they’re full of pure terror and she bolts from the berth, skittering away from me. “Get—out—of—my—head,” she growls. 

“Rey! It was a nightmare!”

“Was it? Or was it a memory!” she spits, making Ben blink. She’s right. She cowers in the corner, her hands held up defensively. “I tried to hide in the joy of you, I really did. But I can’t make myself forget what you did!”

“In the future, I invaded your mind. When I hurt you, it was the second time,” he confirms.

“You taunted me, tormented me!” she snarls, her back against the durasteel. She’s still trembling in fear and he’s never known such shame and regret.

“I’m sorry!” The words are pale and wholly inadequate. 

“You’re sorry.” Her voice drips with disdain. “But you did it again! I trusted you, and you still did that to me!”

“I didn’t know,” he moans.

“So that makes it alright?! I can’t believe I let myself trust you again.”

He feels rudderless, fighting against something he doesn’t understand and he tries to approach her. “Tell me, tell me what else I did to you in the future … the past.”

“Besides take Han from me?” she throws at him.

“I won’t, I swear, I won’t.”

“How can I believe you? You broke into my mind! The first time we were enemies, but the second time … we’re closer than lovers, friends, family. You _know_ that and you still did that to me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“That’s not enough!” she bellows.

He goes on his knees in front of her. “Tell me, tell me how to fix this.”

“You can’t. Don’t you see? You broke me, Ben. I can’t stop seeing your face as you stole my mind’s sanctity from me! It was like seeing _him_ again.”

“Who? My future self?”

She sneers, “Kylo Ren.”

That name … Kylo. He’d made it up as a boy … is he some kind of Darth Vader in the future? Who had he _become_?

“I’ll never be like him. I’ll never fail you like that.”

“I want to believe you, I truly do. But how can I trust you ever again? Do you have any idea how hard it was to reconcile my feelings for you to the dark man that you were? This time, the light in you, it’s blinding. But you _still_ broke into my mind. Not Kylo Ren. Ben. You. You did that.”

His chest feels like it’s caving in on itself as he sees the depth of his depravity, what he truly did to her.

“I … I didn’t know the dark side could do that to me,” he says softly. Still on his knees, he tries to reach for her, but she gives him a warning look.

“Don’t. Don’t blame the dark side. You still made that choice,” she says miserably.

“I know. And I’ll regret it for the rest of my days. But … now I know. I know what the dark side will cost me. I won’t turn. I couldn’t. Not if it means losing you.”

“I need to be able to trust you. Do you know how desperately I need that?” she asks, her tears falling freely.

Hesitantly, he stands and approaches her. He’s not even a little prepared for how she flings herself into his arms. “Do you have any idea, any idea at all how mad you make me feel? I can’t trust you but all I want is to be in your arms.”

“You can, you can trust me,” he murmurs into her hair.

“But I can’t. Not really. I see the path you’re walking, even if you can’t.”

“I do. I see it,” he says with a firm voice. “And tonight I turned away from it.”

“How, how can you even know that?”

He pulls back and looks into her eyes intensely. 

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, for helping especially with flow on this chapter.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing who was very kind to give up some time with me so I could write last night.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Well, couldn't seem to take the day off, but it's going to happen eventually. Thank you all so much for coming on this journey with me!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big Talk time with our Space Kids, then Besotted Ben wonders what's up with these Force sensitive orchids? Oh, and he finally gets to touch a boob.

“I don’t know when it started, the voice was always there.”

“Voice?” she asks, still in his arms and looking up to his face.

“Yes, in my head. For years it was my only friend. It would comfort me, make me feel better when I was so alone.” He doesn’t know how to explain to his orphaned girl how utterly alone he had been and he feels a spike of shame.

Rey goes pale and her eyes wide. “Since you were a child?” she whispers. Her fingers dig into his biceps, and he can feel her fear for him.

He nods. “I thought … I thought it wanted to help me. When I would struggle with something with the Force, it always knew how to fix it.”

“By using the dark,” Rey says, not phrasing it like a question. Her fingers continue to clutch at him. His shame only grows as he sees so clearly how the voice had so effectively manipulated him into doing what it wanted.

“Sometimes,” he admits. “And I’m still not sure the dark side is evil. It might just be different. But whatever the voice wants from me, that, that I can’t trust.”

Rey pulls from him and holds her head. She can’t go far in the small extra room on the _Falcon._ To herself she says, “This is so much worse than I’d ever imagined.” Then she turns back to him, her hands making a pleading gesture. “Why didn’t you tell your parents?”

That makes Ben sigh. “Things weren’t … great with them when I was young. I was raised by droids more than them.” Cold metal, toneless voices. And always, always hoping for his mother to come home in time for dinner.

Rey frowns, but doesn’t argue with him. 

“I just … I liked having something that was only mine. And the voice told me if I told anyone it would have to leave me.” He still remembers the terror his younger self had felt at the prospect.

“Oh, Ben.” She steps up to him and strokes his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t _you_ tell me you’re from my future?” he flares.

“That’s fair … but you can trust me.”

“And you _can_ trust me. I’m not going to hide anything from you ever again. I’ll always talk to you.” He sighs. “I didn’t tell you because I’ve never talked to _anyone_ about the voice, about how hard I struggle. I … I don’t really know how. But I’m committed to finding that out, to learn to share myself with you.”

She makes a small smile. “I’m not great at talking about myself, either. But we’ll figure it out. Together.”

“Together,” he repeats, his hands pulling her closer to him.

“Tell me more about the voice,” she asks with a touch of fear.

“It … it told me I was meant for great things, that in time, it would train me. When I was ready.”

True fear fills her eyes. “Snoke,” she murmurs.

Ben looks at her quizzically. He’d met a man named Snoke, once. A strange old Force user that Luke had invited to the temple. He was a horticulturist of some kind, using the Force to grow stunning plants. 

“Who’s Snoke?” Ben asks, though he can feel in the Force they’re the same man.

“Your _master_ ,” she spits with true loathing. 

“In the future?” Wait … was it that twisted man he’d seen in her nightmares? He supposes he looked a bit like the Snoke he met, but he was desiccated, mangled. 

“Yes. I don’t know much, but I know you fell to the dark side when you were 23.” She clings to him, and somehow that makes the horror she’s unfolding bearable. “This means he … he’d been in your life for so much longer than I knew. I came back as far as I could, I thought four years before you fell was enough time to stop it.”

“It was, Rey. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I told the voice to leave, that I didn’t need it any longer.”

“Snoke won’t let you go so easily,” she says with a certainty that chills him. 

“I pushed him out, I focused on our bond.”

Her eyes grow so sad. Then she pulls him to the little berth and encourages him to sit. She joins him, looking at him with anguish. “Ben … there are some things you need to know.”

\---

All he can do is sit, stunned. How had become that man? Things had never been good between him and his uncle, but for Luke to be so terrified of him that he wanted him dead? What must he have seen in his head?

“I destroyed the temple?” he asks with a quavering voice.

“That’s what Luke told me.”

“And I killed … I killed them?” It makes his stomach turn. He can’t imagine killing anyone, and certainly not his fellow students. And the children, gods, the children!

“I don’t know what really happened. I’m not sure Luke can be trusted. But I’m sure the voice is Snoke. He boasted about being able to see into your mind, know your every intent.”

Something in the Force is unsettled, as if this isn’t the whole story. “Is there anything you aren’t telling me?”

“That’s everything I know about your fall to the dark side.”

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me?” That she’s known this about him the whole time feels like a stone in his belly. What else does she know? He’s feeling betrayed by Rey, and it pulls at all his insecurities.

“I … I didn’t want you to have to know what you became. That burden … I was afraid it might influence you.” He pushes down his sense of broken trust and tries to see what she must have been going through and he needs to _help._

“But, Rey … _you_ carry that burden. I don’t want you to carry it alone. I don’t really want to know what I did in the future, but I think I need to. It hurts you, and on some level, I think you hold me responsible.”

She grasps his hand swiftly. “I don’t!”

“Yet tonight you clearly blamed me for when I went into your head, the … first time.” It’s difficult to know how to talk about things that haven’t happened yet, things he swears he won’t let happen. “Rey … what else did I do to you?”

“We did a lot to _each other_ ,” she says with a wince. “I’ll tell you, I will, but we need to talk about Snoke. He’s coming for you, I’m sure of it.”

Remembering the voice’s final words, he says, “I think he’ll try to get to me through you.” 

She looks exceptionally hurt when she asks, “You told him about me?”

“No! I swear. I would never. Somehow, I knew I couldn’t trust him with you, what you mean to me.”

“Then … how?”

“There are others that he talks to … it could be anyone that was at the temple, or even at the apartment. All my mom’s aides know about you.” He pushes away the sense of hurt he feels at the knowledge he wasn’t Snoke’s only friend, that there were other boys.

“So it could be anyone.”

“Yes. And they might not even know they’re being manipulated. I didn’t until you came.”

“Why did that change things?” she asks with interest.

He shrugs. “I think … I think it’s because I wasn’t alone any longer.”

“Oh, Ben … you’re not alone.”

“Neither are you,” he says and Rey inhales sharply. 

“I said that to you, once.” Her expression is wistful and he again feels a wave of envy for his future self. She shares something with him that he’ll never experience. It’s a queer sort of duality.

“How did … if I was so lost to the dark, how did this,” He gestures between them. “Even happen?”

“I know you deserve the whole story, but … we don’t know how long we have before the bond pulls us apart. I need … I need you to hold me.”

He’ll never deny her, so he pulls her into his arms and encourages her to lie back in his berth. She quickly maneuvers herself until they’re wrapped around each other and they both sigh out with the feeling of connection.

“Holding you … it’s like I feel peace for the first time, every time,” he breathes out.

“I know. I love you, Ben.”

“Oh, Rey … I love you so much.”

\---

The Force had been kind to them, they’d fallen asleep tangled together and he wakes feeling fully rested. 

There’s a great deal to think about. And he has more questions than he can even articulate. But telling her about the voice had been such a relief that he feels light on his feet and oddly joyful. She’s right, the voice, Snoke, he’s not done with Ben, but he’s taken that crucial first step.

As he enters the main cabin, his father looks up from his cup of caf. “Well don’t you look chipper this morning! I figured you’d be pining for your girl by now.”

Ben pauses. Should he explain about how Rey appears to him? He’s not sure he’ll understand, but then he considers how many secrets there are in his family. “Turns out the ‘dyad thingie’ has some excellent benefits,” he says with a grin.

Raising an eyebrow, Han says, “Do I want to know this?”

“Dad, not everything is about sex.”

Han snorts. “Sure was when I was 19!”

“ _Anyway_ , Rey and I appear to each other when we’re apart.”

Han looks around swiftly. “She here now?”

“No … no. It only seems to happen when we’re alone. We can’t control it.”

“Huh.” Then Han goes back to his caf and his datapad.

Ben sighs and shakes his head. Some things never change.

\---

They’re piloting the _Falcon_ to the landing pad at a huge structure in the middle of Kamino’s treacherous seas. Torrential rain pelts down and Ben pays close attention to their landing vector. The wind is making everything that much trickier.

Once safely landed, Ben goes to the cargo hold and selects an orchid for Rey. It’s not the most beautiful, but it calls to him, so he takes it to his room, securing it away.

“They’re here!” his dad calls, and Ben rushes back to help with the trays of flowers.

There are two men in black uniforms with an insignia he doesn’t recognize and he takes an instant dislike to them. They look like the imperials of old and a shudder goes up his spine.

They’re accompanied by a tall, willowy alien with a shockingly long neck and pale skin. “Welcome to Kamino,” she says with a lilting voice.

“Got your flowers,” Han says, the rain soaking both he and Ben to the bone.

The uniformed men push a hover cart forward and begin to load the precious cargo. They again call out to Ben, but he does his best to ignore them, making him feel incredibly guilty. 

“Your payment,” the tall woman says, handing Han a small credit box.

“Pleasure doing business with you,” Han says and turns to get back to the _Falcon_. “Come on, Ben.”

But Ben’s feet are rooted to the spot. “What are the orchids for?” he asks.

The Kaminoan looks to the two officers. One of them growls, “Research.”

Han pulls at him. “Let’s go, kid.”

Ben keeps looking over his shoulder as they walk up the ramp.

\---

“What was that about? We don’t ask questions,” Han admonishes.

“Something isn’t right about this. The orchids, they were afraid.”

“They’re just a bunch of plants,” Han dismisses. “None of our business, anyway.”

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Ben says under his breath.

\---

It’s late when they arrive, well past dinner time. He hopes she ate. Rey is waiting for them on the landing pad and she looks almost as excited as he feels. The bond can’t snatch her away, now.

She flies into his arms as soon as he’s halfway down the ramp and he catches her laughing. Capturing her lips, he kisses her deeply. And keeps kissing her until his father says, “Still gotta exit the ship, kids.”

He keeps his arm around her as they make their way the rest of the way down.

Ben wants to take her and run to what’s become their room. Maybe he’ll finally get to … but his distinctly carnal thoughts are interrupted by his dad. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

He looks around, confused.

“Her present?”

“Right!” He squeezes Rey before pulling away. “I’ll be right back.” Then he’s scrambling back up the ramp and rushing to his berth. The orchid looks perfect and he scoops it up, nearly running back to Rey.

Rey has a perplexed look on her face when he walks up to her, hiding the flower behind his back.

“Ben?”

“This is for you,” he says, producing her gift with a flourish.

“Oh!” she squeals. “It’s gorgeous.” Then she senses its dim connection to the Force. “What …?”

“It’s mildly Force sensitive. You’ll bond with it in time, might be able to even communicate with it.”

“Oh, Ben … this is perfect. Thank you.”

“You’re perfect,” he enthuses.

Han chuckles. “Okay, you two, let’s get inside before you make me sick.”

\---

His mother is in the foyer and she smiles widely when she sees them. “My men!” she exclaims.

Ben makes a face when his father picks his mother up and spins her around, planting a very eager kiss on her lips. He hadn’t thought that maybe his father was missing his mother the way he missed Rey. 

Leia eventually pushes him away and goes up to Ben, holding her arms open. He bends down, giving her a warm hug. “Welcome back,” she says, kissing his cheek. “Have any trouble?”

“Nope, kid’s a champ,” Han answers for him. 

“Did you eat already?” Leia asks and Ben smiles. It’s nice to have her mother him.

“Yes, Mom.” He looks at Rey with a bit of concern. “Did you?”

“Don’t worry. Your mom seems to like to feed me, too.”

Ben nods. “Good, good.”

Then Han takes Leia’s hand and yawns theatrically. “I don’t know about you kids, but I’m beat.” He raises his eyebrows at Leia with invitation. “How about you, your worshipfullness?”

“Subtle, you old scoundrel.”

“Not that old,” he growls.

Ben tries not to hear how his mom giggles as they make their way to their room.

\---

He’s not even a little tired, so he takes Rey to the family room. He wants to kiss her silly and he’s actually relieved his parents went to bed.

But then he pauses as he’s leading her to the large seating area. “Are you ready for bed?”

She looks at him coyly. “I’m ready for _you_. I don’t care where.”

Well, alright then. He sits down and he’s surprised when she straddles his lap, facing him. Then she’s kissing him like they haven’t seen each other in months. Between caresses, she moans, “I missed you so much.”

“I,” kiss, “missed,” kiss, “you,” kiss, “too.”

Her top is loose and gauzy, and he couldn’t help but notice how her nipples pressed against the fabric while they were outside in the brisk air.

Just when he thinks he could kiss her forever, she pleads, “Touch me.”

His eyes bulge out and he pulls back to see her face. “You mean …?”

“Please, Ben.” Her needful tone makes his belly flip with delicious tension. 

Slowly, his hands slide up her back, finding it completely bare. She’d planned this, clearly. He strokes along the impossibly soft skin, amazed that there’s so much of her available to his greedy hands.

Her back arches, and she grinds down on his _very_ ready length. Oh, gods, if she keeps doing that he’s going to finish in his trousers. But then she makes a high, desperate whine and he cautiously begins to draw one hand around her side.

She keeps moving herself along him and he can barely think when he finally, finally feels her naked breast for the first time. Her nipple is hard against his palm and she instructs, “Both hands.”

Oh, this is the best day of his life and he uses his other hand to find her second delicious breast. She kisses him, hard, as he fondles the wonderful weight in his hands.

“Gods, Rey,” he gasps out. 

“Play with them,” she whines and he doesn’t have to be told twice, beginning to stroke her nipples.

She cries out, and he immediately stops. “Did I hurt you?”

“Gods, no. Do it again.”

Obediently, like the fascinated man he is, he swirls his fingers around the temptingly hardening flesh. He groans into her mouth, imagining what it would be like to _see_.

As if she’s heard his thoughts, she shifts away briefly, sitting back on his thighs. With a growl, she pulls her shirt over her head and there they are.

He’s never seen anything more beautiful in his life. The tightened pink skin of her nipples makes him want to latch on and suck in an instinctual way he wasn’t at all prepared for. His hands are still cupping them and she wriggles on his lap, jolting him forward.

As she drags herself along his aching cock, he realizes he really is going to come if she keeps doing that.

“Rey!” he gasps out.

“What, what is it?” she asks as she continues her movements.

“I’m gonna, oh hell, Rey you have to stop. I’m gonna, I’m gonna,” then all he can do is make an inarticulate strangled sound.

She places her hands over his, encouraging him to knead at the fantastic weight filling his palms. Desperately, he tries to calm himself down as he fondles her magnificent breasts.

Leaning forward, she growls, “I want you too.”

Her breath in his ear is all it takes, and his orgasm rips through him with such force he can’t quite see for a moment. He squeezes her breasts and is lost on the tide of sensation as he calls out her name.

“ _Yes_ ,” she purrs.

He blinks as he comes down from his high and is immediately aware of two things. One, she’s been left wanting and two, he now has a tremendous mess in his pants.

His cheeks burn with humiliation. But he’d been wanting her so much, he just couldn’t control himself.

“Shhhh,” she soothes, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”

“But … it’s not fair.”

“We’ll get there. Besides, I do know how to look after myself. Maybe I’ll take a bath before bed,” she says with heavy insinuation.

Great. Now all he can think about is Rey naked with her hand between her legs.

She’s going to be the death of him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, for always making time for me.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, for your constancy and wit.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Well, it wasn't this morning, but the streak continues! I give up trying to know what I'll do with this posting schedule. I'm sorry I'm behind responding the comments, but I will respond soon. Please know that I read them all the minute they hit my inbox and they make me so, so happy. Mwa mwa mwa!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How in the galaxy did Reluctant Rey get back to Besotted Ben? And what about wee Rey?

His eyes are absolutely riveted to Rey when he steps out of the ‘fresher attached to his room. She’d changed into the most tempting thing he’s ever seen. It’s a pale pink slip that only just goes to her thighs and dear gods does it _cling_. 

“Do you like it?” she asks shyly.

“Uh huh,” he says dumbly.

“I’ve never had something so soft before,” she admits. “Your mom said every woman should have nice things to sleep in.”

_That_ helps cool his ardor; the last thing he wants to think about is his _mother_.

But then Rey smooths her hands along her body, and he can’t help it. He has to touch. Going to her, he pulls her into his arms, sliding his fingers down her back. The way her heated body feels through the silk makes him groan. 

He’d changed into just his sleeping pants, and as her hands trail along his naked flesh, he’s extremely glad he did. 

“I love your chest,” she admits with a throaty voice. 

“I love the feel of your hands on me. When you touch me, gods, Rey.”

“I know, it’s like I’m on fire and in the ocean at the same time.”

He nods in agreement. “I missed you. Too much,” he says as he pulls her closer. The feel of her nightgown against his bare skin is _exquisite_. 

“I know … I know.”

Then the time for talking is done as she winds her arms around his neck and he slants his mouth against hers, thrusting his tongue into her mouth hungrily. Force, she tastes perfect; he could sip from her lips for an eternity.

His hands wander down and without really thinking about it, he’s grasping her by her round, pert bottom, pulling her tight against him in one quick tug. Moaning into her mouth, he kneads at the flesh, marveling at how she fills his hands. He’d never really focused much on this part of her before, but he’s discovered that he likes it, very much.

Her lithe body writhes against him and she growls, “Bed.”

He’s beyond grateful that he’d already found his release, otherwise that word alone might have done it.

Grinning, he grabs her by her lush behind and lifts her. Instinctively, her legs wrap around his waist and he nearly drops her when he feels her heat against his rapidly hardening cock. There’s only thin fabric between them and it’s impossible not to think about sliding home. 

“Soon,” she croons and even through the haze of lust, he realizes she’s heard his thoughts. Part of him wants to ask _how_ soon, but another, more rational part of him knows they have far too much yet to say to each other. He won’t make love to her until there’s perfect trust between them.

But right now, he’s still going to kiss her and get his hands on those breasts again.

\---

Finally having found his bed, her nightgown is down around her waist and her breasts are pressed against him as they kiss furiously. Stars, the passion she inspires in him leaves him breathless and panting. 

Then he almost cries out when she grasps him firmly through his sleeping pants. She starts to stroke and, Force, it feels good. Too good. So he pulls back from her and stills her greedy little hand.

“Wait. Wait,” he begs.

“But you feel so good in my hand,” she whines.

“If you do that, you’ll make me come. Again.”

She grins wickedly. “That was the general idea.”

“But _you_ haven’t.”

She shrugs and the confident siren begins to slip, revealing the nervous girl underneath. “I just want to make you feel good.”

“I want that, too. But I need to make you feel good, first.”

Her hesitation is all he needs to know she’s not ready for that. And he’s not sure he’s ready for her to actively pull his release from him, either. The last thing he wants is for her to regret anything they do together and he kisses her softly.

She kisses him back, but when he pulls back to look at her face, she won’t meet his eyes.

“Oh, Rey, what is it?”

“I’m sorry. I thought … I thought I was ready.”

“No … no, don’t apologize.”

“I just … I don’t know what to do with what’s inside me. I want you so much, but I’ve never done any of this before.” He’d been fairly sure this was all new to her, too, but the confirmation makes his heart sing. He’d worried that his future self had already shared in Rey’s delights.

“You know I haven’t either.”

She nods, then smiles softly. “I’m glad. I like that we’ll only ever be each other’s.”

The surety with which she talks of them spending their lives together makes him pull her close and wrap his arms around her tightly. “I love you.”

“I think I’ve always loved you; I just didn’t know it yet.”

“I know exactly what you mean.”

He helps her pull up her nightgown, watching her breasts disappear regretfully. 

\---

They’re snuggled together under the covers and he’s completely blissed out on her. She’s so warm and soft and everything he’d ever dreamed of. More than that, because he never could have imagined her.

He knows they should sleep, but he’s not ready to slip into his dreams, away from her. “Tell me something about me, us, from the future.”

She ponders for a moment then admits, “I stole your ship.”

“Oh really?” he asks in an amused tone.

“Then I set it on fire.”

“What?” 

“I was having a bad day,” she defends.

“Well, clearly,” he deadpans.

She goes up on one elbow, making little patterns on his chest.

“Things were always hard with us. We were on opposite sides of a war.”

“There’s another war?”

“Hopefully not now.”

“Does my mother know?” he asks worriedly. If anyone can avert another war, it’s his mother. 

“Yeah, I told her. She’s looking into it.”

He’s torn. He wants to know more about how this war started but he also wants to know more about his relationship with her in the future. His curiosity about them wins out. “How did we meet?”

She snorts. “You chased me down with your lightsaber and kidnapped me.”

“Oh.” He has the urge to apologize, but he can’t even imagine doing that to her. How can he apologize for something he’d never do, and yet obviously did?

“That’s alright. I sliced your face open.”

“What?!” he asks in horror.

“Ours … ours wasn’t a happy story. Until now.”

He’s troubled by the violence she’s only just begun to share. He’s not sure he could ever forgive himself if he finds out he truly hurt her.

They lapse into silence and Ben’s heart is heavy. How much has she been through? How much did he _put_ her through?

\---

Waking with Rey still in his arms has fast become one of his very favorite things. He likes when he wakes first, allowing him to watch as her chest rises and falls gently. She’s so peaceful and he knows she’s safe.

Her lifetime of pain, that she’s only hinted at, upsets him. It makes the dark roil in his chest when he thinks of her on that harsh planet. Then true panic sets in and he’s shaking her awake.

“Rey!”

“Huh, what?” she asks groggily.

“I’m sorry, but I have to know something.”

Her eyes become more alert and she nods.

“You, you’d be a little girl, now. Is she on Jakku? We have to go rescue her. Today, now.”

He starts to untangle himself from her and she stills him with a hand, shaking her head. “No … no. She’s gone.”

“Gone? How?”

“The dyad. When I came back, it was like she’d never existed. At least that’s what I think happened. Luke wasn’t sure.”

“Which Luke?”

“The one from the future. He said that because we share a soul, the Force would correct itself, that there couldn’t be one and a half souls on the same plane.”

His head feels in knots and he realizes he doesn’t know how she came back. Obviously, it was the Force, but he’s never heard of time travel before.

“Anyway, the first thing I did when I got here was check. No one had ever heard of a girl named Rey.”

HIs pounding heart begins to calm. He never would have forgiven himself if he’d allowed little Rey to suffer for the months he’s known Rey. 

“How _did_ you travel here?” he asks.

Her eyes grow sad. “That’s a long story.”

“I have time,” he presses.

She sighs out heavily. “Yeah, okay. Let’s get up, get dressed. No convoluted Force business without a cup of caf.”

\---

While Rey is taking her shower, Ben goes in search of his mother. He wants to know more about this war and what his mother is doing to deal with it.

She’s at the breakfast table, sipping on tea when he finds her.

“Good morning, Son.” She seems relaxed and serene and he almost hates to bother her. But then she looks at his face. “You seem troubled.”

“Rey … she told me about the war.”

“Ah. Yes, this First Order.”

“Is that what it’s called?”

“Yes. A group of fanatics, founded by the dregs of the Empire. I’d expected something like it before now, honestly.”

“So, it’s really going to happen again.”

She looks at him with real fire in her eyes. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”

“There’s something going on on Kamino. I think it involves them.”

“Your father told me. But what did you sense?”

“Just unease, and the orchids. They were … they were afraid.”

“Black orchids can be harbingers. There’s a bit of suspicion surrounding them because of it.”

“I … I need to know. I know it’s silly to worry about plants, but …” His hands flail.

“It’s not silly. I’ll find out what the Senate archives have to say about it.”

“Thank you,” he responds softly. “Where’s dad?” he asks, changing the subject. He’s had too many mornings where he woke up to find his father already gone.

“Oh, he’s still sleeping.” Then Ben makes a face when his mother winks at him.

He’s extremely relieved he missed this aspect of his parents' marriage when he was a boy.

\---

After breakfast, he’d again taken Rey to the conservatory. She’d wanted to check on her orchid, and it seems to be the place they go when they want to talk.

While she mists her flower with water, Ben asks, “So … you were going to tell me how you came back.” _To me._

Rey lets out a slow breath and puts down the mister. “Let’s sit,” she says, leading him to a wide bench.

Seated, she takes his hand and hesitates. There’s sadness throbbing in the Force and he almost wants to tell her she doesn’t need to tell him. But now that he’s considered it, he desperately needs to know.

“When you died … I … I didn’t handle it well.” Grief is spilling out of her and he wants to find a way to calm her, but all he can do is squeeze her hand reassuringly.

“What happened to you?” he asks, stroking her hair with his other hand.

“I slipped into a dark depression. I wasn’t eating … wouldn’t see my friends. I think I was just waiting to die, honestly.”

“Rey, no …” he breathes out.

“I can’t explain what it did to me to have lost half of my soul. It was like I was ripped open and bleeding out every single day. We never had time, just a few snatched moments of beauty in the midst of trying to kill each other.”

“I tried to kill you?” he asks, shocked. He can’t fathom ever wanting to hurt her, never mind _kill_ her.

Her eyes clench shut in pain. “No … no. You never did. But I … I was trying to kill _you_.”

“Oh,” he says flatly.

“You have to understand, you were dark! I wasn’t just fighting you; I was fighting the whole dark side!”

“It’s alright … it’s not going to happen now.” But he’s wrongfooted now, not sure what to think of this revelation.

She shudders. “No. It’s not. I won’t let it,” she says with surprising ferocity. She looks away, lost to memory for a moment. “Anyway … Luke … he didn’t make it through the war.”

Both his father _and_ his uncle were victims. “And my mother?” he asks fearfully. 

Her eyes fill with stark pain and she shakes her head. “I was so alone. Everyone was gone.”

What must it have done to her to see all these people again? No wonder she was so strange when she first arrived at the temple.

“What happened?”

“Luke … he watched over me, saw how I was fading away. And he … he sacrificed himself to send me here.” Tears well in her eyes and he’s forcibly reminded of how she would sit and stare at nothing back at the temple.

Then his thoughts catch up with him. “Wait, I thought he was already dead?”

“He was. It was his Force ghost. He sacrificed his being, his essence, forever, to give me, _us_ this chance.”

After his uncle kicked him out of the temple, learning he’d wanted him dead, the nine years of confusing distance, Ben has no idea how to process this revelation. The enormity of it is beyond his comprehension and he stands, pacing around the conservatory.

“But why?” he finally asks.

“Regret, I think. It took him a long time to accept what he did to you. He tried to hide it, told me a very different version of events at first. But he knows he’s the one who sent you spiraling into the dark.”

“No! It was Snoke!” He’s not ready to accept that his uncle simply ceased to exist, even in the future.

She gets up and stands in front of him. “It was everyone. They all failed you. Including you.”

“I don’t … I don’t know what to do with this.”

“Well … Luke said to me that if I’m successful, it won’t matter. Your uncle is at the temple, safe and sound.”

“Did you tell him? About what he did?” About giving up eternity.

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “It seemed … cruel. I told him I found an old holocron with how to travel in time. I don’t think he believed me, but he didn’t press.”

Ben feels like his head is going to explode, and suddenly everything feels like it’s closing in on him.

“Let’s get out of here,” he says, rather desperately. He takes her hand and all but drags her from the conservatory.

“Where are we going?” she sputters.

“Anywhere but here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who always has me in stitches. She frequently makes me laugh out loud with her comments.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who is fretting over having a pet sitter while we go away this weekend. He wants to smuggle our pets into the hotel room.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Day 18! I know I'll have to stop starting on Friday as we'll be out of town, but I sure am having a blast! Thank you all for reading, leaving kudos, and your incredibly insightful, hilarious, and generous comments!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our poor little bean finally comes undone over all the revelations and Reluctant Rey is there to comfort him.

Walking quickly, he takes her down to where they keep the speeders. He needs to feel the machine under his control and go very, very fast.

“Slow down!” she requests and he realizes his long limbs have forced her to trot next to him. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles as they round the corner and Rey gasps.

His dad always did make sure to keep their three speeders gleaming.

“Is this the new TL-Y?” she asks with wide eyes, looking at a sleek black hovercraft.

He’s always liked that series and he nods as he takes her by the waist, intending to lift her into the vehicle. 

“What? Oh!” she squawks as he picks her up and deposits her swiftly into the waiting craft. Rushing, he hurries to the other side and hops in. He needs to get them on the travel lanes, right now.

Firing it up, he pulls out, probably too fast for the tight space of their garage.

His head feels like it’s going to explode. Luke had … he’d given up everything for them and he doesn’t have a place for that level of sacrifice. Death had never seemed that terrifying when you knew you’d simply be on another plane of existence. But he’s gone. Somewhere in the future, Luke has ceased to exist. Forever.

Opening up the engines, he recklessly zips around the other speeders, heading out of the city. He needs to be able to just go. Go as far and as fast as the craft will allow.

“Ben, please talk to me.”

“I … I …” But he can’t. How can he find words for everything that’s inside him? He’s father’s slackening face intrudes on his thoughts and he shakes his head.

“Just tell me what you’re thinking,” she pleads.

He careens around a corner and she cries out.

“Sorry,” he grumbles, trying to get himself under control.

“Please,” she says quietly, placing her hand on his bicep.

“Not yet,” he says a bit sharply, finally getting to the through-way. Soon, soon they’ll be out of the oppressive confines of the metropolis.

\---

Finally, the towers grow shorter, the lanes less clogged and he’s able to really accelerate. Yes, this is what he needs. The wind rushes through his hair and he hopes his mind will stop spinning. If he can just go fast enough, he can leave it all behind.

Luke. His father … gods, somehow, his life had gone so impossibly wrong that he killed his own father! 

His relationship with his father has always been awkward, but he knows his dad loves him, always has. How had it become so twisted?

Faster and faster he pushes the speeder, and the buildings fall away as the countryside blooms around them. He glances over at Rey and finds her face tense and wary. Her knuckles are white as she grasps the speeder.

That’s when he realizes just how fast he’s pushed the TL and he eases back, focusing on his breathing.

It’s not happened yet. He’s not done these things. He’s not hurt Rey.

But then he bleakly realizes that he _has,_ and it all starts to feel inevitable. He can almost feel that evil mask closing in on his face and it’s all too much, the craft caging him in. 

Veering off into a field, he abruptly stops the speeder and throws his legs over the side. Ben stagers from the vehicle and he starts to pound at his head, grasp at his hair.

“Ben!” he hears dimly, but he can’t find his way back to her.

Has he already started down the path of becoming that monster? _He’d broken into her mind_. Even as she’d cried out in pain, he’d just kept going and that’s when he starts to scream.

He screams as loud and as long as he can, his powerlessness bubbling up from his chest. He hurt Rey. Oh gods, is it too late? Will he take the mask? Become some dark shade like Darth Vader? 

Then he feels her arms wrap around him and he finally hears her panicked voice.

“-gods, Ben!” she says frantically and he finally stops bellowing out his pain and confusion. “Please, come back to me,” she begs.

His chest heaving, he tries, he really tries to do what she’s asked, but it’s all too much and he rips from her arms. “Don’t touch me!” he snarls. “I don’t deserve your comfort!”

“No, that’s not true!”

His fists clench and he starts to pace wildly. “I become that creature! I already have!” he voices his deepest fear.

“You aren’t, you aren’t,” she wails, her voice thick with tears. That’s when he realizes they’re both crying.

“I violated your mind!”

“Yes, you did. But you’re good, you’re good,” she says as if she’s trying to convince both of them.

“No! I let that bastard Snoke twist me. I was so stupid!”

“You were a little boy when it started, how could you have known?”

“I should have!” he shouts stubbornly.

She shrinks back and his heart goes cold and he stops his frantic movements. He doesn’t want to scare her. “I’m sorry!”

“It’s alright. This was … a lot,” she says, but she’s almost cowering from him.

“I murder my father,” he moans.

“You won’t, it won’t happen now.”

“What if I can’t stop it? What if I’m already tainted?” Tainted by what he did to Rey.

Then she’s again trying to hold him, and she feels so good that he can’t stop himself from clinging to her.

“I’m a monster, I’m a monster,” he sobs.

“No, no, no,” she croons, stroking his hair.

But all he can see is that blood-red saber plunging into his father’s chest and he tears from her soothing embrace. “I don’t deserve to touch you!” he spits.

Then she firmly grabs his face with both hands, forcing him to look into her loving eyes. “Yes, you do.”

“But I hurt you. And I’ll hurt you again.”

“Yes, you did. But you won’t hurt me like that, now. I know you won’t.”

“How?” he asks plaintively.

“Because I know you, Ben Solo.”

“I thought you knew _Kylo Ren_.”

“He was your pain. I know _you_. You never turned completely, you _always_ struggled. We fought, so many times, but you never, ever struck me, always held back your saber. I didn’t realize until the last time. You could have killed me, but you didn’t.”

“But I raised my weapon against you! You … gods, Rey, I can’t imagine ever being willing to do that.”

“It wasn’t like this, not what we’re building together. We had our roles to play, but I’m the one who always struck first. Always.”

“Really?” he asks, needing to hold on to any lifeline she can provide. 

“Really.”

The adrenaline is fading, and it makes his limbs shake as it leaves his system. “I … I never want to hurt you,” he whispers.

“Then don’t.”

He makes a mirthless laugh. “I feel like I won’t have a choice.”

She makes a conflicted face, but then it clears, and she smiles at him. “You always have a choice. Even Darth Vader chose the light, in the end.”

He nods. That’s true. Luke saw there was light in him and turned him before it was too late. Maybe Rey is right, maybe it truly isn’t too late for him.

He lets out a shuddering breath and gives himself permission to hold her. Because Rey is the only thing that makes sense right now. Ben doesn’t want to think anymore, he just wants to _be_. With her.

“What do you need?” she asks as she strokes his face.

“You,” he breathes out.

“You have me, you have me.”

Then he’s kissing her, desperately, clutching her to him as if his life depended on it. Maybe it does. 

They sink into the tall grass of the field and he’s on top of her, needing her in a way he can’t even express. He pushes aside the neck of her tunic, craving more of her, and begins to kiss and lick, bite and suck. She moans in response to his starving attack on her flesh and her legs come around his waist.

Soon, they’re moving in that ancient rhythm, pantomiming when he’ll soon be in her and she pants as she pushes back against his forceful thrusts.

“I love you,” he gasps between kissing her everywhere. He rips open her tunic, pushing aside her breast band, and his hand finds her breast he adores to touch. 

Then his back bows and he latches onto that perfect nipple, pulling it into his mouth. Force, it blitzes his brain to finally suck on her succulent point, making his core tighten, almost painfully.

As they move together, he feels his pleasure begin to build, but he’ll be damned if he achieves that blissful end while she’s left wanting.

“Let me touch you, Rey,” he begs, his hand beginning to dive under her waistband. He needs to give her pleasure, take care of her. Prove that his body is meant for more than death.

She nods enthusiastically and he delves his fingers under the thin silk hiding her heat. Slickness greets him and he wants to slow down, but the frantic need is riding him hard. He finds her opening and thrusts a finger inside, not really knowing what else to do.

“Ben!” she cries out and he shifts so that he can see her face, afraid he’s hurt her. But he finds only wide eyed eagerness and he begins to move his finger in and out of her.

“Oh!” she gasps out. “Stars, your fingers are so much thicker than mine!” She’s tight around him and he has no idea how he’ll ever fit inside of her.

“Does it feel good?” he groans out.

“Mmmhmm. But it would feel even better if you moved higher.”

Right. He’s read about this. That’s the center of a woman’s pleasure, and he silently thanks all the gods that he’s always researched everything he could. 

He withdraws his finger from her tight passage and strokes up, trying to find the hard little nub. But he’s hopelessly lost with only touch to guide him. Then her hand joins his and she’s showing him. There, there it is. It rolls between his fingers and he begins to stroke.

“Circles,” she whimpers, and he quickly changes his approach.

“To the left,” she says, her voice catching. Grateful she’s helping him, he follows her instructions.

“Oh!” she cries out, and her hips begin to move, clearly unconsciously. 

She’s growing flushed and he’s mesmerized by the feel of how hot and wet she is. Her fingers clutch at his shoulders, but then she shifts slightly to her side.

“I want to touch you, too.” she husks out.

His cock is straining against his trousers and throbs at her words. He nods swiftly and turns more to his side, giving her access. When her little hand makes its way into his underthings and grasps him, he cries out. Just the feel of her fingers around his length has his eyes rolling back in his head. 

Her needful whimper makes him realize he’d grown distracted and had stopped stroking her, so he tries to focus, swirling that delectable bud between his fingers.

She swears magnificently and he smiles. Then she begins to move her hand along him and it’s his turn for the filthiest Huttese he knows to tumble from his mouth. Force, it feels amazing, so different from his own hand.

But she’s hesitant, and now he’s the teacher. “Firmer,” he manages between groans. Then everything narrows down the feel of Rey’s hand on him. Gods, it feels so good. _She_ feels so good.

Careful not to let his hand falter, they find a mutual cadence, and the shared pleasure makes them both grow spectacularly loud.

He wishes he could suck on her nipples, but he can’t quite figure out how to manage it with how much taller he is, so he kisses her. And that completes the circuit, her kiss feeling tethered to his core, and he jolts forward.

He absolutely refuses to come before she does, so he puts all his focus on the feel of her, managing to ignore the bliss she’s drawing from him. Yes, that’s it. Her back has begun to arch, and her cries of pleasure are growing faster and higher.

Then her eyes go wide and she’s chanting his name. Force, yes. He wants her orgasm so bad he can taste it. Gods … tasting her. Just the thought drags him closer to his own edge.

“Ben,” she sobs and she keens out, her whole body shuddering. Her hand on him speeds up and, oh stars, that’s it.

Hoping she came, his own release erupts from him, her little hand giving him more pleasure than he knew possible. It feels like it’s going on forever and he can’t focus on stroking her, his hand going still as his hips thrust and he bellows out, “Rey!”

Then he grows too sensitive and he gasps, “Stop.”

Her hand immediately ceases its movements and they stare at each other, wide-eyed and a bit stunned.

Trying to catch his breath, he manages to ask, “Did you …?”

“Oh, yeah,” she says with a satisfied nod.

He kisses her, deeply, then pulls back. “Force, Rey, that was amazing.”

“Uh huh,” she says, seeming a little dazed.

“Are you alright?” he asks, the frantic energy fading.

“I’m wonderful,” she purrs.

Slowly, they withdraw their hands, both looking a bit sheepish. His release coats her fingers and he just about loses his mind when she licks it curiously. She nods like a little scientist and he has to kiss her again.

He’s bitter on her tongue, and he wonders what she would taste like.

\---

Lying on the grass, watching the clouds. He holds Rey close and he’s started to feel guilty. He basically mauled her, his lust and pain too much to contain. 

“Are you sure that wasn’t too much?” he asks, toying with her hair.

“Mmmhmm,” she murmurs, and he glances over to find her eyes drooping shut. Interesting. He thought only men fell asleep afterwards. He also feels the pull to sleep, but he’s feeling too much to give into it.

He’d found out so much in the past few days, touched Rey in ways he’d never allowed himself to hope for, and it’s all a bit overwhelming. Oddly, he feels like crying. But he’s also so _happy_.

She’d assured him it’s not too late for him and Rey is in his arms, sated and sleepy.

What more could he want?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. You are the best friend I could ever ask for.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who offers me such inspiration for my writing.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Can't stop, won't stop writing! Thank you all for continuing to fill my tank with kudos and comments! You're all simply amazing. XOXO.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben manages another lovely outing, then Reluctant Rey has an insecure moment.

Rey’s stomach growls impatiently and Ben could kick himself for dragging her into the middle of nowhere without thinking of the mid-day meal. He’s been so selfish, speeding her away for his little breakdown. He has to take better care of her! 

“Ben, stop. I can handle being a little hungry.”

“Not on my watch,” he grumbles. Regretfully, he begins to untangle himself from her and sits up. “Let’s get you back to the apartment.”

“But it’s so beautiful out here. Couldn’t we explore a little?” she asks him, as she turns on her side and props herself up with an elbow.

“I swore to myself I’d never let you starve!” he says angrily.

Rey blinks, sorrow filling her eyes. “This … this isn’t starving.”

“Oh, gods …” He runs his hand through his hair and his memory is filled with the ragged people of Jakku. “I didn’t mean …” he trails off helplessly.

“I know you didn’t.”

“I just … I hate that you’ve suffered.”

“So have you.”

“Not like you, not like you.”

“It’s not a competition.”

“No, but I … I know I had so much growing up, so much I didn’t see.”

“And I had the peace of my own mind. You never had that. Please … the sun is out, we’re surrounded by rolling hills, and I’ve never even seen trees like this. How about we head back, but slower this time?” she suggests with a teasing smile.

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“No, it was fine. Though maybe I could handle the trip back?” she asks hopefully.

Ben nods. “Sure.”

Then she’s squealing and leaping up from the very flattened grass and races back to the speeder. 

\---

As they meander along the countryside, Ben spots a bit of civilization and excitement sparks in his chest. If he’s very lucky, he can solve Rey’s hunger and give her more time outside of the city; she so loves nature.

“Pull over here,” he requests, and Rey does as he’s asked, smoothly bringing them to a stop in front of the small outpost. Getting out of the craft, he takes her hand and surveys what’s on offer.

There are around six small buildings, quaintly crafted from wood instead of durasteel. And then he sees it. There’s a stand selling fruit and he grins, eagerly tugging Rey to follow him. 

There’s fresh jogan fruit, as well as amakain apples, but what really catches his attention is the lylanberries and he tells the proprietor, “We’ll take two baskets of lylanberries, two pentra peaches and a jogan fruit.”

She smiles and asks, “Enjoying the day?”

“Yes, she’s never been to the countryside outside of the city.”

“Well, there’s a stream not far from here.” The seller gestures to a winding path not far away from the buildings. “Just follow that and you’ll get there soon enough.”

Rey is eying the fresh fruit and his lips quirk up into a small smile. Looking around, he notices that there are also some cured meats available and he points out a nice looking sutro salami. “We’ll take that as well.”

“Nice day for having a meal by the water,” she says affably.

“That’s the idea.”

He digs out a few credits and pays for their food.

“Do you want to see the stream?” he asks. 

“If you’ll feed me those berries, I’ll follow you anywhere.”

Ben laughs deeply. It feels good after losing control so completely to be in the bright sunshine with Rey, simply feeling free.

\---

They come around a bend in the path and the most picturesque scene greets them. The brook burbles along, lapping at large river rocks, the sun streaming through the lush green trees. There are little white flowers growing on the banks and Ben thinks he couldn’t have planned better if he’d tried.

One of the banks is covered in a short grass, and he settles Rey before planting himself next to her. She nearly dives into the basket of food, grabbing a huge handful of the lylanberries. She crams them into her mouth and grins as juice runs down her chin.

“I love fruit!” she exclaims. “I’d never even tasted it until the day I met you!”

“The day I kidnapped you,” he says, confused at her joy.

“I don’t … I don’t think about that part much. I think about how sad your eyes were. And how handsome you were.” 

Her enthusiasm is infectious, and he pulls out a small knife from his belt, beginning to slice the cured meat. He hands her the first piece and she pops it into her mouth. 

“Mmmm, that’s good.”

“Wait’ll you taste the peach.” They’ve always been one of his favorites.

She plucks one from the basket. He’s about to offer to cut it up for her, but then her sharp little teeth bite into it. Her pink tongue darts out to catch the juice, and he has to shift, the tightness in his trousers growing uncomfortable. Watching Rey eat fruit might be the most erotic thing he’s ever seen.

Then again, simply looking after her fills him with a satisfaction he’s never known. That he happens to also enjoy watching her is just a marvelous bonus. Then she sucks at the succulent fruit and he groans.

\---

“That was perfect,” she says as she lies back in the grass. Her hair fans out and he’s taken by the tranquil beauty of it all. Rey is sated in all ways, now, and peace settles deep in his soul. An entire life with her spins out in front of him and he needs to kiss her.

Swiftly, he covers her body with his own and kisses her deeply. She tastes of sweet fruit and he wants to live forever in this moment.

“I love you,” he murmurs.

“I love you.” Then she gets a concerned look on her face. “Are you … are you alright.”

He’d hoped they wouldn’t have to talk about it, but that’s never worked out very well for them. Sighing he shifts off of her and rolls onto his belly, holding himself up with his elbows.

“Yeah, I’m alright.”

“Has that happened before?” she asks quietly.

He scoffs. “Since always,” he admits.

Rey nods, but stays silent and he lets out a long breath. “I … I wasn’t really _encouraged_ to share my emotions as a child. From my mom it was about diplomacy. From my dad it was about never being vulnerable. So I learned to choke it down …”

“But you can’t do that forever.”

“No, it turns out you can’t. I’ve never been able to handle stronger feelings. Well, you know … you know how bad my temper can get.”

“You know you can talk to me?”

He looks over at her and smiles. “I do. For the first time, I feel like someone _understands_ me.”

She smiles, then she’s pulling him back to her, kissing him so sweetly.

\---

The sun sets as they approach the city and the wind ruffles Rey’s hair. She reaches over and takes his hand, pulling it to her lips, kissing his knuckles. “Thank you for a wonderful day.”

He frowns, remembering his frantic need to be anywhere but his own head. “Well, it didn’t start out so well …”

“Hush. Don’t ruin it. Look,” she says nodding toward the horizon.

The sky is a brilliant riot of pinks, oranges, and a deep red at the edges before it dims into indigo. It’s one of the most spectacular sunsets he’s ever seen and he sighs happily.

He looks over at her blissful face and says, “You’re right. Perfect.”

\---

“Where’d you kids get off to?” Han asks as they tumble through the front door, laughing and kissing. Gods, she makes him so, so _happy._

“Ben took me out to the countryside,” Rey says, grinning. “Then we found a little stand selling fruit. It was amazing!”

Han gives Ben an exaggerated wink, then very obviously plucks a bit of grass from Rey’s hair. “Nice to see the Solo charm didn’t skip a generation.”

Ben glares at his father, wanting to correct his assumption, but he’s not far wrong.

“Oh, you’re back, wonderful!” Leia says as she comes to investigate the commotion. “Han and I are heading out for dinner; would you like to come?”

He’s not ready to share her, but Rey perks up and Ben sighs. “Yeah, sure. Let us get changed. Where are we going?”

“Etra,” Leia answers and Ben groans. He doesn’t want to have to put on a suit. His father can get away with just looking less scruffy, but his mother will demand he look the part of the little princeling.

But then he thinks of Rey, and how much he knows she’ll enjoy the food. It _is_ excellent.

“Come on, sweetheart.” Then he looks at his mother, “You made sure Rey has what she needs?”

“Oh, absolutely. There’s a diplomats’ dinner later this month and a number of other functions. Rey, dear, wear the black.”

Rey grins. “You’re sure?”

Leia looks at Ben knowingly. “Oh, yes.”

\---

_The black_ turns out to be a lovely, demure dark sheath dress. And then he catches a glimpse of her back in the mirror and his eyes bulge. There’s nothing there, the fabric cut indecently low. He’s going to kill his mother.

“What do you think?” she asks, as she twirls.

He wants to beg her to change, but she looks so excited that his jaw works for a moment before he says, “You look stunning.” He wishes he could bring his saber, make it clear that Rey is _off limits_.

“It’s not too much?” She gestures to the back, or lack thereof.

If they weren’t going anywhere, he’d be thrilled with this creation. Then he realizes he’ll be able to stroke her silken skin throughout the evening and he decides to forgive his mom. A little. “No, you look delectable. I’ve half a mind to keep you here, all to myself.”

She makes a mock pout and he can’t help but smile down on her.

“You look pretty amazing yourself,” she observes, smoothing her hand along the fabric of his jacket. She runs her hand through his hair and he almost stops her; he’d spent a bit of time getting it to lay just right. But it feels so good when she does that that he decides he’ll look a bit more roguish this way.

He has to admit, now that he’s reached his full height and he’s filled out quite a bit, a suit does look much better on him than it used to. He’d always felt as if he was playing dress-up when his mother would proudly pin the Alderaanian crest to his lapel.

Ben offers Rey his arm with a flourish.

\---

Rey stares at him in confusion when he pulls out her chair for her. He swiftly realizes she doesn’t know the custom and he gestures to the waiting seat and quietly says, “Sit here, darling.”

She wobbles a bit when he pushes the chair in and cranes her neck to look at him.

Once he’s seated, he murmurs in her ear. “It’s tradition that a man hold a woman’s chair. It’s a way of showing respect.”

He smirks as his father rushes to pull out his mother’s chair and Leia rolls her eyes. “What?” he says.

“It’s nice to see that you still remember your manners, Ben,” Leia says with approval.

He’d better. She’d drilled it into him constantly as a child and at every visit home. As he got older, more often than not, she’d drag him to her events while his father was away. If he’d understood _why_ he traveled so much, Ben might have just tried to stow away.

Once they’re all settled, their server arrives but he’s too lost in watching Rey soak in the atmosphere of the restaurant to take much notice. It’s decorated in shades of white, the walls hung with ivory velvet and somehow, they’ve suspended spheres of light throughout the dining room. It gleams but is warm at the same time.

Rey looks back to him, her face filled with awe. “Ben … I’ve never seen anything like-”

“Ben!” a chipper voice breaks into his adoration of Rey and he looks up to find the Twi'lek he’d briefly spent time with during his last visit. Nothing much had really happened with her, but the predatory gleam in her eyes has him nervous. She’d been the one to kiss him, and though he’d certainly liked it at the time, he can’t even remember much about her. Rey obliterated every other woman the minute he laid eyes on her.

“Darrah,” he acknowledges after having to think a moment.

That’s when he realizes that she’s their server and he catches his mom’s eyes frantically. She only gives him an apologetic smile. Well, bantha spit.

“It’s so good to see you!” she gushes. Then she makes a pout he’s sure is meant to be enticing, but it just makes her overly painted lips seem garish. He much prefers Rey’s clean, fresh face. “You never wrote like you promised,” she almost whines.

Because he’d forgotten about her the minute he got back to the temple and immersed himself in training. Then there was Rey. He’s also fairly sure he hadn’t promised anything of the sort.

Rey … she’s stiffened next to him and looks at him warily. He tries to soothe her by stroking her delicious skin, hoping she can sense how uncomfortable he is with this situation. 

Leia breaks in at that moment. “Darrah, is it?”

“Yes, Princess,” she responds demurely. 

“We’re actually quite hungry.” There’s a touch of admonishment in her tone and Darrah’s cheeks go pink. 

“Yes, of course. Here are your menus.”

She presses a button on her wrist band and at each place setting, a holo of what’s on offer for the evening appears.

“Would you like any suggestions?” The Twi'lek directs her question at Ben. Blatantly.

“Uhm,” he stammers, and Rey draws away from his touch, making him frown.

“I think we can handle it,” Leia says swiftly. “A bottle of the Benthen ‘76, please.”

“Oh. Right, I’ll get that right away,” Darrah says with sadness in her eyes. But she leaves, thank the gods.

As soon as she’s out of earshot, Han is chuckling, rather loudly and then he exclaims, “Ow!” when Leia kicks him under the table.

“Rey?” he nudges.

Her eyes are wide, and she feels very far away. “Who was that?” she asks with a wounded tone.

“Just some girl I used to know,” Ben dismisses.

Rey nods, but her enthusiasm has dimmed considerably.

\---

All through the meal, Darrah had found excuses to touch him and he’s about ready to grab her wrist and throw her hand off of him the next time it rests on his shoulder. Then he feels her hand again and his skin absolutely crawls.

But then she snatches it back with a squawk and Ben looks sharply at his mother, who simply smiles at him placidly. Apparently, she will use the Force when the occasion calls for it.

Rey just keeps shrinking into herself more and more and Ben is beginning to panic. She doesn’t think that the Twi'lek is a … rival, does she? Doesn’t she know that’s simply impossible?

But he never has the opportunity to truly talk with her. So, all he can do is clench his knee with one hand so hard it’s sure to bruise and keep trying to hold her hand with the other or make patterns on her back. She just smiles wanly.

\---

Rey emerges from the ‘fresher wearing a long pale green nightgown, this one much less … suggestive. It’s elegant, made of lush silk, but he can’t shake the feeling she’d chosen it to signal that he wasn’t to touch.

He’d changed into his sleeping pants already, and now he wonders if he should add a shirt. He doesn’t want to push her.

“Rey, what’s wrong?”

She just shrugs and sits on the bed. Cautiously, he sits next to her. 

“Darrah … she was just a girl I met the last time I was home.”

Rey shrugs again. “It’s none of my business.”

“Of course it is! If you’d kissed someone else, I’d want to know.”

Her eyes grow almost hurt and she asks in a small voice. “You kissed her?”

“Uhm … well, she kissed me actually.”

Rey nods. “I’ve only ever kissed you. My first kiss was just before you died.”

That hurts. His older self had had the privilege of Rey’s first kiss, and his fist clenches. No, he can’t let his jealousy get the better of him. He won’t ever let it win again.

Then her face clears and she’s reaching for his hand. “I’m being silly. It was just kissing.”

But he doesn’t think she is. Somehow, that she’d been faithful to their bond when he had unknowingly trespassed a few times makes him feel ashamed, as if he should have known. Then he realizes _why_ she’s so upset.

“Rey, listen to me. It wasn’t like kissing you. I feel our soul _sing_ when I kiss you. It wasn’t anything like that with her.”

“That’s not just how kissing is?”

“No! No, it’s not. What’s between us … it’s special. I could never be with anyone but you, not now.”

“I hated how she kept touching you,” Rey spits with surprising venom.

“Me, too,” he agrees ruefully. “If my mother hadn’t been there, I would have immediately taken you somewhere else.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I hated that you were uncomfortable.”

“I just … she was so pretty, and so elegant. I felt like a sandrat who didn’t belong.”

“No, no … you were the most beautiful woman in the whole restaurant. Hell, you’re the most beautiful woman in the whole galaxy.”

Rey rolls her eyes. “You don’t know that.”

He cups her cheek and makes sure she’s looking at him when he seriously says, “Yes, I do.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare! Excellent suggestions for this chapter!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing! We're leaving tomorrow for Hot Springs and I couldn't be more excited!
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I know that there won't be a chapter a day until Tuesday at the earliest. I might manage a chapter, but I would be surprised if it's more than that. You are all the bees knees, the cat's meow, and the butter on my biscuit!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reluctant Rey and Loving Leia begin a project, Besotted Ben and Helpful Han have some bro time, then our boy enjoys a nice slice of lemon pie.

“Rey, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Leia says over breakfast the next morning.

“Yes?” Rey responds.

“I’ve been thinking about Jakku, what you told me about how you grew up. Slavery has always been an issue in the Republic and I think it’s beyond time we really do something about it. Would you come with me into my office today to help me sketch out a plan?”

Ben sighs. He knew his mother would have to go back to work, he’s frankly shocked that it’s taken this long. But he’s enjoyed having her just … here.

Leia looks at him and she reaches for his hand. Hesitantly, he allows her to take it. “Ben, I promise, it won’t be like how it used to be. I’m going to put you first from now on.”

He shakes his head. “I know what you do is important.”

“Not as important as my son. I could have lost you.”

Ben feels a lump form in his throat and he looks away.

She squeezes his hand. “I’m sorry, Son.”

All he can do is nod, afraid to speak. 

With one final squeeze, she releases his fingers. “Now, what do you think, Rey?”

“I … I’m not sure how I can help.”

“You have the experience. I have ideas, but I need you to tell me if they make any sense at all; you know what it’s like to be a slave.”

Ben blinks. He hadn’t really put it together that Rey had been _owned_ and he feels stupid for not asking her more about her childhood. He knew it was beyond hard, but that she’d been a slave makes his stomach sour and he pushes away the rest of his breakfast. 

He’s never gone hungry a day in his life and that’s all she’d known. Even though it would have been beyond complicated, he wishes little Rey were still here. At least then he could _do_ something about how she lived.

“I … I’d like to help. Do you mind if I go with your mother?” she asks Ben.

“No, of course not.” Though he’s not sure what he’s going to do with himself while she’s away for the day. He’s not used to having a whole day with nothing to do.

\---

They’re in the foyer, waiting for his mother. Rey is wearing a smart looking tunic with a high neck and long, flowing trousers. She’s put her hair into a single plate down her back. Rey looks … she looks like a woman to contend with and Ben sees all of her experience in the steel of her spine. He’s … he’s proud of her.

Then his girl is back when she looks down at herself. “Is this alright?”

“You look like you could be addressing the Senate,” he says truthfully.

“Ah, Rey, you look perfect!” Leia exclaims as she glides into the foyer. She’s in a regal dress with her hair intricately braided.

“I don’t want to embarrass you,” Rey admits with pink cheeks.

“You could never do that. Ready to go?”

“Almost.” Then Rey steps up to him and lifts her head, inviting a kiss. 

He’d meant to keep it chaste, but before he really considers it, his tongue is in her mouth and he’s kissing her like he won’t see her for a week. Then his mother clears her throat and he smiles, drawing back.

“Sorry.”

“Oh, I remember being that age, but the speeder is waiting.” Then his mother winks at him and Ben isn’t quite sure how to feel about this new aspect of his mother. 

“Shall we?” Leia asks.

“I’ll see you tonight,” Rey says with her hand on his chest.

“I’ll miss you,” he says, not able to keep the wistfulness from his tone.

“I’ll miss you, too.”

\---

Ben fritters away time poking around the holonet, trying to find any mention of the First Order or Kamino. But apart from a strange post about missing children, he doesn’t find anything. 

Sighing, he tosses his datapad aside and looks out the windows of the family room. Maybe there’s something on the news holofeeds? So he turns on the emitter and settles into watch.

After about an hour of nothing but puff pieces, his father wanders in. “Hey, kid.”

“Hey, Dad.”

“Wanna watch the pod race? It’s the final heat before the championships for the season.”

Ben hasn’t followed pod racing in years. He’d never really seen the appeal. He’d watch it with his dad, but never got as caught up as his father.

But what else is he going to do with himself?

\---

“Did you see that!” his father hoots.

“I know! I’ve never seen anyone fly like that!” Ben exclaims. He’s riveted. Somehow, now that he flies himself, knows what it’s like to feel a speeder really go, he’s finally getting the excitement.

“Well that’s Jren Tals for you. He’s a once in a generation racer.”

Ben glances over at his father and wonders when everything between them had gone so wrong. How had he let his mind be so thoroughly corrupted?

\---

“No!” Ben gasps.

“What the hell kind of call was that!” Han shouts at the hologram of the game.

“It’s bantha shit!”

“That was clearly on course!”

\---

“Go, go, go!” Ben calls out, standing with his hands clenched in apprehension. Jren Tals and Gaf Huradet are trading back and forth between first and second place as they take the last leg of the course.

Han stands beside him, gesturing wildly at the holo. “Come on, come on!”

Then Huradet takes a corner at too much of an angle and he hits the side of the course, losing speed. Tals races past him and Ben can’t breathe, the anticipation too much.

Then Huradet recovers and they’re neck and neck until … until …

“Yes!” Han shouts and Ben is hollering in triumph.

They hug each other and shout out their sense of victory. Then they slap their hands together.

“Closest race I’ve seen!”

“The way he handled the sand trap?”

“How about that obstacle course!”

\---

They’re both a few Alderaanian ales in when Rey and Leia return. Ben hadn’t even heard them come in, too caught up in his father’s tales.

But the minute he sees her, he’s on his feet. “Rey!” he cries out joyfully.

Leia smirks. “Good race?”

“Sweetheart, you won’t believe what happened …”

Ben is too focused on Rey to pay any more attention to his parents. She’s smiling at him and he pulls her into his arms, kissing her firmly.

“Have fun with your dad?”

“Yeah … surprisingly.”

“Why surprisingly?”

“I’d never really cared much about pod racing, but … it was fun.”

Her lips are quirked up, but the light doesn’t reach her eyes.”

“Hey, love … what happened?”

“Oh, today was just hard. Remembering everything like that.”

He hadn’t considered that impact on her and he takes her cheek in his hand. “Are you alright?”

She shrugs slightly. “I will be. I just need you.”

“Well I’m right here.”

“I know,” she says as she snuggles in close. He strokes her braid and tightens his arms around her.

\---

Rey seemed to recover herself over dinner. They’d ordered in a rich pasta dish that Rey had positively demolished. Gods, he loves feeding her new things.

Now they’re in the conservatory while Rey looks after her orchid. 

“It seems … sad,” Rey says.

“Are you beginning to bond with it?” he asks.

“I’m not sure. I think it’s lonely.”

He remembers all the other black orchids and he pushes away his guilt for what was probably a less than optimal end. 

“I’ll talk to my dad; maybe we can get another.”

“Really?”

“Of course, sweetheart. Of course.” He’ll do anything for her.

\---

He has his hand in her underthings and she’s gasping under his touch. Tonight, she’d selected a delightfully sheer black nightgown that had made him instantly hard.

But then she’s pulling away and he blearily says, “Rey?”

“I want to try something,” and she’s pushing him back onto the bed.

He’d really been enjoying how her hips had moved against his hand and had just been about to try using both hands, but then her fingers are at his waistband.

“Is it alright if I …” She tugs at his sleeping pants and he realizes she intends to have him fully bared. Part of him twitches at the prospect, but he can’t deny that he’s nervous. He can’t remember ever being naked with another person to see him.

Then her eyes heat and she purrs, “I want to _see_.”

That has his cock straining towards her, and he nods. He helps her with his sleeping pants and soon he’s completely exposed. Oh gods, will she let him see all of her, too?

She actually gasps when she sees him, and he can’t quite decipher her expression. Then she’s grinning and he breathes a sigh of relief. Rey moves up his body and the fine fabric of her chemise makes him groan, her tightened nipples dragging along his chest.

Her sharp little teeth nibble at him, just like she had that peach and his mind is filled with images of how she’d sucked at the juicy flesh. Force, would she ever consider …? Then he pushes the thought from his mind.

Now she’s moving down his body, and he cries out when she sucks at his nipple. Godsdamn, that feels amazing, but she keeps kissing a trail down his torso and he whimpers in disappointment. Wait … she’s actually going to … and then he can’t think as she licks the head of his leaking cock curiously.

His hands clench at the bedsheets, the feeling of her tongue on him unlike anything he’s experienced. She takes just a bit of him in her mouth and she _sucks_. He’s swearing and his heels dig into the bed. 

When she takes in as much of him as she can and draws back, he loses his damned mind. The feel of her hot, tight mouth and tongue swirling along him has him bellowing her name. He knows he should be quiet, but he just _can’t._ Thank the maker his parents’ room is at the other end of the apartment.

Wait. Wait. He wants to taste her, too and he doesn’t like that she’s giving to him so selflessly. He should look after her first.

“Rey,” he moans as she keeps moving up and down his shaft. “Let me … let me …”

She pulls back from him with a loud, slick sound. “Don’t you like it? You seem like you like it.”

“Oh, I like it. But what about you?”

Her eyes gleam at the prospect. “After. It’s your turn now.”

She descends again and his head thrashes from side to side. Nothing has ever felt even close to this good and, Force, he’s going to come. Then he absolutely is going to finish in her mouth because she starts using her hand on him, too.

The twin feelings of her mouth and her firm hold has him calling out, “Rey, you have to stop or I’ll—”

But she hollows her cheeks and manages to take more of him into her hot, perfect mouth and it’s too late. White hot bliss zings up his spine and his release is pulled from him so hard he’s just wailing out in ecstasy. 

Wait, Rey is coughing and he pushes himself up on his elbows, finding Rey sitting back, swallowing with difficulty.

“Rey!”

“I’m fine,” she assures. “There was just … more than I’d expected.”

It hits him, then, what’s truly happened. He’d just come in her mouth. She had his release on her tongue, and even though he’s just orgasmed, his belly twists violently at the realization. Oh, he must kiss her, and he drags her up his body, finding her mouth.

Tasting himself like this, knowing Rey had given him such a gift, he can’t really fathom it and he’s overwhelmed with devotion. Though a rather large part of him just wants to snuggle her up and fall asleep, he refuses to give into it and he flips her on her back.

His face inches from hers, he pulls at her nightgown. “Now you.”

Nervousness fills her eyes. “You don’t have to.”

“But I want to. Gods, I have to taste you. Please.”

“You really want to?” she asks, doubt lining her face.

“More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”

She grins wickedly and sits up, pulling her nightgown off in one swift motion. The sight of so much of her sun-kissed skin makes him whimper. “Stars, Rey, you’re so beautiful,” he breathes out.

Lying back down, she hooks her thumbs through the fine silk hiding the last of her, and he places his hands over hers. “Let me,” he almost begs.

He wants to be the one to unwrap the last of Rey’s treasures, watch avidly as the scrap of fabric finally reveals her.

Working her underthings down, he takes in a sharp breath when the thatch of fine curls peeks out as he slowly draws the silk past her hips. His face is so close to her that he can smell her, and it makes him want to just bury his face there.

Once he has her completely naked, he places an open-mouthed kiss on her belly, enjoying the taught flesh. A bit awkwardly, he situates himself between her thighs, placing her legs over his shoulders.

Oh. Oh … he thought he’d seen beauty, but the glistening pink of her steals his breath. That’s when he realizes he doesn’t really know what to do. He can finally see her, know what he’s been exploring, and he decides to begin with the center of her pleasure, though what he really wants to do is thrust his tongue between her folds, feel her tight around him.

Rey, however, clearly prefers when he circles her delectable bud, so he swirls his tongue around the hard little nub. Force, she tastes like his desire for her, and he only wants more. She lets out a little, “Oh,” and he keeps running his tongue around her.

He knows he should focus here, but he wants more of her juices, so he lets himself finally delve his tongue into her tight heat. She’s so wet, so delicious, and he can almost feel what she’d feel like, her walls holding him close.

While he would like to continue this, lapping up her flowing wetness, she’s begun to whine and shift her hips impatiently, so he returns to her swollen bud, making the circles she prefers.

“Harder,” she gasps and he happily complies, applying more pressure. Her thighs begin to close around his ears and he thinks he could spend forever with his face lost in her folds. Just being able to focus like this, make her feel good, it’s all he wants to do for the rest of his life.

He’d known he’d like this, instinctively understanding the intimacy of it would speak to him, but he godsdamned _loves_ it. 

Her heels press down on his back and now her hips are moving in a rhythmic beat, chasing more stimulation. He presses his tongue against her even more firmly, and swirls his tongue up under the hood, hoping she’ll like it.

Rey begins to keen and he smiles into her heat. He’s giving her this, she’s responding so beautifully, and he ignores how his jaw is cramping. Clearly, he’s going to need practice. It won’t be a chore.

Breathy, high whines begin to fall from her lips and her hands find his scalp, grasping his hair. As he speeds up his pace, excitement coiling in his core, she’s pulling so hard at his locks that it almost hurts. He doesn’t care. 

Now she’s pressing her hips into his face and he’s fairly certain she’s getting close. Yes, yes, _yes_. He desperately wants to feel her come apart against his tongue. Needs her too.

He almost feels like the tension in his abdomen will make him join her, he’s so enthralled by her pleasure. That’s when she cries out and her hips buck wildly. He can barely manage to keep his pace, she’s moving so much.

But he does. When she calls out his name, it’s almost as if he can feel her release rip through him. Then she calms, panting, trying to catch her breath. He slows his tongue and gives her one final lap.

When he lifts his head, he finds the most perfect picture of satisfaction.

“Force, Ben … what did you do to me?”

“Something I’m going to do to you at _every_ opportunity.”

Rey smiles a languid sated smile and pride fills his chest. He did that. He made her feel so good.

She pulls at his shoulders. “C’mere.”

He doesn’t have to be told twice.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare! You always make excellent catches.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who has made 19 Valentine's Days perfect.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Happy Valentine's Day! I woke up early and banged out some lemons to celebrate the day of lurve. We're heading out shortly, so now the streak stops. Really. *muse mockingly smiles at me* I'm so grateful to all of you for every person who reads, kudos, or leaves comments! <3<3<3


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben gets a huge blow in the form of family secrets and Reluctant Rey's abandonment issues get a nice wallop.

A huge, corpulent Crolute beats a little girl who looks like Rey with a wicked flogger. She puts her hands up, trying to defend her small body, as the blows rain down. 

Ben yells out to stop and barrels at her assailant, but nothing happens. He’s completely powerless. 

“No!” Rey moans, thrashing next to him, pulling him from sleep and her dream. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she croaks out. 

“Rey!” 

Her eyes fly open, terror shining in her irises. She clings to him with such desperation that he’s beginning to panic. What _was_ that? He lets out a silent prayer that it wasn’t a memory, that it was just something her mind had conjured.

Holding her as tightly as he can, he realizes tears are falling onto his chest. They’re both still naked from their earlier explorations. He keeps her in his arms as he lies them both back down, and she only tries to burrow further into him.

“Shhh,” he soothes. “You’re safe.”

“I know,” she says with a trembling voice. “For the first time in my life, I know.”

“Oh, my love,” he murmurs. He knows what she means, how she changes everything, but he _has_ felt safe before. His mother used to comfort him and make the nightmares go away. That she’s been so bleakly alone tears at him.

When she stops shaking, he asks, “Was that a memory?”

Her face is pressed against his chest and he feels her nod. It strikes him, then, that Rey isn’t usually one to allow herself to be so vulnerable. She’s fierce and strong. But with him, she’s different. She lets him see her pain. That she’s letting him comfort her like this … it matters.

“How old were you?” he asks with a tight voice.

“Five. It was right after I was … sold. To Unkar Plutt.”

“After you lost your parents, you were sold?” he asks with horror. Of course she had to have been sold, but that her life had come so completely unraveled makes him ache. He files away the name Unkar Plutt for later. She might not be on Jakku any longer, but he _needs_ to take some kind of action.

“No … they sold me.”

“Your own parents?” He can’t keep the disbelief from his tone.

She pulls back and searches his face, as if she’s hoping to find something. Whatever she’s looking for, she sees it. “There’s something you don’t know about me.”

“You know you can tell me,” he croons.

“I know. It’s just … it’s hard.” She sighs, and her eyes show that desolation he used to see around the fire, when she would stare at the flames like she hoped they would give her answers.

“This … this has been weighing on you,” he guesses.

She makes a humorless laugh. “You could say that.” She rolls onto her back, so he shifts to his side and looks down on her face. “All my life, I thought my parents were coming back for me, that there was a good reason they left me.”

Ben nods, staying silent so she feels safe to continue. 

“Well … they did, they did have a reason. They were trying to protect me. And they died for it. Were _killed_ for it.” Her face is hard, and for the first time, Ben senses darkness, real darkness coming from her.

“There’s no … there’s no easy way to tell you this. My father … he was Palpatine’s son …” she trails off.

Ben blinks. The Emperor had children? He’d never read anything about that. The thought of someone … with _that_ … Wait, hang on, that makes Rey his _granddaughter_. 

“Are you repulsed?” she asks, genuine self-loathing infusing her tone.

“What? No! How could I be?” He takes her hand to underscore the point.

“I know that if anyone could understand, it’s you. But finding out that his blood. His maniacal, evil blood runs through me … I still haven’t come to terms with it.”

“Have you … have you told my mother?” It bothers him, the idea that she would share this painful revelation with Leia before him and he cringes at the insecurity in his voice.

Rey shakes her head. “No … I didn’t want to open old wounds.”

Old wounds? He knows the Galactic Civil War was a hard time for her, but she is always willing to talk about it. “I don’t understand.”

“Because of Vader.”

“Because Palpatine was his master?” Ben asks, still perplexed.

“Because she knows what it’s like to come from evil. Vader.”

Dimly, he begins to understand what Rey is telling him, but his whole being rebels against it. “What are you saying, Rey?” he asks slowly. 

Her eyes confounded, she says, “You know. Vader being her father?”

All Ben can do is blink. Because … this … this means the dark lives _inside_ him. And everything starts to feel painfully inevitable. It never occurs to him to question what she’s told him, somehow, he knows it’s the truth. His stunned silence makes Rey’s eyes go wide.

Her eyes are huge with panic. “Oh gods, you didn’t … you didn’t know.” 

“That Darth Vader is my grandfather?” The words hurt to say. “No. They never told me.”

And then a lifetime of closed doors and promises of _when you’re older_ mock him, stab him, _break_ him and he’s on his feet in an instant, pulling on his sleeping pants.

Rey tries to stop him, but he’s already nearly running to his parents’ bedroom. He doesn’t knock, just throws the door open and stalks inside.

His mother and father both blink blearily and Leia groggily says, “Ben? What’s wr-”

“Vader,” he seethes. “My _grandfather_.”

Leia’s eyes close tightly in pain and Han mutters, “Oh, hell.”

Rey, now in a robe, moans, “I didn’t know you hadn’t told him! I’m sorry!”

Leia shakes her head. “It’s not your fault.” She gets up from bed and approaches Ben slowly while Han goes to Rey.

“Come on, kid,” Han says to her. “I’ve got a bottle of the good stuff. We’re gonna need it.”

“No, I can’t leave Ben,” she declares, standing firmly by his side.

“Please. I need to talk to my son,” Leia requests softly.

“Why start now?” Ben spits.

Han pulls at Rey and she looks at Ben forlornly. But Leia is right. They need to talk, and he’s not sure he wants Rey to hear how he’s about to talk to his mother. “It’s alright. Go.”

Rey puts her hand on his bicep and looks up into his face, her eyes holding his. “Are you sure?”

Ben nods and she lets herself be led away. On his way past Ben, Han reaches out and squeezes Ben’s shoulder. “Go easy on her, Son.”

Ben doesn’t respond, staring at his mother with fire and rage.

Han sighs and he and Rey disappear into the hallway. 

“Is that why you were always afraid of me?” he asks harshly once they’re alone.

Leia looks away. “I never knew you could sense that.”

“I have the Force, _Mother_ , of course I could sense it.”

“I was afraid! Afraid of myself, afraid of Luke, and yes, afraid of you. _For_ you.”

“So even before Rey came, you’ve just been waiting for me to fall?” he snarls.

“No! Worried you would, but I … I …” Her hands flail helplessly.

“This is why Luke would never really train me to my full potential?” Ben accuses, gesturing wildly as he’s making more and more connections.

“Yes,” Leia admits miserably.

“When Vader turned back to the light, it was for his _son_. Not some cosmic realization. Like you always _told_ me.”

There’s a bitterness in Leia’s tone when she shakily confirms, “Yes. Luke went to him _because_ he was his father.”

“Don’t forget, he’s yours, too,” Ben snipes.

“Oh, I never forget. Not a day goes by that I don’t remember,” she says with a flash of fire.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ben pleads. His whole life, he’s been managed. Even Rey had tried.

“I didn’t want you to have my burden!”

“So instead my whole life is a lie?!” The dark has been stalking him the minute he was conceived, and his family has done nothing but hide things from him and try to control him through deceit. 

“No, no! Nothing has changed, not really.”

“Does Dad know?” he asks suddenly.

“Yes,” she whispers.

“So, my whole family knew. And I thought things were getting better,” he says bitterly.

“We wanted to protect you! Let you have your life without that … that taint.”

“You think I’m tainted,” he says flatly. It makes sense. He is.

“No! Son, no.” Leia shakes her head emphatically. “You’re your own person. Nothing has changed.”

“Everything has changed!” he roars. “How can I fight the dark knowing it’s in my bones and sinew?”

“No, you are a prince of Alderaan! You are so much more than your biology!”

“ _Then why didn’t you tell me_?” he repeats.

“I couldn’t! I knew what it did to _me_!”

“What, what did it do to you? You don’t even bother with the Force.” He’s always hated the way she turned her back on her powers. To deny such a gift felt like sacrilege.

She looks at him with such anguish in her eyes, and he wants to tell her that it’s alright, that he understands. But it isn’t, and he doesn’t.

“He … he tortured me. My own father … he forced me to watch as they destroyed Alderaan, took everything from me.”

That breaks through his righteous anger, and he whispers, “What?” The thought of someone torturing his mother makes him vaguely ill. 

“When they captured me … when I met your father … he … he …” Now tears are in her eyes and her voice breaks. “I’ll never forget the pain …”

“Mom … gods, Mom …”

She wipes her eyes quickly. “I didn’t want you to have to struggle like I have. Wonder if that rot was inside you, the way I have.”

“But instead … instead, I felt the distance and I thought it was _me_. I thought something was wrong with me.”

“No! Maker, no. Ben, you’re my _son_. Nothing is wrong with you.”

“No … no, somehow, the voice knew. Snoke knew.”

Leia looks up sharply. “Snoke?”

Now it’s Ben’s turn to share secrets.

\---

Leia cries openly as he finishes explaining about the voice. 

He’s no longer angry, just wrung out and afraid. Afraid of what lives inside him. He needs Rey. Yet he doesn’t deserve her. Not now.

“Ben, I’m so sorry,” his mother says.

He only shrugs. It’s not like she knew.

“Don’t do that. You were suffering, your whole childhood. I should have known the darkness I sensed wasn’t you.”

“Maybe it was. I hurt people. Rey. I did that, me. Not Snoke.”

“Ben, listen to me,” she says seriously. She comes up to him and holds her hands out to him. He takes them.

Looking up into his eyes, she says, “Your entire life you’ve had a dark presence trying to manipulate, seduce you to the dark side. But you’ve fought it. This whole time. I’m proud of you.”

He hadn’t really thought of it like that before. Maybe … maybe he really can fight his way through this. That this new knowledge doesn’t mean he has to become this dark man they’re all afraid of.

But then he remembers Rey’s face when he’d broken into her mind and his chest hollows. Who is he, now? With the embodiment of the dark side woven through his very flesh? 

His whole family, they knew. They kept their distance, never getting too close. The other students could sense how wrong he was. That’s why he’d never made any genuine friends. Something is _wrong_ with him. 

Snoke didn’t twist him, just exploited the darkness already inside.

He’s poison, pure poison—and it’s time he accept that he doesn’t deserve Rey.

\---

He finds Rey at the kitchen table with his father. There’s half a glass of Corellian whiskey in front of her, and she’s just staring at it. The minute she sees him, she jumps to her feet. His father soon follows.

“Ben!” she calls out, moving towards him. The desolate look on his face makes her stop in her tracks. 

All he wants to do is find comfort in her arms, but how can he? Now that he knows what horror lives within him. Everything feels already written in stone, now.

Han eyes him. “Kid, your mom was just trying to protect you.”

“I know,” Ben acknowledges softly. “I’d like to speak with Rey, please,” he says with no inflection.

Han nods slowly. “Yeah. Alright.” 

And then they’re alone.

“Ben?” she asks, her tone a bit frightened.

“I should leave,” he says in the same moment he decides it. Protect her from himself.

“Leave? What do you mean?” Fear blooms in her eyes.

“I don’t know. Just away from you, so I don’t hurt you again.” He supposes he’ll just work on some freighter, like he’d planned to. With Rey. But not now, now he’d just disappear into the morass of the galaxy.

“What? Why are you saying this?” she asks, an edge of hysteria to her voice.

“Because the dark lives inside me. It always has. It’s only a matter of time until it takes me, and I won’t let you be brought down with me.”

“If it lives in you, it lives in me, too,” she hisses.

“No, not in you. Never in you.”

“That makes no sense. I’m … I’m a … Palpatine,” she whispers his name like she’s afraid of it.

“It’s not the same.”

“Of course it is! Am I evil? Destined for the dark side?”

“No, no. This is different.”

“How?” she cries out. 

“I don’t know! It just is,” he yells stubbornly. “You, you’re the embodiment of light, but me, I’ve always struggled.”

“Because you had a damned parasite in your head!”

“If it was just him, then how was I able to violate your mind!” His voice raises.

“The same reason I stabbed you!” she wails.

That, that makes him stop. “What?”

“We were fighting, I was feeling the dark. I’d just found out about Palpatine … you dropped your saber, wouldn’t kill me. I caught it … and I stabbed you. Straight through. With your own saber.”

Her tears are flowing freely, and he tries to make sense of Rey having done that. She knows she loves him, and that she loved him in the future. How could she have done that, if she loved him?

Nothing makes sense and he starts to back away. He wants to be alone, to think!

But her hands grab for him and she sobs, “We’ve both done horrible things to each other. The dark lives in _both_ of us. Don’t leave, Ben. _Don’t leave me_. Not again. I won’t live through losing you again.”

“And I won’t live through _hurting_ you again!” If he broke, used the dark side on her for a second time, he’s not sure he could ever recover.

“Then we’ll help each other. The answer isn’t to run. Please, Ben. Stay.”

Nothing makes sense, nothing at all and he needs to think.

He can see that young girl in her eyes, the one who has been so ill-used, and he can’t leave her, not like this. But he needs to be alone with the turmoil in his head.

“I’ll be back,” he says, a tad gruffly.

“Please, just stay!”

“I promise, I am coming back, I just … I need this,” he says, feeling caged and frantic.

In the foyer he grabs a jacket and leaves the apartment as swiftly as he can, trying to ignore Rey’s pleas to stay with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who read like a champ even with in-laws visiting.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who didn't groan when I pulled out the laptop to write while on our mini-break.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! My muse left me alone for one day then started poking at me, loudly, on Sunday. We've extended our trip by a day, so look for the next chapter on Wednesday. Thank you all for sticking with me! I so wish I could have you all over for tea.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben tries to come to terms with his legacy and Helpful Han has some choice words about how he should treat his girl.

“Ben!”

Han’s voice makes him stop in the middle of the bridge to the park and he can’t move, suddenly remembering the span where he watched himself murder his own father. His vision is bathed in red, his father’s remembered face shocked and strangely accepting as he’d taken his life. 

He wants to sprint away, irrationally afraid that somehow, without meaning to, he’ll replay that nightmare scenario.

But when he turns, his father is almost to him, and just like in Rey’s memory, they stand in the middle of the narrow bridge. His father looks pleading and frustrated; Ben can only lock his knees to keep from collapsing.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Han hollers, mincing no words. “Come home.” He reaches out his hand and beckons to Ben.

“I’m being torn apart,” Ben sobs. “I don’t know who I am anymore!”

“You’re my son,” Han says firmly.

“Do you even know who that is?” Ben snarls. How could he when he doesn’t know what his boy is capable of? What these hands will do ...

“Yes, I do. You’re the boy who wanted to see the stars, shoot his first blaster. You’re the man I’d always hoped you’d become.”

“NO! You don’t understand!” Ben yells, seeing himself killing his father over and over again. What can he do to stop that, now? Vader’s grandson can only ever be one thing.

“Then explain it to me.”

Ben snorts. “You never wanted to know about the Force before.”

Han sighs. “And I was wrong. Explain it to me,” he repeats.

Shoulder’s slumping, Ben finds himself admitting. “I’ve struggled with the dark my entire life, and now I know _why_. It feels … it feels like I have no control. That the dark is my destiny.”

“It’s not, I know it’s not. You’re a good boy. A good man.”

“Then how … how … how ….” He chokes on the tears flowing down his face. 

Han looks truly worried now. “Ben … tell me.”

“I can’t,” Ben shudders out, afraid that to speak the words will somehow make them true, standing on this crossroads. He can almost feel his father’s flesh split under that hissing blood-red blade.

“You can,” Han urges.

“You’ll hate me,” he moans out.

“I could never hate you,” Han says with more affection than Ben has ever heard from his father.

Ben looks at him hesitantly. Maybe he should tell him. _Warn_ him. Then he’ll understand what kind of monster his son truly is. “When I was in Rey’s mind, I saw—I saw—”

His father nods encouragingly.

Ben can’t look at him when he finally chokes out, “I kill you, Dad. I don’t know when, but whatever I become … I … I …” He can’t bring himself to say it again.

He chances a peak at his father, who’s frowning. Han’s jaw works, but he stays silent, looking over the side of the bridge.

“Please say something,” Ben pleads. _Hate me._

His father rubs his chin. “It seems to me that you’re carrying a lot of guilt for things you haven’t done. I’m right here. You haven’t ever hurt me, and I don’t think you will.”

“But Rey—”

“Came to _change_ things. I don’t pretend to understand all that Force stuff, but I know you, and I like to think I’m getting to know your girl. Whatever happened to make you feel you had no choice but the dark, I have to believe that the two of you will stop it. Hell, you probably already have.”

“But, Vader!”

“Yeah, so what? I mean, _I’d_ like to go back in time myself and kill the bastard again for what he did to your mother. But is she _dark_? Is your uncle?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t … I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing _I_ know. You’re the man who won’t abandon your girl.”

Ben scoffs. “Even if that’s the best thing I could do for her?”

“Don’t be a bantha’s ass. Rey is crying her eyes out, sobbing ‘come back’ over and over again. Do you really think leaving is what she needs?”

That strikes at him, deep inside. “I … I didn’t mean—”

“What did you think was gonna happen when you leave her like that? You think you’re the only one struggling? So Vader is your grandfather. So what? She’s related to the damned Emperor and you don’t see her running away, do you?”

“No,” Ben admits sullenly.

“No. She’s doing everything she can to help you be the man she knows you can be, not running from her problems.”

“I just needed time to clear my head,” Ben defends mulishly.

“Did you make sure she understood that?”

“I told her.”

“But did you even think about how she was feeling?”

“Like you ever thought about how mom felt when you’d just fly away,” Ben accuses snidely.

“How do you think I learned this?! She almost left me!”

Ben blinks at this revelation and the fight leaves him. “I didn’t know.”

“We didn’t want you to. It’s our job to protect you.”

“Yeah, well, I think you protected me so much I was all alone.”

“I know … I can’t change it, but, Ben, you’re screwing up with Rey. “

“I don’t … I don’t mean to.”

“Doesn’t change that you hurt her tonight.”

Ben remembers her stricken face, and how afraid she’d been that he’d be repulsed by her and he suddenly sees that she’d shared something deeply personal and he’d made it all about him.

“Damn,” Ben mutters

“Now get your ass back home. Fix this. All that’s changed is you know some old family history. You’re the same person you were yesterday.”

Ben blinks and lets out a long breath, and with it goes much of his fear. His father is right. The only thing different is that he knows something he’d rather forget.

“ _And_ , you left without any shoes, ya moof-milker.”

Ben looks down at his bare feet and sleeping pants and feels like ten kinds of fool. He’d raced off into the night with only a coat and left Rey.

How could he do that?

\---

He finds her curled up in a ball in the family room and he gently calls out, “Rey?”

“Ben!” she exclaims as she jumps to her feet and runs to him. He catches her in his arms and holds her, so close.

“I'm sorry, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

“You can’t … you can’t leave me like that.”

“I know, I know.”

“After saying you wanted to leave for good, I didn’t … I didn’t know you were coming back.”

“I told you I was coming back,” he reminds her.

“I know, but I couldn’t hold onto that. All I could remember was my parents leaving me, and, I just … I just broke.”

He kisses her forehead gently. “Rey, I’m never leaving you. Sometimes I might need to have a moment to myself, but I’ll always come back.”

“Please don’t ever talk about leaving me for my own good ever again.”

He looks down and finds her expression dead serious and he nods. “Alright. I promise. No more talking of leaving.”

“No running away,” she presses.

“No running away.”

She nods and nuzzles her face into his coat, then she tries to stifle a yawn. Ben peers down, really looking at her. Her eyes are swollen and red and she looks utterly exhausted. Without thinking about it, he sweeps her up into his arms and starts to head to their bedroom.

“Ben!” she squeals. 

“Time to get you back to bed. Enough Skywalker dramatics for one night.”

She wraps her arms around his neck and turns her face until it’s hidden in the crook of his neck. He feels her murmuring something against his skin.

“Hmmm, sweetheart?”

“I said, I love when you carry me.”

“Well, I love carrying you. Isn’t that convenient?”

He kicks open the bedroom door and brings her inside, gently setting her on the bed. As he removes his coat, she giggles. “What?” he asks in confusion.

“You went out in just your sleeping pants and a coat. No shirt. Or shoes.”

“Yeah. I know. I wasn’t thinking very clearly.”

“Obviously,” she teases.

He’s about to get into bed when Rey shakes her head. “Off,” she says as she pulls away her robe, revealing her perfect body.

His eyebrows rise. He’s not sure he’s in quite the right headspace for exploration, but then she’s shaking her head again. “No, I just need to feel your skin.”

This, this he can get behind. There’s something so sublime about feeling their skin move together, it’s centering, comforting, as well as scintillating. 

He shucks off his sleeping pants and crawls into bed. She immediately slides into his arms and oh, oh, the feel of her. Nothing could ever have prepared him for the totality of Rey.

Rey … his beautiful, perfect other half. How could he have imagined ever being without her? All of him cries out for all of her, and he feels supremely idiotic for ever having had the idea in the first place.

Her head is on his chest, his arm wrapped around her, playing with her hair. With his other arm, he pulls her even closer. “I really am sorry for earlier.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t care about you being related to Palpatine. We’re both struggling with our ancestry, and I know that who you are has nothing to do with his blood.”

“I know the same thing about you,” she assures. Ben pushes away that voice inside him that wants to argue, wants to say that he’s marked for life by this revelation. That voice is _wrong_ and he’s going to prove it to his family, Rey, _himself_.

“I could never leave you. Please know that,” he vows.

She nods. “I know that here.” She touches her forehead. “But I couldn’t get my heart to stop breaking.”

“Oh, Rey …” he whispers. Ugly guilt twists in his belly, and he knows he’s not going to make her doubt his constancy ever again, not if he can help it.

“I just … for so long I was the girl who waited. For a family that was already dead. I can’t … I can’t be her again.”

“You won’t be. I promise, I promise.”

“I was so lonely,” she chokes out.

“I know, I know.”

“I thought if I was just good enough, they’d come back. But no matter what I did, I was always, _always_ so alone.”

“You’ll never be alone again. I’m here. I’m here and I’ll always be here,” he croons.

“I love you, Ben,” she declares.

“And I love you,” he confirms.

\---

Rey is dead to the world when he wakes up. He considers disturbing her slumber, but instead he just settles in to soak her up. He’s not going to allow her to awaken to an empty bed, not after last night. If that means he simply watches her sleep, then so be it.

It’s not exactly difficult.

\---

She stretches languidly and scrunches up her face. It might be the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. 

Then the covers slip and her gorgeous breasts are begging for him to _taste_. After having so much time to simply let his eyes roam over her, he’s been having rather detailed fantasies all morning. He hopefully catches her eyes, and he sees answering heat, so he slowly bends his head and latches on, suckling at her gently. She groans and arches her back; he sucks harder in answer.

She takes his hand and pulls it to her center and he chuckles against her skin. She’s certainly not shy about what she wants and his eager fingers slide between her folds.

\---  
  
They eventually make their way to the kitchen after they’d both readied for the day. It’s late morning so he’s not surprised that his parents are nowhere to be found.

He’s relieved, in a way. He’s not sure he’s ready to talk to his mother in the light of day. He still doesn’t really know how to feel about her keeping such a huge secret from him. He’s not angry any longer, more hurt. Like a bruise he can’t stop pressing.

Rey keeps close to him, and he understands all too well how she’s feeling. He doesn’t want to let her out of his sight, either. But then the door alert sounds and Ben startles. They don’t usually receive visitors and he waits to see if either of his parents are home to answer the door, but there’s no movement. Huh, they must not be home. 

The alert sounds again, and he considers not answering it, but it might be something important for his mother’s position, so he makes his way to the foyer. 

His brain can’t quite process who he finds when he opens the door. The Twi’lek, Darrah, is standing on the other side wearing an indecently low-cut dress that barely covers her.

“Ben!” she says with a treacly sort of enthusiasm. “I’d hoped you’d be the one to answer the door!”

“How … how’d you know where I live?” he asks slowly.

“Don’t you remember? I picked you up when you were home last summer.”

He runs his hand through his hair, trying to remember. Dimly the memory comes and he says, “Right, yeah. Uhm. What did you need?”

“Well … I thought I’d find out if you were busy. Maybe we could go out, pick up where we left off …?” she suggests seductively, stepping into the apartment and running her fingers along his tunic. Why is she always _touching_ him?

That’s of course the moment Rey joins them. He can feel her rage through the Force.

“Hands off!” Rey snarls.

Darrah’s eyes go wide and she snatches her hand back. Then Rey rounds on Ben. “What the hell is _she_ doing here?”

“I really have no idea,” he says, holding his hands in a defensive position. “She just showed up.”

“Oh,” Rey says, not looking the least mollified. “You need to leave,” Rey hisses at the Twi’lek.

Darrah pouts. “So this,” she gestures between Ben and Rey, “is serious?” She eyes Rey up and down and almost sneers. That’s a step too far for Ben and he puts his arm around Rey possessively.

“ _Very_ ,” he says sharply.

“Well, when things _don’t_ work out, comm me,” Darrah purrs.

That’s when Rey snaps and a wave of the Force pushes Darrah out the door and on her ass. Another wave slides the door shut with a lout snick. The last thing Ben hears from Darrah is an indignant howl.

Ben looks down at Rey in surprise. Rey isn’t usually so … forceful.

She grabs him by the collar and pulls his face down to hers. She kisses him fiercely then actually growls, “Mine! You’re mine!”

Ben nods dumbly, surprised at how her words have gone straight to his core. Then she’s pulling him along, declaring, “Bed!” along the way.

He almost trips over his feet in his rush to follow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unbeta'd, so don't blame ArtemisBare for anything wrong. :D
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who has ensured I've had just the best time in Hot Springs. I got to pretend I was a Victorian lady 'taking the waters'.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I get back from our trip tonight, so there should be another chapter tomorrow. I suspect that I'll be back on my chapter a day streak as well. Thank you for being the most stupendous group of people out there!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben manages to cockblock himself (isn't he talented?) then the Organa-Solos start to plot.

They slam into his room, kissing heatedly as their hands tear at each other’s clothes. He tries to press her against the closed door, but she nips at his lips and pushes him back, dropping to her knees.

She has his already straining length out of his trousers in no time and immediately takes nearly all of him into her mouth. Somehow, she’s figured out how to relax her throat and he just about dies right there at the sensation as he feels himself slide all the way home, her lips at the base of his cock. 

Then she pulls back and her eyes sear into his as she commands, “Watch me. Watch me prove that you’re _mine_.”

He nods blearily, and she holds his gaze as she plunges down on his cock once again. Oh gods, he never thought he’d see something so perfect as her red lips around him, never even imagined something could be so damned _hot_. 

This time, his orgasm doesn’t come on him fast and relentless. They’d already had an _active_ morning, so he’s able to really focus on the sublime feeling of her luxurious mouth, how her tongue moves along his shaft, how she sucks at the tip.

Force, he’s never going to recover from the sight of Rey on her knees in front of him like this. On some level, he doesn’t like her prostrated before him, but the darker, baser part of him feels like roaring in triumph. 

Again and again, she takes him deep inside her, the sensation of sliding down her throat unlike anything he could have ever fathomed. How is she doing that? It feels so good, but he doesn’t want to finish, not yet. He wants her to find her pleasure first.

He pulls at her shoulders and she growls, deeply, pulling back. “Mine” she declares in a possessive voice.

“I’m yours, utterly yours. Let me show you. Let me show you how completely I’m yours.”

He wants to worship her the way she’s lavished him with such attention. Her eyes waver, and the image of his hard, weeping cock against her cheek makes him groan. He’s seen holos before, but it was never, ever like this.

“Please,” he begs, grasping her more firmly. She nods and he lifts her to her feet, and then they’re struggling out of the rest of their clothes. Once she’s beautifully bare before him, he presses her down to the bed, beginning to cover her body with his. But she surprises him, as she swiftly flips him on his back. He thinks she used a touch of Force to manage to get him prone so easily.

She straddles him, and oh gods, her slick folds slide along his shaft. So close, so close to being inside her and he whimpers, wanting so badly to shift and find his way into her tight heat.

Her eyes are blazing as she continues to undulate along him. Oh, Force, now he’s feeling the pleasure build, threatening to overtake him.

“No one but me touches you,” she snarls.

“No, no one but you. I hated her hand on me.”

She bends forward and kisses him in a way that makes him feel completely _owned_. “These lips are mine,” she growls low in her throat.

“Only yours.”

She draws herself up his cock and, gods, gods, gods, she shifts and he knows he’s right at her entrance. If she moved her hips just so, he’d be inside _Rey_. Wait. Wait. He doesn’t want their first time to be in the midst of jealous fury. He needs it to be … special and he pulls her up his body, separating them.

“What—”

“Not yet, Rey,” he explains. His belly twists with the lack of friction, but he ignores it.

All her possessive fire dims and she looks almost hurt. “You don’t want—”

“I do, Force, Rey, I do … just … not like this.”

It’s a decision he wants them to make _together,_ when emotions aren’t so high. When Rey isn’t just coming down from her insecurity being so badly battered and he feels centered. He’s been all over the place for days.

“I need … I need to make _love_ to you, the first time.” Not this frantic coupling that his body is screaming for.

She nods, but her eyes don’t show understanding.

He sighs and moves them to their sides, so they’re on equal standing. “Don’t you think it’s something we should talk about? It’s a big step.” Slowly, he feels himself calming.

Rey looks almost hurt and he cups her face. “Tell me what I’ve done to make you upset.”

“I just … I needed to prove to you, to me, that you’re not going anywhere.”

His eyebrows furrow in anguish. He really did hurt her, badly, when he talked of leaving and he hopes she’ll learn to trust his adoration soon.

“I love you. I love you so much I was willing to take my heart out of my chest in order to protect you— “

“I don’t want that—”

“I know. I see that now. And I’ll never offer to tear myself apart like that ever again. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not even sure I could have, anyway.”

“But you do … you do want … me?”

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re all I’ve ever wanted.” He strokes his thumb along her cheek.

“What about Darrah?” she asks with an undercurrent of jealousy mixed with fear.

“Not even in the same universe. You … gods, you … You’re everything.”

Her eyes take on the shine of memory and she whispers, “You once told me I was nothing.”

“What?” he asks, confused and filled with the desire to punch … himself?

“But then you said but not to you. It took me a long time to figure out what you meant.”

“Well, I certainly could have phrased it better,” Ben says with a frown.

Rey smiles and seems more like herself. “I’m not sure what happened, but you … you weren’t great at words, in the future.”

“Hmm,” he says, thinking he’s not so great with them now, either, if his behavior the night before is any indication. 

She puts her hand on his chest and looks into his eyes earnestly. “I _am_ ready, for us to take the next step.”

He breathes in sharply, trying to figure out if he is. He wants her like he’s never wanted anything in his life, and the idea of merging their bodies is heady, transcendent. But … he wants to manage at least a few days without his chaotic mind dragging them down, first.

“I … I’m not,” he confesses. The look in her eyes makes him quickly amend, “I want to, stars, I want to … but everything has been so … so ….”

“Dramatic?” she offers with a raised brow. 

He snorts. She’s not wrong. “If you like. I just … I want to show you that I deserve to be trusted with that gift.”

Rey makes a face, “Well, I _know_ you are, and _I’ve_ been waiting a lot longer than you.”

His heart tightens in his chest, and he’s again feeling threatened by himself. The thought of her wanting both versions of him should be comforting, but instead it leaves him worried that she’s not really seeing him as he is now. And he knows she doesn’t see the man he hopes to become.

“I love what we have now. Can that be enough?” he asks, suddenly afraid she won’t be satisfied with their curious exploration of what their bodies can do outside of making love.

But she smiles and snuggles into him. “I’m happy, Ben. As long as I get to touch you, talk to you, it’s more than enough.”

He sighs out in relief and cradles her close. Then he finds her lips and her kisses pull him into that place of trust and devotion. With Rey by his side he can take on the entire galaxy.

\---

Thankfully, they’re both dressed and cuddled on the settee in the family room when he hears his parents come home.

“Oh good, you’re awake. Finally,” Leia remarks in an overly cheerful tone as she glides into the space.

Han follows, carrying two large boxes, the kind meant for data. Ben sits up straighter, suddenly quite curious.

“Mom?” He gestures to the containers.

“We’ll explain it all. But it’s going to be a long conversation. Have you both already had lunch?”

Of course he’s made sure to feed Rey. “Yeah, we’ve eaten.”

“Well … if now is a good time …” Leia trails off and Ben sees how nervous she is. After the revelations of last night, he’s not surprised. He doesn’t quite know how to behave around her, either. He’s been able to push away his questions about Vader to the back of his mind, but now with her warning of a long conversation, he’s wary. 

Han grunts as he places the boxes on a table while Leia sits in her favorite chair. Han leans against a wall with his arms crossed.

“You might as well sit,” Leia grouses. “This is going to take a while.”

“I’ve been sitting at your offices all morning, I’m good,” Han grumbles and Leia shrugs lightly.

Rey has stayed quiet, watching it all unfold, but now she asks, “Is everything alright?”

“Well … it will be. I was up the rest of last night thinking. Ben, I’m done trying to protect you, you and Rey. You’re both adults and I think it’s time we all start talking.”

Ben and Rey both nod, and Rey scoots a little closer to him, taking his hand. She’s clearly concerned about how he’s feeling.

Mostly, he’s just relieved. Though part of him thinks this kind of openness would have gone a long way to helping him understand himself sooner.

“I know that it was wrong to keep so much from you. I’m sorry, Ben, truly sorry.”

“Well …” Ben starts slowly. “I do wish you’d told me about Vader. Finding out from someone else, even Rey …”

“Wasn’t ideal … I know. Part of the data in those boxes is the classified accounts of final stages of the Galactic Civil War. Luke’s debrief is in there.”

Ben’s eyes widen. “How did you …?”

Leia smiles serenely. “What’s a few Jedi mind tricks between friends?”

“Mom!”

She rolls her eyes. “Just don’t tell Luke.”

“Still spooky, if you ask me,” Han mumbles from the corner. 

“That’s a huge amount of data,” Ben observes. “What else did you _liberate_?” he asks with narrowed eyes.

“Everything I could find about unaccounted for Imperial officers, Empire sympathizers, Murakami orchids … anything to help us understand how and when the First Order begins.”

Ben blinks rapidly. His mother stole data from the Republic? He looks over at his father in bewilderment. Han smiles smugly. “ _This_ is the woman I married. Nothing gets in the way of my princess.”

“Well, the Rebellion began in my family’s sitting room on Alderaan. With a group not so dissimilar to this one. If evil is coming, we’re going to be prepared this time. Palpatine could have been stopped if we’d understood what was possible. This time we’re ready for him.”

“Wait. Palpatine is dead,” Ben says.

Rey winces. “Well … actually …”

\---

“Is there anything _else_ I need to know?” Ben asks in exasperation. He could have lost his temper over this rather significant revelation, but instead he just feels weary.

“I don’t know,” Rey says, her bearing open and honest. “I don’t know what’s important, and what’s not. But I promise, I won’t keep anything else from you.”

“And neither will I,” Leia chimes in.

Ben’s jaw works, and he finally sighs. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Hey, kid. I had to watch your mom make out with Luke, so it could be worse.”

“Han!”

Ben gasps, “What?!”

\---

He hadn’t been ready to watch his uncle’s debriefing; he’s still feeling too raw and he doesn’t want to push himself while he’s still feeling fragile. The last thing Rey needs is for him to have another breakdown. 

Now, his eyes are beginning to cross and he’s feeling vaguely ill after combing through so many old Imperial records. The stark language used to describe atrocity after atrocity is truly chilling.

_Yatan, Sleen - Cleansed Quol. 3,629,427 undesirables eliminated. Commendation recommended._

_Tris, Gentra - Commandant of Kashyyyk. Productivity increased 15%._

_Hux, Brendol - Commandant of Arkanis Academy. Republic experience. Promotion recommended._

Wait. Hux was on the list of escapees …

\---

“We should contact Luke, find out what he knows about Snoke,” Ben offers to the room. They’re all nose-deep in their respective data pads, and Leia blinks blearily as she looks up.

“I should have known Snoke was up to no good,” Leia says bitterly.

“Wait,” Ben stops her. “You know him?”

“He approached me in the Senate, said he wanted to visit the New Jedi Temple. I put him in contact with Luke.” Her face is full of dismay and she won’t look at Ben.

Ben swallows thickly. Snoke had obviously wanted to meet him in person and orchestrated his charade. He snorts. As if Snoke really cared about _plants_. Wait … the orchids!

“Is there anything on him in these records?” he asks, panic in his voice.

“Ben, what is it?”

“He said he was a horticulturist. The orchids. I would bet my lightsaber he’s doing something with them.” He shudders involuntarily, remembering how they’d cried out for him. 

Han rifles through the data spikes, and crows, “Got it!” as he tosses it to Ben.

Ben catches it, quickly transferring the information to his datapad and begins to read.

\---

Sitting back, Ben lets out a huge yawn. There hadn’t been much on Snoke, just a spare biography and a list of truly mind-numbing academic articles.

“We should call it a day,” announces Han. 

Leia sighs in frustration, but she nods. “Alright. I’ll order some dinner.”

Han goes up to her and starts to rub her shoulders. “We weren’t going to find answers quickly. You remember.”

“I know … I just … starting from scratch …”

“Hey, this time you have me!” he says with a cocky grin. Leia rubs his hand and smiles, her eyes shining with love.

Ben watches his parents and realizes that they really do love each other. It’s startling, but makes him feel warm inside.

He glances at Rey and finds her face tight and worried, so Ben gets up from his spot on the floor and puts his arm around her. “What is it?” he asks.

“I just … I was hoping to find something about the stormtrooper program.”

“Oh! They were clones, from Kamino. I think I saw something—”

“No, I meant the new program, of the First Order.”

“They have stormtroopers, too?”

“Yes. But … they didn’t use clones.”

“Enlisted?”

Rey shakes her head. “No. They stole children.”

That article he’d seen on missing children. He smacks his forehead and quickly searches the holonet until he finds it again.

“Does this seem familiar?” he asks her.

Rey scans the words and her face grows more and more concerned. “Yes. This is them, I’m sure of it.”

“Mom!” Ben calls out excitedly. “We have a real lead!”

\---

“Well, looks like we’re headed to Atalyn,” Han says after everyone has read the bit of news. “They might be able to tell us more.”

“Before you start tearing all over the galaxy, let me try diplomatic channels,” Leia says firmly. “This isn’t from a very reputable news source, let me confirm it at least.”

Han makes a face and throws up his hands. “Just trying to be helpful.”

“When has that ever worked?” his mom asks with asperity. “And don’t say the death star!”

Han lets out a noise of frustration and Ben snags Rey by the hand and pulls her out of the room. He may have begun to understand that his parents’ marriage is far stronger than he’d ever recognized, but he knows how this argument goes.

\---

“I need to water my orchid,” Rey says as he starts to lead them to the kitchen. His mother might be planning to order dinner, but he’d wanted to feed her a snack at least. However, her face is determined.

As soon as they reach the conservatory, Rey goes to her orchid and smiles, gliding her fingers over its waxy green leaves. “I think it’s beginning to recognize me. It’s … happy.”

He comes up behind her and rubs her biceps. “Good, I’m glad.”

She quietly communes with her orchid but she still seems upset.

“Rey? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I just … I have a friend; he’d be around 13 now. He was a stormtrooper. I knew I couldn’t save him, too, but now … now I wonder. They would have taken him by now.”

She turns and looks up into his face. “And before you get all jealous, Finn really was only my friend. My first friend, honestly.”

“And they have him,” he confirms grimly.

“Yes,” she agrees with a hollow voice.

“We’re going to fix this, all of it. I promise.” He pulls her into his arms and presses her head into his chest.

She nods against him, but he can still feel her doubt.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, for always being so in-tune with what the story needs!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who turned 56 today. Happy Birthday, Biscuit!
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm home and the streak should continue! Thank you for your patience! *Big Perry Hugs*


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben takes a moment to reflect. Then deals with Loser Luke before taking his girl on another date.

Rey sleeps soundly in his arms, but his mind won’t stop going over everything he’s learned since coming home. Everything he’s _done_. He still can’t really believe he’d invaded Rey’s mind like that, and he’s beyond grateful that she seems to have forgiven him.

Then, he’d made her feel as if he was leaving her, too. He looks down at her placid face, relieved the nightmares are leaving her alone. He’d hoped that their bond would keep them away from her for good, but clearly, she just has too much spinning through her head to wipe them away entirely. 

He’s thankful that she’d been willing to wait for them to take that final step together, become one with their bodies in the same way as their soul, because he doesn’t really think he deserves her like that. Not yet. He has to show both of them that he can go for more than a few days without losing his damned mind.

It means nothing that Darth Vader is his grandfather. He won’t fall to the dark side, he won’t hurt Rey like that. It doesn’t matter that Snoke manipulated him for years. His head is his own now, and he’s going to prove to himself that he belongs to no one but himself. Well, and Rey. 

He just can’t settle, so gently, he untangles himself from her. She stirs and makes an adorable snuffling sound, but then sleep pulls her back under.

Once on his feet, he takes in one long look of her sleeping form. She’s all that matters. He’s going to face it all. For her.

And the first step is dealing with his uncle. 

\---

He pads into the family room and over the boxes bursting with his mother’s pilfered data. Carefully, he picks through them until he finds it.

Luke’s debrief after the events of the second death star.

His whole life he’d been told that Luke had sensed good in Darth Vader and had gone to the Imperial base on Endor in a desperate attempt to reason with the twisted man. It makes far more sense now that he knows that Vader is his father. 

Taking a deep breath, he pulls up the recording.

\---

Ben sits back, not quite sure what to think. Now that he knows Palpatine is back, it all feels so tragic and pointless. His grandfather returned to the light, sacrificed himself to save his son, and the Emperor still lived. What had it all been for?

It’s all just a horrific cycle and he taps his knee. Does Luke know about Palpatine? What will that do to him?

It’s the middle of the day on Yavin 4, he could comm him … 

He dislikes talking to his uncle. They’d never really seen eye-to-eye on anything, but he _is_ family. And he would rather like to hear his reaction when he finds out that Ben knows about Vader. 

Sighing, he snags the comm off the end table and just stares at it for a long time. If he’s lucky, Luke won’t be available and he can just leave him a message. He’s not sure he’ll even talk to him, after what happened with Daxon.

Huffing out a breath, Ben taps in the code for Luke and waits.

“Leia! I thought I’d hear from you by now.”

Ben clears his throat. “It’s not Mom.”

“Oh, Ben …” Luke says, sounding almost disappointed. “What do you need?” he asks shortly.

“I know about Rey. That she comes from the future.”

“I see,” Luke says slowly.

“I also know about Vader.”

He hears a sharp intake of breath and he smiles. It’s satisfying to get the drop on Luke Skywalker.

“What, precisely, do you think you know?” Luke asks carefully.

“That he’s your father, that my whole family was so terrified of me turning to the dark that you all but guaranteed it.”

“Now, Ben, that’s not fair—”

“Isn’t it? You always kept your distance from me, didn’t even treat me the same as the others, let alone acknowledged I’m your family!” Ben is already losing his temper and he takes in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Look, I don’t want to fight. I need to know what Rey told you.”

“Shouldn’t you ask her?” Luke points out in that condescending way that always gets right under his skin.

“Fine, I was trying to be gentle. Did she tell you about Palpatine?”

“What about him?” Luke asks with confusion.

“So you don’t know he’s still alive.”

There’s a long, thick silence over the comm and Ben just waits.

“No. No I didn’t know. Rey failed to mention that,” Luke finally says.

“She does that,” Ben acknowledges. As much as he loves her, Rey is still closed tightly and he’s sure there’s _something_ she’s not telling him.

“There’s more …”

\---

Well, that had been frustrating. Luke hadn’t known a damned thing about Snoke that he didn’t already know. Ben hadn’t been able to explain about the voice and Snoke, just asked because he’d come up in their research. Let his mother tell him.

He looks at his chrono and groans. There are only a few hours left in the night, but he doesn’t feel even the slightest bit tired.

Deciding to give up entirely, he picks up his datapad and keeps reading about the old Empire.

\---

He’s beginning to nod off when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Ben?” Rey asks. “Are you alright?”

Blinking he looks up into her worried face and smiles. “Just couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh,” she says fiddling with her nightgown. Something is clearly bothering her.

He sets aside his datapad and opens his arms. She immediately situates herself across his lap and nestles into him.

“What is it?” he asks gently.

“Just … you were gone. When I woke up. I … I didn’t like it.”

Ben frowns slightly. “I would never just leave in the middle of the night, I promise.”

“I know … it’s just …”

He can sense so much pain from her, so he cups her face with his hand. “Tell me.”

“I don’t know how. It feels silly,” she whispers as a single tear streaks down her face.

“Oh, love … nothing you feel could be silly.”

“I just … I … when you died—” A sob steals her words and he pulls her close.

“Shhh, shhh. It’s alright. You’ve been through so much.”

She nods and says softly, “But I have you. You’re right here. What’s wrong with me, that I’m still so afraid you’re just going to disappear?” 

“You’ve lost too many people. It’s perfectly natural to be afraid.” He strokes her hair and she finally stops trembling. “Tell me … tell me how we fell in love in your time.”

“I don’t really know how to answer that,” she evades. “We never had a chance to talk about it.”

“Hmmm.” It bothers him that she guards her memories of his future self so closely, almost like they’re too precious to share. But she’s finally calming, and he decides they’ve been through enough recently.

She’ll tell him, eventually.

Won’t she?

\---

“Ben.”

He’s so warm, and Rey is close. Sleep. He wants to sleep.

“Ben.”

“Mmmmm,” he mumbles.

Then he feels a little shake and he cracks open one eye. 

Rey smiles that glorious smile and that makes him open his eyes fully. “Good morning, sweetheart.” He’d finally been able to find sleep when they’d come back to his … their room.

“Your mother is outside. She wants to talk to you.”

He clenches his eyes shut and drapes his arm over his face. “Too early.”

“No, it’s late. We slept in. Again.”

Then he hears his mother’s voice through the door. “Ben, I’m sorry, but I have to go into the office, and I want to talk to you first.”

He flings his arm away and sits up, grouchy and full of bad grace. At least he’s already wearing a shirt as well as his sleeping pants. 

“Come in,” he grumbles.

The door opens and his mother looks ready for battle, of the diplomatic kind. Perhaps there’s a vote today.

“Good morning, Ben, Rey.”

He just nods and Rey says, “Good morning.”

“Before I go, I wanted to ask … well, I wanted to know if it’s alright for me to reach out to Luke—”

“I commed him last night. He knows most everything. Not about the voice … I couldn’t trust him like that.”

Leia frowns slightly. “I do think he should know.”

“I just couldn’t tell him,” Ben admits softly. It was a step too far to take with his uncle. At least right now.

“I know … I know that Luke failed you, we all did, but—”

“He did most of all,” Ben almost snarls. He may not have done it, but knowing Luke wanted to kill him in the future deeply colors his perspective. His death was preferable to simply _talking_ to him. “Did you tell her? Did you tell my mother what he did to me in the future?” he asks Rey.

“Yes, she told me … I haven’t known how to talk to him, what to think since then. But now, I think we need him.”

Ben’s shoulders slump and he knows his mother is right, but he really doesn’t want to say it out loud. “I just … I feel like he never trusted me to be stronger than my blood,” he confesses.

“I think we’re all guilty of that.”

Rey steps forward and puts her hand on Ben’s arm. “I … I’ve never understood that. I’m sorry, Leia, but … both you and Luke never fell, why were you so convinced Ben would?” 

Leia looks away for a long time, and when she looks back, her eyes are haunted. “Now that I understand the darkness I felt was always Snoke, it feels so wrong that I doubted you like that. All I can say is I was afraid. So afraid.”

The anguish pouring from his mother moves Ben to come up to her and enfold her in his arms. “Mom … I know you did the best you could. I may still be hurt, but I do know that.”

“Thank you,” she shudders.

\---

“Where’s Han?” Rey asks over breakfast.

Ben shrugs. “Oh, probably working on the _Falcon_.”

“I know we should keep digging through that data, but …” She gets a wistful look in her eyes.

“What?”

“Could we … could we spend the day together? With everything … I miss our time together. Our walks on Yavin 4. Just getting to _be_.”

Ben smiles broadly. It still amazes him that Rey wants to spend time with him, and her quiet request makes his heart swell with love and pride. 

He reaches for her hand. “I think that would be wonderful. What would you like to do?”

“Something outside?”

And suddenly, he knows _just_ where he’s going to take her.”

\---

“Republic City has one of the most extensive botanical gardens in the galaxy,” Ben informs Rey as they walk through the verdant entrance. It’s under a huge dome so that they can control the climate for different regions and the transition from city to the lush greenery always takes his breath away.

“This is … wow,” Rey exclaims. 

“It is, isn’t it?” He squeezes her hand and watches her face as she takes it all in.

“Where do you want to start? There’s a flitterbug garden, the arboretum, an orchid house—”

“Oh, let’s go there!”

Ben smirks. Why did he even ask? 

\---

Rey gasps as the palatial white greenhouse comes into view. It has two vast wings, and a soaring cathedral-like dome, all paned with glass.

“It’s all filled with flowers?” she asks in awe.

“From every corner of the galaxy.”

Rey picks up their pace and Ben has to chuckle at her child-like glee.

\---

She stands in the middle of the grand hall and just gapes at the bursting color. All around her is every shade one could imagine, but Ben thinks she’s still the most beautiful flower of them all.

“I don’t even know where to start!” she squeals.

“Have you always loved flowers?” he asks.

“Oh yes. Until leaving Jakku I’d only ever seen one in person before.”

Ben frowns at the reminder of her deprivation. “You’ll always have flowers, now. I promise, wherever we make our home, it will burst with them.”

She goes up on her toes and kisses him sweetly. “I love you, Ben.”

\---

“Look!” she gasps and Ben’s eyes follow where she’s pointing. It’s a large display of Murikami orchids. They’re much larger than Rey’s and he realizes hers must be young.

She goes up the infoholo and begins to flip through its description. He reads over her shoulder.

_The Murikami Orchid is unique for its special Force-sensitive properties. For this reason, it has been known to react to impending danger and joy. However, much of this is only myth, as Force users are so rare._

_A single bulb can produce up to a dozen separate plants, known as a creche. They’re bonded and it’s not recommended that they be separated, as they appear to react poorly to being away from their siblings._

She looks at Ben swiftly. “Did you just read that?”

“Yes,” he says grimly. 

“So even if we got another one, mine would still be sad.”

“I’m sorry, Rey … I didn’t know.” Leave it to him to get her the most depressing gift in the galaxy.

But Rey simply looks speculative. “Do you think they might … communicate?”

“I don’t know. I mean, there doesn’t seem to be much known about them.”

“Maybe … maybe my orchid can give us some insight into what the First Order is doing with them.”

“It’s absolutely worth a try.”

He can feel her vibrate with the need to rush home and try immediately and he asks, “Should we go?”

Her eyes light up, but then she shakes her head. “No … no. I know that we have more than a decade before the First Order becomes unstoppable. We have time. Show me the flitterbugs!”

\---

After watching Rey with the flitterbugs, luminous in her joy, he’d taken her to the tea house in the center of the botanical gardens. They serve a traditional Coruscanti afternoon tea and he’s eager to see what she thinks of the towers of treats they’ll bring to their table. 

“Ben, it’s so beautiful here. I had no idea there were so many different kinds of trees and plants!”

“I’m really happy you’re enjoying it.”

“Thank you … you put so much thought into me.” She absentmindedly rubs at the cuff he got her at the markets and he smiles at the memory. 

“I always will. Rey … I could spend the rest of our lives showing you beautiful places and it would never be enough to make you understand how much you mean to me.”

“I know, I do,” she says.

“I … I don’t think you do.” He takes her hand and looks deeply into her eyes. “Before you, I was lost. I needed you, so desperately. You make everything make sense. You make _me_ make sense.”

She frowns slightly. “I’m not … I’m just me.”

“Exactly. You’re my other half. We fit.”

She curls her fingers around his. “Yes, we do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare! You are simply the best.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who brought home a king cake! Today we're going to our first major parade of carnival season and I'm so excited!
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm sorry I wasn't able to pick back up with my streak, I was under the weather but am much better now. Thank you all for sticking with me!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resplendent Rey is a coy little thing, we find out a bit more about the orchid, then Besotted Ben marks his territory.

Rey had fallen asleep on the ride home from dinner. He’d kept her out quite late after their day at the botanical gardens, not wanting to share her. As he glances over at her sleeping face, he’s absolutely certain that he’s never done anything in his life to deserve her trust. That she’s willing to be so vulnerable in front of him steals the breath from his lungs. 

After pulling into the space below their building, he comes around to Rey’s side of the speeder. He hopes he can get her inside and to bed without waking her.

\---

“Hey, kids!” Han bellows as Ben gently carries Rey through the foyer. 

“Shhh,” Ben hushes his father sharply as Han pokes his head around the corner.

Han makes an apologetic face and whispers, “Sorry!”

Luckily, Rey had only stirred slightly and he continues to make his way to their bedroom.

As he lays her down on the bed, he can only watch her peaceful face, enjoy the feel of her. That he’s allowed to touch her at all is an absolute miracle. He never would have thought it was possible to love her more, but here he is, his chest nearly exploding with the intensity of his devotion. 

He’s feeling so much that his eyes prick with tears, his emotions needing to find a way out of him. In that moment, he wants to make love to her so badly, show her with his body that he’s entirely hers. Though he’s always a bit aroused when in her presence, this need comes from a completely different aspect of his adoration. 

It’s a deep, foreign place, that to go into that undiscovered land together might be how he can make it clear to both of them that he will never turn to the dark, because to do so would be to turn on _her_.

Removing her shoes, he murmurs, “I love you so much, Rey. I hope … I hope someday I’ll be able to show you.”

She sighs in her sleep and mumbles, “Love you.”

He smiles and kisses her forehead before padding back to the family room.

\---

“Good day?” his father asks from his chair. The holo emitter is on, with the volume low in the background.

Ben makes a small smile. “Yeah … yeah it really was.”

Han nods approvingly. “Well, your mom had to work late. I told her it’d be okay since you kids were out.”

Blinking in confusion, Ben says, “Wait. Are you telling me mom checked with you about staying late?” He has no memory of her ever considering her impact on her family.

Sadness fills his father’s eyes. “Ben … your mom and I have talked. A lot. And I’ve talked to Rey a fair bit, too. We know we made mistakes and we … well we’re gonna be here for you from now on. I’ll still be gone from time to time, but I’m hoping you’ll want to join me, at least sometimes, now that you’re home for good.”

It strikes Ben then that he really does have to decide what happens next. Is it too late to go back to school? Though it is tempting to learn his father’s trade … The Force would be awfully handy in that line of work. 

He’s enjoying the time with his parents, surprisingly, but he doesn’t want to live with them forever. Rey deserves her own home. He still has enough saved away that he should be able to buy a small apartment. Maybe he can work out a deal with his father, begin to earn something?

“Yeah, I’d like that. It was … it was fun last time.”

“We make a good team.”

Ben grins, feeling like his father really is beginning to see him. “We do,” he agrees.

Han yawns hugely. “Well, I think I’m gonna turn in. I just wanted to make sure you kids got home alright.”

“Dad, we aren’t children. I think I can be trusted to keep both of us safe.”

“I know you can. But your old man is allowed to make sure.”

Ben chuckles. “Okay, okay.”

Han’s knees pop as he stands, making him grimace. “Don’t get old.”

He manages to keep his face neutral, but his father’s comment makes ice trickle down his spine. His future used to end at age 30. Will it still? Plastering a smile on his face, he says, “Goodnight,” hoping he sounds normal.

His father starts to leave before turning around, “Oh, hey. Your mom wanted me to remind you. Poe is visiting tomorrow.

Groaning, Ben winces. “Don’t suppose you have an urgent job?”

“Oh, come on. He’s your friend.”

Ben just snorts. He’s not exactly a friend he would have chosen.

\---

He slides into bed next to Rey and gathers her in his arms. He can’t stop thinking about making love to her, with her. He wants it to be special, so special, not in his childhood bedroom with his parents at the other end of the apartment.

Already mindful of being overheard—Rey gets spectacularly loud—he decides he needs to make plans to take her somewhere else. But he doesn’t want to take her to a hotel, with the intent of getting her naked. It feels … tawdry.

Hmmm … his family keeps several properties, maybe he could take her to one of those? He’ll have to talk to his mother. His cheeks heat at the prospect; stars, he hopes his mother won’t figure out _why_.

All this thinking about being with Rey, completely, has him stirring to life, and almost without really meaning to, he’s pressing against Rey, his hand wandering to her breast. Force, she feels so good and his body is always ready for her in moments. But she’s sleeping.

He could go to the ‘fresher, he supposes, but that feels disrespectful, to just nip off to have a quick wank with her sleeping just on the other side of the door. So, he tries to focus on his breathing and not the growing tent in his sleeping pants. 

She sighs in her sleep and wriggles back against him. That’s _not_ helping. Maybe he should get up, meditate, but then she does it again and he gets the distinct impression that she’s not quite as asleep as she seems.

Letting his senses stretch out, he finds just a glimmer of her awareness, but it’s muted and that’s when he realizes she’s hiding from him in the Force. The little minx! She’s feigning sleep!

A glorious giggle bubbles up from her throat, and she presses back against him with serious intent. She wants to play, does she?

Swiftly, he flips her on her back, and pins her wrists on either side of her head, finding her eyes wide open and full of mischief.

“Naughty girl,” he purrs.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she says with false innocence.

“I’ll just have to show you, won’t I?” His voice is low and full meaning.

Her smile is pure sin when she responds, “You’d better.”

It doesn’t take him long to get her naked.

\--- 

Ben wakes up alone realizing two things. One, Rey was right, it really does feel profoundly wrong to find her gone when he wakes; he wonders at how completely they’ve become entwined. Two, he has a raging erection and no idea what to do about it.

Now that he and Rey have become so physical, it just feels wrong to take care of it himself, but he certainly can’t wander the apartment looking for Rey like this. The thought of running across his mother in this state helps quite a bit in that department.

Not enough, however, so he grumbles as he sits up, taking his meditation pose.

\---

He finds her in the first place he looks. Of course she’d be in the conservatory. However, she’s sitting in the middle of the floor, her orchid in front of her and her eyes are closed. Quietly, he observes her, not wishing to disturb her obvious communion with the flower.

If they’re lucky, she’ll be able to get some idea about what’s happening on Kamino.

She’s concentrating deeply, so he stays as still as he can and tries to rein in his tendency to let his senses find her in the Force. He always has an awareness of her, but he has to actively listen to touch the bond. Sometimes things filter though, but he’s not sure why.

Then she gasps and her eyes fly open as she looks around wildly. When her gaze lands on him she exclaims, “Ben!”

“What is it?” Her frightened face has him instantly concerned.

“They’re … they’re trying to strip the Force from them!”

The thought makes him feel cold. If he were to lose the Force … well, he can’t even bear to think about it because he would lose his connection to Rey. 

“Just how aware are they?”

“I can’t really find the words. It’s mostly … feelings. They’re terrified. One by one, their creche is being ripped away. They aren’t killing them, but they’re pulling the Force right out of them. We have to find a way to stop it,” she cries out, her eyes full of tears.

He reaches down and pulls her to her feet. “We will. Maybe my dad can work his contacts, offer them another shipment of orchids.”

“Put more of them in danger?” she asks with horror.

“It might be the only way. And … as much as I know you want to help them … the larger issue is _why_ they’re doing this.”

“I know.” Her face fills with dismay. Whatever it is, I’m sure Snoke is behind it,” she snarls.

He pulls her into his arms and nuzzles her temple. “We’ll stop him. Both of them.”

She stiffens in his arms. “I don’t even know if Palpatine is back yet. He was very frail when we faced him.”

He can feel strongly through their bond that Rey prefers to focus on Snoke. But of course she would. It would be better for everyone if Palpatine never came back.

“Maybe stopping Snoke will be enough,” he muses.

Rey relaxes back into his embrace. “We’re going to end them, permanently.”

“Together,” he confirms.

“Together.”

\---

“Oh, good, you’re up,” Leia says in greeting when they make their way to the kitchen.

She’s already dressed for the day. He’s come to realize that her elaborate fashions are almost armor and not just vanity. She looks formidable in her fine dresses and jewels; no one could forget they were in the presence of royalty when faced with his mother. 

His dad has his nose in his datapad, but he looks up and grunts, “Morning.”

“Now, we’ll be going out tonight with Poe. Please don’t be late,” Leia instructs.

Ben glowers. “I don’t suppose we could miss it?” he asks hopefully.

The look his mother gives him makes it clear that he’ll be home and dressed appropriately or there will be hell to pay. 

“We’re going to the _opera_ ,” Han grumbles in a mocking tone, making a face.

Leia bats at him. “It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity! The Castaltos rarely leave their system!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

But, privately, Ben perks up because the Castaltos really are something not to be missed and the thought of being able to share the experience with Rey has him almost excited. 

Rey, however, is looking confused. Ben explains, “They’re extremely talented singers, with a huge range. Sometimes seven octaves.”

She nods, but her face doesn’t show comprehension. It’s then he realizes the whole conversation is outside her frame of reference and he could smack himself for being so obtuse. How would Rey even know what opera is?”

“It’s a performance, a story told through song,” he elaborates.

“Oh! Like the bards,” she says, understanding lighting her eyes.

He decides that’s close enough and nods. Now she’s smiling brightly. “I always loved when they would come through Niima.”

“Then you’re in for a treat!” Leia says with a smile. “And Poe is very charming.”

Ben’s face falls at the reminder. The last thing he wants to do is watch Poe Dameron grin his rakish grin at Rey all night. He knows he shouldn’t be worried, that Rey is his and his alone, but a childhood of never being as well-liked as the older boy has him rankled.

“Moving on,” Ben says with bad grace. “Rey and I need to share some new information about the orchids. Dad, we’re going to need your help.”

\---

After spending the day working with his father on the Falcon—and plotting how to infiltrate the facility on Kamino—it had been time for him and Rey to get ready for the evening. His mother had absconded with Rey in order to dress, leaving him to his own devices back in their room.

He already knows that he’ll be expected to wear his traditional Alderaanian garb, a deep blue tunic embroidered with the family crest in the same shade. He’s a bit nervous about what his mother will select for Rey. She’d looked so … edible when she lost donned a gown, and while he’s eager to find out what they selected for her, he doesn’t like the idea of Poe seeing her looking even more beautiful.

Ben knows the affect Poe has on women, and he’s equally certain that he doesn’t possess the same allure. Yes, Rey seems to want him, rather badly, but he can never shake the feeling that she’ll wake up and realize he’s just not worth the effort.

As he fastens his tunic, he winces at his own insecurity. They share a soul, for Maker’s sake! What more could he want? But he can’t deny that his desire to bind her to him in all ways is an ember that always threatens to burst into possessive flame. They’re far too young to be married, and yet … and yet.

He wishes she’d picked out a ring instead of the cuff, lovely as it is.

\---

When he sees her in the foyer, he can’t breathe. He can’t _think_. His mother has dressed her in matching Alderaanian blue, but in a rich velvet. It’s a deceptively simple gown, but the way the fabric flares at her hips makes her slender waist that much more elegant. It’s the neckline, however, that both thrills and terrifies him. It’s cut quite low and her gorgeous breasts are pushed up, making him want to bury his face _right there_. But it’s going to make other men think the same thing. Especially _Poe_. 

It’s her hair, though, that has him incredibly irritated with his mother. They’ve left it loose around her shoulders. All it signifies in Alderaanian tradition is that she’s a young, unmarried woman. True, of course, but it makes him want to sit her down and braid it. Preferably before Poe gets any ideas.

He’s stayed silent for far too long and Rey’s beginning to look nervous. 

“Don’t you like it?” Rey asks, her eyes holding trepidation.

“I more than like it. Rey, you look … well, I didn’t think you could be any more beautiful, but I was wrong.”

The smile she grants him soothes the jealous beast that always slumbers in his chest.

Leia joins them and looks at Ben appraisingly. At first, he thinks she’s checking his appearance, but he gets the unsettling feeling that she’s seeing far more about his train of thought than he’d like.

“Rey, dear, I think we should put your hair up, show off that lovely neck.”

Ben breathes a sigh of relief and Rey looks at him curiously. Then Leia continues, “In fact, Ben, why don’t you help her, I need to check on some things for tonight.”

Before he can respond, his mother has already disappeared. Then he wants to run after her and hug her. She’s left it to him what Rey’s hair will convey.

Rey’s hand goes cautiously to her hair. “I only really know how to put it up in buns or a single braid.”

“Don’t worry, I know just what to do,” he says, then leads her back to their bedroom.

\---

Working deftly, Ben plaits a braid at either temple, gathering them and the rest of her hair into a bun. It’s a simple style, but it means that she’s … taken. Poe has spent enough time with his family that he should get the message pretty quickly. 

“Ben!” Rey exclaims when she looks at her hair in the mirror he hands her. Then she turns her head from her seated position and catches his eyes. “How did you learn to do this?”

“Hair … it’s special for my people. The way you wear it has meaning. Mom taught me.”

“Is that why your mother’s hair is always so perfect?”

Ben snorts. “My mother always has a lot to say. Her hair is no different. If you know our traditions, mom’s hair speaks volumes.”

She fingers one of the braids. “What does this mean?” she asks curiously.

He grips her shoulders and growls, “It means you’re mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, for finding my oddly bilingual typos and coming up with a great idea for next chapter.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who was quite the gentleman, looking after me diligently at my first big Mardi Gras parade.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm terribly sorry I'm behind on comments. They give me life and I'm beyond grateful for the feedback. It really does help shape the story. *throws Mardi Gras beads*


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben manages to braid himself into a bit of a conundrum and Poetriarchy stomps all over every single one of Ben's nerves.

“Do I get to braid your hair, too?” she asks.

Oh. Well. How does he explain that there are far fewer options for him? For Alderaanian men, he knows of only three styles other than as he wears it. Betrothed, married, or a father. And it’s not even really adhered to any longer, the men long since having abandoned the tradition. 

But her earnest eyes are boring into his half of their soul and all he can do is say, “I’ll show you, if you like.”

Her eager nod makes him feel utterly claimed. And anyway, he’s as good as betrothed to her.

Isn’t he?

\---

He can’t help but puff up with pride when he sees the two thin braids brushing his shoulders. He can almost imagine when they would be at his temples, but he reins himself in. Much too young, much too young. And yet, his forehead still itches for the tension.

“Very handsome,” she proclaims. He didn’t think he could stand any taller but, somehow, he manages. Then she slips her arm through his and says, “I like that we match.”

“I suspect my mother had something to do with that.” Then he realizes how that could sound and rushes to say, “And I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

He escorts her back to the foyer and there he is.

Poe Dameron.

\---

_Of course_ Poe would look dashing in his midnight black suit that matches his shining hair; Ben puts his hand around Rey’s waist, drawing her close. But she’s already pulling away, reaching her hand out to the interloper. 

“Hi! I’m Rey.”

“Well, hello there,” Poe says seductively. His eyes don’t even go to her braids and Ben’s not sure the idiot ever listened to a word his mother said.

Leia, however, never misses a thing, and her eyes immediately fly to his hair. Her brows are in orbit by the time Ben manages to shake his head with a pleading expression. His mother looks between him and Rey and smiles so smugly that he grimaces. 

She comes up to him, pats his forearm, and pulls him aside. “I have your grandmother’s ring,” she murmurs while Poe is chatting up his girl. His blood is already simmering at the way Rey is laughing at something his _friend_ said.

Whispering, he says, “She wanted me to have braids, too. My options were limited.”

His mother gives him a knowing look. “Mmmhmm.”

Then Poe comes over to them and slaps his back boisterously. “So, Benny Boy, no more Jedi summer camp for you!”

Rey giggles and queries, “Benny Boy?

“Don’t even think about it,” he grumbles.

“Me an’ Benny go way back,” Poe says with an easy smile. “Known him since he was in diapers and he hadn’t grown his hair out to cover those ears.”

Rey frowns and looks at Poe with censure. “I like his ears.”

Ben would just like to sink into the floor.

Poe shrugs. “But, yeah, we used to play Imperials and Rebels when we were kids.”

“Somehow, I was always the stormtrooper,” Ben grumbles. And ended up captured every time. He’d hated it.

“Han!” his mother calls as his father comes around the corner.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m here,” he says with an annoyed voice, pulling at the tie around his neck. Ben takes a perverse pleasure in his father’s discomfort. At least he’ll have company in his suffering.

“My men look so handsome,” Leia says with a pleased grin, clearly enjoying having everyone dressed up.

“And you ladies look stunning,” Poe compliments with a slick voice. Ben bites the inside of his cheek.

“Speeder is here, time to go!” Leia exclaims.

\---

After Ben has escorted Rey to her side of the craft, he and Poe are walking to the other side when he feels an elbow in his side.

“Real beauty you found for yourself,” Poe remarks, his eyes lit with eager fire.

“Yes. For _my_ self,” Ben hisses.

“Keep your blaster holstered. It’s all just in good fun,” Poe says, his hands gesturing in surrender. But Ben isn’t so sure.

\---

Ben keeps Rey close as they make their way into the restaurant. They have plenty of time to enjoy their meal before the show, much to Ben’s chagrin. Too much time for Poe to flirt with _his_ girl. Asking Poe to cool it would be about as successful as asking him to stop breathing.

Poe ends up sitting on the other side of Rey and Ben lets out a low growl without meaning to. 

Rey looks over at him with query in her eyes. “Are you alright?”

After his behavior over Daxon and his future self, Ben is determined to keep his jealousy to himself, so he says, “Just clearing my throat.”

But Poe chuckles. “Ben’s afraid I’ll steal you,” he says with a jaunty arch to his brow.

Leaning into Ben, Rey says, “That would never happen.”

Poe’s grin only widens. “Challenge accepted.”

Now Rey is frowning. “No … really. Ben and I … we’re serious.”

“Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying! Besides, you don’t even know me.”

Rey smiles a private smile that makes Ben feel ill. However, she takes Ben’s hand obviously. “Oh, I know a scoundrel when I meet one. And it doesn’t matter. I know _Ben_.”

It’s a well needed reminder that he doesn’t need to be worried one bit. Rey loves him. He smiles at Poe triumphantly.

Poe looks at them, blinking, then smiles that infuriating smile. “Where’d you find such a perfect creature, anyway, Benny?”

Gods, that horrible nickname … “We met at the New Jedi Temple.” He hopes he’s managed to hide his annoyance. Poe could always sense when he’d hit a nerve.

“Scandalous! Monks in love!” Poe says with a feigned gasp of shock. “What’s Skywalker have to say about that?”

“That’s a long story,” Leia breaks in. Then looks at Poe sternly. “One that we’re _not_ going to tell you.”

The waiter comes by at that moment, and before he’s even able to say something, Han says, “Corellian whiskey, double, neat.”

Ben looks at Poe’s hunter-like expression then catches the waiter’s eye. “Me, too.”

\---

The whiskey helps, as has his mother, drawing Poe into a lengthy conversation about politics. Ben used to know quite a bit about it, for a child, but now he’s been away from the capital for so much of the last nine years that most of the names aren’t familiar.

Rey has grown quiet, but she always does when there’s food available. The rich paneling of the restaurant’s decor and candlelight brings out how brightly she shines, making Ben need to touch her so he puts his hand on her knee. She smiles at him in that soft way that makes him feel all warm inside.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asks. 

“Yes … but …” Her face grows pinched and Ben squeezes her thigh.

“But?”

“I’m always a bit lost when we go to such fancy places. Why are there so many forks?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. Horrid waste if you ask me. Don’t worry about it, no one here really cares.”

“I think the waiter does,” she points out with a grimace.

“And we’ll never see him again. Anyway, you look far too gorgeous to worry about anything at all.”

“Well, I _am_ worried you’ll end up punching Poe,” she giggles. Oh. So he hadn’t managed to hide his … irritation. “Don’t worry about him. He’s harmless,” she continues. 

“Maybe once you met him, but now … I’m not so sure.” Ben remembers the one time Poe had taken him out for a night on the town. It was his 16th birthday and he’d been horrified by the way Poe spoke of women, like pieces of meat. He’d hadn’t looked at Poe the same way since.

“He’s not a man who knows how to treat a woman,” Ben murmurs for Rey’s ears alone.

She blinks then frowns slightly. Shaking her head, she says, “Poe’s not like that.”

Ben sighs and takes another swig of his second drink. 

\---

“So, Rey, why our Ben?” Poe asks, immediately making Ben narrow his eyes.

“Oh, well that’s easy. He’s a really good kisser,” Rey says with an innocent smile.

Several things happen at once. Ben chokes on his third whiskey, Han cackles like a hyentra, and Leia signals for the bill looking like she’s trying not to laugh. Poe just sits there with a lost, vaguely stunned expression.

“Uh … that’s great … yeah.” Poe rubs the back of his neck.

Ben can’t help tipping his drink slightly in Poe’s direction and taking a long, definitive sip.

\---

When they arrive at the opera, Ben has to admit that he’s slightly tipsy. He’s not slurring his words, but he’s in a pleasant bubble. It’s not so bad, really.

As he escorts Rey, he does almost trip when she stops suddenly. He looks over to find her gaping openly at the grand staircase. It is quite impressive, swirling to a split in the middle, where it goes off in two different directions. The glittering lights almost dance.

“Ben, I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“Hmmm, yes, the opera house dates back around a thousand years. Some of it is still built with wood.” He’s always been fascinated by the older buildings dotting Republic City. 

“Remarkable,” Rey breathes out.

Then he sees a flash of his mother’s burgundy gown, getting quite a bit farther ahead. “We should …” He gestures towards the rest of their party. 

\---

Ben gives up trying to watch the performance. The way Rey’s face shifts from excitement, to joy, to open awe is entrancing. He doesn’t want to miss a moment of her reactions. 

His mother’s box gives them an excellent view—though Rey is the only one truly taking advantage. He’s enjoying the music and Rey so much, he’s able to ignore how Poe keeps looking at her as well. Look all you want, buddy, but don’t _touch_.

The star of the show, a male Castalto, hits a note Ben isn’t sure is even natural, and Rey grips his hand, enthralled. The Castalto are very tall and willowy, with luminescent, gold tinged skin. Even from the audience, Ben can see his large, emerald eyes. He has to admit, the man is striking.

\---

“We’ve been invited to a small gathering with the cast,” Leia announces as they’re standing from their seats and Ben almost groans. Han actually does. 

He’d really been looking forward to getting Rey home and running his hands all over that sumptuous dress. Then under it. 

“Will we get to meet them?” Rey asks excitedly.

“I’m sure we will. Alderaan used to have a very close relationship with Castalt, actually.”

Ben detects a shimmer of sadness in his mother’s eyes and not for the first time, he wonders what it must do to her to be the last true princess of a dead world. He can’t remember when his mother told him of Alderaan, he’s just always known. Enough were off-world at the time to keep the culture alive, and there’s even talk of colonizing a new planet, but it will never be the same for Leia.

\---

His mother leads them through a warren of corridors until they open into a large room decorated in purple and deep red silks. There are smartly dressed servers passing around drinks and he quickly snags two glasses of champagne.

But when he turns around, he finds Poe already handing Rey one of the slender glasses. Rey holds his eyes apologetically, which mollifies him somewhat. He’s about to just drain the second drink, but his mother swiftly takes it from him.

“Thank you, Son. Very thoughtful of you,” she says with a pointed look.

Oh dear. Is he getting sloppy? He might find Poe easier to deal with while in his cups, but it wouldn’t do to embarrass his mother, so he slowly nurses his own glass while she continues to keep Poe occupied with senate gossip.

“So, am I going to have to help you bury a body later?” Han asks, sidling up next to him.

“Maybe,” Ben grumbles.

“Poe’s not such a bad kid. He’s grown up a lot since going to the Academy.”

“Then why … why does he keep looking at Rey!” Ben whispers harshly.

“Maybe ‘cause she’s a looker?” Han suggests.

“Dad,” Ben nearly whines.

“What, I’m old, not blind. Poe’s just a lot like your dad. Natural born charmer!”

That stings. Ben’s head is flooded with memories of how alike the two of them truly are, how his father had almost seemed to prefer Poe’s company to his own son’s. What if Rey prefers Poe, too?

Rey. Where’s Rey? His eyes frantically scan the crowd and he finds her speaking with the lead Castalto, with his hypnotic green eyes.

“Dad, I got—”

“Now just hold your fathiers. She’s only talking to him. Trust your girl.”

“I do!” He just doesn’t trust any other man in the place. Well except his father.

“Then come on, keep an old man company while he gets good and drunk.”

“Mom won’t like it.”

“Your mom dragged me to the _opera_. Revenge is a dish best served with whisky.”

Ben snorts and can’t help but smile. 

\---

Everything is actually going … nicely. Ben has managed to convince his father to drink some water and Poe is playing escort to his mother, freeing him from having to stumble over his tongue and show his ignorance of current events. He really should consider going back to school …

Rey is still talking to that Castalto, which Ben isn’t thrilled with. But the last thing he wants to do is behave like a jealous beast. Again.

That’s when he notices the golden-hued man putting his hand on Rey’s shoulder and he’s off like a shot to her side. 

As he’s making his way to her, the singer grasps her around the waist and pulls her to him, making Rey push back, hard. Without really thinking about it, Ben’s hand stretches out and he Force pushes the bastard back into the wall.

He slams into it and slides down, his face twisting in pain while Rey puts her hands on her hips. By the time Ben reaches her, she’s hissing, “How dare you touch me!”

The Castalto blinks those frustratingly perfect eyes and then they go wide when they see Ben. He’s struggling to his feet and Ben pulls Rey to him rather firmly, holding her to his side, glaring at the other man with murder in his eyes.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know!” he pleads, his gaze flitting back and forth to their hair. “I didn’t know she was Alderaanian! I didn’t know she was betrothed!”

“Yeah, I’d move along if I were you,” Poe cuts in, seeming to have shown up out of nowhere. “This guy’s a Jedi.”

“Oh, gods. I never would have touched her if I’d realized!” Now he’s looking truly terrified.

“You never should have touched me period!” Rey shouts. That’s when Ben realizes everyone is staring. Force, his mother is going to kill him.

“Really, I’d get going. She’s a Jedi, too,” Poe says placidly.

The Castalto nearly scurries away, fear following him in his wake. 

Leia glides up to them then and says calmly, “Everything alright?”

Ben’s hand is clenching and unclenching with the desire to find that man and truly hurt him, but Rey is stroking his bicep and he breathes in deeply.

“Oh, just one of the singers needed a lesson in respect. I think Ben showed real restraint,” Poe offers.

“So, he didn’t Force push him into a wall?” Leia asks with an arched brow.

“Sure he did, but only after he manhandled Rey.”

Leia gasps in shock. “Are you alright?” she immediately asks in concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was about to do the same thing,” she says, glaring in the direction the Castalto retreated.

“Still … I’m going to go have a few choice words with their manager,” Leia declares with finality as she marches off towards a short, stout human male. Ben doesn’t envy him one bit.

By now the party has returned to its hum of conversation and tinkling laughter and Ben, Rey, and Poe look back and forth between each other.

Poe speaks first. “Always did wish I was you, Ben. Tonight though …” He looks at Rey wistfully. “I’m going to go find another drink.”

Ben can’t quite process that Poe had wanted to be _him,_ because now that they’re alone, Ben needs to kiss her. As soon as he tries, however she stops him with a hand on his chest.

“Betrothed?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who thought of the altercation with the singer!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who spent Mardi Gras trying to catch me as many beads as he could.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm going to try to post again tomorrow, but Friday at the latest. You're all so marvelously supportive. Thank you for every hit, kudo, and comment!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben gives Reluctant Rey a promise ring, I mean braids, and has some bro time with Poetriarchy.

“Betrothed?” Rey asks, her face unreadable.

Ben’s hand goes to one of his braids and through the panic he tries to explain. “It’s my hair.”

“You had me braid your hair to say you’re betrothed?” she asks with a spike of fury.

“I didn’t think it would matter! There isn’t a braid for what we are.”

“And what are we?”

“Uhm. Well,” he stammers. He doesn’t really know how to answer that. He knows what he wants them to be, who she is to him, but this is all spiraling so badly. He takes a deep breath. “Your hair means that we’re in … discussions.” Her braids truly mean that their families are negotiating their engagement, but it’s so antiquated it has come to mean that she is simply considering marriage. 

“Discussions?” she prods.

“Yes … to formalize an arrangement,” he says stiffly, falling back on precise language.

“Oh, so my hair has been saying that I’m nearly engaged?” she clarifies with fire in her eyes.

That she seems so upset hurts, and he flares back with, “Well, there isn’t a braid for girlfriend! And anyway … aren’t you?”

“I don’t remember you asking me.”

“I thought … I thought it was implied,” he defends.

“Ben, we’ve never talked about it.”

“We share a soul! Of course we’ll get married.” Won’t they? Oh, gods, he’s not sure he’d survive if she doesn’t want to marry him.

Her lips thin and she takes a deep breath. “I need some air.”

And with that, she walks out to the terrace, leaving Ben with his heart cracking and his insecurity threatening to overwhelm him. He wants to follow her, do a better job of explaining how this happened, but her straight, proud back seals his feet to the floor.

How could he have been so stupid? He didn’t think it through. He never does. 

He’s deep in self-recriminations when his mother comes up to his side. “I take it Rey figured out about your braids?”

Sullenly, Ben answers, “Yeah.”

Leia’s eyes grow thoughtful. “Well, a girl _does_ like to be asked.”

Wait. Is that why she’s angry? Because he didn’t ask her properly? Then it hits him, what he’s taken from her _. Of course_ she deserves for him to speak his heart, ask her to be his forever. He hadn’t really meant to avoid the conversation, but he had sort of just … assumed.

Are there even courting traditions on Jakku? Is there something she’d been hoping for her whole life and he’s bungled it horribly?

“Ben, dear. Come back. Your eyes are almost falling out of your head with panic.”

“I’ve cocked this up, Mom.”

“Yes, you have a bit. When I saw the braids, I’ll admit I thought you’d at least had a conversation?” She phrases it like a question.

“No,” he admits miserably. “But she’s … we’re a dyad! Doesn’t that mean something?”

“Of course it does. But she’s still a 20-year-old girl with dreams of her own. Just over a year ago her entire life was upended and she crossed time to be with you. Maybe she deserves a little normalcy.”

He rubs his face with his hands. He’s royally screwed this up and he just wants to take back the evening, get it right. He laughs mirthlessly at himself. His uncle probably won’t sacrifice himself so that he can propose to Rey the way he should have.

“You’re right. As always,” Ben sighs out.

“Don’t worry too much about it. There are plenty of opportunities to make an event of it.”

He furrows his brow and asks, “What do you mean?”

“Oh, an Alderaanian engagement is very elaborate. Especially for the last prince.”

“How elaborate?” he asks with real fear.

“Well, let's just your father wasn’t broken up about the war getting in the way of _our_ engagement.”

Ben looks to the ceiling and groans.

\---

Cautiously, he steps out onto the terrace to find Rey holding herself tightly. She’s shivering and he can’t have that, so he shrugs off his outer tunic, coming up behind her as he moves.

She glances at him and her shoulders droop, but she doesn’t fight him when he places the garment around her trembling body.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. 

“For what?” she asks softly.

“For not explaining clearly about the braids. For assuming … assuming you want what I do. For not making my intentions plain.”

She turns towards him then, and her eyes are liquid with emotion. “You really want to marry me?”

“Rey … of course I do. The moment I met you it was like I handed you my heart. It’s yours to do with what you will.”

“But you’ve only known me for a few months,” she argues with no real fight.

“And we can take as long as we want. But it won’t change how I feel about you.”

“It might,” she whispers. He can sense the scouring sands of Jakku scraping through her and he tentatively, carefully, puts his arms around her.

She doesn’t pull away, but she doesn’t settle into his embrace like she usually does.

“I do … I do want to be with you, always.” She lets out a humorless laugh. “I bet everything I had left on making your life better, but …”

He cups her face and this time she returns his affection, nuzzling into his hand. 

“But?” he presses.

Her eyes are huge with sadness and … shame? She shudders out a breath before quietly admitting, “I still miss him.”

That, that hits him in his tenderest of places. Will he ever be enough? How can he compete with a man who literally died for her? Does it matter that he would, too? But he swallows it down like broken glass and keeps his face neutral. 

“Tell me about him,” he requests gently.

“I … I … I don’t know how.”

He tries to keep from reacting, but he can’t suppress everything, and she sees him flinch. Her face crumbles and she turns away from him.

“Stay, stay with me,” he pleads.

Her voice is hollow when she finally begins to speak again. “I had so many dreams of what might happen with him, dreams I tried not to have but couldn’t stop. And now … now you’re making them come true and I feel … I feel guilty.”

She feels guilty for wanting him? Loving him?

His storm breaks over him and the urge to run is intense. The need to scream is nearly overpowering. But he keeps breathing steadily and waits, waits to see what she’ll say next. He’s promised not to abandon her when his turmoil threatens him and he’s going to show that being with her is all that truly matters to him.

“You make me so happy,” she murmurs, helping him find his center before she pushes him off axis again. “And his whole life was just suffering.”

Still she’s thinking of _him_ when he’s right here! They’re the same person! 

He keeps focusing on his breathing and eventually he finds what he wants to say. “But … you’ve changed it. Don’t you see? You saved me, Rey. You saved _him_. I could more easily cut off my own hand than turn to the dark side, now.”

She peers over at him with a small smile. “Maybe don’t say that, considering Luke.”

His lips curve into an answering expression of morbid humor. “Yeah, okay.”

She takes a deep breath. “I do … I do want to marry you, but it’s all too soon. And … well, it would have been nice if you’d …” She trails off, looking out on the night sky.

“If I’d asked you? Properly?”

Rey shrugs with one shoulder, dipping her head. “I never thought it mattered to me. On Jakku we didn’t do much, but someone would at least _ask_ , make a small gift.”

His mind immediately fills with all the ways he could request her hand. But it’s clear that Rey just isn’t ready. And maybe, he isn’t, either. He’s in no position to ensure a comfortable life for her, maybe waiting actually makes sense when he can quiet the desperate need to bind her to him in every way he can imagine.

“It’s enough to know you want what I want,” he says to her as much as to himself. Because there’s still Snoke, and they are so very young. “Someday, I’ll ask you.”

She turns to him fully, putting her arms around his waist and he holds her close as she looks up into his face, her eyes clear and honest. “And someday, I’ll say yes.”

They search each other’s eyes before meeting to seal their promise with a deep kiss.

\---

On the ride home, Poe falls asleep against the speeder door while Leia leans with her head on Han’s shoulder. Rey is cuddled next to him and he tries to find that moment of contentment from the terrace. 

But he can’t stop worrying at all she won’t say about his future self. He _knows_ she needs time, but it leaves him feeling like he had as a child, waiting for his parents to come home. He’s always, always left _wanting._

Is he being selfish? Is he even being rational? He knows Rey loves him. He can feel it when they kiss and see it in how she looks at him.

However, he can’t stop the nagging feeling that she’d loved his other self _more_.

\---

They no longer ready for bed separately, and he helps Rey take off her gown. There’s a strange distance between them that he doesn’t know how to cross, however. While she’s changing into her nightgown—a lovely ivory confection that would have _all_ of his attention under normal circumstances—he begins to undo one of his braids.

It hurts, as if he’s unraveling his dreams with each twist of his hair, and it feels as if he’s only adding to the opening chasm. He’s so lost in his thoughts that he starts when he feels her hand close over his.

“Leave them,” she instructs.

“But … you know what they mean.”

“I know what they mean to _me_. Leave them.” Then she’s rebraiding the end and fastening it swiftly. “Besides, I’d like to see that Twi’lek’s face if she ever sees your braids.” Her smirk is so wicked that all he can do is snort in laughter.

Then she sits at his desk and hands him a brush. “Help me take down my hair?”

“Of course,” he responds, eager to feel her tresses between his fingers. He loves playing with her deep brown locks.

Quietly, he pulls out the pins and his breath hitches as her hair tumbles to her shoulders. He hesitates at her braids and she turns, catching his eyes. “Leave them, too.”

Swallowing past a lump in his throat at her gesture, he begins to brush. He doesn’t stop until she’s nearly purring in pleasure. Ben continues to play with her hair, however, a deep satisfaction filling him each time he draws her braids through his fingers.

\---

Well, alright, maybe the whisky hadn’t been the best idea he’d ever had. He has a slight headache when they pad into the kitchen and he blinks when he finds Poe mixing up something for breakfast. He hadn’t realized Poe was staying with them.

“How ya feelin’, Benny?” Poe asks.

“Better before you called me ‘Benny’,” he says with a sulk.

“Awe, come on! I’ve always called you ‘Benny’!” 

Ben gives him a withering look and Rey just laughs at him. “Yeah, come on, _Benny_ ,” she teases.

“Nope, not from you. Not from either of you!” he protests loudly.

That’s when Han wanders in, wincing. “Please, Son, my head can’t take the yelling,” he pleads.

“Be nice to your father,” Rey admonishes then whispers, “Benny.”

He snags her around the waist and murmurs in her ear, “If you ever want me to do that thing with my tongue ever again, that name dies today.”

Rey looks at him with wide eyes and nods quickly.

“What’s my name?” he growls before nipping her earlobe.

“Ben, your name is Ben,” she shudders out for his hearing alone.

Squeezing her behind, he praises, “Good girl.”

Then he flashes Poe a grin, behaving like nothing has happened. Rey blinks rapidly then seems to wake up from her trance and goes to get a cup of caf.

He moves to the stovetop, standing next to Poe, leaning over to inspect what he’s cooking.

Poe regards him with a new respect. “I didn’t know you had it in ya, Ben.”

Ben only nods once curtly.

\---

After breakfast, he and Poe find themselves at loose ends in the family room. His mother had wanted time with Rey and his father had gone back to bed.

“Didn’t know you were staying with us,” Ben says.

“Yeah … things are a little strange with my dad. He’s getting serious with someone and …” he trails off.

“You miss your mom.” Poe lost his mother when he’d been just a boy and for the first time Ben is able to see why his own mother might have stepped in. He’d always thought Poe was the son they’d wished they had, but now with his head free of Snoke, he’s seeing things _very_ differently.

“Hey, wanna play Sabacc?” Poe asks, clearly not wanting to talk about his family.

“Uh, sure,” Ben agrees. He’s not very familiar with the game, Luke had frowned on it. “I might need a refresher on the rules.”

Poe grins widely. “I’ll have you able to beat Han in no time,” he boasts.

“Don’t say that too loudly …” Ben warns as he pulls out the cards from the game cabinet.

\---

“Are you cheating?” Poe asks with a frown as Ben wins again. 

Ben makes an innocent face and shakes his head. “I wouldn’t even know how.”

He’s not cheating, but he _has_ figured out if he keeps track of the cards, he can make a fairly educated guess about what’s coming next.

\---

Ben makes a bad call, and Poe crows in delight.

“Let’s up the stakes!” Poe suggests.

He’s having a good time and realizing that Poe might truly be his friend. He fingers one of his braids and decides why not. What’s the worst that can happen?

“Sure, what have you got in mind?”

“Whoever wins gets to ask a question!” Poe smiles eagerly.

Sitting back, Ben considers. He knows Poe will ask about Rey, that’s just how he is. However, he _likes_ talking about her. Then his eyes narrow.

“Fine. But no questions about my _personal_ relationship with Rey.”

“Awe, you’re no fun. But okay.”

\---

Ben wins first and he finds there’s actually quite a bit he’d like to know. Then he remembers what Poe had said the night before, and his curiosity gets the better of him.

“What did you mean last night, about wanting to be me?”

Poe looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Oh, I don’t know. You have both your parents, are crazy strong with the Force, and now you have an actual sunbeam as your girlfriend.”

Hearing it laid out so plainly makes Ben pause, considering his own wishes as a child.

“Huh … I always wanted to be you,” Ben admits.

His friend snorts loudly. “Why in the galaxy would you want _that_?”

Ben shrugs. “You’re just like my dad. I thought … I thought it would be easier.”

Sighing, Poe says, “Nah. I might have tried to be like him, but you … you’re the Solo here. Trust me, you’re your father’s son.”

Not knowing what to say to that, Ben just shuffles the cards.

\---

“My turn!” Poe announces obnoxiously.

Ben braces for some invasive question, so he’s surprised when Poe asks, “What’s up with the braids? I know they mean something; I just can’t remember what.”

Smiling widely, Ben leans forward. “They mean that I’m Rey’s and she’s mine.”

Poe’s brow furrows. “But that Castalto said something about being betrothed. You didn’t knock—”

“No!” Ben exclaims, not wanting Poe to even finish the sentence. He’d never be so careless with Rey.

“Okay … but … betrothed? That’s a big deal.”

“I suppose that’s what they mean, strictly speaking. But for us … they mean someday.”

Poe lets out a sigh of obvious relief. “Phew! I’m way too young to even think about my friends getting married. But someday, I can handle that.”

“I’m so happy you approve,” Ben says with a sour expression. But he can’t hold it for long, because now he knows Rey does want to spend her life with him. Someday.

Ben’s chest expands to let this new knowledge plant itself within him and he feels so much of his fear just melt away.

Someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. I would be lost at sea without you.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who had to drag out the extra tall ladder to disarm all five our fire alarms when they went off at 3:00 AM. We had no idea they were wired into the house and it took an hour of futzing to get them to shut up.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Your enthusiasm keeps me writing, it really does. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
> Belated shout-out to jackie_01 for coming up with 'Poetriarchy'.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben is feeling a bit needy, so let's give the boy a lemon drop.

“How long is my mom gonna keep Rey?” Ben grumbles. His head is beginning to really throb. He hadn’t had _that_ much to drink. Had he?

“So sorry you have to put up with me,” Poe deadpans.

They’d grown sick of cards, and the holo emitter babbles in the background, but Ben isn’t really paying attention, too focused on missing Rey. He doesn’t like being away from her.

Rubbing his temples, Ben gets up and starts to pace.

“Hey, you okay?” Poe asks.

“It’s mid-day, they’ve been in there for _hours_.” He hadn’t just whined. Had he?

“Oh, who knows what women talk about. Just enjoy the freedom!”

Ben shoots him a withering look. “It doesn’t feel like freedom to me. It feels like …” Then his mouth snaps shut. He might be feeling better about Poe in general, but not enough to tell him how Rey had shined light into his dark, terrifying life. Without her, he can feel the walls closing in again, and his hands curl in frustration.

He’s about to storm into his mother’s office when Rey bounds into the family room. Instantly, his head begins to feel better and he rushes to wrap himself around her, making her squawk.

“Ben?”

“I just missed you,” he mumbles into her hair while his hand finds one of her braids, stroking it softly. 

She returns his embrace and a wave of love hits him through their bond. “It’s okay, I understand,” she whispers into his ear. 

He suddenly feels ridiculous, clinging to her like a little child, and he steps back, smiling at her sheepishly.

Then he cringes, remembering that Poe is right there. Great, more for him to tease him about. But when he looks over at his friend, Poe looks almost awe-struck.

“What?” Ben asks, still bracing for something snide.

Poe shakes his head. “I dunno … there’s just something about you two. Makes me ... hope.”

His wistful tone makes Ben look at him more closely. Is it possible Poe really wants to find someone? He’d always thought his friend would laugh at him for his furtive dreams. 

But then Han comes in, breaking the moment. “Hey, kids. Since you’re not doing anything, come help me with the _Falcon_? Hyperdrive is on the blink.”

“Again,” Ben interjects.

Han holds up his finger and points at Ben. “Don’t you start.”

Ben had been hoping to curl up on the settee with Rey, but she’s already moving to join Han.

\---

They’d spent the afternoon tinkering, leaving Rey absolutely covered in grease. All he could do was grin at her as she managed to make it even worse when she’d tried to wipe her face. He’d very much wanted to join her in the shower, but he hadn’t wanted to be too obvious about it.

Then it had been time for dinner, which seemed to go on and on. And _on_. So, when he finally gets Rey alone, he’s absolutely desperate to _touch_ her. He hasn’t been able to shake this needy feeling, and though it embarrasses him to have to be with her so much, once they’re in their bedroom, he kisses her fiercely.

It’s not that he’s lost to lust, it’s that he needs to be _close_ , feel her skin against his. He doesn’t care if he finds his pleasure, Ben just wants to feel _hers_ course through him. He almost wants to abandon his plans for something special and make love to her _right now_.

Because he’s made entirely of longing and emptiness, and only Rey can quench this frantic thirst.

He’s already pawing at her clothes and she looks into his eyes, “What is it?”

“I need you,” he answers urgently, his gaze burning and hungry.

“I’m right here.”

“I need to feel you, to touch you,” he clarifies.

She nods and begins to help him remove her garments.

\---

Maker, she’s perfect. He has her laid out before him, beautifully bare to his starving gaze. His hands tremble as he begins to limn her body. It feels like their bond is streaming between his fingertips and her soft skin.

He stretches out beside her and inhales sharply at the sensation of all of her pressed to his naked flesh, and some of the frenzy that’s been building within him finally begins to subside. _Yes_. This is what he needs. Just Rey.

Stars are born and die underneath his hands as he continues to stroke her. At first, he simply feels her taut muscles and the slight softness his constant care of her has yielded. Then his lips join his hands and he purrs, “I’m going to kiss every part of you.”

“Mmmmm,” she hums in agreement.

“I want your pleasure. I _need_ it.” His voice is almost otherworldly. Her fingers find his proud erection and she begins to stroke, but he stills her hand. “No. This is just for you.”

She whimpers out, “I _like_ to touch you.”

“Let me worship you. Please,” he entreats, holding her eyes, willing her to understand how deep this craving goes.

Her eyes go from pleading to understanding and she nods slowly.

He returns to kissing along all of her silken skin and he’s beyond eager to dive his face between her folds, but he wants to make this _last._

So he caresses an adoring path around her firm, exquisite breasts, never straying to the straining, puckered flesh. Then he finally allows himself the fulfillment of her tight little nipples, sucking on one deeply while swirling the other with his fingers. 

Her back curves and she presses into him, her moans growing needy. She’s shifting, rubbing her thighs together and he can feel her desire almost demanding to be heeded, so he kisses a trail between her breasts, down along her slight belly.

Her scent hits him and he smiles, languidly taking his journey as she whines out, “Please.”

Caressing along the space just above the thatch of curls covering her beauty, he strokes his hand up from her knee, up, up, up. So slow, so full of _intent_. 

“Please,” she begs.

He can’t torture either of them any longer. He’d wanted to kiss along her thighs, open her slowly, but it’s too much for him now that he can _smell her._

Swiftly, he moves between her legs and with as much calculated precision as he’d travelled her, his frenzy is equally _messy_.

He buries his face into her heat, covering himself in her abundance. She’s so wet.

For him.

It fills him with pride to know he can make her feel so good, give her some small glimpse into what she means to him, just how complete his devotion is for her. Because she’s everything to him. He could spend his life right here and it would never be enough. Show her every miracle in the galaxy, and it would all be pale and dim next to his love.

Eagerly, he laps at her, reveling in the feeling of that tight bundle of nerves, how it twitches and quivers under his tongue, losing himself in her feminine taste. Her hands find his hair and he groans as she presses his face fully into her.

_Yes_.

Wanting to feel her tightness around his fingers, imagine himself inside her, he delves one, then two fingers deep inside and she keens. Gods, he loves that sound, the way she’s helpless before him.

Her walls are already clenching down on his hand, so he slows, making her whine. Not yet. _Not yet_. He needs more of her cries, more of her hips moving against his face. More of _Rey_. 

Again and again, he takes her to the edge then backs off until she’s begging, begging and sobbing out her need.

“Please, Force, Ben!”

Denying them both her orgasm has been the sweetest of torments, but it’s time. Much as he adores her thighs clamped around his ears, he needs her eyes, so he shifts his hand until his thumb replaces his tongue, circling her bud and moves up her body.

Her face is flushed and gorgeous with her passion, her eyes full of heat and a pleading sort of vulnerability that makes him feel that he has all of Rey in his hands, malleable. His. 

She grows so tight around his fingers that she nearly pushes him out, her breath coming in harsh pants as he holds her eyes with his, needing that connection in a way that feels primal, like he won’t survive without the tether between them.

Her eyes widen and there it is, yes. Force, yes! She shakes and shudders and he can _see_ the moment she crests, her eyes never leaving his.

His breath matches hers, as they pant in tandem, not quite ready to break the spell.

There are no words in any language for what streams between them.

\---

She’d tried to reciprocate, but he’d needed to hold her close more than he’d needed release. So now he’s holding her face to his heart and nearly overwhelmed by how much he loves her. But all he can manage is her name.

“Rey. Rey. Rey …”

\---

After breakfast, his mother pulls him aside. “I’d like to bring Poe into our circle. Someone is going to have to go to Atalyn to follow up on those kidnapped children.”

“What about the Academy?” Ben asks. One of them should get to be a pilot.

“He’s taking a term off.” She holds up her hand. “I don’t know why.”

“This … this could get … bad,” Ben says. Fanatics playing at empire, Snoke … Palpatine.

“I know, but with just the four of us … I’ve actually been thinking I should contact my old Rebellion comrades.”

Ben frowns, worried about increasing the number who know of Rey. “Just don’t … don’t tell them about Rey, that she’s from the future.”

“No.” Leia shakes her head. “That was one of the things we talked about this morning. We’ll just tell them I received an anonymous tip and we started digging.”

“So, Rey knows, about telling Poe?”

Leia smiles. “She said as long he’s not allowed to pilot the _Falcon_. Apparently, he set it on fire.”

And just like that, his feelings of inadequacy to Poe fall away. If his father knew about _that_ he’d never forgive his friend. “Don’t tell Dad.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve been managing your father since the minute I met him.”

\---

After they’d told him about the First Order and a possible resurgence of the stormtrooper program, Poe looks almost … excited?

“So, do I get to go on my own mission? Just like my parents?” he asks eagerly.

Han puts his hand out in a placating gesture. “Now let’s not get carried away.”

But Leia is nodding. “We need to find out what happened to those children on Atalyn. Diplomatic channels didn’t tell us much, only that they were stolen from their homes. We need to make sure it’s the First Order, and maybe find out where they’ve been taken.”

They’re all sitting in the family room, with Rey next to him and the other three on the opposite settee.

Leia puts her hand over Poe’s. “Do you really think you’re up to this?”

“I was born ready,” Poe boasts. 

\---

“Now, you’ll be traveling as a diplomatic representative. I’ve requisitioned you a ship—”

“An X-Wing?” Poe interrupts.

“Uh, no. Just a light fighter equipped with an astro-mech. I think you’ll like him,” Leia says with a smile.

“When do I leave?” he asks while Ben just takes it all in, a bit envious he’s not the one going. But that would mean leaving Rey, and he’s not willing to do that.

“Is tomorrow too soon?” Leia asks with urgency.

Poe finally seems to understand their very real danger and shakes his head. “No. If they’ve got kids, we gotta find them as soon as we can.”

“Then all we need to do is head to the shipyard and file the appropriate permits.”

“Can I come?” Rey asks, her face wide open. She does seem to love ships of all kinds.

“I don’t see why not,” Leia answers.

“Is that alright?” she asks him, and he has a strange feeling that it’s not. 

“I’ll come, too,” Ben decides.

“Actually, kid, could you hang back, help your old man?”

He can’t shake the idea that if she’s apart from him, she’ll be in danger and he wants to refuse Han’s request. But then he remembers the look on his father’s face when his future self had killed him and he’s nodding.

\---

“So, the hyperdrive still giving you trouble?” Ben asks, grimacing slightly. His damned headache is back. 

Han looks away and says, “Uh, no. Something else I wanted to talk to you about.” He retakes his seat in the family room.

His father seems exceedingly uncomfortable, and it’s enough to pique his interest, so he sits across from Han.

For a long time, Han just stares at his hands, and Ben shifts on the settee. His father is a straight shooter, this kind of unease is highly unusual. 

Then his father sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “Listen, Son …”

Oh, hell. He’s going to try to talk to him about his braids. “I know it seems sudden, but Rey and I won’t get engaged, properly, until we’re-”

Han’s eyebrows skitter to his hairline. “Engaged? What? Does your mother know?”

Ben tugs at one of his braids, “Duh.”

“Right … right. No … uh, this is about something else.” Then he peers at him. “We’ll get to _that_ later.”

“You already made me get my implant,” Ben says. He’ll race after Rey if his dad tries to give him the ‘talk’. Though, it couldn’t be any worse than when Luke had tried. 

“This isn’t about Rey!” his father huffs in frustration then sighs heavily. “It’s about you an’ me.”

Ben feels the blood drain from his face. He wants to talk about what his future self did. Now that he’s had time to think about that his own son murdered him in a now dead future. All he can do is swallow rapidly, trying to keep the urge to run at bay.

“Last night, after you an’ Rey went to bed, Poe and I got to talking.”

Poe? What does Poe have to do with it?

“He, uh, he told me that you … you maybe didn’t feel … wanted,” Han finishes, his hands flailing.

Oh. Ben only blinks. How can he explain how he’d always thought his father wanted a different son? Things are so much better now, and he knows he was a difficult child.

They stare at each other for a long moment and Han frowns. “Did ya? Did ya feel like that?”

In a small voice, Ben whispers, “Yes.”

Han lets out a long breath and swears colorfully. “I just … I didn’t think ya needed me. You got the Force … that was your mother’s department.”

“I know, Dad … I just … I wanted to be a pilot, like you. But you always seemed to have more time for Poe.” Gods, he feels like he’s whining. Maybe he is.

Han grimaces and Ben closes his eyes briefly against his headache.

Looking anguished, Han explains, “His dad was in a bad way after Kes died … I was just tryin’ to help the kid out.”

His childhood reorders itself for what feels like the hundredth time since Rey burst into his life and Ben can see so clearly how it had all happened. Of course his father would try to be there for the motherless boy and he feels like an idiot.

“It’s okay,” Ben hears himself say.

Shaking his head, Han says, “No. I shoulda … I shoulda been a better father. Been there for you.”

Ben tries to think of words to reassure his father, but now his head feels like it’s splitting wide open and he can’t form a coherent thought. He winces painfully.

“Ben?”

It’s only getting worse, and Ben grabs his head, calling out, the agony becoming too much.

“Ben!”

And that’s when he hears it.

The voice.

“You thought it would be so easy to get rid of me, _boy_?”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who keeps me sane.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who came home bearing a huge lobster because I'd had a blue few days and he wanted to cheer me up. Mmmm. Butter.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm so sorry it's been a few days since my last update. I think I burned myself out writing so much, but I wouldn't change a thing. Going forward, however, I think updates will likely be 2-3 times a week instead of every day. Thank you all so much for reading!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Twisted Twins make a nuisance of themselves and Besotted Ben has another moment with Helpful Han.

“You thought it would be so easy to get rid of me, _boy_?”

Oh, gods, the pain! His head feels like broken glass is scraping along the inside of his skull and he can dimly hear his father frantically calling his name.

“Thought you could survive without me!” thunders in his mind.

“Get out!” Ben screams.

“You’re mine!”

He falls to his knees, pounding at his temples. He has to find his center in the Force, push him back, but all there is is _pain._

“Ben, talk to me,” his father pleads.

Right. His father, he’s not alone. Not this time. He feels his dad’s hand grasp his and he holds on to him as if he’s his last chance at survival. Maybe he is.

“Snoke,” Ben manages to grit out.

“You think Han Solo _cares_? He never has before,” the voice sneers.

“That’s not true, you can’t twist things like when I was a boy,” Ben loudly projetcs back.

“You think because you’ve found some girl to rut with that you don’t need me?” the voice bellows.

“You couldn’t understand,” Ben pushes. Some _thing_ like Snoke couldn’t possibly comprehend the love that flows between him and Rey.

“Oh, I understand _everything_. Found the light between her thighs-”

“No!” Ben roars, and he’s finally able to find some purchase, eke out a small foothold.

“Ben, Son, tell me how to help you!” His father sounds terrified, and somehow, he’s able to find more strength, forcing Snoke out further.

“I’ll never stop,” the voice promises.

“You can’t have me!” Ben screams and he’s now completely collapsed on the floor, his father’s arm around him while his fingers crush his hand. But it doesn’t hurt. It feels like love.

“I already do.” His oily voice takes on that seductive quality and it makes Ben’s stomach turn.

“Never. Never again,” Ben snarls through gritted teeth. Force, it hurts, it hurts!

“Then I’ll content myself with _her_.”

Pure fear blooms in Ben’s blood and he falters, losing ground to the violence in his head. Rey! 

Rey.

Clutching at his father’s hand, he focuses on their bond. At first, he can barely find it, but there it is, that golden, blissful tether between their shared soul. The warm completeness is hard to discern through the chaos, but now that he’s looking for it, it’s like a beacon.

Breathing harshly, he begins to push him back methodically.

“What _is_ this!” The voice is laced with rage. Rage and _fear_. 

Ben doesn’t answer, keeping his attention honed on the blade of his love for Rey. Because he will always fight for her.

“Ben, please, tell me what to do,” his father chokes out and Ben weaves his father’s obvious care into his fight. He’s not alone.

He’s never _been_ alone.

With every last scrap of strength he’s ever possessed, Ben reclaims more and more of his mind, the pain receding with each regained bit of what should have always been his and his alone. 

“How are you doing this?” the voice screams. 

“You’d never understand,” Ben proclaims with surety as he finally takes back control.

The last thing he hears is a far away, strangled, “No!”

Then he’s free. Blessedly free. 

His vision clears and he looks up to find his father’s haggard face, tears streaming down his face.

“Ben?”

He breathes hard, trying to fill his lungs with air, and his head is killing him, but he smiles at his dad. “I’m okay, I’m okay.”

His father is wrapping him up in his arms and holding on more tightly than Ben can ever remember. All he says is, “Ben,” with a broken voice.

Ben’s breathing is finally evening out when they hear the front door. They’re struggling to their feet when he hears his mother scream, “Han! Ben! It’s Rey!”

That has him standing in an instant, just as Poe bursts into the living room, carrying Rey in his arms. She’s slack and pale and he’s taking her from Poe without saying a word. Seeing her like this has him almost lost to panic.

“Rey!” Ben cries out and he almost sobs when she opens her eyes. That’s when he sees that her face is tracked with tears and he lowers them both to the ground cradling her close. She’s conscious; she’s going to be alright. She has to be.

“Ben! Gods, Ben!” She throws her arms around his neck and clings to him. “He’s back,” she shudders out.

“What happened?” Ben asks with frantic fear, bundling Rey even closer.

“We were almost to the shipyard when Rey started screaming. She just kept crying and banging her head. The dark side was all around her,” Leia answers.

“It was Snoke. He must have attacked us both,” Ben proclaims grimly as he finds Rey’s eyes, stroking her face.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs, trying to quell the dread rising in him. If Snoke had hurt her … Then ice dances along his spine as he realizes she might have felt what was happening to him and his belly coils with rage. If she’d sensed even a fraction of what he’d experienced ...

At that moment, Rey notices his disheveled state and her hand goes to his cheek. “What happened to you?”

“I’m far more worried about you.”

She purses her lips and he can’t help but smile at their stubbornness. She smiles back and lets out a long breath. 

“There was a voice in my head, and it hurt so much, like knives were stabbing my eyes from behind.” Ben nods for her to continue, but he’s already cataloging what he’s going to do to Snoke when her gaze fills with a queer combination of anguish and humiliation. Finally, she whispers, “It wasn’t Snoke. It was Palpatine. He’s back.”

All he can do is pull her to his chest, murmuring his love softly.

Then her body shudders in his arms and he pulls back to find her eyes full of tears. He wants to ask her more, but the look on her face and the way her gaze flits back and forth reminds him they have an audience.

He looks up to find his mother holding his father, his form bent and somehow diminished. Poe has discreetly removed himself to the edge of the family room.

“I know we have to talk about this, but I think Rey needs to rest,” Ben says. 

His mother nods, and softly says, “We’ll talk later,” as she soothes her hands along her husband’s back.

Standing, he lifts Rey and begins to move towards their room, but his father stops him.

“Son, wait.” Ben’s eyes find his father’s and the haunted look makes him turn fully towards him.

He nods to Han, and he swallows, his eyes searching Ben’s. “I just need to know you’re okay.”

The question makes him sense the exhaustion pulling at his limbs and he says, “I’m okay. I promise. Just tired.”

Rey has stayed tucked under his chin, obviously sensing their need for privacy.

Han’s lips tremble slightly, but he only says. “Good. Good.”

\---

As he’s placing Rey on their bed, she asks, “What happened?”

“Shhhh, we need rest.”

He goes on his knees and pulls off her boots while Rey frowns. “Is it … safe?”

“I don’t think he … _they_ … can reach us when we’re together. I had a headache yesterday when you were at the other end of the apartment. He must have been trying to break through, but we were still too close to each other.”

“My head hurt, too …” she says with a pensive voice.

“You didn’t say anything,” he says with dismay. He doesn’t like the idea of her in pain.

“Well, neither did you,” she points out.

He has to shrug at that, because she’s right. But he doesn’t mind his own pain, it’s hers that concerns him. “Does it still hurt?”

She shakes her head. “No … I feel how I always feel when I’m with you, just really, really tired.”

Kicking off his own boots, he sits next to her on the bed. “Then let me hold you.”

“Yes, please.” She lies down and he curls around her, his front to her back. A deeply relieved sigh is pulled from him. This is what he needed. This is what he always needs.

\---

Rey’s huge yawn draws him from sleep and he smiles as she stretches in his arms. “How long did we sleep?” she asks.

He cranes his neck to check the time and his eyes widen. “Over three hours.”

She turns over and makes a funny little smile before saying, “I guess having an evil dark side madman in your head will really take it out of you.” Then her face falls. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s alright,” he soothes. “Though it was never like yesterday. It never hurt.”

“Well, that’s something I guess. Are you sure it was Snoke?”

“I … I honestly don’t know. We’ve assumed. It was the same voice.”

“Well, Palpatine was _definitely_ in my head. He … knew things.” She grimaces and looks away.

“Gods … are they working together?” Ben asks. They’d hoped that however Palpatine had come back in the future, it hadn’t transpired yet. This is the worst possible confluence of circumstances.

“They must be … maybe it was the only way to overwhelm our bond,” Rey suggests.

Ben nods and holds her close. Whatever comes, he refuses to let them hurt her. Ever again. They’re going to hunt them down and kill them both.

Permanently.

\---

As they make their way to the family room, he hears his mother yell, “If you aren’t here by tomorrow, I swear to the Maker, I’ll never talk to you again!” Then he hears something that sounds like his mother slamming the comm down on a surface.

When they enter the room, his mother is in full strop, pacing furiously.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with my brother!” she exclaims, while Han’s eyes follow her as he leans against the wall, each step ratcheting up her fury. “Sometimes I could just strangle him!”

“Uh, Mom?” Ben hazards. 

“Oh, Ben! Rey! Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re fine,” he responds as Rey says, “Much better.”

“From what your father told me, it sounded awful. Even worse than Rey.”

“He … he wasn’t happy that he hasn’t been able to reach me. We thought the bond would keep him out, but I guess … I guess they found a way.”

His mother nods somberly. “Yes … we heard Rey.”

“So … who was that?” Ben asks, feeling Rey shrink into herself. Talking about Palpatine is always difficult for her.

“ _That_ , was my good-for-nothing brother!” she spits. 

Ben’s eyebrows rise. “He’s coming? Here?”

“We need him.”

“No, we really don’t,” Ben says with rising anger.

“We can’t face this with you and Rey so vulnerable.”

Pulling Rey to his side forcefully, he says, “We aren’t, as long as we’re together.” Just the way he likes.

She cocks her head. “And if you’re separated?”

The thought of being parted from Rey, where he can’t protect her, makes a wave of potent fear crash into his chest. “That won’t happen,” he grits out. “I won’t let it.”

Han clears his throat. “I hate to admit it, but your mother is right. We need Luke.”

He might be making progress, real progress with his parents, but Luke is another matter entirely. The man treated him like less than even an apprentice, more like a burden and he’s shaking his head. “No! Rey and I are _fine_.”

Then Rey is pulling from his fierce hold and turning towards him. She takes his face in her hands and he can tell she’s trying to project comfort through their bond. He wants to just close his eyes and feel her slide over him, let her compassion bathe him like cool, refreshing water, but he’s too … too … angry? Trepidatious? He doesn’t know anything but that he doesn’t want to see Luke after his rejection.

“Remember what he does for us in the future,” she says with a calm, entreating voice.

That, that lands, right past his anger and hitting the part of him that _does_ love his uncle. But he can’t agree, not fully, so all he does is nod stiffly.

The whole family lets out a collective sigh of relief.

\---

They all sit quietly after that, his parents murmuring to each other while he contents himself with the feeling of Rey’s fingers tangled with his. Poe has made himself scarce, for which Ben is grateful.

“I should go check on my orchid,” Rey says as she begins to get up. 

“I’ll come with you.” Ben isn’t letting her out of his sight.

“Son, wait,” Leia requests as she stands.

“I’ll be right with you,” he says to Rey and she nods, padding down the hallway.

His mother pulls him to the side and says, “Talk to your father. He’s … shaken. He feels incredibly guilty.”

Ben’s brows furrow. “Why?”

“Because he couldn’t help you. Just … just talk to him,” she says as she, too, slips from the room.

His dad is sitting with his elbows on his knees, and Ben sees that something is definitely off with Han.

He sits next to him and silence reigns. It’s clear neither of them knows what to say.

Eventually, Ben ventures, “There was nothing you could have done.”

“Oh, I know.” There’s a level of self-loathing in his voice that makes Ben blink. “I never was much good for ya.”

“What? No, that’s not true.”

“I couldn’t help you with your nightmares, or when your powers started to show … What’s an old smuggler like me know about the Force?” His eyes are full of a lifetime of feeling useless and Ben suddenly sees how powerless his father must have felt with his acutely Force-sensitive son.

“But … I never cared about that.”

Han snorts. “Well, I sure as stars cared today. That bastard’s attacking my kid and all I can do is watch. Some father I am.”

Ben turns until he’s facing his father, who stubbornly stares straight ahead. “Dad ...“ Still he keeps his eyes averted. “Dad …” Then his eyes flick to Ben’s and he decides that’s enough. “Feeling you with me, knowing that you were there, it _did_ help.”

“Sure, kid,” Han says sarcastically.

“That’s all I’ve ever needed. For you to be there. And today, today you were.” Funny … he never knew forgiveness could feel so _right_.

“I’m gonna be.” He finally meets Ben’s eyes fully. “From now on.” 

Ben makes a small, boyish smile.

“I know.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. I'm so grateful for how generous you are with your time.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who wants to take a last minute cruise because the prices are so low. We're already supposed to go on one in May, so this just feels like tempting fate.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! It occurs to me that I haven't mentioned my tumblr in a while, perrydowning. Come on by and say hello! Thank you all for every hit, kudo, and comment! Love and hugs!


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resplendent Rey finally really shares what Jakku did to her and Besotted Ben makes certain things plain to Loving Leia.

He finds Rey in the conservatory, where she’s watering her orchid, quietly talking to it. “I promise, we’ll find your family. I won’t let you be alone,” she says softly.

It hits him then, what this must trigger for Rey, caring for an orchid separated from its creche. They need each other and he thinks, perhaps, this could be good for her. Help her voice the pain that’s always just under the surface of her joyful exuberance. 

“Rey,” he says gently.

She looks up and the smile that fills her face makes his breath hitch. How can she always be so incomprehensibly lovely? It’s as if someone had searched through him for the very definition of beauty and created her from whole cloth. For him. 

But it’s not just the sculpted form of her face, or the perfection of her body. It’s so much more than that. He imagines he can see her very soul, and it’s magnificent. Who knows, maybe he can. Maybe he sees Rey in a way no one else can. 

He likes that, the idea that there’s an aspect of Rey that’s only his. 

“How is your flower?” he asks.

“It’s still sad, but I think we’re really bonding. I swear it moved when I came into the room, and I could feel gratitude when I misted it.” She frowns slightly. “I don’t know if I like thinking of it as an ‘it’.”

“Then don’t. They’re looking lovely today.”

“Hmm, yes.” She smiles at him again and he still can’t believe he’s managed to not only find, but to _keep_ such a creature. “Well, _they’re_ still worried, and more of the creche has lost their Force. We need to try and find a way to go to Kamino.”

“Let’s talk to my parents at dinner.”

\---

“Where’s Poe?” Rey asks.

“Oh, he stayed behind at the shipyard—we went while you were sleeping. He wanted to get to know the ship and the droid before heading out tomorrow.”

“Speaking of his mission,” Ben segues. “Dad, any luck enticing the Kamino on another shipment of orchids?”

“Not sure yet. I put the word out I had more at a good price, we’ll see if they bite.”

His father had spent the rest of the afternoon cooking, and Ben had nearly groaned in pleasure when he’d had his first taste of the roasted nerf with honey and grapings. His dad had very obviously poured his love for his family, for Ben, into this meal.

Rey puts down her fork, the first time she’s stopped eating since the meal began. “Couldn't we … I don’t know, sneak in?” Her face is tight with concern.

Han purses his lips. “I dunno about that. We’re already going to have to do some fast talkin’ to get inside as it is.”

“Between the two of us, Ben and I should be able to Jedi mind trick just about anyone. Palpatine,” She stops and swallows obviously. “He said … he said that the power of our dyad was the power of life itself. That has to _mean_ something,” she pleads.

Frowning, Han looks deeply into Ben’s eyes. “I’d just feel better if we handle it my way.”

Leia reaches for her husband and takes his hand. It’s a tender gesture that makes Ben understand just how shaken his father still is from the events of the afternoon. 

“But we could be too late!” Rey cries and Han’s frown deepens.

Ben turns to Rey, “Sweetheart, I know you’re worried about the orchids, but they are … well they are just plants.”

Her eyes flare and she spits, “And I suppose I’m just an orphan?!”

Ben pulls back, shocked by her vitriol. “You know that’s not what I meant,” he says slowly.

“They’re suffering!”

“I know, but we have to focus on the end goal,” Ben reasons.

Her face screws up in conflict and anguish, then she throws down her napkin and runs from the dining room.

“I, uh—” Ben stutters.

“Go,” Leia presses.

He leaps from his chair and follows closely on Rey’s heels. 

\---

She runs straight for the conservatory and he finds her cradling her orchid in her laps, sitting cross legged on the floor. Her eyes are vacant and dry, which surprises him. He’d expected to find her weeping. 

“Rey?” His voice is cautious but full of longing.

“Yeah,” she responds with a dull tone.

“What … what happened back there?”

She just shakes her head and Ben makes a frustrated face. She never lets him _in_ , not really. His heart sinks into his belly and he’s filled a heavy sorrow. What if she never does?

“Please … talk to me,” he pleads as he takes his place next to her on the hard surface.

“What is there to say? You’ll never understand.” There’s a depth of bitterness to her tone that throws him.

“I’d like to try,” he coaxes.

“You already know I was an orphan, that I grew up with no one, a slave to Unkar Plutt. There’s not really anything else to tell.”

“And you were waiting for your family.”

“My _dead_ family,” she scoffs. Then her face crumples into a sickened expression. “Well except my insane grandfather who never wanted me anyway. Who took them away from me.”

“Saving the rest of the creche won’t change that,” he offers.

“I know … I just … I just wish someone had tried. For me.”

“If I’d known, I would have stolen the _Falcon_ and come for you. I was 15 …” That gives him pause. He’d had a serious episode that year. It had been the first time he’d given into the voice and used the dark side.

Now her eyes do grow damp and she smiles slightly. “I know you would have.”

“And Rey … I do know what it’s like to be isolated and alone. I know what it is to feel like you’re caving in from the inside because you have nothing and no one.”

“But you had your parents,” she argues, seeming affronted on their behalf.

Ben can only snort. “No, I really didn’t. We … we weren’t like we are now. I was raised by droids. You were raised by the sands. They’re both empty.”

Her cheeks stain pink. “I hadn’t thought of it like that …”

“I’m not trying to compare it, I know we both had our own paths. I just … I wish you’d talk to me. Really talk to me.” He leans towards her, but doesn’t touch her. Not yet.

“I want to,” she admits in a small voice. “But I don’t have the words. I don’t know how to explain what it was like. It’s never enough and somehow also makes it sound so …“ She trails off and mumbles, “It was just my life.”

“Could you show me?” he asks.

“Show you?”

“Share a memory.”

“Let you in my head?” she asks with real fear, which only highlights how much she still doesn’t trust him with her whole self.

“I don’t … I don’t mean like … like before,” he says lamely, referencing how he’d broken through her defenses and took her secrets.

“You mean through our bond,” she says, understanding dawning on her face.

He nods, hoping she’ll let him in, finally let him in.

“I could … I could do that.” Her face shifts to wariness. “But don’t go snooping.”

“I would never do that.” They both realize the lie in his statement and his cheeks heat with shame. “Again,” he amends.

But instead of remonstration, she sets aside her orchid and takes his hand before saying, “I know. I know, Ben.”

“I’m so sorry—” 

“Shhh,” she soothes, placing her fingertips against his lips. “You’ve apologized enough. I know you won’t do it again.”

He takes the hand against his mouth and curls her fingers, kissing them. Then he looks into her eyes, pushing his sincerity through their connection. “Do you? Really? Do you know how much I regret ever having done that to you?”

She nods, her eyes wide and full of emotion. “I do. Do _you_ know how much _I_ regret not telling you everything from the beginning?”

They haven’t talked much about this, and he’s surprised by how her eyes are pleading with him. “I didn’t, but … thank you.”

“I know I pushed you too far—”

“No,” he cuts her off. “Never excuse me for that. Never,” he proclaims with a hard tone.

Again, she nods, and then she releases his hands. “Sit across from me,” she requests. 

He scooches around and mirrors her position on the floor while she holds up her palms, gesturing for him to place his against them. As soon as their skin touches, he’s flooded with _her_. It’s never been quite this intense outside of their bed and he gasps at the rush.

She winds around every cell, somehow permeating his very being. It’s like when she finds her release and cascades through him, but it’s purer somehow, without the physical distraction. Then everything shifts and his understanding of pain and loneliness changes forever.

It’s like he’s being scoured by the very sands of Jakku. He didn’t know he could feel so hollow. The hunger … no, the _starvation_ cores him out and he feels his eyes fill with tears.

The bleakness of dragging herself through the dead tombs of a long-dead empire, desperate for something, anything to fill her belly. The grotesque skeletons and empty armor, filling her life with death. The death that stalks her.

Then the night comes, and it all grows that much more terrifying. No one is coming. There’s no hope. No relief. Relentless, constant agony as she shares with him the memories of her endless nights. 

Methodically scratching the days into a wall, trying to find it inside to keep _believing_.

His jaw clenches when he feels her fly back, felled by the blow of Unkar Plutt when she’s but a slip of a thing. She’s so powerless, nowhere to run, no warmth to be found. Though, it’s the cruel laughter, the taunting words that rip into his sense of everything right and decent in the galaxy.

_You’re no one._

_You’re nothing._

_No one will ever want you._

But then he feels it, that defiant glow at her center. A defiance he never had.

_My family is coming!_

_They love me!_

_I_ am _someone!_

_I’m Rey!_

She’s right. There are no words to describe the feelings she’d shared with him. And that that had been her life, every day, the sheer hopelessness is _breathtaking_. Yet, she’d held onto that breathing, living fire inside her. She never let it go out. For 15 years. 

Her strength … it defies comprehension. She glows with that core that can’t be extinguished, and he’s in awe. Somehow, she was even stronger than he’d ever imagined, and he’s filled with shame at his own inadequacy.

Rey never would have bent to Snoke. 

Slowly, deftly, _gently_ she pulls out of his mind and he’s left bereft from the loss of her. Even with the pain she’d endured, _shared_ with him, he never wants her to leave his center. 

Back in the conservatory, with Rey, he blinks rapidly, trying to find a way to tell her that he understands. But all he can discern is the simple truth of everything.

“I love you.”

\---

As he holds her sleeping form, his mind tumbles over the bleakness she’d revealed and he wonders if his future self had ever known half-so-much about her. It makes him a bit smug. She might still miss this other version of himself, might grieve for him, but Rey is so much more his than she’d ever been that stranger’s.

As far as he can tell, they’d never really had a conversation, not a real one. They’d never delved into what’s between them, caught forever in that place of feeling the pull, never knowing if their all-consuming feelings were returned.

He can imagine what it must have done to his older self. While he’d like to believe he’d grown more able to control his emotions by the time he’d met Rey in the future, somehow, he knows that, without Rey, that’s simply impossible.

What must it have been like to throw himself into the dark, mercilessly stab the light through? Turn his back on everything he’d known, everyone he’d thought had already abandoned him? Before Rey, it’s all too easy to see how tempting that would be. How he’d already been struggling when she’d swept away his anguish. 

Because he does know solitude. Not her relentless suffering, but the feeling of being alone, so bitterly _alone_. He was surrounded by people, but he’d been lost, untethered. Casting about wildly for his other half. 

He’s certain they were so isolated because they knew, they must have known, deep down, that they were not whole. Half a soul, such an unnatural state. 

She’d tried to fill it with fantasies of long-murdered parents. He’d filled it with the dark side.

He lets out a long sigh and strokes her sleeping form, needing her comfort. He almost wakes her up, just so he can see her eyes, taste her lips, but he knows she needs her sleep after their ordeal today. They both do.

Huffing a frustrated sound, he settles in next to her, pulling her closer. He needs to sleep.

But his thoughts are haunted by the path he’ll never take until sleep finally pulls him under.

\---

“I’m sorry for getting so upset yesterday,” Rey says at breakfast the next morning.

“Huh?” Poe grunts while plowing through a huge pile of wintu eggs.

“Neither of you need to worry about it,” Leia says in a tone that ends the conversation. Rey looks down, clearly still feeling badly for her outburst and Poe just shrugs, going back to eating.

“Well, I did hear back from a contact last night. I think we’re going to be heading to Kamino in the next few days,” Han offers, picking up a new subject.

“Really?” Rey’s head snaps up, looking heart-achingly hopeful. Ben finds he, too, is eager to find out just what is going on there.

But Leia frowns. “I’ve been thinking, and I’m not sure it’s such a good idea for the two of you to go with Han. His father takes in a deep breath and looks towards the ceiling, obviously relieved. “I know you’re strong, incredibly so, together, but that you’re so vulnerable to Snoke concerns me.”

Ben’s lips make a hard line. “Mom, no. We’re going.” Snoke has done too much to him, and Palpatine, well for what he’s done to Rey alone, Ben needs to remove his spine.

Leia, however, sits straighter and uses her senator voice when she says, “I think I know what I’m talking about.”

“With all the considerable respect that is due, _I’m_ the one who had Snoke in my head my whole life and where I go, Rey goes,” he responds with just as much confidence. He feels Rey’s hand in his under the table.

Leia stands, all regal officiousness, and looks at Ben for a long time. “May I speak with you? Alone?”

Feeling like the little boy who left this very apartment nine years ago, Ben nods stiffly and follows his mother.

\---

As he’d walked to her office, trailing behind her rigid back, he’d been getting ready for a fight. Yes, he’d prefer Rey stay behind, but she deserves her justice, too. He won’t take that from her. Besides, he believes in her strength even more than he believes in his own abilities. 

But as soon as Leia closes her office door behind him, he finds her eyes pleading and her hands extended in entreaty.

“Ben … Son … Please, let me protect you, finally protect you. The way I should have.”

Oh. Oh! Is that why she doesn’t want them to go? It’s not that she doubts them, it’s that she wants him _safe_.

“Mom, this is something I have to do. And Rey needs it, too. From since I had memory, that man has been lurking in my head, twisting everything, keeping me from talking to you.”

“I know … but you’re my only child. I’ve already failed you, so completely. Please, at least let me do this.” Her eyes shine with guilt and pain.

“We’re averting a war … people will get hurt, maybe even die. But you don’t … you don’t understand what he took from me.”

“Then tell me,” she pleads.

“Just … just imagine how different our lives would be if I had been free of his taint. I wouldn’t have hidden everything from you. I might have told you how much you were hurting me by being away so much.”

“You shouldn’t have had to. I just … I thought I’d be able to make it up to you, but then you were with Luke.” Her hands flail helplessly.

Grinding his teeth, he points out, “You _sent_ me to Luke.”

“I didn’t know what else to do!” 

Ben takes a deep breath and reins in his hurt. “We don’t need to rehash this. Just … I could have stayed with you if it weren’t for Snoke.”

Leia blinks. “I hadn’t … I hadn’t thought of that.”

“I know. That’s why I have to do this. He took my happiness from me. My sense of safety. Hell, my sense of self! I have to Mom. I have to.”

After a long moment where they hold each other’s eyes with stubbornness, she fiercely declares, “Well, then I’m coming with you.” He starts to speak, but she cuts him off with, “He tormented my baby boy, and I won’t let you face this without your _whole_ family around you.”

Now it’s his turn to feel uneasy. His mother isn’t as young as she used to be and he’s not sure when she last held a blaster. His dad, well, he knows he can still handle himself. 

“Mom—”

“You go, I go. That’s the deal,” Leia says firmly.

Ben knows better than to argue with his mother when she has that look on her face and he just sighs. “Yeah, okay.”

\---

As they walk back towards the dining room, he hears voices coming from the family room. His stomach sinks as he recognizes one frustratingly familiar timbre. 

When they turn the corner, Ben’s worst fears are confirmed.

Luke Skywalker.

His _uncle_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who is battling food poisoning while caring for twins and STILL read this for me!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who got me a plush baby Yoda! 
> 
> Thank you, Readers! We're beginning our crawl up Plot Mountain, so in theory we're entering the final act. I know, famous last words. Thank you all for being so supportive and just tremendous!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loser Luke is on the scene and it all goes BOOM.

“Ben,” Luke says, his eyes wide with shock. His face has gone slack and he opens and closes his mouth before his gaze slants to Rey. “You … my gods,” Luke breathes out.

Ben’s face twists into an annoyed frown. Why is Luke surprised to see him in his own apartment? And didn’t he know Rey had come with him?

Luke moves closer to him and peers up into his face, then his eyes roam all over his body, making Ben distinctly uncomfortable. 

“Remarkable,” Luke says with an awed tone.

Frustrated, Ben asks in a sharp tone, “What?”

“The dark …”

“Oh no, if you start accusing me of—”

“No, it’s _gone_. It’s no longer swirling all around you.”

Well. That’s not all that unexpected now that Snoke isn’t sniffing around him constantly. “Perhaps because it was _never_ me,” he responds bitterly.

“What?” Luke asks, nonplussed.

At this moment, Leia threads her arm through her brother’s and says, “You’ve had a long journey. Perhaps we should have some tea.”

“No!” Ben spits. “If he wants to know, I’ll tell him.” Suddenly he needs to see the look on his uncle’s face when he proves he was never destined for the dark, that the great Jedi Master had missed a darksider right under his nose. 

Han whistles and flops down on the couch. “We might wanna make ourselves scarce,” he tells Poe in a loud whisper.

Rey has come up to his side and takes his hand, squeezing it encouragingly while he seethes down on Luke. “So do you? Do you want to know how Rey accomplished what you never could?”

Luke nods, and his eager face makes this somewhat less satisfying.

“Snoke, that old man you had visit the temple. He wasn’t what he seemed, and he’s been lurking in my head for my whole life, pretending to be my friend, seducing me to the dark side. Whispering stories of the Jedi, twisting my mind. Every—single—night!”

Now it’s Luke’s turn to frown and he shakes his head. “No, I would have sensed—”

“You did! You just thought it was _me_. Because of course on top of everything else, why not the screw-up fall to the dark side, too!” Ben cries out. He’s _done_ just taking whatever banthashit is thrown at him.

“It wasn’t like that—”

“The hell it wasn’t!” Ben roars. “You made me feel like such a failure, always holding me back, always finding fault in _everything_ I did.” His voice turns mocking when he continues to rant, ” _Ben, don’t get so emotional. Ben, control yourself. Ben, try again. Again._ Again _. AGAIN!_ ” 

“I—”

But Ben won’t be stopped. “Doesn’t that sound familiar, old man?”

Leia moves towards her son. “Ben, sweet-”

“No! You don’t know how he treated me, Mom!” 

“What do you mean?” Leia asks in a trepidatious voice.

“I was always meant for _more_. I had the _mighty Skywalker blood_ flowing through my veins. I was never good enough, never calm enough, never balanced. Always a failure,” he spits.

Leia looks sharply at her brother as he puts his hands out in supplication. “No, Ben—”

“You dare to deny it, _Master_?” Ben sneers. 

“I never meant you to feel like that.” Luke’s contrite bearing shifts the storm raging in Ben to one of hurt, not fury.

“Then why wasn’t I allowed to call you uncle?” Ben asks, his voice breaking.

His mother gasps and Luke’s face falls.

“I didn’t want the others to single you out!”

“But I was! They did. _You_ did! Just for being the _legacy_. I was never, ever just Ben!” he cries out. He was never allowed to simply be a person, not until Rey looked at him with her luminous hazel eyes, held his hand and just _listened_ to him.

Luke’s head falls forward in defeat. “You’re right,” he says quietly.

That takes the wind from Ben’s sails and he feels the weight of every year at the temple, alone except for the voice. A distance between him and everyone he cared for. Every visit home, a further reminder he was just a pawn for galactic games. 

It’s only then that he feels Rey’s thumb stroking his hand and he lets out a shuddering breath before turning and folding her into his arms, clinging to her. He’s not alone. Not now. He never will be again. 

“What is it, between you two?” Luke breathes out.

Ben doesn’t want to let her go, so he ignores his failure of an uncle and just holds on to his reason for living. As long as he’s wrapped around her, nothing can touch him. No one can hurt him. There’s only her and the steady beat of her heart, her soothing hands, her calming scent.

With a soft voice, Leia explains. “They’re bonded. A dyad in the Force …”

Luke takes in a long breath and with a hushed tone says, “She never told me. All she said was that Ben falls to the dark in the future, that she had to stop it. That she … that she loved him in her reality. No wonder she came back for him.”

“She was afraid of what sharing too much would do.”

Humming in acknowledgement, Luke continues. “I can’t even imagine what it must have been doing to her, to be without half of her soul …”

Leia’s tone becomes apologetic. “There’s more …”

Their voices fall into a low murmur and Ben doesn’t bother to try to hear their conversation. He just wants to cradle Rey as close as he can. Having Luke here, accepting the truth of his words, almost acting so much like a true uncle would, has him spinning through memories and wondering what if, what if ...

“Are you alright?” Rey asks quietly.

“Yeah … I just don’t know what to do with him, how to talk to him.” He makes a harsh sound. “I’ve _never_ known how.”

“Luke can be … difficult.”

Ben snorts. “That’s one word for it.”

“When I met him, he knew it was his fault you went to the dark side, but he lied about it. It was clear when I arrived, explained why I was here, that he always kept his secrets close, even before he … did what he did.” She sighs with sadness. “I don’t know why he thought he could teach a bunch of children …”

He lets out a laugh with no mirth. “No, Luke Skywalker is not the … warmest of people.”

“When you were young, was he at least affectionate with you?” Rey asks, keeping her voice for only his ears. 

“No … not with any of us.”

She pulls back and looks up into his face. “That’s not what children need. Away from all of your parents …” Rey frowns deeply. “I don’t know much about what it would be like to be raised normally, but I do know _that_.”

Ben recalls how he’d tried to hug his uncle when he first arrived on Yavin 4. Luke had stiffened and explained that he couldn’t hug him now, that it wasn’t _appropriate_. His young self hadn’t even understood the concept, just felt rejected. He hasn’t tried to hug Luke since.

“Palpatine!” rings out in Luke’s voice and both Ben and Rey turn to see him pale and utterly terrified.

Now Ben does pay attention to what his mother is saying. “Yes … we think he and Snoke are working together.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t sense the dark in Snoke,” Luke says, his face grim. “The Emperor … he was … he was evil. Are you sure?” he asks with narrowed eyes.

Somberly, Leia nods. “He attacked Rey’s mind yesterday. It’s why I contacted you.”

With eyes haunted by the past, Luke asks, “Do we know where they are?”

“We have some leads—”

“We’re going to Kamino soon, to find out what they’re up to,” Rey interrupts. 

“Well, then I’m going with you,” Luke announces and this pulls Ben into the fray.

“No, no way.”

“Why not?” Leia asks and Han and Poe try to slink from the room. “Get back here, this is a family discussion.”

Poe keeps walking, but Leia stops him with, “And it’s to do with strategy. Stay put, young man.”

Both men sigh and retake their seats.

Leia repeats, “Why not, Ben?”

His jaw works and he finally spits out, “I don’t trust him.”

How is he supposed to work with, fight beside the man he knows thought to murder him in his own bed just four years from now?

Leia makes a troubled face and Rey grasps his bicep before saying, “I understand, I do … but remember, _he_ didn’t do it. At least not yet.”

“Do what?” Leia asks.

Ben knows he shouldn’t say anything. Maker knows, he hates when Rey forgets he hasn’t done any of the horror of the future, but he’s just too hurt. “He’s the reason I turned!” he bursts out.

Confusion floods Leia’s eyes and Rey sighs deeply. “I thought it was Snoke,” Leia hesitantly says.

“Oh, it was him, too. In fact, it was quite the group effort. I fought against the temptation, at least I think I did. I know I had been for quite some time before Rey came into my life.”

“Ben—”

“No, it’s time everyone knew,” he says to Rey, then turns his gaze on the siblings. “He,” he points at Luke, “Decides the dark in me is too much of a threat and believes killing me in my sleep is the most expedient solution!”

Han leaps to his feet and begins to stalk towards Luke, while Leia’s hand flies to her mouth and she shakes her head back and forth swiftly. Poe just blinks but stays seated.

Luke though … he looks … guilty and that’s when Han reaches him. “You were gonna hurt my kid?” Then he grabs Luke by the collar and pulls him close. Ben has never seen such rage on his father’s face.

Rey rushes up to them and pulls at Han’s sleeve while his mother stands completely still, her eyes full of horror. Rey cries out, “Han, no! He never did that, he only thinks about it! He never hurt Ben!”

“Oh, he hurt me alright, just not the way you mean,” Ben argues. “Every damned day for the last nine years.”

And that’s when the last bit of rational thought leaves the situation.

“I trusted you!” Han hollers and before Ben can even blink, his father hauls off and punches Luke right in the nose.

_That_ snaps Leia out of her trance and between her and Rey, they pull his father off of his now-bleeding uncle. Rey helps Luke to sit and efficiently begins to heal his nose with the Force while Leia is speaking furiously with Han.

Ben, he just stands there, stunned. Had that really just happened? His whole life, he thought his family essentially worshiped the great Luke Skywalker, the first of the New Jedi. And his dad had just let fly a vicious punch. To protect him. He shouldn’t feel so elated, but he can’t help it.

“I don’t care that it hasn’t happened yet! Weren’t you listening? He made Ben feel like nothing!” Han exclaims. Loudly.

“Yes, and we’ll be speaking, but you shouldn’t have hit him!” Leia pushes back.

“I shoulda done more than that!” Han shouts and storms out of the apartment, obviously going to the _Falcon_.

Poe hesitantly gets up and mumbles, “I’m … uh, I’m gonna see if he needs any help. Uhm. Yeah.” Then he’s out the door, too.

Rey has finished healing Luke, who is gingerly pressing his nose, checking her work. 

“I think we all need some … time.” Leia breathes in, long and deep. “Luke, come with me,” she commands and he obediently follows her, no doubt to her office, leaving Ben and Rey in the family room.

“Well, it’s now all out in the open,” Rey sighs, looking dismayed. “Are you happy with yourself?”

“Yeah, a bit!” he snaps.

“Your father just hit the man who sacrifices everything a person can, for us!” Rey cries.

“Well he hasn’t done it, yet!” Ben cringes inside for how petulant he sounds.

“And he didn’t try to kill you yet, either,” Rey points out, visibly trying to keep herself calm.

That, that makes him pause. But then he remembers how isolated he always felt with his own damned uncle right there and he finds his fight again. “I don’t care! There’s plenty enough reason why he deserved that!”

Rey sighs and folds her arms. “You actually enjoyed that, didn’t you?”

Ben looks away for a moment, then sheepishly says, “Maybe a little.”

“Look … Luke made mistakes, but you have to see it from his perspective. It sounds like you weren’t exactly an easy child. I think … I think he did what he thought was best.”

“It was best to make me feel like no one gave a damn about me and that I had to live up to all of these expectations at the same time?”

“You know that isn’t what he wanted. He loves you. He proved that, in the end.”

Grudgingly, he has to acknowledge that she’s right. Knowing that he wouldn’t have Rey, would still be inexorably pulled to the dark without his uncle's sacrifice, it makes him feel ashamed for how he’d acted. He’d blamed Luke for something he never did and now, won’t ever do. 

“Yeah, okay,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck.

Then Rey takes his hands, circling the backs with her thumbs. “But … what really matters to me, is you.”

He smiles that small smile just for her. She always knows just how to make him feel _seen_. 

“Are you alright?” she asks.

He thinks for a moment and finds himself nodding slowly. That his father had reacted so fiercely is actually quite comforting, and he’s pretty sure he can hear raised voices from down the hall. His mother isn’t just taking Luke’s treatment of him lying down, either.

“I am,” he says, feeling a strange sort of strength.

For the first time in his life, he knows what it’s like to have his family gathered around him, defending him, knowing him. Though Rey is the center of his galaxy, the writer of this new chapter in his life, he can see everything so much clearer, now. 

His parents love him.

His parents _see_ him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare! You are da bomb.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who has stocked up on everything we could possibly need for the pandemic.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! First, I hope everyone is healthy. It's a scary time and I want to tell you all how much you mean to me. Take care of yourselves, okay? Time to hunker down and read fan fic! Secondly, I'm so grateful for your time and attention.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loser Luke tries to say he's sorry, but Besotted Ben isn't quite ready. Then Helpful Han helps Besotted Ben find his center.

“Luke would like to speak with you,” his mother says with a note of entreaty. “He’s waiting in my office.”

“I don’t want to talk to him,” Ben says mulishly, keeping his arm around Rey. What can Luke possibly say?

Leia sighs. “He knows he made so many mistakes. He wants … he wants to apologize.”

“Because that would make everything better,” he says with derision. Rey looks at him with a disappointed expression, but he can’t manage to quell the feeling of being less than what was wanted and more than anyone knew how to handle.

“No … of course not. But … you’ve let your father and I have another chance. Can’t you give your uncle the same grace?”

“You mean the uncle who never treated me like I mattered?”

“Ben … I know you couldn’t feel it, but he _did_ try. He says he always took you with him on missions ...”

He makes a face, not wanting to acknowledge the truth of her words. Snoke had suggested it was only because he didn’t trust him when he couldn’t keep an eye on him. But maybe … maybe that was just another lie to isolate him.

His shoulders slump as he realizes his mother is right, at least partially. So much of how he saw things before he pushed Snoke out of his head had been completely warped by his serpent’s tongue. Maybe he should at least hear what Luke has to say for himself.

“Yeah … okay. I’ll listen.” His mother’s face brightens and he hastily adds, “Only listen. No promises.”

“That’s fine, sweetheart. Your uncle, he’s not … he’s not a bad man, he just never knew what you needed.” Shame fills her face. “None of us did.”

This is well trod ground, and while his instinct is to point out that they _all_ could have tried _talking_ to him, it’s not as if he ever gave them much of an opportunity to do so.

Letting go of Rey, he goes to his mother and pulls her into his arms. “Mom, it’s okay. We’re talking now, that’s what matters.”

“I just didn’t know he was so cold with you!” she cries out, her face against his chest. Gods, when did she get so _tiny_? Even Rey doesn’t feel nearly so little. Then again, just about everyone seems small to him.

He takes her by the shoulders and looks into her eyes. “I know. How could you have? I never told you.”

“He … I think he took being the last Jedi Master too seriously. Somehow, he lost his joy and became this stoic mystic. Gods, what it must have done to you children.”

“I don’t think it was so bad for everyone else. They … they had each other.”

“But what about Tai? Luke always said you were close.”

Ben looks away. “I don’t know … I guess we were, but that was all Tai. I never … I never really let him in. Not … not like a true friend.”

She reaches up and cups his cheek. He bends forward to make it easier for her, to chase her loving hand. “Maybe it’s not too late,” she offers.

His gaze slides away and he mumbles, “Yeah … maybe.” Tai had always had an odd way of knowing when he needed someone, and he adds him to the list of people he didn’t see clearly with his mind not his own.

\---

He trudges back to his mother’s office, ice pack in hand. He’s not even sure why he took the time to snag it, but he refuses to think about the impulse.

As he walks into the room, he tosses the ice pack to Luke and grunts, “For your face.”

Easily, Luke catches it and gingerly places it against his still slightly swollen nose. Clearly, Rey hadn’t chosen to heal it fully, or she doesn’t know how. But he’d like to think she’d been making a point. He makes a private smile and Luke looks at him speculatively.

“What has you smiling?” he asks neutrally, removing the ice pack and facing Ben fully.

Ben’s shields slam down. He doesn’t want to share Rey with Luke. To be fair, he never wants to share any bit of her with _anyone_. “Nothing,” he says, his face going blank. He’s here to listen, not to talk.

Luke sighs, long and loud. “Ben … I … I …” he stammers.

At that, Ben nearly turns and leaves. He’s here, he’s waiting. The least his old master could do is string words together. He huffs out an impatient noise and crosses his arms.

Closing his eyes briefly, his face twisting in pain, Luke finally manages, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Ben asks shortly.

Luke makes a sorrowful face. “For all of it. For not realizing you were being attacked by outside forces, for keeping so much distance between us—”

“You wouldn’t even let me call you uncle! Do you know what that did to me? I was 10 years old! I’d just been taken away from everything I’d ever known. I thought I at least had you, but you rejected me!”

“I didn’t want you to be different than the other children!” There’s a ghost to his expression that makes Ben wonder for a moment, but his hurt is holding the reins.

“I _was_ different. I was family!”

Luke blinks rapidly and there’s a long silence. Eventually, he offers, “I see it now. I do … I should have done so many things differently.”

This, open, contrite Luke throws Ben for a loop. How can he hold on to his anger with this uncle just rolling over and taking it? Where is the superior Jedi? The stern master?

“It was very difficult to maintain that distance. So many times I wanted to just wrap you up in my arms and soothe away your struggles.”

Ben’s throat grows tight at his uncle’s words. What would that have meant to him? He’d missed his mother’s warm embrace so much, felt so lost and alone. He doesn’t say anything, too afraid to speak. He’ll be damned if he lets on how affected he is. 

Again, Luke sighs. “I’m proud of you. I’ve always _been_ proud of you.”

Eyes flying to Luke’s, Ben gapes. He was always getting it wrong, how is this even possible?

Luke makes a pained expression. “I should have told you,” he says with shame.

A grimace of a smile twists Ben’s lips. “It might have helped.”

“I thought … I thought you knew.”

“How could I? You pushed and pushed. I thought I never got it right … I was stronger than all of them, but still wasn’t good enough.” His tone is forlorn, years of inadequacy weaving through him.

“I pushed you _because_ you’re so strong! I could see what you could be!” Luke declares fervently.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn’t _want_ to be great? That I just wanted to be Ben? Hell, even my name isn’t my own!” Ben nearly shouts.

“It is! You … you're your own person …” Luke trails off.

Snorting, Ben says, “Yeah, well it didn’t feel like it, not back then.”

“What changed?” Luke asks curiously.

Ben looks away. He knows what changed. He heard Rey say his name and he’d felt a glimmer of what it might be like to be whole. Not really wanting to speak of Rey, but knowing he has to, he says. “Rey came into my life.”

Luke’s face draws into an expression of hope and he says, “The two of you, you’re remarkable.”

Suddenly, Ben asks, “Could you tell, that I was bonded?”

So easily, Luke slips into the role of teacher. “I knew you were seeking. That you were meant for great things. I see it now, plain as day, that I was sensing her. All that possibility, it was the two of you. I don’t know if your mother has told you, but you and Rey are almost blinding in the Force. It’s not even light or dark, just purity.”

“No, that’s just her,” he dismisses.

“It’s _both_ of you. Now that I know to look, I wonder what else I missed about you.”

Swiftly, Ben looks at Luke keenly. “Why were you so sure I’d go to the dark side?”

“I wasn’t. Not really. But … I knew about Vader.”

“He’s _your_ father. Why was there no danger from you, or Mom?”

“Oh, there was. Particularly from Leia. I always wondered why she stopped training. She told me she had a vision, that if she kept training you would die. But I think it was more than that. I think she saw herself fall. She’s always been so passionate, and righteously angry. She would have … she would have struggled.”

“And you? Do you struggle?”

Luke’s eyes grow far away and then his gaze sharpens. “Every day.” He lets out a long breath. “And you were so like your mother, so certain, so angry. When you thought you were right, nothing could sway you. That absolutism, it … it worried me.”

“Well, you were wrong. Yes, I was tempted by the dark, but without Snoke I think I would have just wanted to _know_.”

“You always did want to find out everything you could. Sometimes I thought you should have been a scientist, or a historian, the way you inhaled old books.”

“It just never made sense to me, the dark and the light. You preached balance yet eschewed the dark side. How can you have that balance without _both_?”

Luke opens and closes his mouth and his eyes become pensive. “I suppose … I suppose I knew the dark stole my father.”

“Making it evil. What if it simply … is?”

Luke frowns. “That’s a dangerous way to think.”

“You dogmatic fool! Thoughts aren’t dangerous!”

“This path leads to the dark si—”

“Stop! Just stop. I’m not going to fall to the dark! I can’t, not now.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because it would hurt Rey,” he says simply. 

“What of you?” Luke asks gently.

“I don’t matter.”

Luke’s face returns to a deep frown. “Of course you do.”

Ben takes in a shuddering breath, letting it out slowly. “Not when it comes to Rey. There’s nothing I won’t sacrifice for her. Nothing I won’t do to keep her safe.”

A concerned expression blooms on Luke’s face. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” Ben growls.

Luke nods once and only says, “Hmmm.”

Ben has had enough. “Look, I _know_ I won’t ever become Kylo Ren. That’s just going to have to be enough for you, old man.”

“But don’t you see, the way you’re talking—”

“Is just different! You don’t know everything. You dragged me halfway across the galaxy to find old Jedi lore _because_ you needed help.”

“I was trying to rebuild—”

“Something that maybe shouldn’t have been rebuilt! Maybe the Jedi aren’t the answer!”

“Have you … have you always thought this way?” Luke asks with disapproval.

“No. But I have for a long time.”

Luke’s arms cross and he looks at Ben, his dismay only growing. “Can’t you see how precarious that is?”

“Why?” Ben asks. As far as his studies have shown him, this one-sided way of thinking is a huge part of why the Jedi fell in the first place.

Luke blinks. “Because … because it’s not the Jedi way.”

“And that’s bad why?”

“I … I …”

“See? You don’t know. You just follow their old teachings blindly. What if they’re wrong?” Ben asks, a fierce fire in his belly.

Luke scrubs his face with his hands and looks away. “I don’t want to argue,” he says, effectively shutting down their disagreement and Ben wants to howl in frustration. But he knows how pointless it is to keep arguing with his uncle when he’s like this.

“Fine,” Ben spits.

“I only wanted to try to talk, to apologize.”

“Well you have. Are we done?”

“Please … Ben. I am sorry. I know I was wrong—”

“Then why can’t you be wrong about the Jedi, too?”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Luke bursts out.

“Right,” Ben sneers with scorn. “Well this has been great.” With that, he turns on his heel and storms out of his mother’s office.

\---

He knows Rey and his mother will just try to convince him to understand Luke’s perspective, and he’s not ready for that. So he slips out the back door and winds through the corridors until he comes out on the landing pad.

The _Falcon_ waits, with his father within and Ben knows what he needs to calm down. 

\---

Ben finds his dad deep in the belly of the _Falcon_ , a sure sign he’s upset. He’s working on the fiddly things now. There’s always something to work on, but he’s sure primary systems are all in working order after yesterday afternoon. Poe is soldering a broken hinge in the galley and Ben snorts.

“What?” Poe asks, lifting his mask to shield his eyes from the torch. 

Ben jerks his head towards his father’s feet dangling out from the air processing section of the ship. “Dad’s still pissed.”

“Yeah … I’ve been doing preventative maintenance all morning,” Poe says with a wry grin.

Tilting his head, Ben says, “Wish me luck!” and he goes over to where his father is grunting and swearing colorfully.

“Need any help?” Ben asks, sticking his head into the access port. His father is twisted in an awkward shape, fighting with a bolt.

“I can’t quite reach the processor!” he spits and Ben regards the part. “I’m gonna have to pull this whole thing apart.”

“What’s wrong with the air?” he asks.

“It makes a strange hissing sound sometimes,” Han grumbles and Ben rolls his eyes. His father really is reaching for something to work on. 

“Well, let me see if I can help with that,” Ben offers as he reaches out his hand. He loosens the bolt with the Force and the compartment pops open.

“Now that’s handy. Might need to make you part of my crew.” He’d said it nonchalantly, but then Han’s eyes go to Ben’s and there’s a real glimmer of hope in their blue depths.

Nodding, Ben says, “Yeah … that’d be … good.”

“Wouldn’t pay you much. You’d have to work your way up.”

“Would you ever let me fly her?” Ben asks, already knowing the answer.

Sternly, Han responds, “Only if Chewie is visiting his family.”

“Will he be back before we go to Kamino?” Ben asks curiously.

“No … thought it would be a Solo thing.”

“Luke wants to come,” Ben says.

A storm gathers in Han’s face and he huffs out a consternated breath. “Don’t know about that.”

Even though he hadn’t really made peace with his uncle, the man does deserve Han to know he’d apologized. “He did … he did say he was sorry.”

Han snorts. “He better be. Treating my kid like he’s not family.” He shakes his head, frowning deeply. “Never woulda trusted him, if I’d known.”

“I know Dad, I know,” Ben acknowledges, a warm sense of belonging filling his chest. How had he been so wrong about his parents?

His dad sniffs and looks back at the mass of wires now exposed. “Look at that! The reuptake wire is loose. Can you fix that, too?”

Deftly, Ben focuses. Using the Force for small projects is much harder than lifting rocks and he eases the wiring more snuggly around the connection. Once he’s done, he smiles proudly and his dad huffs. “Shoulda asked you to help around the ole girl years ago.”

Quietly, Ben says, “I wish you had.”

Han’s eyes go to his and there’s real pain reflected between father and son. “Me, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare! Your kids are seriously the cutest but they're chaos embodied and I'm so amazed you manage to edit my chapters!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who is working from home now and we're trying to figure out how to both focus in the midst of this major change to how we live our lives. He's trying to give me space to write and already had us well stocked in case of a hurricane.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I really hope everyone is safe and healthy. I know this is a scary time and I wish I could comfort everyone. But all I can do is keep writing, because fiction at least takes us to somewhere else. Thank you for giving your precious time to my story and please know I love you all, so much.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resplendent Rey comes looking for her man, then Besotted Ben shows her what his future self meant by 'Not to me.'

“Hey,” Rey says as he’s finishing up his dad’s latest project. He ducks his head out and finds her smiling up at him. She reaches towards his face, her hand poised over his cheek. “You’ve got something ….” Then she’s wiping his skin with a suppressed grin. “Isn’t this usually your job?”

“I dunno. We both may have to be on smudge duty. I might be … might be working with my dad.”

“On the _Falcon_?” she asks, a bit surprised.

“Yeah, he kind of … well he kind of offered me a job.” There’s a tremor of fear in her eyes and he realizes she thinks he's going to leave her. He quickly adds, “I thought we both could. You know this ship inside and out, from what I’ve seen.”

“He did ask me once … in the future,” she says wistfully. 

He wipes his hands and folds hers into his larger ones. “We’ll decide together. I never want to be apart from you. We have so many possibilities.”

She looks at him with confusion. “All I really know how to do is fix things. Well … and fight.”

“There’s always school,” he offers. He misses it, learning as much as he could about history, science, all of it.

Her eyes slide away with a hint of shame. “I’ve never been.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t. I don’t like to rely on my position, but I _am_ a prince. They’d pull some strings, if I asked.”

Rey hums out a noncommittal sound. “Well, like you said, we’ll figure it out together.”

He nods. “Together. That’s what we do, isn’t it?”

She beams up at him. “Yes. It is.”

“I mean … it could be fun, working with my dad. I know he adores you, and things with him they’re … better.”

“Roaming the galaxy with your father, is that what you want?”

All the adventures they could have spin out before him, showing her the galaxy the way he’d always wanted to see it himself. He’s been to many places over the years, but usually as part of a diplomatic delegation or looking for Jedi relics.

He’s never seen his father’s world, and the idea is … well, it’s exciting. Brushing with danger, getting out of tight spots. He can just imagine he and Rey using their powers to tip the balance, make his father proud. And perhaps nudge him into slightly less seedy pursuits. Maybe even try and help people who have no one?

It’s so easy to see how he and Rey would spend all that time in hyperspace. He could teach her all about cooking, show her everything his dad has taught him. Maybe get his dad involved, learn some new tricks.

And the nights, oh the nights. He’d make love to her, slowly, completely, until she’d beg for sleep. They still have so much to explore, even though he’s quite sated with where they’ve already been. He can’t really imagine enjoying anything more than diving his face between her folds, but perhaps being within her, giving physical form to their bond … well maybe it will rival that taut place between giving and taking.

“Yes, yes, it’s what I want. I want to see everything with you, experience all the galaxy holds. I want to see your face as we race through the stars, hear your joy when we meet new people. Nothing makes me happier than making _you_ happy.”

Then she’s kissing him with a desperation he doesn’t really understand, but he’s more than happy to meet her ferocity. Gods, he could kiss her for hours, days, _years_ , and never get enough. 

Then he hears a loud noise and he pulls from Rey to find his father banging on a panel. Rey twists away from him and blushes brightly. 

“Uh, sorry,” Ben mumbles.

“Eh. I get it. I couldn’t keep my hands off your mom—”

“Dad!”

“What? Just sayin’ …”

Rey finds her voice. “Where’s Poe?”

“Oh, probably several parsecs away by now. He’s on his way to Atalyn.”

She makes a disappointed face and says, “I’d wanted to wish him luck.”

Han snorts. “I think that kid had enough of our drama. He was keeping a pretty close eye on the time, practically ran out of here.”

Ben muses, “Yeah … I would too, if I was him.”

“Well … I’m sure I could find us a job …” Han says with a half-serious tone.

“Hmmm,” Ben hums, tapping his lips with his finger. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Rey says to Ben with a ferocity that surprises him. “We have to be ready to go to Kamino as soon as we hear from Han’s contacts.”

“I was just kiddin’,” Han says with a grin. “We’ll save your plants, kid.”

There’s a long silence, then Ben asks, “Do you need me for anything else?” He finds he needs some time alone with Rey. Working with his father has calmed him, but he’s been so caught up with his family that he’s pining for the peace that only Rey can bring him.

“Nah. I’ll just finish this up. Go spend time with your girl,” he says with a wink.

He really wishes his dad wouldn’t do that. It’s just weird.

\---

He and Rey walk along the promenade near the apartment, hand in hand. He’s taking her to the park he used to enjoy as a child. It’s lined with well-tended trees and the occasional bench donated by a bereaved family or city leader.

“It’s nice to be outside. I never thought there’d be so much green in a big city like this,” Rey remarks.

Ben rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, well … this is the … uh, _nice_ part of town.” It’s nothing like this in the lower levels. But the privileged must have their scenery. 

“Ben …” she says slowly before asking, “Just how well off _is_ your family?”

“We’re … comfortable,” he answers, feeling anything but. He has no desire to underline the disparity in their beginnings.

“But … you’re … you’re a prince. I mean … I just, does it bother you?” Her hand not in his flails.

“Being a prince?” He shrugs. “It used to, but now I just see it as a way to honor my mother.”

“No, I mean … me,” she says in a small voice and he stops their journey, turning to her swiftly. She’s pulled in on herself and he lets out a long breath, gripping her biceps.

“Nothing about you bothers me. You’re perfect.”

“But … I’m just a scavenger from a poorer than poor planet. I hadn’t even touched credits until a year ago.”

His brow furrows. “But … then how did you pay for things?”

She snorts inelegantly. “I didn’t. Plutt only gave us food if we found things of value. Everything else was scavenged or traded.”

“Oh,” he says dumbly. He can’t quite imagine how that would even work, not really. He’s never, not once, not had credits at his disposal. Frowning slightly, he realizes he has no actual idea of what Rey’s life was like. Yes, she shared her memories, but it was fleeting, just enough to give him a taste of her arduous existence. 

it’s not the full picture and he wonders what else is hidden under her shifting sands. Swiftly, he pulls her into his arms. “I hate how you lived. I _hate_ it.”

He feels her shrug in his tight embrace and he pulls back, taking her face in his hands. “I want to _hurt_ this Plutt fellow. What he put you through—”

“But he didn’t, not now. Not him, at least.”

“I’d still like to feel my saber go through his neck,” he hisses.

“Ben!” she exclaims, pulling away from him and looking into his eyes with alarm.

“What? He hurt you. If anyone deserves to die, it’s him.”

“You don’t mean that.”

_Oh, but I do._

“Why do you defend him?” he asks, perplexed.

Rey sighs, long and low. “Because, even though I hate him … he did take care of me. In a way.”

“Making you drag yourself through those desiccated carcasses of a dead Empire?” he asks with contempt.

Her eyes immediately shutter, and he rubs his hands along her arms. “I’m sorry … please … tell me.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she says with finality while pulling from him. Again. His fists ball and he wants to scream. Why is she always shutting him out?

While a huge part of him wants to beg her to let him in, instead, he quietly says, “That’s not fair.”

“None of this is fair,” she dismisses.

“No. I mean it’s not fair to _me_. To just decide that I won’t be able to listen, to fathom … well … you.” His gaze pleads with her and she’s wide eyed, stunned to silence.

Her mouth opens and closes, then she deflates. “You’re right,” she whispers.

“You were so sure that I would turn that you didn’t trust me enough to let me be part of my own choices. And now you use it as an excuse to hide from me. Why won’t you let me know you?” he asks, bluntly but gently.

“Fine! You want to know me? He was the closest thing I had to a father, but he was my _master_! I tried to win his love and starved on his scraps! I hate him with everything I am and would have killed for just one kind word from him!”

She steps back, wrapping her arms around herself tightly and his heart shudders in his chest. Oh, Rey …

“I’m disgusting! Desperate for that monster to acknowledge me, spawn of the most evil man who ever lived. Why do you even want me?” she wails and Ben notices a crowd is beginning to gather.

Quickly, he puts his arm around her, wrapping her in his coat, and hurries her past the onlookers. She’s shaking and he knows she’s crying, but he doesn’t stop them moving until they reach the park and are hidden in a grove of trees.

When he finally unwraps her, ugly tears are streaming down her face. “I thought—” She hiccups through her weeping, then continues. “I thought if I could save you, then I wouldn't be so broken. But I am! I should want him dead, but … but he’s the only family I’ve ever known.”

He croons comfort into her ear as he again takes her in his arms. “No, no … I’m here, I’m your family.”

Purposefully, he strokes his hands through the braids she lets him rebraid each night, and she lets out a pained sob. “Shhh, sweetheart. You’re everything I could ever want in a lover, a partner … a friend.”

“But what’s _wrong_ with me? I should want to hurt him _with_ you.”

“Well, you’re made of much finer stuff than I, for one.”

She shakes her head emphatically. “That’s not true.”

“Mmmm,” is all he says and her eyes bore into his.

“No. I don’t know why you still think so little of yourself, but you’re … you’re beautiful,” she says with a touch of awe.

All he can do is make a harsh sound at that absurd notion, but now she’s the one to reach for him, her hands clasping his face. “Truly. You are so strong, so kind … you’re full of so much love. I wish you could see it.”

Seeing his chance, he takes it. Even if he doesn’t agree with her. “And why can’t the same be true of you?”

“Because I’m nothing,” she mumbles, shame heating her cheeks.

“Who told you that?” he asks softly.

Her eyes grow that far away tinge they do when she’s thinking of the future, but all she says is, “Everyone.”

“They were wrong. All of them.” Then he gets an idea and he takes her hands, encouraging her to kneel with him. “Let me show you. Come into my mind.” 

_Into my soul._

Hesitantly, her luminous hazel eyes meet his and her face is brimming with hope. Good, she believes that he loves her, enough that she wants to _see._ Her face is open and trusting, and he silently thanks every god that she allows their minds to flow together, knowing what an act of forgiveness it is for her.

They breathe in tandem with their gaze locked on each other. He could spend the rest of the day counting each color that sparks in her unfathomable eyes, the glinting golds, the deep greens, shifting and beautiful. Just like her.

Slowly, he opens himself to her fully and the Force flows like water. Unstoppable. Gentle. Ferocious in strength and the giver of life. He begins with how he felt when he first saw her, how his whole universe burst into color and light. How he felt like he could finally fill his lungs with air after a lifetime of gasping.

Just looking at her had made him swell with _possibility_ and oh, how he’d needed her. He hopes she can feel how she nourished his starving spirit.

The first time she touched him, the obscene pleasure, the connectedness, how he never wanted to be parted from her. The simple act of holding hands meaning so much more than anything he’d ever felt before.

Complete. 

Floating with her near the waterfall, feeling held so much more by the energy streaming between him than he had by the cool water. That sense he’s come to believe in, that she’s right here, always right here. In his heart, in their soul; he has her and she has him. 

Safe.

Losing himself in her body, how her taste feeds him, her cries inflame him. All that heated skin and total trust as she gives herself to his hands. The sheer astonishment that she wants him, too. 

Connected.

Braiding her hair, the pride that overwhelms him that she wants to be his, that he’s always been hers. Knowing that, someday, he’ll pledge himself to her though he already has in all the ways that matter.

Claimed.

Watching her brilliant mind work through the latest issue on the _Falcon_ , how she just seems to instinctively understand the mad ship’s systems. How she’d taken to the Force like a newborn foal already knows how to walk, that her instinctive grasp of her power leaves him breathless.

Awed.

Her unbridled glee when he finds her a new experience to enjoy, a new food to please her, dancing with her in the club, the lights and throbbing music somehow taking them to some place where it’s only them, adrift on a sea of life. 

Satiated.

When his storm comes for him, but he fights it back. For her. For him. To protect this precious cord that connects them, wraps around them, tangles them together for eternity. Because that’s all he is, now. He’s the man she deserves, the man who will breathe for her. 

_Loved_.

On their knees, lost and found in each other’s eyes, he shows her everything she is to him, and the sheer emotion riots through their hearts, their being, their shared soul. He feels her answering rush of feeling, and he has to believe she understands.

Slowly, gently, he pulls back, a bit disoriented from being so completely enmeshed, to find her eyes shining and wide.

“You’re _everything_ ,” he whispers.

She swallows and makes a secret smile before nodding.

“Do you see? Do you understand who you are to me?”

Again, she nods. “I see, I do.”

He takes her face in his hands and presses a soft, sweet kiss to her lips. But it sparks into something so much more and he feels as if he’s sealing some promise to her with his caress. That they’ve crossed into some new land, together, hands enmeshed, hearts as one. 

Always.

\---

Feeling buoyed by sharing so much of himself with Rey, there’s an eagerness to his step as they walk back to the apartment. He has Rey, nothing else matters. He’ll find a way to make peace with his uncle, they’ll go to Kamino and bring down the darkness stalking the universe.

He’s done waiting.

He knows, like he knows he loves Rey, that the galaxy is turning, that the light is breaking over the horizon. 

Nothing can stop them, not when they’re together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. I honestly can't imagine going through this time without you to keep me laughing.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who has been doing his best to keep me entertained and is having a lot of fun cooking. So far we aren't driving each other nuts!
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm sorry I haven't been writing more. I intend to fix that, as I really have no excuse not to be pounding out the chapters. I can only watch so much news. It's a truly odd time and I hope that everyone is staying healthy. I'm keeping you all close in my heart.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben makes peace with Loser Luke and Resplendent Rey lets him all the way in (no, not like that).

“Oh, good, you’re back,” his mother says in a falsely cheerful tone as they enter the family room. Han and Luke are seated, on _opposite_ ends of the room, he can’t help but notice, with his mother between them.

Luke’s face is mottled from the blow his dad had landed and Han’s arms are crossed over his chest. He seems like a morose teenager forced to be here, while Luke still has that sad, contrite expression. But instead of making him angry, Ben feels a stab of sorrow. Luke _is_ family.

His uncle’s eyes keep trying to catch Han’s, and the pleading Ben finds in them makes him remember how close the two men used to be and he frowns. He didn’t really want to come between them.

“We need to work this out before we all try to go to Kamino. It will never work if we don’t trust each other,” his mother says, every inch the military commander she used to be. 

Still feeling so light, so _right_ , after his singular experience with Rey, Ben sees how he has to forgive his uncle. He was dealing with a strength of malevolence that no one could be expected to foresee. How could he have known that his nephew was being twisted like that? Ben had never found anything in the histories indicating that it was even possible.

If he holds on to his anger, there will be a fracture in his family and he’s certain that they need everything they can muster to meet this threat. The bond with Rey is still flowing strongly, and she must have picked up on the flavor of his thoughts, because she turns to him and smiles encouragingly, squeezing his hand.

Ben takes a deep breath and declares, “I agree with Mom. Luke, I accept your apology.”

“Just like that?” Luke says with shock.

“Rey reminded me what really matters. The future I have with her. I know you did the best you could, and if you’ll stop looking for the dark around every corner, I can work with you.”

His expression dims and Luke responds with, “Work with me,” in a flat, morose tone.

“That’s all I have. For now. Is it enough?”

“I just … I want you to know that I never meant for you to feel so isolated.”

His anger flares back up. What did Luke expect would happen if he suppressed their family ties? But then a wave of Rey’s love washes over him and he takes another long breath. “I understand that you didn’t mean to hurt me.”

The forlorn Jedi looks stricken, but he nods in acceptance.

Leia comes over to Ben and takes his other hand. “Thank you, Son.” They’re all looking at him, as if he holds the answers.

Ben suddenly feels exposed and he wants the focus to be on anyone but him, so he just shrugs. Leia smiles, then lets his hand go. She turns back to her brother and husband and gestures between them. “Now, about you two—” 

“He deserved it,” Han growls.

“Han, I never actually did anything to Ben,” Luke argues.

“Nah, you just made him feel like he wasn’t even family. Sure, you didn’t actually try to _murder_ my kid, so everything is hunky dory!”

“Han—” Leia tries to break in.

“No!” he shouts, getting to his feet. “How can you be so damned calm about this?”

Leia’s lips purse. “I’m not. I gave him quite an ear full while you were sulking. But I think we need Luke. We don’t know what we’re walking into on Kamino.”

“I can handle it,” Han grumbles.

Going to her husband, Leia takes his hands and stares up at him. “Remember how well we work together? We took down two death stars. We need him. And he needs us.”

Han’s jaw works, and he looks away, straight at Ben. It feels so good to have his father defending him so fiercely, but, as always, his mother is right.

“Dad … thank you. Truly. But the real enemy here is Snoke. He’s the one who did this to me. He’s the one who did this to all of us.”

“Han,” Luke begins gently, also standing. “Let me make this right. Let me be the uncle to Ben I always should have been.”

It pulls at something deep inside to have Luke refer to himself, voluntarily, as his uncle.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Han nods once, tightly. “If it’s okay with Ben, then I guess it’s okay with me.”

“It is, Dad,” Ben agrees, a bit surprised at the peace winding through him. It could simply be his bond with Rey, but somehow, he doesn’t think so.

\--- 

“Alright, I’ve heard from Kamino, they want another shipment of orchids,” Han says as they all sit around the kitchen table.

Rey’s face grows pinched. “Do we really have to bring more?”

“Well, they’d notice if we don’t have ‘em,” Han points out.

“Couldn’t we use the mind trick?” Rey suggests.

Luke breathes out and shakes his head. “You can never know for sure if a mind will accept your influence.”

But Ben knows that’s not true. It’s only that you take the chance of damaging someone if you go deeper. Dare he share this knowledge? He’d learned it from Snoke, and the only mind he’s broken into is Rey’s …

Then she takes the choice from him. “Ben can do it. Especially with my help.”

Luke’s gaze sharpens, and Ben watches as he visibly forces his face into bland curiosity. “I’d like to know more about this.”

“I’m … I’m particularly skilled at the mind,” Ben admits, not willing to look at anyone. “I can do it, but … I think it’s dark.”

“Absolutely not!” Luke shouts with a forbidding tone.

“For the last time, he’s not dark!” Rey cries out. “But if it’s used for good, how can it be wrong?”

“Exerting your will on another isn’t right,” Luke argues back.

“But it’s alright on a weak mind? I’ve used the mind trick countless times. It doesn’t make me dark,” Rey fires back.

“Well, that’s different. It’s mild. What Ben is suggesting could permanently damage them.”

Han snorts. “Luke, buddy, we’re probably gonna have to kill them to get out of there with those orchids. I think blitzing their minds first is the least of our problems.”

Luke’s eyes grow unfocused and his gaze slides to the table. There’s an air of defeat and shame throbbing from him and he shrugs slightly. “Fine. I don’t like it. But fine.”

Ben looks over at his mother, who is just regarding her brother sadly. There’s something unsaid coursing between them. He decides it’s simply their bond, but when he catches his father’s eyes, they too look concerned.

“Luke … the death star, it had to be done,” Han murmurs in a surprisingly soft tone.

“I know. I just … so many lives lost … so many lives _taken_.”

Leia soothes her hand along his arm. “So many lives _saved_.”

He nods and finds Ben’s eyes. “We’ll do it your way.”

\---

Rey is preparing her orchid to travel while Ben simply enjoys her company. There’s something especially soothing simply being with her. Not talking about something grand, not caught in the wild fire of their desire for each other.

He takes in a deep breath, feeling a kind of centering that’s new. Is this how other people feel all the time?

Once her orchid is boxed up safely, she turns to him and gives him one of her luminous smiles. 

“What?” he asks, wondering why she’s so pleased with him.

“I’m … I’m proud of you.”

Her words wash over him and he stands a little taller. Making Rey proud, it’s a heady feeling, one he’s _not_ accustomed to. And he has no idea what to say. 

She saves him from gaping by winding her arms around his waist and going on her toes to kiss him. He’s not sure he’ll ever quite believe that he gets to have Rey in his arms, feel her lips against his. But he’s grateful to every god of every world for her blessings.

Rey pulls back and looks at him intently. “I mean it. You … you handled everything with Luke so well. I know he hurt you, but you’re giving him a chance. You amaze me, every day, you amaze me.

He still can’t find words, so he just pulls her close and holds her to his heart. The heart that belongs to her.

\---

It’s a long haul to Kamino, so they leave in the evening allowing them to sleep through most of the journey.

As they’re heading up the ramp, Ben keeps looking around for his uncle’s trusty droid. Rey is already aboard and Ben awkwardly asks, “So, uh, where’s R2?”

“I left him in charge,” Luke says in a serious tone, making Ben stop dead in his tracks.

“What?” he asks dumbly. 

Then Luke’s face breaks into a huge grin. “Oh, kid, you always were easy to tease. R2 stayed to help out Tai. He’s a steady young man. He and the other older apprentices will be fine without me.”

It strikes Ben that Luke would never have left _him_ in charge, but then the bitter thought floats away. With Snoke in his head, it would have been a foolish choice. His uncle may have been wrong about the source, but he _had_ been struggling with the dark.

As if he knows what he’s thinking, Luke says, “I would be proud to have you follow in my footsteps, become a Jedi Master in your own right.”

Ben’s eyes blink quickly and he’s surprised at the warmth in his chest. “Thank you. That does mean a lot … but I don’t think that’s what I’m supposed to do,” Ben says. Leaving the temple, though under difficult circumstances, has opened up his life considerably. 

“You and Rey could come back to Yavin 4, complete your training.” There’s an earnest hope in Luke’s bearing that makes him waver for just a moment. But then he remembers his father, seeing the galaxy with Rey, and there’s no choice to make.

“I think we’re building something new, Luke.”

He nods and smiles softly. “Yes, I think you are. And isn’t it about time you started calling me Uncle? I’m not your master any longer.”

Ben’s lack of anger confuses him, and he waits for the rage, but it doesn’t come. Instead he just smiles. “Yeah … yeah … Uncle Luke.”

\---

Everyone has bunked for the night, his parents in the captain’s quarters, Luke in the main cabin, and he and Rey in his childhood berth. He has to hold her especially close, but he certainly doesn’t mind.

“Thank you,” she murmurs into the crook of his arm. They’re lying with her back to his front and he has one arm under her head and the other snuggly around her waist.

“For what?”

“For earlier … for helping me understand, really understand how you feel about me. I needed that in a way I never really knew.” Then she sighs out. “I haven’t … I haven’t been fair to you.”

With his lips close to her ear, he asks, “What do you mean?”

Then she’s turning in his arms and looking into his eyes with a sad sort of guilt. “I don’t … I don’t let you in like I should. You share _everything_ with me.”

Ben keeps his expression neutral and only says, “I know you need time.”

“No … you give me so much, all the time. You deserve to have just as much from me.”

“Rey, no. You give me everything, your love, your attention—”

“But not my full self, not my experiences … especially with … him.”

Ben breathes in sharply, and though he’s been desperate for her to open up to him, he’s suddenly not sure he really wants to know. They’ve reached such a close place and he doesn’t want to take any chance of ruining it.

“When you’re ready,” he says gently.

She takes in a long breath and nods. “I think … I think I am ready. I have been, I just haven’t known how.”

“Why not?”

“Because … for a long time it felt like I was betraying him, in some way.”

That hurts, but Ben doesn’t let it control him. “Why is that?”

“He … you … went through so much more and just like you let me see you, he let me in. And even though you’re the same person, it doesn’t feel like mine to share. Well, it didn’t.”

“What changed?”

“You hold nothing back, you never have. You deserve all of me. He deserved it, too. I can’t give all of me to him, but he’s you. I think … I think I forgot that. You were two different people; in some ways you always will be. But watching you fight so hard to reclaim your family, to conquer your rage. Just like he fought … for me.” 

Ben nods for her to continue and her eyes grow unfocused. She kneads at his bare chest and takes another deep breath. 

“When we met … I hated you,” she admits quietly. “Then Han … I never thought I could forgive that.”

“But you did.”

“No, not really. But you, _he_ let me see Ben. I was facing who I was, the pain of everything … my parents and he sat with me through the bond. Even after I’d scarred him badly. He let me just talk, the way you do … then he told me I wasn’t alone. No one had ever done that for me before.”

He has a queer feeling in his belly at that. He’s beginning to see the intimacy between them and he’s surprised that his jealousy is dormant.

“Across the galaxy, I reached for him and he reached back. I think I fell in love with him in that moment.”

“He really is a different man from me, isn’t he?” Ben asks, no longer questioning the acceptance in his chest.

“Yes … and no. You’re … you’re who he should have been. You’re who I hoped he could find in himself again. But I hate that I was never able to see that journey.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say to that. Part of him wants to point out that that won’t happen now, that she’s saved him from that fate. But her eyes are far away, and she’s clearly lost to the future.

Quietly, she keeps speaking. “But … but I’ve seen a different journey, and it’s enough to know that he would have healed because you’re both so strong. Being with you, it’s allowed me to know him, too.”

“Tell me … tell me who he was,” he entreats.

She snorts and makes a crooked smile. “Well, he was an arrogant bantha’s ass, for one.”

Ben smiles back and Rey settles into his arms more fully and finally begins to speak. To let him in.

\---

“He killed Snoke for you?”

Rey shakes her head. “No … I mean, yes, but he did it for himself, too. He wanted to be free.”

\---

“He wanted to turn you to the dark side?” Ben asks, confused. He can’t imagine wanting to change Rey.

“He said he did … but I think … I think what he really wanted was … me.”

“Of course he did. Rey, I know I don’t have half the experiences that shaped him, but I do know how you make me feel. I would do anything to have you by my side. Fall to the dark, run to the light. If he thought that was the only way to have you with him, well …” Ben trails off.

Rey nods. “I wondered, but I could never be sure.”

“He loved you. I promise.” And just like that, something inside him shifts and he realizes he’ll always be Rey’s second love. And that … that’s okay. Right even. They might be the same person, but they aren’t the same man.

Rey shudders and her eyes have filled with tears. “I kissed him, touched his face, and he smiled. And then he … he died. Oh, gods, Ben, his smile. It haunts me. I never got to tell him.”

Stroking her cheek, Ben says with a confidence that comes from the very cosmos, “He knows, Rey. He knows.”

She lets out a quavering sob and he kisses her temple, cradling her close to his chest. “Do you know?” she asks with a shaky voice.

“I do. _We_ do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ArtemisBare, who is always one of my touchstones, but has been particularly wonderful since shelter-in-place began.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who is putting up with being cooped up in the house with real style. He's managing to spoil me even now and he makes me laugh so much my sides hurt.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I have missed you so much. I'm sorry the current world events sapped my muse for such a long time. I have no idea when I'll be writing now, but please know that I'm thinking about all of you. I really hope everyone is healthy and safe. If you need someone to talk to, please come by my tumblr, perrydowning, and drop me a line. I'm a pretty decent listener and we all have to stick together. All my love.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to make a jail break and save some Space Orchids! The old gang is together again and Besotted Ben realizes Resplendent Rey might have a few issues with the dark side herself.

The torrential rain pelts down with even more force than on their last trip to Kamino and Ben struggles with the Falcon’s controls.

“Ease off on the thrusters,” Han instructs Ben, sitting next to him in the co-pilot’s chair. He’s not sure why his father has trusted him to fly his beloved ship, and he’s not certain he really wants the honor. The only thing that keeps his hand steady is the knowledge that his father can take over at any moment. His mother is behind him with Luke next to her while Rey hovers between them, clutching her orchid.

There’s a malevolence to this place. He’d felt a bit of it before, but it’s only grown stronger. Or perhaps his bond with Rey is speaking more clearly now that they’ve connected so completely. Now that she’s let him in. All he knows is that the dark side beckons with its siren call.

Now that he’s more aware of what Snoke had been doing to him, he can feel the pull, discern it from the noise in his head. Somehow, he’d never quite felt how evil the old man could be, just been fascinated by the sheer power he offered. He can’t quite remember why power had once spoke to him so completely. It’s entirely different, now. It’s malignant and twisted; he’s certain that the dark isn’t meant to be used quite like this.

Could Snoke be here? Are they about to walk into something so much worse than he’d imagined? His fingers clutch at the controls, his knuckles turning white and he wonders if he shouldn’t have come. He and Rey are far too tempting a prize and real fear coils in his belly.

He won’t survive if something happens to her. She’d crossed time, but he’d rend the galaxy to pieces in his fury if he lost her. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to get her back, no act too heinous, no place too sacred. Is that how Rey felt when she’d risked everything to come find him?

_Yes_ , blooms in his head and he tries to share his new understanding with her through their connection. Yet, somehow, he’s not sure he can without touching her. There’s something about actually touching her that makes everything that much more potent. 

But he needs to focus on landing the _Falcon_ , so he gives his head a little shake and trains all of his senses on discerning their approach vector through the ferocious storm and high waves.

There, there’s the landing pad, just barely perceptible through the sheets of rain. The tracking instruments are going haywire—another change from their last trip. 

“Dad?” he asks with some trepidation.

“Yeah, I know, kid. I’ll have to handle this manually. Just be ready with the landing gear,” Han’s gruff voice responds as he takes over.

The ship rocks as Han only just avoids an enormous wave, seemingly intent on swallowing them whole. But then they steady and Ben glances over at his father’s intensely concentrating face. He can feel Luke sending calm through the Force and he, too, tries to find his center.

They’re almost there, and Ben waits for his father’s signal. A great gale of wind almost pushes them off course, but Han compensates quickly.

“Now!” he cries out and Ben immediately complies.

The sound of the rain on the hull of the _Falcon_ is almost peaceful, and they all breathe out sighs of relief as the ship comes to a rocky landing.

“There, no big deal,” Han quips while Ben’s eyes find Rey’s. The sense of evil is only growing stronger and he has the urge to wrap his arms around her, shield her from anything and everything on this stars-be-damned planet.

“Oh ...” she breathes out. 

“What?” Ben asks with concern.

“My orchid, they can feel their creche. They’re … they’re crying.”

“Well, let’s get this done, then,” Ben declares to murmurs of assent.

He’s tired of waiting.

\---

Squinting through the rain, he and his father approach the assembled group. Again, there are two men wearing the First Order insignia and a willowy Kaminoan. Ben thinks it’s the same woman, but he’s not entirely sure.

Rey trails behind them, waiting to assist Ben if needed, and before he’s really ready, it’s his turn to act. 

“The orchids?” the taller man asks gruffly.

Ben lifts his hand and trains his power on the threatening man. “You don’t need the orchids.” 

His eyes grow indistinct, then he’s nodding. “We don’t need the orchids.”

“What? What are you talking about?” his compatriot calls out through the loud weather. 

Moving his focus to the other sharply dressed soldier, Ben intones, “There’s nothing to worry about.”

But this time it doesn’t work, and he shakes his head. “Of course there is! You were supposed to bring another four pallets!”

Ben doesn’t need to check over his shoulder, he feels Rey right behind him. Then she’s taking his hand and their Force signatures intertwine like rushing water. 

Pressing against the mind of the First Order officer, Ben pushes, hard, as he says, “Everything went according to plan.”

The man struggles, and Ben has to shove down the sudden revulsion he feels. Rey’s soothing presence helps him maintain his concentration and he hears a blaster cock. Good. His father is keeping the Kaminoan in his sites. 

Finally, his target’s eyes take on the telltale look of accepting the compulsion and he repeats in a monotone, “Everything went according to plan.”

Now Ben turns to the slender Kaminoan but her hands go up and she says in a calm, lilting voice. “There’s no need, Jedi.”

“How do we know you won’t rat us out?” Han growls in a gravelly voice.

“Perhaps because I’m already here against my will?” she responds with an arched brow, tilting her head.

Narrowing her eyes, Rey asks, “How can we be sure?”

“Oh, young one, can’t you feel it in the Force?”

The woman is right, Ben doesn’t feel any deceit, but he’s still wary so he lifts his hand anyway, skimming along her mind.

It all unfolds before him, how the First Order had arrived, commandeering their cloning facilities, doing unspeakable experiments, killing her compatriots without compunction. He’s startled to find that the Kaminoans are clones themselves, bred for intelligence, but not aggression. They have no real idea how to fight back.

Their days had become a gruesome study in daily horror, trying to find a way to escape, only to be quickly caught and punished beyond anything they could have imagined. The dawning truth that there was no way out, that this was their life now.

Her mate, swallowed by the misery, taking his own life as he understood it was the only way to be free of the relentless torment. The blood-curdling scream when she’d found him.

Ben pulls back from her consciousness and frowns grimly. “She’s telling the truth. The First Order, they’ve infiltrated the facility.” His stomach turns at what he’d seen in her mind, but there’s not time for that, now.

“How many?” Han asks.

“There are over 100 of them, all armed, all cruel. Zealots,” she answers with rancor.

Ben shakes his head. Too many to free Kamino, but not so many that they shouldn’t be able to find the orchids. Find out what Snoke and Palpatine want with them.

Before anyone can ask, the woman says, “I will help you.”

“Do you know what they’re doing with the orchids? Where the lab is?” Rey asks in a rush, still holding her flower close to her chest.

Nodding towards Rey’s orchid, she says, “I would think that could tell you, but yes.”

“Do you know what they’re doing with them?” asks Rey fearfully.

The elegant woman shakes her head sadly. “Only that we don’t trust them. There has been talk of bringing children.”

Ben closes his eyes briefly. He already knew that the First Order was kidnapping children, but to bring them here … Whatever they intend, he almost can’t process the ghoulish plans unspinning before him. It shakes him to know that in a dead future he became one of these creatures.

“Are any of the children here?” Rey asks.

“Not that I know of. Yet … they are very secretive.”

Realizing the mind trick will wear off soon, Ben says, “We should move.”

Han pulls out his comm and alerts Luke and Leia that it’s time to join them. 

\---

After quickly bringing his mother and uncle up to speed, they creep along the blessedly empty corridors. They’re gleaming white, giving everything an impersonal, sterile feel.

As they follow the Kaminoan, Leia asks, “What’s your name?”

“I am called Triel’Ka.”

“Thank you for helping us.”

“The First Order is an abomination,” she responds quietly. Then her head turns. “This way.”

\---

At first, it all seems too easy. They’d not come across anyone as they made their way to the lab, Triel’Ka explaining that there’s no need to patrol as her people have capitulated so completely. But as Ben stretches out his senses, they find at least six beings within the lab.

“How do you wanna play this?” Han asks Ben, making Ben startle as he realizes his father is deferring to him. “Blasters or that mind thingy?”

“There’s too many of them to overwhelm with the mind trick, we’ll have to go in hot.”

They all unholster their weapons and catch each other’s eyes. 

Ben nods, and they rush into the lab.

\---

Rey makes sure to cover Triel’Ka and it’s over in a moment. Four are lab personnel, unarmed, and the two soldiers quickly see they’re outnumbered, giving up swiftly.

“Who’s in charge?” Leia barks, though it seems pretty obvious that the woman with stark white skin and shocking blue eyes is the lead. She exudes authority. The way the other technicians look at her only confirms it.

Sighing, as if she’s been interrupted by an underling, the woman says archly, “I am, and I’d much prefer to get back to work.”

“Well, that’s not gonna happen today,” Han says.

There are orchids attached to leads, all in a row, and Rey rushes up to them. Ben can feel their distress, and Rey whispers, “They’re crying.” She places her flower with their creche, then turns to the lead scientist and demands in a fury, “What are you doing to them?”

“Experimenting,” the woman responds unhelpfully.

Luke’s face is twisted with grief when he says, “So much pain. What do you intend to achieve?”

A stony look is all the blue-eyed woman answers.

Rey catches Ben’s eyes and growls, “We don’t have time, more soldiers will be coming. _Take_ the answer.”

Her fierce bearing concerns Ben, her gentleness all but gone. Rey wants him to hurt this woman, of that he’s sure. 

“Do it,” Rey nearly snarls, coming up to him and taking his hand.

With trepidation, he doesn’t like Rey’s clear bloodlust, he lifts his hand and tries to enter the mind of the leader, but she fights him, hard.

Gritting her teeth, she says, “I know my way around Force users.”

“Not like these two,” Luke says somberly.

Pushing harder, Ben finds a strong block woven in the Force. Someone has protected her mind, but it’s nothing in the face of his and Rey’s combined power.

Pale purple blood starts to trickle out her nose as Ben and Rey tear through her protection and the woman begins to pant. 

There, he’s past her defenses and the woman is scrambling to hide her treasures, but it makes it easier to find what she wants to keep secret. She’s a highly placed scientist with the New Republic, he’s startled to find.

Glimpses of clandestine meetings, unethical experiments, a break with her colleagues coalesces to all make a strange sort of sense. Her desire to push the bounds of the known led her to making a deal with these amoral bastards. 

Rey lets out a moan as he reviews her memories of stripping the Force from the orchids one at a time, leaving them pale and drooping. Failure after failure until …

Now she’s pushing back so hard that Ben isn’t sure what will happen if he keeps fighting for the domain of her mind. “Give over,” he strains out.

“No! I’m so close!” the woman begs.

“So close to what?” he snarls, now breathing heavily from the effort to maintain his place in her head.

“You will tell us!” Rey yells, and a surge of her power propels him deeply and he sees how she’d only just been able to achieve her goal.

She’s not stripping Force power, she’s _transferring_ it. He watches as one of the ravaged orchids is revived, the Force once again flowing through its leaves and petals.

“What, what are you going to do?” Rey bellows, and now she’s the one leading the treacherous journey through this nearly fractured plane.

The woman begins to shake her head, the front of her lab coat now soaked with the blood running down her face. “NO!” she screams.

“Yes!” Rey screams right back, and they’re through, but all they see is the fleeting image of children and a whisper of Snoke’s mangled face before the scientist loses consciousness. She crumples and falls to the floor in a lurid heap of askew hair and pooling blood.

“Dammit,” Ben swears. There was something more, he’s sure of it, and they have no time to wait for her to revive.

“Son, we have to hurry,” Leia pushes, looking at the door nervously. “They managed to sound the alarm.”

He shakes his head slightly, trying to clear the disorientation of existing in three consciousnesses at once while Luke has already begun to load the orchids on the hover cart. Han keeps a keen eye on the soldiers, though no one looks inclined to fight.

Rey, however, isn’t done yet, launching herself at one of the remaining lab techs. “What are you going to do to the children?”

The trembling man can barely speak, but he squeaks out, “I don’t know!”

Now her saber is ignited and held threateningly near the man’s quaking throat. “I don’t believe you,” she intones in a deadly voice.

“I swear! We just had to transfer the Force between the orchids!”

“Who else knows?” she demands.

“I don’t know, I don’t know!”

And that’s when the soldiers arrive. They aren’t in the striking armor of stormtroopers, instead they’re all dressed like the Imperial officers of old and Ben barely manages to get his saber in time to deflect the hail of blaster fire.

Rey is already a ferocious demon, thrusting the useless lab tech to the floor. She moves so quickly Ben can barely believe he’s seeing such a deadly dance, but one by one, she takes down four of the invading force.

Finally focusing on the battle, he notices his mother hurriedly doing something over at the bank of monitors, crouching down to avoid being hit. But she’s far too exposed. 

He’s torn, deeply. He knows, he _knows_ , that Rey is more than capable of defending herself, but not being by her side, fighting back to back, feels wrong and the Force nearly keens with the discordance.

Growling in frustration, he makes the hardest choice he’s ever made. He chooses his trust in Rey and Ben sprints to Leia, placing himself between her and the bolts of vicious energy. 

“Mom, we have to get out of here!”

“Almost got it!” she shouts back.

His father is doing a handy job of picking off soldiers with his blaster; he always did know his way around his weapon of choice.

“Let’s go!” his mother yells, and he’s grabbing her by the arm and rushing her to where Luke is defending the pallet of orchids.

Thankfully, there’s another exit and they surround Luke, Leia taking control of the hover cart. Luke takes the lead, while Rey, Ben, and Han take position in the back of their band, keeping the wall of blaster bolts at bay.

“Triel’Ka!” Ben calls out. “Come with us!”

But she’s crouched at the other end of the lab. She holds his eyes and shakes her head once. He can feel her in the Force, a serenity he doesn’t understand but he has no time to argue with as they just manage to make it out into the corridor.

Han aims at the controls for the door and blasts it, the doors snicking closed against their pursuers.

“One of these days that’s not gonna work!” Leia shouts, but Han just grins.

\---

They’re almost to the landing pad when another contingent of the First Order rushes from a perpendicular corridor, nearly surrounding them. Luckily, they’d just turned so they aren’t trapped, but now they’re being pursued, hot and heavy. 

Beginning to panic at the sheer number of fighters, Ben tries to find his bearings. Rey is next to him, but they’re barely making any progress to the _Falcon_ , nearly pinned down by the menacing troops. 

His arm is growing heavy from the rapid pace he has to maintain to push back the barrage and he silently curses himself for letting his training all but leave his mind in the midst of Rey landing in his life. Right when he decides to switch to his blaster, one of the soldiers gets off a lucky shot that tears into him, right across the upper thigh. Thankfully, the bolt cauterized the wound, but he's not sure he can really use his leg any longer.

He grunts in pain, just as Rey leaps in front of him, wailing, “Ben!”

Going down on one knee, he uses the Force to bat away the next shot and blasts back, ending the man’s life. It’s a cold, desperate feeling as he realizes he’s killed someone, but he doesn’t have time to let the emotion grow. They’re beating back the First Order and Rey is at his side.

“Ben, gods, Ben!” Her voice is almost otherworldly in her terror.

“It’s not too bad, I’m fine,” he reassures her, but she’s already reaching for his wound, intent on healing him.

“There’s no time! We have to get out of here!”

They’ve just crossed onto the landing pad, picking up speed as they manage to thin their attackers. Ben stagers up and Rey is immediately swinging his arm over her shoulder. “Come on!” she calls out fiercely.

His heart seizes in his chest as his mother is nearly hit, but then a great wave of the Force passes through them as Luke takes the lead, protecting them all as they make their way to the _Falcon_. Ben blinks, wishing he could just watch. He’s seen his uncle in battle before, but nothing like _this_.

Somehow, they manage to make it on board, and Ben starts to feel a little woozy from the pain. Rey wrenches him over to the bench and all but pushes him down. His mother hovers over him, but Luke pulls her away.

“Rey has him. We have to help Han!” Then they’re rushing to the cockpit. Before he’s caught up, she’s ripping open his trousers over his injured thigh as he feels the engines roar to life and hears the telltale sound of the gun turret rotating. He dimly wishes he could see his uncle in action, Maker knows he’s heard the stories often enough.

Rey closes her eyes and places a badly shaking hand over his injury. It’s deeper than he’d first thought, but Rey’s power engulfs him swiftly. Oh, Force. It’s so much more intense than when she’d healed his split knuckles. Breathing together, he shudders through the feeling of her moving through him, in him, and he’s embarrassed by how intimate it is. Gods, it never felt anything like this when Luke had healed minor training accidents.

Their gasping breaths begin to synchronize, him breathing in as she breathes out and the pain ebbs away until there’s only a glowing warmth that begins in his leg and grows to encompass his entire being. 

“Ben, dear Maker, Ben!” she gasps out once she ensures his thigh is completely healed.

He’s staring dumbly at the pristine skin when Rey throws herself into his arms and bursts into tears, soon sobbing uncontrollably. 

“Shhhh, shhhh,” he soothes into her hair, confused by how completely she’s broken down and tangling her braids between his fingers. Her hand comes up and finds one of his own braids, and she’s shaking so badly he’s becoming genuinely worried.

“Rey, I’m alright, I’m alright …”

“I can’t lose you again,” he makes out between her wracking sobs.

“I’m right here,” he reassures her, holding her as tightly as he dares.

“Never leave me,” she begs.

He moves his hands to grasp her face and holds her eyes as completely as he can. “Never.”

The Force swells up inside him and he somehow knows his words are steeped in cosmic truth when he promises, “We will never be apart. In this life and in the Force. I am yours and you are mine.”

She buries her face at the crook of his neck and lets out one last soft sob, but then she quietly says, “Yours.”

Nodding, he cradles her head and feels her relax more fully into him.

“Yours.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ArtemisBare, you are a tremendous friend and I don't know what I'd do without you.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who informed me that the reason I've been struggling to write is that my muse is drunk in a ditch somewhere. She does go on the worst benders ...
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Obligatory apology for the egregious delay. No clue how long it will be before the next chapter, but I promise it's never far from my mind. And neither are you! All my love.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben has a lot of deep thoughts and my muse yells loudly at TRoS and doesn't even try to be subtle. Are those lemons on the horizon?

Through his boots he feels the hum of hyperspace and he knows they’re safely away. He continues to hold her for as long as possible, just feeling their bond flow. After their harrowing escape and Rey’s breakdown, they both need the comfort their connection gives them. But time is not on their side, and they’re soon interrupted by the cacophony of his family. 

“Ben!” his mother cries out. “Are you alright?” she asks worriedly as she gently urges Rey away from his thigh so she can see the damage for herself. The healed, whole flesh makes her let out a long breath, and he’s totally unprepared for the way everyone encircles him. His mother, his father, his uncle, and his beloved all wrap their arms around him in a laughing, crying mess.

“Scared me there, kid,” he hears his father say through the din, and Rey is still clinging to him, clearly unwilling to let him go for long.

His dad pulls away first, but not before Ben catches him surreptitiously wiping his eyes. As everyone but Rey steps back, a slight sheepishness winds through them. He blinks at the way his uncle is beaming at him.

“I should have given you the title of Jedi Knight long ago, Ben,” Luke says, his voice laced with pride and regret. “Your mastery of the Force is truly a thing to behold.”

Ben rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed to be the focal point of everyone’s attention. “Uh, we should check on the orchids,” he evades. 

That breaks through Rey’s still-throbbing fear and she finally allows distance between them. Swiftly, she’s beside the hastily stowed cart and lifting her orchid from its creche. Ben swears he can see a leaf curl around her thumb before she’s holding it to her chest.

“I know, I know,” she croons down to her little friend, then she’s grinning towards him. “Ben! They’re so happy to be together again, to be free.”

Luke comes over to the waiting flowers and glides his hand over the wilting, drained orchids. Now Ben is certain that the other plants are straining towards their damaged comrades.

“Can you help them?” Ben asks.

“I can try,” Luke responds. “But I’ll need time.”

“Anything you can do …” Rey trails off.

“I know … we’ll help them. I promise,” Luke assures.

At that moment, Ben hears his father hoot out in triumph. “My princess’s still got it!”

He turns his head and finds his mother opening her hand, showing a data spike. Curiosity pulls him to his parents and he cocks his head in question.

But his dad is still enjoying his pride in his wife, pulling her to his side and kissing her soundly. Ben looks away, not wanting to intrude, but also desperate to know what his mother had managed to download in the middle of the chaos.

“Go on, tell ‘em,” Han encourages.

Leia is actually blushing when she says, “I think I got the files on the experiments and the correspondence. If I’m right, we might have Snoke’s location. We’ll have to dig through the data, that will take time, but we’re on their trail.”

Remembering his fear, having to decide between protecting Rey or his mother … Then that moment comes for him, having to choose his trust in Rey over his instinctive need to keep his love at his side at all times, makes his heart quake and his stomach sink in apprehension.

It’s then that he realizes the danger is only beginning. Facing Snoke and the elusive Emperor means everyone he holds dear will be threatened and the vulnerability sends an icy shiver along his spine. The chance of them all making it out intact is beyond slim. What would he do if he lost any one of them?

Why does the galaxy keep falling at the feet of his family, begging to be rescued?

\---

Gathered around the dejarik table, after they’d all calmed down somewhat, Leia announces, “I think we should go to Chandrila. I keep a house there, in the country, off the books.”

“Do you really think Hosnia Prime isn’t safe?” Rey asks.

“We’ve riled ‘em up. They wouldn’t lead an all-out assault on our apartments or anything like that, but assassins? Yeah, they’d send assassins,” Han answers. 

Ben remembers his friend and looks at his mother worriedly. “What about Poe?”

“I have a secure channel, we’ll check in with him. He should have more information about the situation on Atalyn by now, anyway,” Leia responds, then looks at her brother. “You’re rather quiet.”

“Just thinking,” he says placidly, but his eyes are far away. Leia’s brows grow together, making a fine line between them.

Without really meaning to, Ben begins to skim his uncle’s mind, but he’s quickly shut out and Luke gives him a stern look.

“Sorry!” he bursts out. “It was instinct!”

“Hmmm. Your talent with the mind is frankly astounding, but mind your manners.”

Ben hangs his head and says, “Yes, Uncle.” 

Then Luke sighs. “I’m just concerned. It’s clear they intended to try to do something with the children and the orchids. Create Force sensitives perhaps. If they manage it … make an army of stormtroopers with the Force …”

“We just have to stop them before they’re successful,” Rey interjects. “Besides, in the future they weren’t able to … though …” She puts her finger to her lips pensively. “Finn _did_ have some latent sensitivity to the Force …”

“But he was untrained, no real ability to speak of?” Luke asks.

“Hmmm,” is all she says.

“No, it’s something else,” Leia says. “Rey is right, if they’d managed to be successful the First Order would have been unstoppable.” Then she stands from the table before continuing, “I’m going to contact Poe. Everyone get some rest. We’ll be to Chandrila in a few hours.”

Ben ignores his father’s swat to his mother’s behind as they go back to the cockpit.

\---

“C’mere,” Ben says once they’re back in their little cabin. “I want to hold you.”

“Yes, please,” she responds as she flows into his arms. A bit awkwardly, they sit on the small berth and he winds his hand through her hair.

“Are you feeling better? More secure?” Ben asks.

She shrugs slightly, and with a hollow voice says, “I’m trying. I just … I already watched you die once. I can’t … I won’t survive it again.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me. We’re too strong together.”

“We weren’t in the future,” she says pessimistically. 

“And you’d never spent time together like we have.” He’s a bit concerned he’s poking at her deep loss, but it’s true. As far as he can piece together, his future self loved her, as utterly as he does, but was never able to show her. Never able to share with her the way that he has.

She’s silent for a long time before she says, “No … that’s true. I only really had him with me, truly with me for a few moments before he was … gone.”

“We can share power, sense each other so strongly. As long as we’re by each other’s side, I know we’ll come through this.”

“I want to agree with you, I do. But if … if something happens to you, I pray something happens to me, too,” Rey says in a quiet, firm voice.

The thought of Rey dying makes his half of their soul shudder and his heart twist painfully in his chest. “Don’t say that.”

She pulls away slightly, finding his eyes. “I mean it. You don’t know what it did to me to be without you. I wanted to die. Until Luke sent me back, I would hope every night not to wake up.”

“Rey … no …”

“Yes!” she snarls, clutching his tunic. “We’re not meant to be apart. In this life or the Force. We are one.”

He pulls her back, folding her against his chest. The desire to argue with her is strong, that if one of them survives, a part of the other does, too. Yet, he knows he wouldn’t want to go on without her, either. So he just makes soothing sounds and rocks her gently.

Once she’s relaxed, he says, “You’re right. We’re one.”

Her ferocity, it reminds him strongly of how the dark had seemed to weave through her on Kamino and his mind tumbles over how to broach the subject. Her viciousness had startled him, so at odds with the kind young woman desperate to save a creche of orchids. 

She’s such a mess of contradictions. She has a savageness to her when he’s threatened, when _anything_ she loves is threatened. He’d always assumed it was from her life of loss, but now he’s not so sure. He’s learning more and more about her, and when she speaks of Jakku she’s simply bereft.

However, when she talks of him, of her loss of him, there’s a darkness in her that makes him see just why they’re so enmeshed. He has that darkness, too, only he’s begun to face it, to wrestle with it and find a way to keep it from controlling him. Balance. Not the strange, one-sided view of balance his uncle espouses, but a genuine balance of both sides of his nature.

Rey, though … he’s not sure she’s even aware of it, and he’s hesitant to ask her about it, afraid of tripping into how she feels about her lineage or again opening the wound that he’s privately labeled ‘Kylo Ren’ in his mind. It might not be fair, but it is the most obvious distinction between himself and his future iteration.

Yes, she’s opened up to him about who he could have become, let him understand more about her mental state, but she doesn’t speak of his alternate self without profound pain. But, he doesn’t think it’s the wisest idea to keep chasing two dark siders with her so … delicate.

He kisses her temple and breathes out, “Rey?”

“Mmmmhmmm?” she answers, sounding very relaxed. He smiles against her skin, liking that she, too, finds such comfort in their closeness. 

Then his lips thin and he presses forward. “What happened on Kamino? With the lead scientist?”

She stiffens slightly in his arms and slowly asks, “What do you mean?” in a strained voice.

“I think you know.” He can feel her trepidation and a whisper of shame.

“I need you to say it.”

Swallowing, he acquiesces to her request. “The dark … you weren’t like yourself.”

Now she pulls from him and he has to ball his fists to keep from reaching for her. If she needs a bit of distance to face this, he’ll give it to her.

“I know. It … it happens sometimes. It happened a lot with him.” She makes a sad smile and a humorless chuckle. “He brought out the worst in me.”

“But I don’t?”

Her eyes fly to his. “No! No … it happens when I’m angry, when I really see everything for what it is. You don’t … you don’t force me to see, not the way he did. You’re … gentle with me. Patient. I think, whatever Snoke did to you, he lost that part of himself. Well, not completely.”

He gets a vibrant flash of memory from her then, of his older self reaching out to her, touching her hand. The look on his face is one of fear and awe and reminds him forcibly of how he’d felt the first time Rey had taken _his_ hand. It must have been years since someone had touched his other self with care by the time that had happened and he feels a tremendous swell of compassion for that future man, that future Rey saved him from. 

Ben can imagine what years in close proximity to that manipulative creature would have done to him, what could have turned him into one of those monsters. What would have made him want to take that fearsome mask.

He’d already been dangerously isolated when Rey had crashed into his life, craving touch but not knowing how to find it. Maybe that’s why he’d let that Twi’lek maul him nearly a year ago. It was empty, nothing like what he needed, but a parched man will take even a teaspoon of water.

“Why do you think you struggle with the dark?” he asks.

“I don’t know!” she cries out. “I just know that it has to do with vengeance.”

“You’ve been badly used.”

“It wasn’t so awful,” she dismisses.

“Rey …”

“What? What do you want me to say? That my life was hell? That my parents kept me safe by consigning me to _that_? Of the entire galaxy, why _Jakku_?” Her shoulders fall in defeat. “Or perhaps it’s just in my tainted blood.”

“Maybe it is,” he muses, considering his own ancestry.

“What?” she gasps, her eyes wide with betrayal. 

“No! Wait. Let me explain. We both come from darkness as well as light. We’re a dyad. Maybe … maybe the struggle is our destiny.”

“I hate it! I hate the dark. It makes me feel—” She flails her hands, obviously looking for the right words.

“Good.”

Pure shame floods their bond and she looks away.

“Rey, I know. In the moment all the doubt just falls away. All there is is power, control, visceral truth.”

She still won’t meet his eyes, but she nods slightly.

“And, it _can_ be used for the greater good. We used it today to save those orchids, to find out more about what Snoke and the Emperor are up to. It’s not … it’s not evil.”

“Then why is Luke so afraid of it?” she asks, finally turning back to him.

“Because it’s easier to choose than it is to stand in the balance. But … I think … I think we are meant to do just that. We’re both strongly light _and_ strongly dark. The dark calls to me more than you, but we can do amazing things wielding the _entire_ Force.”

He doesn’t like that she’s so far away, so he opens his arms and gives her a pleading look. She only hesitates for a moment before she’s back in his embrace, her head nestled against his chest.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, dark, light … what makes us unique. Don’t be afraid of it,” he offers.

“But I am. It made me … it made me almost kill you.”

She’s mentioned that before, and he decides not to let himself truly wrestle with that. It can simply be. “But you didn’t.”

“No … I healed you.”

“You couldn’t let me die.”

“No!” Her fingers dig into him, almost painfully. “Never …”

He strokes his fingers through her hair, smiling at her blazing need to keep him from harm. “See? You instinctively push back against the dark. Who knows, if I hadn’t been twisted, perhaps I would have, too.”

She cranes her neck and looks at him with disbelief. “But … you did. For years.”

Pressing her face back against him, he finds himself nodding. Because she’s right. He did. It took Snoke more than a decade to get him to even contemplate using the dark side.

Huh. Maybe he really _is_ balanced.

\---

Rey is nearly asleep as she shuffles off of the _Falcon_ , and to be fair, Ben has been stifling yawns for quite a while. The sun is setting, and Rey stops walking and just stares.

“What?” Ben asks, as the rest of his family continues to walk towards his mother’s hideaway.

“It’s … it’s huge,” Rey gasps out.

He supposes it’s relatively large, but nothing compared to the family home on Naboo. Oh, he can’t wait to take her there. But it’s not exactly modest, rising up out of an outcropping of trees, the brilliant Chandrila sun sinking behind it. 

“You could house half of Niima in that … that … should I even call it a house?”

“It’s a house, sweetheart. I … I know we grew up very differently, but I want you to get used to this. You’ll live in the biggest, most beautiful places from now on.”

Rey frowns. “I … please don’t take this badly, but do we have to?”

Ben blinks, confused by her reaction. Then his brain catches up with him and he sees that Rey won’t ever be comfortable with the excess of his world. He puts his arm around her and kisses the top of her head.

“We’ll live wherever you want.”

“Kids!” Han hollers back, and they both break from their moment, hurrying to catch up.

\---

They gather in the large sitting room with massive windows, giving a gorgeous view of the rolling hills, golden from the setting sun.

“I don’t know about all of you, but I’m ready for bed,” Leia announces. “This was easier 20 years ago.” She rubs at her back and gestures her head towards the hallway. “There are four bedrooms to choose from, oh and a small guest cottage out back.” The look she gives Ben is infuriatingly smug.

Ben had been about to say they’d take that when Han says, “Oh thank the gods, we won’t have to hear them.”

Luke chokes dramatically while Rey burrows into Ben and he can feel his cheeks positively burn. Alright, yes, Rey is … difficult to keep quiet, but he’d thought they’d been a _bit_ better at hiding their activities. 

Leia glares at Han and he makes a defensive gesture. “Come on, Princess, that girl—” Leia slaps her hand over his mouth but Ben can still see his eyes crinkling in mirth. He might be upset if he didn’t know that this is just how his father is.

He glances over at Luke, who is looking positively scandalized and he decides it’s time to get Rey away from the disaster that is his _family_. 

\---

Breathing an epic sigh of relief, Ben looks around the small cottage. The door opens into a modest living room that also has a table for dining. The space cozy and well appointed, and certainly more spacious than his hut from the school. 

It’s Rey’s reaction that has his attention. She has the most amazing smile on her face and then she’s wrapping her arms around his waist.

“This is perfect. _This_ is what I want for us.”

And just like that, he can see it. Their life in a quiet little house on a quiet little planet. Just enough space for the two of them. They would add on as needed, but that’s so far in the future. He _does_ like to imagine Rey as mother to his children, though they’re still too young. But he can dream ... 

“Then that is what we’ll have,” he promises. They’d go on jobs with his dad and spend the rest of their time wrapped up in each other in their own bubble of happiness. It’s … it’s a perfect life and he has to taste her.

He tips her face up with just a finger and kisses her softly. But then she’s kissing him with an intensity that surprises him. It doesn’t take long for him to catch up to her, though.

The stress and exhaustion of the day melts away and there’s only Rey’s lips. He’s completely enthralled in her when she pulls away, leaving him gasping.

She looks up at him through her lashes when she sets his universe spinning. “We’re finally all alone, Ben.” 

It takes him a moment to understand what she’s implying.

Oh. Oh!

She draws him to the bedroom and all he can do is follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare for giving me your time when you have so little for yourself.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who still managed to encourage my writing while being in and out of the hospital last week (not COVID-19!). I'm so glad you're well on the road to recovery, Biscuit.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! It was a rough week and everyone was so supportive; it really helped and I'm so grateful. I'm cautiously optimistic that my muse has come back from her bender, so there should be another chapter sooner rather than later. You are all so important to me--I can never say it enough. I hope everyone continues to be healthy and safe!


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get a lemon! And you get a lemon! Lemons for everyone!

She begins to pull at his tunic with an urgency that his body matches, and he helps her remove it out of habit. Her busy hands are _everywhere_ , and they get his chest bared. Rey goes on her toes and pulls him down for a searing kiss, setting him ablaze. He finds her breast with one hand, his other cradling her neck, keeping her pressed tightly to him as he plunders her mouth.

But then he realizes what she’s _really_ seeking and his heart flutters in his chest. Could this be the night? Does he want it to be? They’ve been so happy exploring each other with mouths and hands, yet he can’t deny the ferocity with which he still wants to _know_ her.

Whatever is to happen, he knows he needs them to actually _talk_ about it, first. He doesn’t want to get carried away only to have her regret it. That would crush him, completely. For himself, he can’t imagine feeling anything but joy, now that she’s fully let him in. 

Because that’s what has held him back, why he wasn’t ready. _Rey_ wasn’t ready. Now though, now that the silent barrier between them has finally melted, he thinks it really might be time.

Oh, gods, she’s suckling at his nipple and palming him through his trousers, sending his mind into a blissful fog. It would be so _easy_ to just let this happen, but he can’t. He can’t.

He caresses her cheeks with his fingertips and encourages her to look up at him. “Wait, Rey, please wait.”

With a crushed expression she says, “You don’t—” 

“I do! But is this really what _you_ want? It’s been such a difficult day.” He has to be sure.

“Oh, Ben … I’ve wanted this for so long. Almost losing you, _again_ , makes it that much clearer.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that if the worst happens, I need this. I need to be with you, fully.”

Ben frowns. He doesn’t want her to feel she has to. “You know you don’t owe me anything—”

“That’s not what I mean!” she bursts out in frustration. “Don’t you see? I wasted so much time with you in the future, I see that now. I don’t want to let one more minute go by without sharing this with you.” Her expression grows plaintive and desperate. “I need you, Ben.”

And he does see, he sees so clearly that there’s nothing left to fear. They’ve waded through the wide ocean once between them, and he whispers, “I need you, too.”

Holding her eyes for a long moment, he takes in all of her. The pleading in her gorgeous, beckoning eyes, how her hair whispers against her face. He’s never loved anyone like this, never known so completely that he’s found his purpose.

All he can do is connect with her, so he leans down and captures her lips softly. Slowly, languidly, he explores her mouth and any nervousness he might have felt is swallowed by her tempting mouth. This is right. It all begins to feel inevitable. Only his death had kept them from this moment and he’ll be damned if he wastes it.

As they kiss, Rey’s hands go to the buttons on her tunic and his fingers move to help her. They’ve become quite adept at undressing each other and soon they’re both only in their underthings.

Ben pulls her into his arms and all that skin pressed to his makes him groan out in satisfaction. Just this, feeling her so completely, is all he desires. He’s not going to stop, though, and he takes a moment to bask in the way his whole body vibrates at her touch. She’s utterly perfect and he can’t quite believe she wants to give him this gift, that he’ll give it to her in turn. Suddenly, he’s very grateful he’d never been with anyone else. He’s not sure their bond would have even allowed it, anyway.

This is something they will give each other. And he sees it really wouldn’t matter if she’d been with someone else. What’s between them is so singular that it could never compare. But … he’s glad that they’ll share this all the same.

He realizes he’s trembling when his fingers find her breast band, his hands shaking. It’s not nervousness, not precisely, no, it’s that this is so momentous that he can’t really wrap his mind around what they’re doing. The feelings swelling in his chest defy words. All he knows is that though he’s undressed her before, the air is vibrating with new meaning.

Slowly, he undoes the fastening, and it falls to the floor, baring her beautiful breasts to his awed gaze. He knows he’ll never stop wondering at the perfection of her naked form. Even as they age, he’s certain his throat will always grow dry at the sight of her.

Dropping to his knees, he nuzzles his face against her silk covered heat, drawing her rich scent into his nostrils, needing to lose himself in Rey. He hooks his thumbs through the fabric and slowly, so slowly, draws down the fine cloth. He has to go slowly, this is too precious to rush, even if his body is screaming at him to just _get on with it_.

The energy in the room is heightened, the Force throbbing with _meaning_ and he looks up at her from his place on the floor to find her gazing down on him, her fathomless hazel eyes beckoning him forward. It’s right, somehow, to be on his knees in supplication to this goddess who came into his life like a storm and changed everything.

“I love you,” he declares, then he lifts her leg, hooking it over his shoulder. Now that she’s revealed to him—such pretty pink folds—he has no choice but to feast on the magnificence of his reason for living. 

He’s grown embarrassingly hard just from the prospect of tasting her center after such a fraught day. Because Rey had been right. Facing the possibility of death has left him desperate to revel in life. The life he’s building with Rey.

So he easily finds her swollen little bud. Being in her, within her, of her, may be a new prospect, but he’s mapped every centimeter of her pleasure. He knows just what she likes and he laps at her rhythmically. She’s already begun to let out those little breathy pants that drive him insane, and his cock jumps in his tented underthings. 

It almost hurts, how much he wants her, but he won’t rush this. Not for anything would he give into his own need. It takes significant self control to keep from pushing her back on the bed and plunging into her, finally, finally slaking this holy thirst.

He rolls her clit with his tongue and her fingers dig into his shoulders as she starts to wobble. Smiling smugly, he gives her one last lick and stands swiftly.

“Whaaa?” she asks dazedly. Her eyes are glazed and she’s blinking slowly. Her braids stand out, glinting in the soft glean of the space, and he can almost see when he’ll add another.

“Don’t want you to fall,” he says as he sweeps her up into his arms, easily lifting her, walking them to the large, inviting bed. The room is small, but the low light is perfect, giving everything a romantic glow against the ivory palette.

He lays her down at the edge, her legs hanging over the end of the bed. Her thighs fall open, and that glistening wetness calls to him, so keenly. He’s not _nearly_ finished preparing her. Ben may have thrust his fingers inside her more times than he can count, but he refuses to hurt her when he enters her for the first time.

Opening her like a flower, he slides his tongue into her ready, drenched passage and he moans out, his want focused entirely on making a mess of her. He wants her gibbering and begging before they finally meld their bodies.

“Gods, Ben … you’re so good at this.”

He grunts in acknowledgement, smiling to himself. Knowing her, all the ways to tease out her bliss, it’s been the most exquisite education and though he’s nearly frantic to know how she feels tight around him, he moves back to her tempting nub, replacing his tongue with one finger, then two.

Feeling her expand to accommodate his hand makes him grow, impossibly, harder; Force, he didn’t know he could feel like this! The anticipation tempered by his deep desire to draw this out, it’s the most glorious of tortures.

Rey’s hips move to meet his fingers and he hungrily swirls his tongue around her center, reveling in how her juices cover his face, filling his senses with only _Rey_. 

Now her movements are growing stilted and his lips curl into her heat. She’s close, so close, but he won’t take her there—no, he wants her to find her completion around his cock. And much as he wants to take this languidly, he’s certain the first time will blitz his brain and pull his release from him swiftly.

The first time. He’s going to make love to her as many times as his body will allow, sleep be damned.

“Ben, please,” she begs, and he knows she’s ready. Besides, he might just come into the carpet if he keeps at it. 

A beautiful nervousness floods his chest and belly. This is all that he’s wanted from the moment he first saw her, to connect with her as completely as two people can. Honing in on their bond, he lets Rey’s passion wash over him as he pulls his mouth from her with regret. He does so like how her thighs clench around his ears when she comes, so loudly, so deliciously.

Because, as good as Rey can make him feel, it’s her pleasure that feeds his spirit, lifts his body to new heights. The excitement he feels, the twist of satisfaction deep in his center is incomparable. 

He looks down on her swollen sex and hums out at the gorgeous sight, but now Rey is almost sobbing. 

“Please, please, I need you, I need you inside me.” Her pupils are huge, and she’s whimpering softly.

“ _Yes_ ,” he croons and stands, removing the last of his clothing, his cock jutting out proudly. Her eyes widen at the sight, and her breath catches.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmurs and he feels it, he _feels_ beautiful. Gone is all that insecurity and self doubt, the sense of being badly made. He feels whole. He feels like a _man_. Rey’s man.

Crawling between her thighs, his hardness trapped against those succulent folds, he takes a moment to stroke her face, look into her eyes. Gods, has there ever been such a lovely creature?

“You’re my whole galaxy,” he promises and he feels her answering devotion rushing between them, making his entire being throb with the joy of it all. The joy of knowing this is _right_.

Holding her eyes with his, so securely, he reaches between them and tries to find her opening. But he fumbles and that old inadequacy starts to come for him. He’d been doing so well! Of course he’d fail her at the most important of moments. 

“No,” she nearly growls as she puts one hand against his cheek. With the other, she grasps his cock and his eyes almost roll back in his head as she notches him just inside her. “You’re perfect. This is perfect,” she continues.

Finding her eyes once again, he groans deeply as he sinks into her. He can’t … he can’t think. He knew she would feel fantastic, but this is so much _more_. He’s inside her, dear Maker, his body is inside hers and something essential flares in the bond; she’s wound even more tightly around his heart.

He doesn’t dare move; it feels like if he does he’ll explode and he’s not remotely ready for this to be over.

“Force, Rey, you feel … I … I …” His words fail him. How can he tell her that this is all he’s ever needed?

“I know,” she agrees. Then she begins to buck her hips and his body ignites. He has to _move_.

Keeping her eyes firmly held with his, he begins to slowly thrust, testing the depth and angle, afraid he might hurt her.

“You won’t, you won’t hurt me. Please, please …” she babbles, her words growing incoherent as her hips roll aggressively.

She wants … oh gods … he can’t string thoughts or words together, but instinct takes over and he thrusts into her firmly. Force, Force, Force, she feels so good!

So tight, so hot, so perfect.

“Yes!” she cries out and Ben finally finds his ability to focus on her, on what she wants. This is about Rey, and he lets go of his fear, pounding into her, trusting her to tell him if he’s going too fast.

But, instead, she starts to howl, actually howl. Oh gods, she’s begun to contract around him and it’s all he can do to keep from filling her up with his release. She feels too good!

The only thing that keeps him tethered to reality is Rey’s shining eyes and her loud appreciation for the ecstasy he’s pulling from her body. This, being able to hold her gaze while giving her pleasure is everything he’s ever wanted. 

Her legs go around him and begin to urge him faster, harder, and stars, he never wants to leave this place of absolute connection. It’s a level of completion he had only ever imagined, and her eyes, gods, her eyes!

He’s close, so close, and he desperately pistons into her. Please, Rey, please. 

“Give it to me,” he growls out desperately. He can’t hold on, he has to have her release! She’s panting and keening—thank the gods, there, _there_ it is. Her thighs clench him to her, and she’s grown unimaginably tight around him.

Force, he can’t last any longer! Control has left him.

Moaning out nonsense, stars burst behind his eyes still locked with Rey’s as they nearly scream the cottage down. Her walls flutter so deliciously around his length as his release bursts from him with such intensity he can’t see for a moment. 

Time slows and their mingled breaths last forever and is over in an instant as his vision clears.

Rey’s delicate face is flushed and he’s never seen her look more beautiful. Her hair spreads out along the pillow, framing the stunning picture she makes. There are little tendrils clinging to her glistening skin and she breathes harshly.

That’s when he notices her eyes filling with tears, and at first, he’s terrified he’s hurt her, but no, through the bond he feels that she’s simply overwhelmed.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmurs, then he leans forward and gently kisses her tears away.

“I love you, so much,” she says with a cracking voice.

“I know, I know,” he breathes out.

“This is what I’ve dreamed of, for so long.”

He wants to say that he, too, has wanted this from the moment he saw her, but he knows she’s talking of his future self, as well.

“For the rest of our lives, I’ll make love to you. Just like this.”

She grins up at him wickedly. “Well, hopefully not _just_ like this. There’s so much I want to try.”

“Oh really?” he asks with an arched brow.

Her smile only grows more suggestive as she smirks through her tears. “I can’t wait to show you.”

Stroking her face, he returns her smile. “Give me some time and I’ll let you.”

“Oh, you’ll _let_ me. How generous of you.”

He begins to pull from her, but her legs hold him fiercely to her.

“Don’t you dare leave, Ben Solo.”

“I only wanted to hold you,” he offers with an apologetic voice.

“I’m not ready to be parted,” she says in a now serious tone, all playfulness gone.

He rains kisses down on her face as he vows, “We’ll never be parted. Can’t you feel it?”

The bond, it’s changed. It’s almost like a living thing, now, humming in the back of his mind. He’d had to focus on their connection before, but now—she feels like breathing, like his heart beating. She’s become a part of him.

Rey tilts her head slightly, as if she’s listening to a particularly beautiful piece of music and her eyes widen.

“I feel it, I feel it.”

Leaning up, she presses her lips to his and he kisses her with all of his passion, all of his love.

They’ve somehow become one in a way he never could have imagined. Merged. Enmeshed.

Two who are one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. You are so dear to me.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who has slipped right back into pampering me now that he's recovered. I am the most spoiled of princesses.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Well, it only took 100K words to get here. That's not so bad (for me). Thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoyed the lemony goodness. I also hope everyone is holding onto their sanity in this mad, mad world. I love you all!


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben and Resplendent Rey play with their new toy enthusiastically then are surprised by how the bond has changed. Oh, and some actual plot.

In his arms, Rey sleeps the sleep of the truly sated and thoroughly debauched. They’d made love twice more, and he’d been surprised when she’d been the one to fall asleep. He had no idea his body could renew itself so quickly! But that’s what Rey does to him. He feels like he could do nothing but thrust into her for the rest of his life.

She makes an endearing little snuffling sound into his chest and he gazes down on her peaceful face. Her perfect mouth is parted in sleep and he watches her eyes move beneath her lids. He wonders what she’s dreaming. His new awareness of her tells him it’s a pleasant dream, at least.

Just watching her sleep makes his heart ache in his chest; it’s the most exquisite agony. He tries to fathom what they’ve shared, but it keeps sliding away, refusing to be captured. Each time he’d been within her, that same sense of transcendent fulfillment had stole away his breath, and even now, as she rests, he feels it.

His throat tightens at all the sheer emotion rushing through him and he’s a bit embarrassed to find he’s tearing up.

“Oh, Rey …” he whispers.

How is this even possible? That this woman came into his life and remade everything she’s touched? Without her, he’d still be walking the path to the dark, so desperately lonely, isolated in the throngs of people in his life.

Because that’s what she’s done. She threw open his cage and showed him what joy means, what _life_ means. Without her, he never would have had the courage to talk to his parents, and now he’s surrounded by love.

No love means more to him than hers, however. 

Now she’s mumbling something he can’t decipher, but how she scrunches her nose may be the most adorable thing he’s ever seen, and he draws in a shaky breath as the tears gather in his eyes. He can’t keep all of his love inside, it would seem.

A single tear falls down his face as he leans down and presses a soft kiss to her temple. Rey makes a contented hum and snuggles into him further.

“For the rest of time, I will love you,” Ben vows softly.

\---

A loud rapping on the guest house’s door startles Ben from sleep while Rey snoozes right through it. He smiles with satisfaction—he’d exhausted her with another round at sunrise.

“Kids!” Han hollers. “Time to get started!”

But Ben knows they can probably do without them for just a little longer and he carefully unwinds his body from Rey’s. Her hands grasp at him, but she stays asleep.

He wraps a towel around his waist and cracks the door a few inches. “Shhh, Rey’s sleeping.”

“That’s why I’m here, to wake you kids up,” Han says with a wink. “Apparently you were making a mighty racket in the Force.”

Ben swears colorfully and looks at the floor. That means Luke sensed their complete … bonding as well.

“Please, I want to let her sleep.”

“Wore her out, huh?” Han asks with a prideful grin. “That’s my boy!” he nearly shouts and Ben cringes.

“Please?” he entreats.

“We got a lot of data to dig through,” Han responds with a slight frown.”.

“Just another hour, two at most.”

Han snorts. “Sleep. Yeah right.”

“Yes. _Sleep_.”

“Fine, fine. But you get to deal with your mom.”

\---

Ben chuckles to himself as he makes his way back to bed, shucking the towel as he moves. As he slides under the covers, he finds Rey’s open eyes.

“Go back to sleep, we have a reprieve,” he gently nudges.

But her curious hand is already wrapping around his cock, moving up his shaft the way she knows will have him hard in no time. 

“There’s a much better way to use that time,” she proclaims with a sleep roughened voice.

“Really?” Ben lets out with a strangled tone. He’s not sure he even _can_ for a fifth time. But then she takes her thumb and swirls the moisture she finds around his head and, oh, oh! Yup, not going to be a problem.

As she climbs on top of him, he thanks all the gods he knows for the ravenous beauty who only seems to want as much of him as he can give. As she can _take_.

Then she’s sinking down onto him and all he can do is give himself over to her generous body.

Rey, Rey, Rey …

\---

“Did you get enough … sleep?” Leia asks with an arched brow as they tumble into the kitchen. Usually he’s focused on feeding Rey, but this morning he could eat a whole bantha and ask for seconds.

“Uhm, yeah,” Ben mumbles with heated cheeks. Having his mother _know_ that he and Rey made love—over and over again—is not something he’d anticipated.

“Well, all I’ll say is that it’s good you both have implants,” his mother says knowingly.

“Mom!”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I expect a whole litter of grandbabies, but not just yet.”

“Mom! Please!”

“What?” she asks innocently. “Aren’t I allowed to be concerned with my only child’s health and well being?”

Rey is practically hiding behind him and he glares at his mother, jerking his head towards his beloved.

Leia makes an apologetic face. “Rey, dear, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“It’s … it’s alright,” Rey says in a small voice and comes out from behind him. He’s never seen her cheeks so flaming.

Ben smiles down on her fondly. “I’d like to say you’ll get used to my parents, but I never have.”

“We tease because we care,” Han adds as he walks into the kitchen with Luke trailing behind him.

Luke is obviously looking anywhere but at Ben and Rey and Ben rolls his eyes. He’d always wondered if the old eunuch had ever been with anyone, and now he’s pretty sure he knows the answer. 

“Come on, Ben. Let’s make breakfast.” Han looks at Ben meaningfully. “I bet you’re _starving_.”

“Dad!”

\---

He manages mount an escape from his family, pleading for a walk outside after breakfast. They find a nice path through the golden hills, brilliant against the bright blue sky dotted with clouds. He’s a little worried that his parents had taken it too far with their good-natured ribbing and he’d been a bit desperate to get her alone all through the meal.

But she seems like herself, and he senses nothing wrong in the back of his head where Rey now resides. Though, it’s so new, he’s not really sure.

“I hope my mom and dad weren’t too much this morning.”

“No,” she says wistfully. “It makes me feel like I’m part of a real family.”

“You are. You know that, right? That my family loves you?”

Rey’s eyes fly to his and, oh hell, tears are welling up under her lashes. He didn’t mean to make her cry …

“No, Ben … these are happy tears. You … you’ve given me everything I’ve ever wished for. Except this time I get to keep it.”

They turn around a bend and start to walk up one of the hills.

He can sense that wistful sadness he knows means she’s thinking of her life before he met her. Hesitantly, he asks, “Were you close with my parents, in the future?”

“Your mom, yes.”

“But not my dad?”

That pain he knows so well streaks through her eyes and crackles in their connection. He pauses and she moves to face him.

“I didn’t get to spend much time with Han.” Her eyes and their bond well with grief.

“Before I killed him,” Ben says bitterly, still horrified that he was so broken that he’d ever even had the thought, let alone the _ability_ to take his own father’s life.

Her tone grows emphatic. “But _you_ didn’t. I know I blamed you for what he did, but _you_ never did those things.”

“I can’t believe I ever could,” Ben whispers hollowly. 

“I think Snoke made you suffer very badly. When you killed him, you _meant_ it.” There’s a snarl to her voice.

“Good. I’m gonna mean it this time, too.” He’s surprised that he feels the need to avenge … himself. His father, Rey, everything that monster put her through, everything _Kylo Ren_ put her through, that he understands. But that he feels protective of this older, alternate version of himself surprises him after he’d almost hated the other man for having Rey’s heart first.

Then he doesn’t really think, instinct seizing him as his hand shoots forward and he Force pushes out with Rey’s power joining his. Something flies over the closest ridge and he belatedly realizes it had been a snake. But how did he know to deal with it before he’d even registered _seeing_ the creature? Besides, the snakes around here are harmless. Why did he do that?

He swiftly finds Rey’s eyes and she’s looking at him with a perplexed expression. “Did you see it, too?” she asks.

“No … not really. I think … I think I was reacting to your fear.”

“I heard it hiss, saw it rear back as if to strike. I just reacted … and you did. too.“ She blinks then murmurs with awe, “The bond.”

“Yeah, I think so.” Ben rubs the back of his neck as he thinks. Has anything else changed? He knows her moods are much clearer, but to move as one like that … He makes a rueful expression. “That’s going to come in handy.”

“You think?” Rey asks with a fond, teasing tone. Then her face grows serious. “Ben, that was amazing, you moved so fast.”

“I didn’t even realize what was happening until it was over. If I had, I’d have told you that the snakes here aren’t dangerous.”

“Oh,” Rey says sheepishly. “Well, it’s going to have a long slither back home.”

He finds himself laughing heartily at her observation, caught up in the absurdity of it all.

Rey frowns. “That poor snake!”

Now he’s guffawing at the idea of the confused little critter, flung off into the distance, and Rey joins him in his laughter. Her shining eyes and wide grin makes that feeling come back, the one where his body simply cannot contain his joy and he sweeps her up into a passionate kiss, spinning her in his arms.

She giggles against his lips and he’s never, not once, ever been this happy.

\---

As they return to the sitting room, he finds his dad and Luke with their noses in data pads, clearly beginning to comb through his mother’s purloined files.

“We’ll see you soon,” Leia says into her comm. As she switches it off, she smiles at him and Rey. “That was Poe. He’s on his way now. He says he has some good information on those children.”

“Good, good,” Ben murmurs.

“Think fast!” Han calls out and Ben only just catches the data pad sailing at his head. ”Time to get to it.”

Rey takes the pad offered kindly by Leia and Han winks at her while Ben shoots his father a recriminating look.

“Come on,” Ben says, leading her to a large chair in the corner. Once they’re settled, with Rey draped along his lap, they begin to read.

\---

“Oh my gods,” Leia gasps and everyone looks up from their research.

“What is it?” Luke asks.

“They weren’t just trying to transfer the Force into the orchid. They were attempting to imbue _one_ orchid with the whole creche’s power.”

Rey and Ben share a look and she asks, “Master Luke, would that be … enough? To create a Force sensitive child?”

With a bleak look, Luke only nods. “I think so, yes.”

\---

“Well, bantha spit,” Han swears. “They were able to transmit their research.”

Leia makes a dark expression. “Can you tell where?”

“No. Just that it went offworld.”

“Maybe Poe will have something,” Ben says hopefully.

Sighing, Leia says, “We’re not even a quarter through these files. Keep working.”

\---

Ben shifts and realizes his leg has fallen asleep. He’s about to urge Rey to move her weight when she moves without a word from him. She catches his eyes and smiles then taps his chest with one hand and a place just over her heart with the other. Right, the bond. _That’s_ going to take some getting used to …

\---

They hear the telltale sound of a small craft’s engine and all look up from their respective reading.

“Poe must be here,” Leia announces, causing them to make their way to the landing pad.

Sure enough, there’s a light fighter descending and they wait for the last member of their little band of the fledgling Resistance. 

As Poe lands, Ben senses a burst of excitement from Rey and he looks over at her, wounded. Is she really so eager to see Poe? But she swats him in the arm and gives him an incredulous look.

“I can’t believe you can still be so insecure,” she says with rolled eyes. Then she points towards the astromech droid peaking out from the ship. “It’s the droid! That’s BB-8!”

“I take it you know it?”

“Him, thank you. He’s … special. You’ll see.”

Poe hops down from the cockpit, smiling widely as this BB-8 is lowered to the ground. As soon as the little orange sphere is released, he’s making circles around Poe’s legs. Poe swiftly drops to his knees and gives the small droid … belly scratches?

“Leia, I gotta thank you for BB-8! We ran into some pirates on our way to Atalyn, and this little guy knows his stuff!” Poe exclaims.

“I thought you’d get along,” she says with a warm smile. “Come on, let’s get inside; we have a lot to discuss.”

\---

Rey chatters with the round droid and Ben only half listens as she gets re-acquainted. He’s more focused on what information Poe has brought back. Besides, he’s never cared much for droids after practically being raised by them. R2-D2 was an exception, and thank the gods 3PO is presently stationed at his mother’s offices. _That_ droid works his last nerve.

“What can you tell us?” Leia asks eagerly as Rey joins them.

“Well, the reports were right. Several divisions of soldiers descended on Atalyn and swept all the children under 7. By the sounds of it, it had to have been the First Order. No stormtroopers, but I think we can guess why.”

Luke’s eyes close briefly in pain. “Using clones always seemed inhumane, but children …”

Rey comes up to him and puts her hand on his forearm. “Some do escape. I met a whole crew that mutinied. By the time I left, they’d freed so many of them.”

“But … to lose their childhoods … their families …” Luke says with horror echoing in his eyes.

“I know,” Rey responds somberly.

“We’re going to free them,” Leia announces.

“And how are we gonna do that, Princess? We’re good in a fight, but there’s only six of us.”

BB-8 beeps rudely and Han gestures dismissively. But Poe pipes up with, “Uh, seven.”

Leia makes a supremely satisfied look, like the tooka that got the whilk’s milk, and says, “Well … I may have something up my sleeve.”

Han groans and looks towards the ceiling.

“I put the call out to our old allies, and a decently sized fleet has responded to the call.”

“And the Senate approves of this?” Ben asks skeptically.

Leia grins and says, “Too much bureaucracy. They’ll happily take credit once we reveal what Snoke and the Emperor have been up to, I’m sure.”

This makes Han perk up considerably. “Good, I hate those stiff shirts.”

“We know, husband,” Leia says with a touch of kind condescension. 

“Do you think Snoke is with the children?” Rey asks.

“Yeah … yeah, I do,” Ben muses. “Wherever those transmissions were sent, they do refer to new specimens being shipped to ‘your location.’ If it’s not Snoke, who would it be?” 

Poe has stayed silent, and his face only grows more concerned the more they discuss their plans. 

Ben tilts his head towards his friend and asks, “What is it?”

Making a pained expression, Poe says, “Well … I think I know where they are. One of the parents got a little … enthusiastic with a soldier they managed to capture.”

Leia huffs out in exasperation. “You didn’t think to start with this?”

“Yeah, I did … but you won’t like it.” He gestures to Ben, Luke and Rey and continues, “Especially not you three.”

“Tell us!” Leia exclaims.

Poe grimaces. “Well, the kids, they were being taken to … Moraband.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, I hope the added crunch did its job! *blows kisses*
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who has been cooking up a storm! This weekend he made French Onion Soup and Beef Bourguignon. I was so full and so happy. 
> 
> Thank you, Readers! It never ceases to amaze me how supportive you are. You are the kindest group out there and I'm so lucky you give your time to my stories. It means the world to me that you're here.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really just an excuse for more smut. Plot next chapter, our bunnies need to hop!

It just had to be Moraband. He’d been so sure he was walking the path of balance, but could he maintain it when faced with a place like _that_? 

Luke breathes in sharply as Leia’s hand flies to her mouth. Ben just lets out a particularly colorful bit of Huttese while Poe looks on regretfully at the gathered circle of dismay in the sitting room.

Han and Rey share a look of confusion and she asks, “What’s wrong with Moraband?”

Grimly, Ben states, “It’s the Sith home world.” Gods, could the First Order have picked a worse planet to make their base?

Not understanding, Rey tilts her head, “Why does that matter?”

“It’s teeming with the dark side,” Luke answers, his arms crossed thoughtfully.

“Oh,” Rey says softly, and Ben can feel her wariness tickle his consciousness. This is a dangerous place, in more ways than one. For Ben in particular.

Leia and Luke catch each other’s eyes and Ben is sure they’re off to talk about _him_ as they slip out onto the terrace off of the sitting room. Clouds have come in and the steel gray sky carries foreboding on the wind. Watching his mother’s stricken face and Luke’s placid _understanding_ , he remembers how angry and powerless he’d feel when his mother and uncle would disappear into her office to _discuss Ben._

This time, however, he knows why they’re so worried, and instead of ire, he feels a profound sense of defeat. He’s finally fought his way through his relationship with the darkness in his nature only to be tested so completely. Could he possibly keep himself on an even keel with the dark whispering so keenly?

He looks over at Rey and desperately hopes he’ll be able to stay true to his promise to never follow the dark. A bleakness hollows out his chest, hitting that possibility that he’s just not strong enough. He doesn’t want to even think that he could ever betray her like that, but how can he hold onto his balance with the siren’s call so close? 

Then her fingers twine with his and the hole inside him is instantly filled with her faith in him. Her hazel eyes peer up at him and it feels like the sun is breaking through the gathering storm. He can feel in this new way that she _knows_ , like she knows the strong beat of his heart, that he won’t break.

It’s a strange feeling, to have someone believe in him so completely.

“So … uh, what am I missing?” Han asks, pulling Ben from his musings. “I get it, it’s dark. How does that really change things?”

Ben lets out a long sigh. “It means we’ll all be tempted. Hell, you and Poe might even be able to feel it.”

“Huh,” Han says, a look of consternation on his face while Poe rubs his chin.

“Yeah, that’s what I worried about. See, I paid attention when we were kids!” Poe says with a smirk.

“It’s going to be alright,” Rey says in a firm voice and Ben wants to believe her. Yet … he can’t help the fear that trickles down his spine.

He needs to get Rey alone, talk to her about what this might mean for him. What it might mean for _her_. She’s not inured to the pull of the dark, either. She may be made of finer stuff than he, but her susceptibility is just buried deeper. Who knows, if the dark got its claws into her, it might be harder for her to come back. Ben is at least used to its pervasive influence, living as it did in his damned head.

There’s just no way to know how either one of them will react. 

Silence reigns while they wait for Luke and Leia. They’re all in their own heads and Ben wonders what his father is thinking as he watches him work his jaw and occasionally sigh. He glances out at his mother to find her looking concerned, but strong and he’s buoyed by her straight back.

When the twins rejoin them, Ben is about ready to burst with all the conflicted feelings begging for his attention. A huge part of him just wants to lose himself in Rey’s body and boundless heart, but his wiser side knows they all have to talk about this so he keeps himself from carrying her off to the guest house.

Leia opens her mouth to speak, but Han cuts her off. “I don’t think Ben and Rey should come with us.”

“What?!” Ben exclaims as Rey’s mouth gapes. They’re the best weapon they have, how could they think of leaving them behind? Besides, he has a score to settle with Snoke. Never mind that this might be their only chance to stop the Emperor before he gets too strong to defeat. At least not without great cost. He refuses to take that chance with Rey’s safety. It has to be soon.

“Han—”

“No, we just got him back. It’s too dangerous,” Han says with a firm set to his jaw. Then he makes a wry grin that belies his frightened eyes. “Besides, Princess, the three of us make a great team.”

“Hey, what about me?” Poe says indignantly.

“Rey and I are going,” Ben says quietly, but his parents are already arguing and no one hears him.

“We can’t decide for him!” Leia exclaims. “We’ve done enough of that …”

“We have to have faith in their bond,” Luke says at almost the same time.

Ben’s lips purse, and perhaps at another time he’d be pleased for his uncle’s belief in the strength of their connection, but right now he just wants them to shut up and listen to him.

He raises his voice, then. “I _said_ , Rey and I are going!”

“Son, no—”

“Dad, you need us.”

“What, you think your old man doesn’t still got it?”

Ben looks into his father’s eyes seriously. “Against the dark side? No. I don’t think anything but me and Rey can stop them.”

“We got Luke! No way the dark can take him.”

Luke just frowns and Leia puts her hand on Han’s arm and looks up into his eyes pleadingly. “Han … Ben’s right. This will be hard on all of us. We have to trust in the dyad.”

He puts his hand over her fingers and there’s a slight wobble to his voice when he says, “I can’t. I can’t put him in danger like that.”

Ben goes over to his parents and gently places his hand over theirs. “You aren’t. It’s my choice. I have to face him. He stole my childhood from me. He almost stole _you_ from me. Rey’s told me what I would have become if she hadn’t come for me. _You know what I did._ ”

Han’s eyes ignite with pain. “If I’d never failed ya like I have—”

“Stop. It’s not going to happen. Not ever. But I have to do this. We both do. Rey lost so much more than I did because of these monsters.”

Ben feels his father’s hand turn and it curls around his fingers. “Promise me you’ll come out safe. Both of you.”

“I …” Ben pauses, knowing he can’t, not really. But he’s already promised Rey, and he’ll give the last scrap he has to make sure he doesn’t betray that vow. “I promise.”

\--- 

After spending the rest of the day poring through records, getting a better sense of the enemy, Ben is beyond relieved to have Rey all to himself. Nothing ever feels settled or real until he’s been able to really talk to her about it. Her opinion is the only one that truly matters to him.

“Rey, do you … do you genuinely understand what we’re walking into?” he asks once they’re in the small sitting room of the guest house. Though they’ve only spent one night here together, it already feels like a promise of the home they’ll share when this is all over.

“I think so,” she says slowly. “I’ve been to dark places before.” She shivers involuntarily and that makes him move towards her, tipping her face up so he may see her eyes.

“Tell me.”

She sighs sadly. “The day … the day I lost him, I was on a planet called Exegol, the Emperor wanted me to kill him so he could live on in me. I felt the pull, the seductive call of no consequence, no guilt. But then … then you came, and it was like I was finally whole. The dark was silent once you were with me.”

Ben only just manages to suppress his flinch, that pained feeling he has from knowing that he’ll never share these memories with her. But he forces it down, reminding himself that she’s with him, that she’s always _been_ with him, from a certain point of view.

“What happened?” he asks softly.

Rey shrugs slightly and lets out another sigh. “The Emperor, we … fought, I guess. All the Jedi before, they … they were there, within me, and it was too much for Palpatine. I … well, I guess I and the ancestors defeated him, but it drained me.”

“Where was I?” Ben asks, perplexed. She’d said he gave his life for hers.

“You …” Her eyes well with tears. “I was dead, and you … you put your life energy into me … you brought me back to life with your love.”

“Oh … Rey …” He pulls her into his arms and smooths his hand over her hair. “I would again.”

“No!” Rey declares fiercely pulling back, holding his eyes with fiery intensity and blinding terror. “Don’t you dare.”

“I can’t promise that.”

“Please, Ben … I won’t watch you disappear again. I won’t.”

“Well, we’ll just have to make sure that we’re both safe. Together as the dyad intends.” He manages to hide away the surge of knowledge that he would give his life gladly for hers, in any timeline, any reality.

“I’ve often wondered, if you’d been there, if we’d have been strong enough to face him and both come through it alive.”

“Where was I?” Ben asks again. It makes no sense that he wasn’t standing with her.

“I don’t know. I never saw what he did to you. But I know nothing would have kept you from me if you had a choice.”

“No, nothing. Never!” Ben exclaims. He’d drag himself along broken glass, use the last strength he had to get to her. Her hands knead into his tunic and he softly kisses the top of her head. “Rey, I know we’re going to win, and that we’ll be together. I feel it.”

“I know. I can sense it, too. But I’m still scared. Oh, Ben … I love you.”

He looks into her eyes for a long moment before he begins to move his lips towards hers. Just before he kisses her, he murmurs, “I love _you_.”

Then he’s feasting on her delectable mouth, just like he was always meant to. Her hands pull at him and he holds her close with his fingers splayed along her back. The bond calls out, like a hunger demanding to be satisfied and the way she moves against him takes on a distinctly carnal flavor.

She whimpers out, “I need you,” as she pushes him down on the small settee.

He lands with a grunt and she’s already shimmying out of her leggings. He barely has a chance to register what she’s doing before she releases his cock from his trousers, pumping him firmly.

“Make me whole,” Rey begs, straddling him.

She’s still stroking along his rapidly hardening length when he feels himself brush against her heat, making him groan long and loud.

His hands go to her clothed breasts, growling in annoyance. He wants her naked. Right now. His mouth craves to suck at her taut nipples; his fingers twitch to swirl her bud until she’s sobbing, to make sure she’s ready. But before he manages to even so much as lift her shirt, she sinks down on him in one swift stroke and her delicious center envelopes him completely.

Through the transcendent sense of _yes_ , he panics slightly, afraid he’ll hurt her and she smiles down on him. “I’m ready. I’m always ready for you.”

“Oh, gods, me too,” he responds with a choked voice. She feels like everything he’s ever known about pleasure and so much more.

She wriggles her hips, sending a jolt up of searing bliss straight through him. “I know.” Her smile grows smug and he can’t help but chuckle at how pleased she seems with herself.

But then her expression grows serious as she starts to move. “I need you. All the time, I need you.”

“ _Yes_ ,” he agrees. 

“It’s only right when you’re inside me.”

He cups her face and holds her sad eyes. “We’re going to have a lifetime, just like this,” he pledges with a twitch of his pelvis to punctuate his promise.

Pushing down on him, he moans something incoherent as she takes all of him into her as deeply as he can go. This position, it allows him to thrust up into her with abandon and he meets her strokes.

“Always, always make love to me,” she gasps.

“I will, I am.”

“Yes,” she hisses as he pulls her top off, quickly dispensing with her breast band so that she’s completely naked. It’s startlingly erotic that he’s still clothed while her bare flesh writhes against him. It makes him imagine all sorts of games, and he’s surprised at how he grows even harder at the dark fantasies spinning in his mind. 

But not now, now he needs her eyes and only the profound connection crashing through him, growing nearly torrential as she bounces atop him. Her hair escapes its bun at the nape of her neck, giving her a wild, feral look. Seeing her like this, so uninhibited, it does something to him, makes him grind into her with even more intent.

He pulls her close to him, so she’s as near as he can make her, her harsh pants ghosting along his face, sharing her breath. Sweat glistens on her brow as she rolls her hips, and he calls out long and deep. 

“Gods, Ben,” she shudders out as he finds the center of her pleasure, brushing his thumb along it, firm but gentle at the same time. She’s slick and hot and absolutely perfect against his fingers. She’s so wet, so tight, and he’s not sure how it keeps getting better every time he finds himself buried inside her. The only place he wants to be. 

“I need to feel you come undone for me.” And he thrusts up into her almost savagely, dragging the head of his cock along that special spot that seems to make her particularly loud.

“Force, yes!” she howls. 

Suddenly, the only thing he wants, like he’s never wanted anything, is the feel of Rey clamping down on him and he supports her weight as she hangs off of his lap, giving him more access to her center.

She clings to his biceps and she tries to keep the cadence, but he’s in control now, keeping her from falling with one arm as he plucks at her clit with his other hand. With each thrust, her pale, small breasts bounce in the most enticing way.

With wide eyes she pants, “Oh, stars, I’m, I’m—”

“Yes, oh gods, Rey I need it. Please, please come for me.”

“Yes!” she cries out and then his cock is trapped in her vice, and he has to press into her firmly to keep her from pushing him out.

He slows down, thrusting into her shallowly as she rides out her orgasm. She blinks slowly and he pulls her back to his chest, holding her closely. 

“Rey, Rey, Rey,” he chants, moving within her as the last flutters of her pleasure ebb away.

Cupping her face with the hand just so busy with her swollen flesh, he holds her gaze. She looks exhausted and oh so thoroughly debauched that he almost wonders if he should stop when her eyes widen.

“Nuh uh, you’re not nearly done.”

“Oh no?” he teases, and that spurs her to take control once again, riding him with a ferocity that steals the breath from his lungs. 

She whimpers in surprise, “I don’t think I’m done either!”

Force, _yes_. The thought of her finding her release a second time, has him primed in an instant. He reaches for her center again, but she bats his hand away as she keeps pushing down on him with a desperate insistence that has him panting. “No, I wanna come just from your cock.”

She’s clearly trying to kill him and all he can do is let her continue to drag her heat along his shockingly hard length. Every pass of her tight around him makes his head spin and he hopes he can last long enough for the holy feeling of Rey’s perfect unravelling.

His heels dig into the carpet as he lifts Rey off the settee, growling out nonsense. Maker, she’s driving him to madness with her hot, deep, gorgeous center. 

Rey nearly thrashes atop him, her head going from side to side, when her eyes fly to his. “Ben!” she screams and her back arches as her orgasm rips through both of them, quivering and everything, pushing Ben over the edge.

He thought he knew what pleasure was, he thought Rey had taught him everything he could know about what his body was capable of. But his release is so powerful, he roars out her name as he fills her over and over with his spend.

They collapse back onto the settee and breathe harshly, trying to fill their taxed lungs. Rey’s head falls forward against his chest and she gulps for more air.

“Ben …”

“I know.”

“I didn’t know …”

“Neither did, I. Force, Rey … you, that … you’re going to kill me if this gets any better.”

She smacks his chest and says, “Don’t even tease about that.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles, not sure he can even see properly, let alone form proper sentences.

Then she sits up swiftly, her eyes wide. “Do you think they … uhm … heard?”

“Most definitely.” _That’s_ something they’re going to have to work on …

She groans and hides her face in the folds of his tunic and Ben can only laugh.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, who always rightfully pushes me to describe things more fully.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who always makes me feel like the most precious thing in the galaxy.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! May the Fourth be with you! I wanted to mark the day with a chapter and hope to post another later in the week. It's time to wrap this puppy up! I hope that everyone is doing as well as possible; I know we're getting a little weird but are safe and sound. Keeping you all close in my heart.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now let us have a lovely hike on the terrifying home of the Sith! Brilliant outing for everyone. Right? Right?

“You sure about this, Princess?” Han asks with unusual concern.

“Our friends will be there. The rendezvous point is one of Moraband’s moons, the dark side. No pun intended,” she says with a smirk.

“I’ve got a bad—”

“Shut up,” his mother cuts Han off with a glare. “You know nothing makes a mission go sideways faster than saying _that_.”

“Hey, I’m just tryin’—”

Luke leans towards his father’s captain’s chair and says, “Seriously, Han, shut up.”

“Always were superstitious—”

“ _Shut up_!” the siblings holler and Ben can only let out a light chuckle, as Rey suppresses a smile. Luke is co-piloting while Leia sits behind her husband. Rey is perched on his lap—for space considerations. At least that was his excuse. He’s not sure where Poe is, and he doesn’t care too much, completely lost in the scent of Rey’s hair. The feel of her in his arms is the only thing that’s keeping him from losing his mind.

It’s been a long haul to Moraband, and it gave Ben far too much time to think in between trapping Rey away in their tiny quarters. He _thinks_ he’s figured out how to shield their rather vigorous activities from Luke and his mother, but it’s still obvious what they’re up to every time they disappear. He finds he doesn’t care, feeling reckless at the urgent passage of time. 

Though he does wish his father would stop giving him a thumbs up whenever they rejoin his family. At least Poe has stayed respectful. 

The Force is still calm, as if it wants to soothe him, so he’s tried to believe in that feeling that everything will be alright, but it can’t stop him from wanting as much of Rey as he can manage before they get there.

He’d known they were getting closer, that time was almost up as he’d watched the countdown in the _Falcon’s_ cockpit. The minutes flying by had made his eager feet—and other parts of his body—find Rey working on the air converter. He’d just about taken her against the wall, so desperate to make love to her one last time.

Unable to hide their mutual fear, she’d cried as she came, begging him to never leave her. It had shaken him, the reminder of what she’s lost and what she’s risking to save the galaxy.

Now, though, he focuses on the weight of her on his legs, holding her close and whispering in her ear how much he loves her.

Luke looks over at the lovers and grimaces, mumbling, “And I thought your parents were bad!”

“Oh, I seem to remember a few ladies on your arm after we finally took down the Empire,” his mother teases.

This makes Ben blink. So, his uncle hadn’t always been such a prude …

Luke blushes furiously and Han snickers. “I seem to recall you hanging your jacket off _Falcon’s_ ramp a time or two.”

“You’re the one who told me to if I was … entertaining! Besides, you two were never so courteous. I thought my ears would start to bleed from the racket you made!”

Han smiles proudly and points at his son. “Runs in the family.”

“Okay, okay. Enough reminiscing. We’re almost coming up on the Moraband,” Leia says.

They shudder out of hyperspace a fair distance from the foreboding planet. It’s a dusky red, reminding Ben of the starkness of desert planets. Such a desolate, lifeless world. Rey’s fingers curl around his forearm and he holds her just that much closer.

Poe pops his head in and asks, “Whatta the defenses look like?”

Luke peers over the display and says, “I’m not picking up anything.”

“Not even any patrols?” Leia asks with concern.

“Nothing.”

“Maybe they don’t want to draw attention to themselves,” Han offers.

Luke frowns and says, “Or they want us to come.”

Rey tenses in his arms and she grimaces. He feels her reaching out in the Force and his own power is immediately twined with hers. But they can only sense the dark, pulsing and _hungry_ , making them both shiver. 

\---

Ben’s eyes widen when he sees just how many Republic ships are gathered behind the moon, safely away from First Order eyes. 

“Mom … how?”

“Did you think the Rebellion ever ceased completely? We had to let so many of the Imperials go, the scope was just too vast. I told you. We’ve been expecting this. I’m just grateful we have the jump on them this time.”

Leia leans forward to key in a code on the console, and she smiles as she says, “Admiral Ackbar, _Falcon_ reporting for duty!”

“Senator, just on time.”

“Ready to clean up this mess?” Leia asks.

“Always,” Ackbar responds. “We knew it wasn’t over.”

“We’re going to do a fly over, see what we’re dealing with.”

“Acknowledged.”

\---

They keep their distance as they scan the planet. There are countless structures from generations of Sith entombed, ruins from it’s long and fraught history. 

“Could they be using the tombs themselves?” Ben asks.

“Maybe … but all those children, the experiments, they’d need modern facilities,” Leia answers.

Han is piloting, with Ben now in the co-pilot’s chair with everyone else gathered over their shoulders, peering at the consoles. Rey is just over Ben’s left side, her hand lightly dangling over his clavicle. She always seems to need to touch him, as if to assure herself he’s there. Ben certainly doesn’t mind.

“Hmmm,” Rey muses. “On Exegol, he was underground. Could that be it? Could there be caverns beneath the tombs?”

“Yeah, yeah maybe,” Han responds as he fiddles with the scanners. “Could be why I’m not getting any lifesigns.”

“Or they aren’t here,” Ben grumbles.

“No. They’re here, I can sense … something,” Luke says, his fingers clutching the back of Han’s seat. He points to a large temple-like structure. “There …”

Ben and Rey share a look and they fall into the Force together, trying to perceive what Luke is feeling. But once again, the dark is nearly overpowering, like its icy fingers are wrapped around their throats.

“I’m not getting anything,” Han says doubtfully. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Set us down,” Luke almost orders, causing Han’s brows to rise.

Leia sets a soothing hand on her husband’s arm and Han says, “Yeah, okay. We’ll have a hike in, nothing flat near the ruins.”

Ben isn’t sure what to think about that. Trekking through a Sith graveyard doesn’t seem like the best idea in the galaxy. What will that kind of darkness do to him? Do to Rey? But he knew this would push him to the very brink, so he simply takes in a quavering breath, focusing on Rey’s fingers pressed into his flesh.

\---

As they make their way down the ramp, Poe looks back at BB-8, who stays on the ship. “Keep her safe and alert me if anyone or any _thing_ shows up.” Poe’s gaze scans the planet’s surface and he exclaims, “Okay, this place gives me the creeps.”

It’s an empty, barren place. No life. Just death and decay. It smells like a burnt-out forest and Ben can already feel the pull. _Let go_ whispers in the shrieking wind. He finds Rey’s hand and her warm palm pressed against his helps him find his balance.

“Stay close,” he murmurs.

Rey nods quickly. “I’m right here.”

His lips quirk into a tight smile. “I know. Just … just stay close.” He’s not sure if it’s for him or her.

Her fingers squeeze his in answer.

As they begin their journey, he realizes his mother is standing completely still at the end of the ramp. Her eyes are huge with terror. Pulling Rey with him, he returns to Leia, with Luke close behind.

“Mom?” Ben presses with real worry. But she doesn’t even blink, so he touches her elbow. “Mom?”

Luke goes to her other side and puts his arm around her. “Leia, it’s alright. Focus on my voice.”

Broken from her trance, Leia’s eyes dart to her twin’s. “Alderaan,” she whispers in horror. “It feels like when I lost my people.”

“Grief and vengeance. The dark will bring out all of our worst moments. It’s how the Sith focus their power.”

“I can almost feel Vader’s fingers on my shoulder, forcing me to watch. I heard them … I heard them …”

Luke catches Ben’s eyes and says, “Give us some time.”

By now, Han has returned and he goes to Leia swiftly. “Sweetheart?”

“She just needs a moment,” Luke explains.

He feels Rey pull at his hand and she leads him away. Ben keeps looking over his shoulder worriedly. He doesn’t feel right leaving his mother.

“Let them take care of her,” Rey says.

“But—” 

“She’ll just want to take care of you. She has her brother and her husband. Let’s listen to Luke.”

Poe bounds up to them. “She okay?”

Ben chews on his lip anxiously. He can’t imagine what it must have been like for her, to have her own father take everything from her like that. Now he wishes he and Rey had come alone. He never wanted to rip open that wound.

Focusing on his mother’s distress has at least helped him ignore the persistent, grasping pull in his limbs, like the dark side is poring over his entire being, trying to find a way in. 

“She’ll be fine,” Rey answers Poe then tilts her head and looks up into Ben’s eyes. “Can you feel it?” she asks.

“Yes,” he affirms grimly.

“Hell, even I can feel that this place just ain’t right,” Poe interjects. “I can’t even imagine what it’s doing to you.”

_Come to us, Ben Solo_.

Ben shakes his head, ignoring the whispering that’s so like Snoke’s voice in his mind.

His family approaches them and his mother’s eyes are clear. “Mom?” His voice sounds young to his ears.

“I’m fine, Son. I just … it was overwhelming, but Luke helped.”

“How?” Rey asks curiously.

“Jedi meditation techniques,” Luke answers. “It helps to focus on the light.”

For once, his uncle’s devotion to the light doesn’t rankle Ben, sensing the need to push back against the dark with whatever he can. He can’t imagine what this would be like without Rey at his side.

“Come on,” Han says gruffly.

\---

As they near the temple, the darkness only grows, and the bleakness threatens Ben with that familiar despair. _No one understands you. You’re just a burden. Rey doesn’t really love you. She wants him. Kylo Ren._

What is it whispering to Rey? Is it tormenting her with visions of the man she lost? Of her empty, broken childhood? Is she regretting him, wishing she hadn’t come to him?

Her fingers twist in his hand, lacing their digits together more firmly. “Stop,” she whispers. “Don’t give into it.”

Her voice and lilting accent remind him that he’s not alone anymore and he keeps putting one foot in front of the other.

\---

They approach two huge monoliths, made of stark black obsidian. They loom, imposing and dripping nothing less than evil.

_Wouldn’t you rather let go? No longer have to fight your destiny?_

“Go away,” Ben growls under his breath, hoping only Rey can hear him. But Luke looks over at him with concern.

“You can do this.”

“I know! I’m not a child!” Ben spits. What does this old fool know, any way.

Luke’s eyes remain calm as he placidly responds with, “I know.”

Wait. Wait. He’s beginning to lose himself, fall into his old ways of thinking and his face twists with remorse. “I’m sorry, Uncle.”

“It’s going to get much worse.”

Rey lets out a quavering breath next to him and he gets strong impressions of the dunes of Jakku. Ben pulls her to his body, wrapping one arm around her. The feeling of her form pressed against his clears his mind. Rey. Rey is his light.

“We can handle it,” Ben says with more confidence then he’s feeling.

“I know that, too,” Luke says with a look of peace.

“How are you … you don’t seem affected.”

“I turned my back on the dark a lifetime ago. I feel it, I do, but I know it lies.”

Ben isn’t so sure it does, but he _is_ certain that however the Sith use the dark, they’ve twisted it from something that just is into a sick, gaping morass of depravity. 

Leia, who has stayed stuck to Han’s side, is looking at her data pad. “Here, there’s some kind of opening, at the base of that statue.” She points at the form of a long dead Sith Master and just the echo of his remains makes Rey curl into him more. 

“It’s … it feels like Dagobah,” Luke murmurs.

“That cave you took me to?” Leia asks, her voice full of trepidation. Han looks at her with a stricken expression, clearly knowing what she’s referencing.

“Yes … the dark is … focused here, sentient, if you will. This … it won’t be easy.” Luke’s air of detachment waivers, and Ben can see this isn’t as easy as he’s portraying. He wonders what the dark is taunting him with.

“Maybe Rey and I should go in first,” Ben says. “We’re the strongest, the most protected.”

His mother’s face goes blank and Han shakes his head. “I don’t like it.”

Poe says, “Well, maybe me and Han should go first. We’re not affected like the rest of you.”

They all look to Luke. His uncle might not have the sheer power of he and Rey, but he has far more wisdom. He’s glad he made peace with his uncle, because now he’s extremely relieved to have his knowledge.

Luke strokes his beard and nods. “Yes, alright.”

Poe and Han share a look and unholster their blasters. 

“You won’t need those,” Luke says. 

“Yeah, right,” Han responds, clicking off the safety.

Luke only shrugs and stands next to Leia as Han and Poe make their way through the crack under the statue.

All they can do is wait, now, so Ben wraps Rey fully in his arms and tilts his forehead against hers while Luke and Leia murmur to each other.

“We’re going to get through this,” Ben assures Rey.

Smiling up at him, she says, “I know. It’s hard, the things in my mind, but you push it back. Touching you, knowing you’re here … it’s enough.”

“No matter what, we stay together.”

Her smile widens. “Together.”

\---

“Well, it’s dank and spooky as hell, but it opens up into a series of caverns. No sign of the First Order,” Han reports back.

“Yet,” Poe amends.

“I guess this is it, then,” Ben remarks, regretfully pulling his arms from around Rey and taking her hand.

Leia breathes a deep lungful of air and leads the charge, lighting their way.

Ben and Rey follow, with the rest of their party bringing up the rear.

It’s not so bad at first, just that jangling feelings in his nerves that’s been riding him since they landed.

But the minute they enter the huge cavern reality splits and he’s plunged into darkness. He can still feel Rey’s fingers in his, but he can’t see his mother any longer and his head whips around frantically, but there’s only the void of blackness.

“Rey!” he calls out, clenching her fingers in his. But there’s only silence. “Rey?” His voice echoes and his ears strain to perceive anything, anything at all from Rey.

She doesn’t respond and he realizes he can no longer hear the drips of the stalactites. 

He tries to pull her to him, but then her hand starts to slip from his and he frantically grasps at her, her fingers clawing at his desperately. It’s as if someone has taken a knife to pry them apart, digging and separating them. He’s never felt pain like this, but he can still feel her and he knows he can withstand anything so long as he’s still touching her.

He screams as her fingertips leave his. 

Then … nothing. She’s gone. 

“Rey!” he bellows. Gods, no, not Rey.

Then the darkness splits as a hissing, spitting saber ignites, bathing him in a sick red glow. At first, he can’t see anything but the blood-red lightsaber, until he makes out the slight glint of that nightmare mask and he knows who he’s facing.

_Kylo Ren._

“Did you think you could take her from me, Ben Solo?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare. This one was extra crunchy just for you.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who went into work for the first time in two months. It was truly odd to be alone.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I so appreciate your thoughts on each chapter. It absolutely helps me shape the story, the next few chapters in particular. You give me inspiration and confidence!.Thank you for every hit, kudo, and comment!


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren is in da house! How does Besotted Ben handle the walking disaster he would have become?

“Did you think you could take her from me, Ben Solo?”

Though they’re the same height, somehow this specter seems taller and Ben can _feel_ the murderous intent searing through the glinting mask. This man, the hate coming from him is palpable. 

“Did you imagine she’d want some _boy_!” Ren snarls. “I killed you once, and I’ll do it again.”

Kylo Ren drags his saber along the cold, stone ground, making a molten orange streak between them and an unworldly crackling screech. On some level Ben knows this is only a vision, but who knows how real it truly is in this dark, endless place he’s found himself, so he ignites his own saber.

In the pale lavender glow of the weapons, he can just make out that they wield the same hilt and his stomach turns. What must have happened to cause him to bleed his beloved crystal? How lost had he felt?

“It doesn’t have to be like this!” Ben cries out. Rey showed him how to turn his back on this path, and maybe his alter ego can be made to see.

“Yes. It does,” Ren growls. 

“She loves us, she loves us both!”

Kylo Ren scoffs and his lips curl with loathing. “She can never love one such as me, but I will have her and I’ll be glad to see your guts on the ground, mewling child. Weak, foolish. _Nothing_.”

“No. I’m who you could never be!” Ben calls out, beginning to lose his temper. Hearing his own distorted voice speak about Rey in such a fashion has his hands clenched around his lightsaber. He knows Rey loves this man every bit as much as she loves him. He’s kissed away her tears and watched her struggle with her loss.

“I’m going to rend you in two,” Ren screams, and Ben tries to reach for Rey. She’ll know what he should say. What he should _do_. He doesn’t want to give into the part of him that does want to kill this version of himself, this monster he somehow became.

“Oh, yes, send for her. I want to see my beloved again,” Ren snarls, as he pulls off his threatening mask.

And there he is. His face is startling, not for the similarities, but for the _differences_. His eyes are nearly hollow, his face sharper, his skin more sallow. 

Then his foe charges him and all Ben can do is defend from the onslaught. When Ren’s saber crashes into his own, his arm vibrates from the impact, making him step back.

“Stupid boy! You think they _love_ you? Not the Organa-Solos, not anything so dark,” he screams.

Ben knows this feeling, the certainty that his parents could never forgive him for the voices. But Rey showed him, showed him so surely that he’d been wrong. Love is meant to be fathomless, and he knows, he _knows_ that his parents love him. No matter what.

But then he’s fighting in earnest, the merciless blows raining down on him with freakish precision. How hard must he have trained to become this savage warrior? His heart breaks as he realizes what it means that this version of himself became so brutal, so skilled. None of the lightness in his own step, simply hard, determined viciousness. 

“They do! They love me as much as they always did!” Ben finally yells.

His nemesis stops his hail of strikes and throws his head back, a mirthless, mocking laughter filling Ben’s ears.

“You would think _that_ , Ben Solo. I remember those dreams well.”

“What if they were _true_?” Ben throws back.

Ren’s saber pauses mid slash and he blinks, and for just a moment, Ben can see eyes he recognizes. Eyes that stare back at him from the mirror. Then Ren’s gaze reverts to lifeless hatred.

“No,” he answers bitterly. “They never wanted me.”

“They did, they _do_ , they want you. They want _us_ ,” Ben says forcefully. 

“Childish delusions! I’m who I was always meant to be!” he exclaims with dripping disdain. “Where once I was weak, now I am strong. I’m all I deserve to be.” Ben doesn’t miss the twist in his last words.

“And do you think Rey deserves this creature, lost to the dark?”

“She’s mine!” Ren screams, lunging towards him. “We’re beyond deserving and earning!” While the ferocity of his advance has Ben on the defensive, his older self lacks Ben’s grace, and quick as lighting, Ben dances away, parrying the assault. 

“She’s _ours_ ,” Ben corrects with a gentleness that belies their pitched battle.

“I’ll never share her. Rey belongs to _me_ ; she’s my soul!” There’s a note of pleading behind his mad screams.

The reminder—that even without her with him Rey and he are one—is enough to give strength to Ben’s first offensive attack, as he strikes at his opponent, catching his shoulder. Kylo Ren staggers back, grasping his wound. It’s just a nick. Good. He doesn’t want to hurt this broken man. 

“Don’t you understand? We’re the same man!” Ben cries out, sweat pouring down his face. 

“No! I’ll never be that boy again, trapped by hope,” Ren sneers. 

“There’s always hope, _Rey_ is hope.”

“Don’t speak of her like you know her,” Ren pants out as they both stand with their sabers extended but neither attacking.

“I do. I know her so much more than you ever did,” Ben growls, beginning to lose some of his compassion for this version of himself who speaks of owning her like she’s a thing and not his sacred answer.

“No!” Ren roars, and their sabers are again locked in combat. Sparks fly and the sound of each impact makes Ben’s ears ring. “I’ve seen her pain!”

“So have I!”

“You can’t even begin to understand pain,” Ren rumbles with such conviction that Ben backs away quickly as Kylo Ren circles him.

“Then tell me.”

They’re both breathing hard and Ren snorts in derision. “You’ll never understand.”

“If anyone could, it’s me.”

Ren’s saber lowers and the stark, haunted look in his eyes causes a shiver of horror to shudder through Ben. He’d known it was bad, but …

“Look. See,” Kylo Ren murmurs and Ben’s mind explodes.

\---

“Again, Apprentice,” Snoke demands as stormtroopers drag away a man with blood pouring from his nose as other troopers bring out another victim. The stark, gleaming room of an Imperial-like ship causes Ben to shiver from the cold. “Take his secrets.”

Somehow, Ben is draped in black and the revulsion he’s feeling makes him almost ill. He lets out a whimper. 

“Please, no more.” He feels Kylo’s memories as if they were his own, how he’d desperately wanted to go home, but knowing that way was forever closed to him now that he’d chosen the dark.

“No more? NO MORE?” 

The lighting seers through him, igniting each nerve ending with impossible pain. Just when Ben is praying for death it stops.

“Again, Apprentice,” Snoke says calmly, as if he hadn’t just tortured his young pupil.

\---

“Weak child!” Snoke roars as more lighting twists through Ben’s body. He’s never known pain like this. There’s nowhere within himself to hide. He can’t find his center to control the agony, it just goes on and on.

\---

“Kill him,” Snoke commands with a casual flourish of his hand.

“But I took everything he knows,” Ben reasons, dread growing in his belly. He wants to rub his arms from the chill in the air. The chill he’s not sure is the temperature or his own tattered honor shrinking from him.

“Yes, and now he’s of no use to us. Kill him.” Snoke’s hand flexes threateningly. “I haven’t wasted my time with you, have I?”

A determination not his own wells up in Ben and the shame of everything he’s done to get here chokes him, the knowledge that he’s made himself disgusting. No. They made him walk this path. His _family_. 

“My patience is not limitless.”

Ben feels his hand reach for his saber, the balance unfamiliar. But he lifts the ignited blade and his arms tremble. Shooting masked stormtroopers was one thing, but to feel his weapon slice through the flesh of an innocent, it’s new and he shares the revulsion coursing through his other self.

“Do it!”

He tries to make it a clean kill, he really does, but the man is gasping and gurgling, his neck only partially severed. 

Somehow, he knows this nightmare will never leave him as he hacks again.

\---

Time kaleidoscopes and Ben is trapped in a parade of gruesome, pointless death. He loses count of how many beings he’s killed, how many minds he’s broken. Now he’s sure it’s in the hundreds, either by his blade or his orders.

And Snoke, always there, always gauging his _progress_. Pride and abuse given in equal, never predictable measure. 

The only way to survive is through a detached numbness that almost frightens him more than the cruelty he’s capable of.

When he has to kill children, he weeps behind his mask.

\---

Then there’s Rey and feelings he thought long-dead, long- _murdered_ bloom in his chest along with something entirely new. Entirely beguiling. 

Her … the beacon … the _light_.

\---

Ben tumbles out of Kylo Ren’s memories and falls to the ground, gasping for breath. He’d known the path he almost walked was dire and full of anguish, but he’d never imagined he could become capable of such pointless violence. He’s filled with shame and compassion, understanding unfolding in his heart. This man more than loves Rey. He needs her in a way Ben could never have fathomed.

“You never had a chance,” he breathes out as he finds Kylo’s glittering eyes.

“No,” he spits bitterly. “But it made me strong. It made me _better_.”

Ben staggers to his feet and takes a long look at the other man. “No, it didn’t. It made you hollow and broke you down into something I barely recognize. It’s not too late …”

Kylo’s expression shatters and Ben can see himself peeking through again. “She said that, once.”

“Rey would do anything for you,” Ben says softly.

The hope he sees flaring in those familiar brown eyes catches in Ben’s chest and for one brilliant moment he wonders if he can show him the way.

But then he snarls viciously, and his saber is coming towards Ben so fast he barely has a chance to ignite his own blade. Just before the red streaks through his torso, Ben blocks the shockingly brutal attack.

And then he’s fighting for his life, desperately defending himself from this malevolent specter that had almost come home. 

“I can’t come home,” Kylo shudders, his vulnerable tone at odds with his storm of rage.

“You can! You don’t have to live this life, not anymore!” Ben manages to cry out as he blocks a particularly close blow.

“I can’t!”

Ben’s arms feel as if they’ll give out soon, but he keeps fighting.

“I can’t,” Kylo wails, his attack growing unfocused, his strikes more like he’s just swiping his saber any which way. 

“ _I can’t_ ,” he shudders and then he’s just standing there, his chest heaving as his saber drops from his nerveless fingers. 

Ben watches him for a long moment then cautiously approaches the pulsing wound of a man. Hesitantly, he puts his hand on his shoulder, and the frightened eyes of a boy look out of the twisted face he knows so well.

“You can,” Ben whispers. “Your parents love you. Rey loves you. I love you.”

Kylo’s face crumbles and tears fill his eyes. “I killed him.”

“I know. But he’s still with me. None of this has to happen.”

He takes in a quavering breath, his lips trembling. “I don’t want to live like this any longer.”

“You don’t have to.”

He nods and makes the smallest of smiles. “You’ll take care of her?”

“With everything that I am.”

Then his face is transformed by a true smile and the last thing Ben hears before he disappears is a soft, “Thank you.”

\---

Ben comes to on the dank cavern floor and his head whips around furiously. Rey! Where’s Rey?!

Then he sees her just to his right, her lips twitching and closed eyes flinching. 

He crawls to her and pulls her into his arms swiftly. “Rey!”

Pushing her hair out of her face frantically, he calls out again, “Rey!”

“It’s no good, kid,” he hears his father’s voice say.

Then he takes in the rest of the cavern and sees Luke sitting far away, deeply folded in on himself, and his mother in much the same state as Rey. Poe is pacing and Han pushes off a craggy wall and crouches next to him.

“We’ve been trying to wake you up, but nothing works. Then Luke snapped out of it, but all he said was, ‘Leave them,’ then he’s been like that,” Han says, jerking his head towards the lone Jedi Master.

“How long?” 

“About ten minutes,” Han answers, making Ben frown.

“It felt …” Like hours. Like a lifetime. “Longer.”

“What happened to you, son?” Han asks with worry lining his whole face.

Ben just shakes his head. “I need to get to her.”

Han lets out a long sigh and nods. “Yeah. I get it.”

Then Ben pauses and looks over at his mother as she trembles against the cold ground, her shuddering breaths echoing in the massive cavern.

“Mom …”

“I’ve got her, Son. Go to Rey. She needs you.”

Ben holds his father’s gaze then turns to Rey, still quavering in his arms. “I’m here, I’m here,” he soothes, murmuring against her temple.

Closing his eyes, he focuses on Rey’s slight form held close and matches his breathing to hers. Following the tether between them he follows her deep into her mind.

It takes him a moment to perceive what he’s seeing. 

_No_.

A gaunt Rey, devoid of all light, all joy, is draped over a huge, looming throne. She’s clothed all in black, her fingers tipped in blood red.

At first, he thinks he must win Rey back from the dark, but then there’s movement in the corner of the massive space.

And there she is, _his_ Rey. Curled into a tight ball and weeping piteously. 

He’s nearly to her when he hears her chant, “No more, no more.”

Then Rey’s sick twin yawns. But her voice is contempt embodied when she sneers, “We’re not nearly done. We’ll never _be_ done.”

He’s powerless as lighting streams from the dark doppelgänger’s hands.

Rey _screams_. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare, for helping me figure out how to add more crunch to a _vision_. I thought I'd foiled her, but I guess you still have to set the scene in mind battles.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who made a gorgeous meal of lobster and steak for our 15th wedding anniversary. I was a little blue because it was such a milestone and we couldn't celebrate properly, but he helped me see how lucky I am to have such a generous, kind partner in the midst of all this. Taking our cruise was nothing in the face of that profound gift.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm so sorry it's been almost two weeks since my last update. I got caught up in a short Reylo I began, [Unearthed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24163069/chapters/58187950), and then my muse went on another bender or whatever else it is she gets up to. You are all so lovely and you deserve my constancy. Thank you for reading, leaving kudos, commenting. Sending you all love and connection!


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're just facing all the darkness! Besotted Ben faces off against Not-Real Rey and she doesn't play fair.

Rey’s precious mouth opens in a heart-rending scream as her body convulses violently, the lightning curling around her limbs and lifting her from the ground. Watching her beloved features twist on this dark-side caricature makes Ben’s insides crawl and the sounds of her screams makes his heart feel as if it’s left his body.

There’s no thought, only his saber arcing through the air to stem the tide of energy torturing his love. It rebounds into the wall of this foreboding throne room and blasts a bit of the statuary into a rain of rubble.

Rey’s shadow twitches her fingers and the lightning ceases; Rey slumps to the ground, shuddering and gasping for breath. 

He’s about to go to her when he hears, “Interesting. Come here, Ben Solo.” It’s Rey’s voice, yet it isn’t. He can’t help his instinctive reaction—Rey is calling for him, or so his ears lie to him. 

“I don’t think so,” he snarls, going to his knees next to Rey. He pulls her into his arms and covers her face with kisses, trying to make sure she knows how loved she is. He now knows the lightning’s effects and he’s going to hold her until her twitching ebbs. 

“Rey,” he pleads, willing her eyes to open, but she just keeps convulsing in his powerless arms. 

“It wasn’t a request,” Dark Rey says in a bored tone and he finds himself being pulled with the Force until he’s brought uncomfortably close to his bonded’s opposite. He tries to look at Rey, ensure that she’s alright, but he can’t move. Being torn from her side brings forth a feral growl of rage as he struggles against this unholy imprisonment.

She cocks her head, as if she’s appraising her next meal, and moves down the dais to where Ben is frozen. Her moves are sultry, practiced.

“Hmmm,” the demon wearing Rey’s face purrs, her hand running along his bicep. “I do like strong men. Perhaps I’ll keep you when I’m done with _her_.” For just a moment he’s able to catch Rey out of the corner of his eye, and at least the aftershocks seem to have subsided.

Rey’s twin is dressed in a long, elegant gown with a high collar that seems almost like a fine version of an Imperial uniform. It clings to her in a way he would relish were this truly Rey. Her hands hold none of the gentleness of Rey’s touch as she smooths her fingers along his arm. It makes him shudder, though, his mind confused by the familiar feel of her fingertips, the body he craves so much drawing closer to his.

“Yes,” she coos. “You’ll do nicely.” Then her hand travels down his chest and for one horrible, needful moment, he thinks she’s going to grasp him through his trousers. But instead, her fingers trail back up and she strokes his face. “I can see why she likes you.”

She steps forward and begins to kiss and suck along his collar bone with knowledge she should not possess. To his horror, he feels his cock twitching to life and he shakes his head forcibly, trying to pull away. What’s wrong with him? He’s so conditioned by his intimacy with Rey that his body doesn’t seem to know the difference.

This vision of who Rey fears most smirks and lifts an eyebrow. “ _Somebody_ likes it dark.”

“You disgust me,” Ben argues.

Then her face transforms, her eyes becoming wounded and fatally familiar. “I thought you loved me.”

“Not you. Never you,” he spits, desperately trying not to be pulled in by this siren.

“So, you didn’t mean it when you assured Kylo Ren that he was loved?”

She’s got him there and all he can do is gape. “I … I …”

“Don’t I have her body? Aren’t I what you secretly covet?”

He has a moment of conflict, because he _is_ drawn to the dark in Rey. It makes him feel safe and accepted within his own. Balance, he reminds himself. They have the dark and the light and they don’t have to choose. Not the way this specter has.

Confidence fueling him, his eyes narrow. “I’ve never made a secret of wanting _Rey_.”

Her eyes grow coquettish. “And aren’t I her?”

For a single moment, he sees Rey in this shade, and it shakes him. He knows this face—when she’d pushed him to hurt that scientist. Yes, this is in Rey, just as Kylo Ren is inside him.

Then he’s not sure any longer. Does this vision need his love? Need his devotion? 

“You’re part of her,” he equivocates.

“Yes, the part that wants you to bend me over and slam into me so hard I can’t walk straight,“ she leers, her violent slash of a mouth turning into the most knowing of smiles.

He only just manages to keep from groaning, because he _has_ imagined that, but thought it was too much for Rey. He’d pushed the idea away, thinking he was vile for even having the fantasy. Treating her like a vessel only for his need. But now he can’t help but think of her, watching himself disappear into her waiting heat. 

This seductive temptress winds herself around his frozen form. “Wouldn’t you like that? Push me down. Take me,” she whispers with a heated tone. “Pin me to the bed, do whatever you want with me?”

HIs body rigid, he grits out, “No.”

Her eyes flit to his obvious erection. “Hmmm,” she murmurs smugly as she leans her hip into him, _touching_ him. 

That pulls him from the spell she’s weaving. Her satisfied smile jolts him from this strange fantasy and he strains against her hold in the Force. He has to get to Rey!

“Oh, you prefer _those_ games, do you?” Dark Rey asks with a smugness that makes his stomach churn, deflating his embarrassing erection. Finally. But her smile doesn’t waver. “Or not. I’ll find what you need, _Kylo Ren_.”

That makes him jerk violently. Not because he minds being compared to his own shadow, but because he’s now certain that Kylo Ren would _never_ have wanted this. That man, he wanted … he wanted the life that Ben and Rey are building. 

“You’re wrong. You have no idea what I _or_ he want.”

Her face grows spiteful at that. “Ah. You just want your pretty little light side _girl_. You can’t handle the _woman_ she could be.”

“Rey is more woman than you’ll ever be! She’s kind and gentle and-and-and _good_.”

He manages to break the fierce hold just long enough to turn his head and he’s filled with relief to see Rey struggling to her feet. There she is, his warrior bride. Because that is who she’ll be, his lover, his friend, his _wife_. 

“Oh, no, eyes front,” the demon demands with a firm jerk of the Force, stepping back from his body. He can’t fight it, feeling his head turn back to this oddly compelling version of his mate.

Because his body _does_ want her. He wants to know Rey’s dark, let both of their darkness twine together, merge in a decadent bliss, an orgy of excess. But not like this, not like this. He feels nothing for this shade, nothing but the need to help Rey make peace with the blackness in her own soul.

“You might represent Rey’s darkness, but you never existed. She never gave in, not like I did,” he declares, making her confidence falter.

And then he feels Rey through their bond, something even this place so strong in the dark can’t begin to touch. It’s pure Force and it’s _everything_.

_I’m coming_ , bursts into his head with a fierce growl. 

And Ben _smiles_. “You’re a figment. A nightmare. You’re who Rey fights every day, but you are _not_ her,” Ben snarls.

Her eyes grow unsure, but soon she’s standing even straighter and a slow, wicked grin crawls across her face.

“Is that what you tell yourself when she’s cruel? That it isn’t her? Not _your_ Rey?”

“No, I love all of her. I know her, every bit of her. Yes, I’ve seen your eyes in her face, but she never succumbs.”

“Then I’ll just have to destroy her,” she cackles and so fast Ben can’t keep up, he falls to his knees as lightning erupts from her hands, streaming towards Rey.

Nearly taken over by fear, he still manages to turn his head just soon enough to see Rey dancing away from the bright blue anguish. 

Rey’s dark self lets out a scream of fury and releases another volley, but now Rey has her beautiful yellow saber ignited and the lightning rebounds back at her foe.

“ _He’s mine_ ,” Rey snarls.

“Oh, I’ll share, little girl.” With a mad gleam, she turns her attention back to Ben. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Two of us, intent on nothing but your pleasure?”

“I only want _my_ Rey,” he rumbles, igniting his own saber.

A chilling expression sweeps over Rey’s alternate self’s face and she sneers, “So be it.”

Rey is right at his side, their sabers raised when an enormous storm of Force lightning comes cascading towards them. Ben isn’t quick enough, and it engulfs him, stealing the breath from his lungs and replacing it with cold fire. 

But Rey moves faster than Ben can process and the pain instantly stops as she begins to push back the bolts of dark energy. 

“No! I won’t let you take him from me!” Rey charges forward, keeping her shadow’s attack at bay, giving Ben enough time to join the fray.

However, Rey doesn’t need him as she reaches her nemesis, screaming her rage as she pulls back har saber and the other Rey’s hands drop to her side in a strange sort of exhaustion.

“You know who you are,” the twin accuses, the fight seeming to have left her and Ben’s heart swells in compassion. Even though he knows she’s not Rey, she is part of her, and to see her struggle fills him with conflict.

“I know who I want to be. You are not my future!” Rey howls. 

In that moment, the twisted duplicate finds his eyes and he breathes in sharply at the look of pure vulnerability. It’s Rey’s eyes he sees as the gleaming yellow saber plunges into her black-clad chest. It’s Rey’s light he sees leaving as she dies and he screams, “No!”

But he’s too late and too confused as she crumples to the ground and they tumble back into themselves.

Seeing the life leave Rey’s face, the horror courses through his body and he pulls Rey into his arms, needing to know that she’s alive, that she’s safe. 

That wasn’t Rey, that wasn’t Rey, that wasn’t Rey. 

“Shhhh,” Rey murmurs. “I’m alright. You saved me.” Her breath ghosts his ear with reassuring warmth.

“But, in that moment, I saw _you_.” His voice quavers with that visceral sense of loss.

“Yes, she’s part of me, I’m part of her. But it was just a vision. It wasn’t real.”

“Oh, gods,” he shudders, grasping at her desperately, tears gathering in his eyes. He never, ever wants to see Rey’s death. His heart beats erratically, still completely shaken by what he’d seen. If he lost her, he might as well die himself. He’d known that, but somehow, seeing her vacant eyes has made it so much more _real_.

As Rey soothes her hands along his back, reality begins to reassert itself and he remembers how Rey had been tortured. He pulls back slightly, finding her eyes.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to come to you, sweetheart,” he apologizes.

A soft, open smile breaks across her face like the sun. “You came, that’s all that matters. I couldn’t … I couldn’t break free from her. But you, you gave me the strength to face her.”

Ben wants to tell her that she, too, gave him the strength to embrace his dark self, but now really doesn’t feel like the right time.

He hears a throat clear and looks over to the source of the noise, finding his mother standing with his father’s arms around her much smaller frame.

“We all have a lot to process, but I think it will have to wait.” Her voice is strong, as if her fear has left her and Ben’s curiosity over what she faced almost overrules his mother’s undeniable logic.

Rey takes in a deep breath, scrambles to her feet, and holds her hand out to Ben. “Come on. We still have to find the First Order. They have to be down here.”

As Ben stands, he nods in agreement. “Yeah, Snoke would shroud himself in this dark place. I feel it.” Though, the cloying, oppressive sense of evil has lifted, as if by facing his own darkness, he’s now inured to its greedy grasp 

“Luke?” Leia calls to her brother, who is still keeping himself apart from the group. Poe and Han share a concerned look.

He shakes his head once and seems to come back into himself, turning towards everyone. “I’m fine,” he says in a flat tone.

Leia lifts a skeptical eyebrow but nods hesitantly.

Letting out a long breath he comes closer and takes Leia’s hand. “I’m here, Leia. Just needed some time.”

“Are you two alright?” Poe asks with concerned eyes as he approaches Rey and Ben.

Ben thinks for a moment, then asks Rey through their connection if she’s ready and he feels himself filled with her confidence. Her peace. Her balance.

Giving Poe a wry grin, Ben says, “I think we should get a move on.”

\---

They’re creeping through a long, cavern-like cave when they begin to see signs of the First Order. At first, it’s simply carved corridors, but soon the tell-tale gleam of Imperial architecture greets their gaze.

Han grimaces and remarks, “Really never wanted to see this again.”

“This time we finish the job,” Leia says darkly. “I’m done losing my family to mad zealots.”

“Wait,” Luke hisses and they all cling to the durasteel wall.

That’s when Ben senses it, too. A patrol. Coming right their way. And … something else. Something ghoulishly familiar.

_Snoke_.

“How ya wanna play this?” Han whispers, his blaster in his hand.

Leia unholsters her own weapon and smirks at her husband. “Just like the old days.”

Han looks upwards and makes a quiet groan. “No trash compactors, Princess.”

And then the time for talk is over. The patrol arrives. 

They’re all ready for battle when Luke closes his eyes and sweeps his hand towards the patrol, who’ve just realized there were invaders. One by one, they all slump to the ground. The sheer power of Luke’s action makes Ben’s spine tingle. He’s never seen anything like it before and he wonders what must have happened to him in the cavern.

Ben can feel immediately that they’re still alive, simply unconscious and Leia looks at Luke sharply. “How …?”

“Later,” he says gruffly.

“That trick woulda been awfully helpful on Kamino,” Han grumbles.

Luke’s eyes close briefly, then he turns to Ben and Rey. “Can you sense anything?”

Feeling the beckoning call of Snoke, Ben almost wants to turn and leave, but he has to face the monster who stole his childhood and he’s about to nod when Rey says, “He’s … this way.”

He can feel the pull as well, and the hair on the back of his neck stands on end when he realizes she’s not sensing Snoke. No … she’s sensing something far darker.

The Emperor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare for making time for this during a rather hectic day.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, for being my rock in these tumultuous times. 
> 
> Thank you, Readers. I know things are difficult right now, and I hesitated to post, lest it seem frivolous, but I decided if I could bring just a bit of joy in these chaotic times, it was the right thing to do. I love you all.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Please note, this chapter puts the dark in 'dark side'**
> 
> Preposterous Palpatine and Sneaky Snoke put their plans into motion and there's a horrific kind of symmetry to it all.

They all follow Rey down the serpentine corridor; she’s clearly sensing even more than Ben is. But the cloying feeling of Snoke is like acid burning the back of his throat, a strange stench filling his nostrils. 

As they draw nearer to the rot of his former confidante, Ben’s fists clench at the memories of how close he came to losing himself completely to the dark. It’s so easy to see how fogged his thinking had become with the seductive voice of Snoke in his head, undermining his relationship with his parents at every turn. Planting putrid seeds of mistrust, watering his self-doubt with constant darkness.

The memory of his isolation feels like a cold wind rushing through him; oh what he would have gone through if not for Rey … And now that he knows what kind of abuse Snoke heaped on his future self, he knows he would have cracked wide open.

He may see how the dark is the depth while the light is the breadth of the Force, but wielding only one side corrupts the user and it’s never been clearer to him how deeply _wrong_ the Sith are, like a festering wound.

There’s an eagerness skittering up his spine to finally face the man who nearly stole his family, who manipulated him so expertly. On some level he knows his true enemy is the Emperor, but his visceral anger is directed squarely at Snoke.

As they round a corner, Rey gestures for them to stop and Ben feels it, too. There’s a great deal of life just ahead and he lifts his blaster. While he’s more comfortable with his saber, his parents’ preferred weapon gives him more range.

And then he sees an Imperial-style door with its odd angles. Why they couldn’t design a simple door, he’d never understood. Ostentatious. Form over function. He grimaces to himself; it’s very like the Empire itself.

Through the bond he hears Rey ask, “Can you tell what’s waiting for us?”

“No, there’s no sense of separate life forms, just a huge Force signature,” he responds back.

“Could it be the children?”

If it is, things are so much more sick than he’d imagined. They’d have to be linked in some way to not be able to sense separate beings. What has Snoke been doing to them? “I hope not,” he sends.

“Well, nothing for it. We just have to get through that door,” she sends back.

Ben catches his father’s eyes, jerking his head towards the controls and Han nods. He throws Leia a grin and she just shakes her head ruefully. 

As Han moves towards the control box, everyone takes up defensive positions, with Ben and Rey towards the front. It makes him feel a tendril of pride that his uncle is allowing him to shield their party.

His father is about to get to work when the door simply slides open.

A booming voice, chilling in its tone wafts towards them.

“There you are, wayward _boy_.”

\---

Snoke doesn’t even bother to turn towards them, bent over a laboratory experiment of some kind, his long, bony fingers clutching a slender vial of pale blue liquid. He’s surrounded by the Murakami orchids, clearly having more than one supplier. Now Ben can sense their pain and Rey clutches her chest.

It’s then that Ben notices that they aren’t alone, the round room is ringed with red-clad guards, just like the images in the history holos about the Emperor. This is the first sign of Palpatine and Ben’s hand tightens on his blaster. But they stand at ease and apprehension tickles the back of his neck. Is Snoke really so certain that they’re no threat? He can see this confidence when it comes to himself, but surely Luke is to be respected?

He makes a grim smile. He won’t see Rey and him coming.

Slowly, the corpse of a man turns and looks him up and down. “I’ve missed our _chats_ ,” he hisses in his dangerous, compelling growl.

“I haven’t,” sneers Ben.

“Oh, come now, _boy_. I remember how you’d snivel and bleat about all that pain and doubt.”

“You tricked me!” he cries out, a lifetime of lies spinning out before him. It makes him ill, how much he’d trusted this man.

“Ah, no. I simply gave you what you wanted.” His broken face slides into a satisfied grimace that makes Ben’s blood boil. He wants to see Snoke’s blood spill out on this shiny floor.

“You twisted everything, made me think I was _nothing_ , that no one would want me!” Ben argues bitterly.

Leia begins to move towards Ben, concern in her eyes, and Han stops her with a shake of his head.

“I simply helped you see the truth. Who would want such a weak _child_?”

“That’s enough,” Rey says with shuddering rage. 

“Ah … the prodigal returns,” Snoke says with such a lack of concern that Ben’s other hand goes to his saber. Snoke turns his head slightly and looks rather disappointed. “You could try, but Mother would be dead before you managed your first swing.”

Ben’s eyes streak to his mother as Han stands in front of her protectively. She huffs and pushes him aside. “Try it, see how my family treats anyone who hurts Ben.” Her own blaster is trained on Snoke, her posture strong and commanding.

Nothing feels right about this. Snoke’s confidence, the absence of Palpatine. “What do you want?” Ben snarls.

“Well, you’ve moved our timetable up rather significantly, redirected our research efforts, but I think you still have your uses. Besides, you unearthed quite a prize,” Snoke mutters off-handedly as he cavalierly gestures to Rey.

“What do you mean? What do you want with me, with her?” Ben asks with a note of fear.

“Hmmm? Oh, your strength in the dark side of course. But you’ve found your light again. Pity. As for her, that’s a surprise.” His lips pull into a cruel rictus that causes Ben to shift closer to Rey, ready to put himself between her and any threat. 

Snoke stalks over to them and peers down on Luke. “Interesting. You’re brimming with the dark, _Jedi_.”

Too quickly for Ben to register, his uncle has his saber arcing through the air and it just catches Snoke as he flings himself away with the Force with a hiss, grasping his shoulder.

Snoke cackles out, “Good, good. Just as my master hoped.”

“I killed your master!” Luke shouts.

“Well, you may have destroyed his body, but did you really imagine it would be so easy?” Snoke sneers through his twisted lips.

“How?” Luke asks. It’s the first time Ben has seen his uncle truly afraid and Ben eyes the guards. They may be outnumbered, but he has faith in his and Rey’s combined strength.

“Ah, well, that would ruin the _surprise_ ,” he taunts through thin lips, pulled into another unsettling smile. Snoke’s eyes flick to Rey and Ben’s anxiety begins to spike.

While Ben has been focused on Snoke, Rey has been creeping around the large chamber and his head blooms with new information.

The orchids are all stripped of their Force signature, the residue waiting in some sort of vial of the same color whatever Snoke had been preparing. It’s puzzling, what is Snoke doing if not attempting to create Force-sensitive child soldiers?

Through their bond, he hears, “I can sense Palpatine everywhere, but he’s not _here_. I don’t … I don’t understand.”

That’s when a blaster bolt zings past his head and Snoke staggers, grabbing his bicep with an enraged howl.

All eyes go to Poe who looks more shocked than anyone that he managed to hit the skeletal man. 

“Nice shot, but next time aim for the head!” Han quips while Leia just rolls her eyes and cocks her blaster. 

“Seize them!” roars Snoke and the ring of guards leap into action.

Without needing to communicate, Rey is at his back and they move as one unit. He doesn’t have to look for her, he knows where she is as he knows where his own hand will move next. They light their sabers and easily dispatch three of the guards, scything through them in one fluid movement.

Ben looks around quickly to find Luke handling two of the red-clad soldiers at once while Han, Leia, and Poe have found cover and are trying to pick off the enemy without hitting their allies.

There are only a handful of guards left and Ben narrows his eyes in suspicion. This is just too easy. Before he knows it, they’re all down and the Skywalker-Organa-Solo clan circles together, waiting for what else must be coming.

A low, malevolent laugh fills the room, but it’s not coming from Snoke and Rey whispers, “Oh, no.”

Suddenly, Ben and Rey are lifted from the floor, frozen in mid-air. Luke charges Snoke with a feral scream, but a twitch of Snoke’s fingers sends him flying.

“Let them go!” yells Leia.

“Ah, Princess, no. We have such _plans_ for them.” Then Snoke sweeps his arm and Luke, Leia, Han, and Poe are pushed from the chamber with the massive door snicking shut. The sound of blaster fire echoes through the durasteel.

As Ben struggles against the otherworldly hold on him, he reaches for Rey through their connection and is beyond relieved to find it flows like it should—they aren’t cut off from each other. 

Snoke rolls his shoulders and stalks to where Ben and Rey are suspended, looking them up and down. 

“I had my reservations that this would work. I never should have doubted you, Master.”

The voice—Palpatine’s voice—slides into his ears like an oil slick in stark contrast to Snoke’s rasp. “Young Ben, I had hoped this day would come, that you would become my apprentice through Snoke. But you’ve brought me something, _someone_ , even more precious.”

Rey twists and thrashes against the Force binding, screaming, “I’ll never join you!”

_Sweetheart, focus. The bond, we must use the bond!_

She stills and they both train their attention on the deep, soothing hum between them, and soon they’re able to move their fingers. There, they almost have it!

“Now, Snoke!” Palpatine’s ethereal voice booms.

Now, what? Ben’s eyes widen as Snoke stabs his arm with a wicked looking syringe filled with the viscous blue liquid, and as the solution bleeds through Ben’s body, his whole being explodes with the screams of hundreds of orchids, ripped from their creche. He can’t, he can’t find his way through the cacophony.

That’s when the pain starts.

It’s as if he’s being flayed with knives from the inside, separating his very soul from his body. Dear Maker, what’s happening to him? The orchids keep screaming and Rey’s keening joins their broken song.

“Ben! No, Ben! What are you doing to him?!”

“Preparing him. Making him ready.” Snoke’s voice is full of unholy excitement.

Oh Force, whatever is happening to him is deeply unnatural and Ben just sags against his invisible bonds. 

Then his consciousness is joined by another—not the pleasant hum of Rey, no this is cold, sharp, _evil_. 

His hand moves without his participation and he tries to stop its rise, but it’s as if he’s bound to a chair and he finally understands what’s being done to him.

_No!_

- _Oh yes, young Ben. I’d planned on waiting until you were older, stronger, darker. Changes had to be made. And then you delivered yourself to me with such a_ useful _gift_.-

The Emperor’s voice reverberates through Ben’s consciousness and he starts to scream.

Rey … oh gods, he wants Rey. What has he done? He never should have brought them here. If he’d only allowed his parents to shield them, trusted his family for the first, the last time.

Ben feels the Force hold fall away, but he’s just as trapped, watching through eyes that are no longer his. Then his body turns towards Rey and takes her hand as she’s lowered gently to the ground.

“Rey,” he murmurs and her eyes go round, then narrow as she tilts her head.

“Ben?” Her voice breaks and he can feel her beating against their bond, but he can’t seem to respond, as if he’s suspended in bacta.

“Such strength!” the invader crows.

“Y-you aren’t Ben,” she says in realization.

“I can be, _sweet_ granddaughter.”

What he’s suggesting makes Ben quake with fury and for one moment, he’s in control again.

“Run, Rey, run!” Ben screams but then he’s again lashed away, buried inside his own mind.

“Ah, ah, young Solo. Your bond with her has its uses, for now, but we can’t have you meddling with my plans.”

“What plans?” Rey snarls as she backs away.

“Oh, you aren’t getting away from me, little dove. I need the strength of the dyad. At first, I’d only anticipated your value as a vessel, but now, now, your bond with this boy gives me the power I need to truly be reborn!”

“H-how do you know about the dyad?” she stutters out.

In a sing-song voice, Palpatine coos, “Your mind was so open before you used the bond to keep me out. I know all about you.” Then his tone turns to a snarl. “How you killed me in the future, how this pathetic specimen sacrificed himself for the last little Jedi. I know everything!”

Ben reaches deep within himself, grasping at the edges of the interloper, trying to push him out. But it’s no use, he’s no match for Palpatine without his connection to Rey. In one blinding moment, Ben sees how hopeless this truly is. 

His beautiful, brief months with Rey tumble through his mind and he accepts that this was the gift of his far too short life. Because this is it. This is how they can free the galaxy from this evil. Ben is going to have to die and take the Emperor with him. He may not have the strength to escape, but he’s sure he can drag Palpatine with him into death.

Rey trembles with fury and cries out, “Let him go!”

“Oh, no, sweet child. It’s far too late for that. Even now, his voice in my head is dimming. Soon he’ll be but a shadow. If you’re very, very good, perhaps I’ll let you talk to him from time to time as a reward for behaving yourself.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben sees the golden flash of her saber as she lets out an enraged bellow. But she doesn’t charge Ben’s body, no, in an instant she slices the patiently waiting Snoke in two. His bisected corpse hits the gleaming durasteel with a sickening thud.

Panting, she turns towards Palpatine.

“Interesting choice. But I’m afraid I’m far stronger than you. A shame, Snoke had his uses, but I’m sure we’ll make do, just the three of us.”

Ben can’t let this happen. The thought of a Sith lord having the power of their connection is horrifying, abhorrent. Though all he wants to do is look at Rey for as long as he has left, he shifts his focus, trying to reach her through their connection.

He manages to find the golden thread that tethers them and wraps himself in his love for her. Gods, she has to hear him …

_Kill me!_

The thought of leaving her fills his spirit with anguish, but there’s a rightness to it. He sees now that it was inevitable, that the Force would maintain its balance above all things. Ben isn’t sure she’s heard him, but then she flinches, hard.

_Kill me!_

“No!” she wails as her lightsaber goes out, dropping from her nerveless fingers. “I can’t lose you. Never again!”

A cackle erupts from Ben’s throat; it’s a sound he would never make, and he sees that Rey may not be able to do what needs to be done. Tears are streaking down her face and her eyes are far away, lost to memory.

“Oh, my child, you could never kill me. Not while I wear this face.”

“Ben,” Rey sobs brokenly.

“I’ll be your Ben,” he leers, attempting to stroke Rey’s face but that pulls her from her stupor.

“You aren’t Ben, you could _never_ be Ben,” she snarls as she slaps away his hand, skittering away from him. 

That’s when Ben realizes the blaster fire has ceased against the thick door, but Palpatine is far too engrossed with his sick games at Rey’s expense to notice. Either his family is trying to make their way through the durasteel or they’re all dead. The thought of Palpatine taunting his mother while wearing his face makes his soul shiver and he’s not sure what he wants to be true.

He feels himself advance on Rey and pushes through the noise to grasp her in the bond.

_Pick up your lightsaber, fight!_

_I can’t, I can’t!_

The plaintive tone to her mental voice cracks through Ben and he accepts that Rey could never take his life, even this perverted half-life.

“Come now, girl. Don’t fight me. I was always meant to be part of you. I thought you were dead, but here you are, so young. So fertile.”

“Oh gods,” she moans. 

The things Palpatine is suggesting would make Ben violently sick if he had control of his body and fire rages within him. He won’t let this monster lay a finger on his beloved Rey.

Harnessing all that he is, was, could be, he renews his onslaught on the oily, alien presence in his mind and his head shakes. He focuses on Rey, on her luminous face and he manages to begin to edge Palpatine back.

- _Hmm, stronger than I thought_.-

_You’ll find I’m full of surprises!_

But then he loses his concentration as the door jerks open and his family tumbles back into the laboratory. 

Leia’s eyes fly to Snoke’s dispatched body and Han grins. “That’s my boy!” But Luke keeps his saber aloft and frowns at Ben.

“You did it!” Leia calls out through a wide smile. She’s running towards him and Ben tries, he tries so hard to wrench back control, but all he can do is watch as his own hand backhands his mother so hard that she falls, landing hard.

“It’s the Emperor!” Rey cries out as Leia goes down.

Han crouches next to Leia and Luke’s jaw goes slack. But then he shakes himself and takes up a fighting stance, holding his saber firmly. There’s steel in his spine and murder in his eyes.

If Ben could, he would snort.

It would seem his uncle will kill him, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ArtemisBare for truly excellent suggestions and always being here for me. And thank you Silvergrain for the much needed boost of confidence!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing for doing a tremendous job of helping me through a bad bout of depression.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'm terribly sorry for the long wait. Everything in the world and a few bumps closer to home really got me down, but I'm through the worst of it and hope to update more regularly until this little flight of fancy is complete. You are all so tremendously kind and supportive. I can't imagine writing without your marvelous feedback and the time you give to my story! Love, love, love.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *brief allusion to rape, but absolutely no rape in the chapter*
> 
> Preposterous Palpatine has invaded Besotted Ben and Loser Luke has a dire choice to make.

“How utterly delightful!” Palpatine crows with Ben’s voice, regarding his family with undisguised glee.

His parents and uncle are standing together with Luke slightly forward, holding his saber aloft. Poe is nowhere to be seen, but Ben can’t spare a thought for his friend.

“What are you doing to my boy?” barks Han.

“Just settling a debt,” he responds coolly. “The Skywalkers owe me a body.”

“Your fight is with me, take me. If you can,” Luke says lowly, still keeping himself in a fighting stance. Is his plan to lure Palpatine into a fight and strike then?

“I don’t think so, no,” Palpatine says casually. “Young Ben here brings me my lovely granddaughter, you see. I look forward to exploring their _potential_.” Ben’s stolen voice drips with innuendo. 

“You sick bastard,” Leia cries out, her eyes full of horror.

Ben feels as his head turns and his eyes focus on his mother. “Ah. The sister. Heir and a spare I suppose, but you never explored who you _could_ have been. Pity really, you would have been magnificent.”

He can’t take much more of this, and the press of unraveling time is heavy on his heart. Rey stands almost inert, staring at the floor. It’s almost as if she’s lost in her own mind and his need to pull her from this stupor is nearly primal in its intensity.

Palpatine begins to circle his family, looking them up and down. “I’m not sure why you’re bothering to wave that saber about, _Jedi._ You couldn’t kill a man you’d barely known; how could you imagine you’d have the fortitude to strike down your legacy?” he asks mockingly.

Luke’s expression falters and Ben’s filled with foreboding. What if he can’t do it, either?

“Luke, no …” Leia breathes.

“I have to, I have to,” he nearly moans out.

Han is about to rush him as Leia flings her hand out, a feeble Force push making Luke’s saber waver. His eyes fill with regret.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs as he waves his hand and both Han and Leia slump to the ground, deeply asleep.

Palpatine crosses Ben’s arms and lets out one of those unsettling cackles. “Brother against sister, uncle against nephew.”

Ben feels his saber in his hijacked hand and for a moment he’s completely unhinged with indecision. Can he really do this? Die while his family slumbers, without even being able to say goodbye?

And what of Rey, who just watches, her eyes blinking slowly. To make her see him die again … But then Palpatine ignites Ben’s beloved blue saber and his choice becomes clear. He won’t live like this, trapped in a body that destroys his family and tortures his beloved. This has to end. They know he loves them. They must.

Traveling the pathways he’d followed before, he digs into the edge of Palpatine’s consciousness and _pulls_. For the galaxy, for his family, for Rey.

At first all he manages is to loosen his fingers so that the saber drops harmlessly to the floor. But now Palpatine is fighting back, snarling and hissing, creating such havoc in his skull. Ben holds strong, however, and manages to finally hold Palpatine still, his limbs shaking from the dueling effort. 

He catches his uncle’s eyes and wrests enough control to make a small nod, almost welcoming his end. He must buy Rey’s freedom with his death. Ben won’t let the horror Palpatine has so vividly painted come to fruition, allow himself to be used to torment her constantly. It’s all too easy to fathom what it would do to Rey to have her mate right there, but never with her. It would drive them both mad.

The twisted, sick future Palpatine has suggested shook Ben to his core; he’d never conceived of anything so demented—even at his darkest moments. The recent memory begins to tax his hold and he quickly pushes it away. It won’t happen.

He won’t allow it. 

While he would prefer to die holding Rey’s eyes, he knows she can’t be the one to take his life. Not after a lifetime of losses. He can only hope that she’ll find some peace, that his family will encircle her. Perhaps, in time, she’ll even find someone … It’s a bittersweet thought, full of comfort and the pain of what _should_ have been.

His uncle’s eyes burn into his, and Ben pleads with him through the Force as one by one, he lets go of all of his dreams.

Showing her the galaxy in the _Falcon_ —watching her face glow in amazement at each new vista. Spending his time finding new ways to ignite that light in her eyes. He’d take her to the rainbow beaches of Sheytaya with their singing rock formations. And the lava fields of Ken. Maybe they’d make the Kessel Run in _11_ parsecs.

Giving her the safety and security she’d never had as she grows to believe in the love of his wonderful, wounded family. Learning who his parents are as people and not parents. Watching pod racing with his father, discussing politics with his mother. 

But it’s Rey, always Rey that streaks through his mind as he consigns all of his wishes to the cosmos.

Losing each night to sharing their breath and their soul. Oh, how he’d wanted to try so many other delights. Hold her eyes as they create their first child. 

The little house with Rey, so cozy and full of love. He would grow her flowers and she would learn to cook. Perhaps they would even get a kittling. She’d enjoy that, something to love before they fill their small home with the laughter of their children. Daughters. He’d like daughters.

In his imagination, he kisses each of his children goodbye. Small girls with their mother’s eyes and his hair. 

_I would have loved you so well, my darlings._

His strength is waning, there’s not much time left. 

_Rey ..._

Luke takes a step forward but wavers, his blue eyes showing a depth of conflict Ben wouldn’t have expected, and he wants to scream. He can’t keep the Emperor from fighting back much longer! His uncle must act now!

Palpatine calms and tries another tack.

_-This is unanticipated.-_

_You won’t win, not this time. I’m going down and taking you with me!_

_-For that, the first time I take her, I’ll make it hurt.-_

Rage, pure rage floods Ben and he wields it all to take back another inch of himself. The dark of his anger and the light of his love working beautifully together. 

_Rey, Rey, Rey ..._

Then acceptance fills Luke’s gaze and too many things happen all at once. Luke pulls back to strike true as Rey screams, “No!” as she starts running. Oh, his love … can’t she see that this is an act of sacrifice? Of mercy?

_Rey ..._

But she’s too far away to make it in time, and the swing begins to come down. He braces for the burn, but Palpatine is fighting, hard. He tries, he really does, but it’s been too long and he can’t hold on!

With that horribly familiar sense of failure, Ben realizes he’s losing control, and Palpatine’s hand Force pulls Ben’s saber back to him. Just before his uncle’s weapon would have struck him down, Palpatine blocks the killing slash.

“Young Skywalker,” Palpatine sneers from Ben’s throat. “You will never best me!”

“Watch me,” Luke growls and then Ben feels as his hands hold his saber firmly, swinging hard at his uncle. He’d dreamed of matching sabers with this man on more than one occasion, but not like this. Feeling Palpatine’s glee at pushing Luke back with each swing adds a new dimension of what he could lose.

If Luke can’t rally, can’t beat him ...

He must regain control! But Rey is furiously beating against his consciousness and he can’t focus.

_Ben, no, don’t do this! We can find another way! I won’t watch you die, not again._

_It’s the only way. I won’t let him use me to hurt you._

_I don’t care!_

_But you will. I love you too much to allow this. Remember what you mean to me ..._

Regretfully, he turns away from her in his mind, echoes of her anguished cries reverberating through him. If he was in command of himself, his eyes would be swimming with tears.

Pulling together his abilities, he again uses all of his power to seize Palpatine. It’s getting easier, more familiar, and soon his arms are clenched at his sides, vibrating with the conflict of two masters. Luke pauses, panting and clearly unsure of his chosen course.

As Palpatine thrashes to regain mastery of his body, Ben manages to grit out, “Now, Luke, it has to be now.”

His fingers tingle with lightning, but Ben tamps down Palpatine with a desperate surge of his own strength. His uncle takes in one long breath and Ben is filled with relief when he sees strength and clarity pass through the last Jedi Master.

He watches through wide open eyes as the glow of Luke’s saber comes down and readies himself to hold on to Palpatine with everything he has to ensure the evil bastard never comes back ever again. Never hurts Rey again.

He’s ready. 

And that’s when it happens. His father bellows as he rushes between Ben’s body and the oncoming swing. Oh gods, they’ve woken up. Time slows. Han’s hands try to shove Luke back. His uncle stumbles. The green blade goes through Han’s chest and his father’s eyes widen in surprise, then his face settles into a resigned sort of happiness as he crumples to his knees.

“Han!” Leia screams. 

“Dad!”

The shock is too much, and Ben loses control swiftly. Dad, no, no, no! For a moment all he can see is that nightmare bridge and his memories shuffle with what’s truly happened. 

Luke pulls his saber from Han’s quickly dying body and screams, “No! Han!”

Within moments, the twins are on either side of his father and Luke swiftly places his hands on the angry gash.

“Heal him!” Leia begs.

“I’m trying! It’s not working!”

Then Ben can’t see what’s happening with his father because Palpatine is using Ben’s limbs to Force pull Rey to his side with his head turned towards her. He grasps her firmly about the waist and Ben’s nearly overwhelmed with panic; terror for his father and fear for his beloved.

Is he dead? What is Palpatine going to do with Rey?

Ben feels his lips ghost Rey’s ear as he coos, “I knew you’d try to save me, little dove.”

“Get your hands off me!”

“Oh no, I doubt you’ll be free of me very often. You are so very soft.” Then Palpatine bites her earlobe hard enough to make her cry out.

Maker, no, he has to protect Rey and he tries to get purchase again. But Palpatine’s power is sliding through his veins and he can barely keep his own thoughts, the dark whispering such anaesthetizing promises into the chaotic storm of all that is happening. Dad! Rey! 

_No more pain. You’ll be with Rey forever. This was always meant to be._

Then his mother’s sob of his father’s name pulls Ben back to the fight, and he wrenches enough control to twist his head in order to see Han.

What greets him steals the breath from his lungs; his father is so still, his face so pale. Luke is still attempting to heal him, but nothing seems to be working. Then he feels Rey reaching into the back of his mind, where she lives. 

He hadn’t even thought of what it meant that Palpatine was stupid enough to allow them to _touch_. But feeling Rey beneath his hand is enough to give him what he needs to rally and Ben takes back another inch of control, squeezing her waist.

_Is that you, Ben?_

_Yes, love, yes._

Drawing on their shared strength, Ben is able to fully take in the image of his father, lying prone with his mother and uncle gathered around him. Luke is still struggling and Han’s skin is almost gray from blood loss. Leia holds onto his father, her arm around his neck, kissing his temple. “Stay with me, you old scoundrel!”

He wants to push Rey to help his father, but if they stop touching, Palpatine will again gain the upper hand. The choice is excruciating. He was prepared to sacrifice himself, but not his father. Is everything set in stone? It’s all happening again. Has his father always been destined to die with the saber of someone who loves him piercing his chest?

Ben finds his father’s eyes and they’re shining with so much love that Ben almost gasps. Then his father nods once, before his head slumps over.

“Dad!”

“Han!”

“No!”

His shock and grief gives Palpatine a foothold and before Ben knows it, he’s lost complete control of his body. He fully expects him to fling away Rey, but apparently the Emperor didn’t find out _everything_. 

He grabs Rey’s hand and growls, “Can’t have you getting any ideas like Skywalker here,” and Rey’s saber is thrown far across the room.

“Enough!” Ben’s voice roars, but Luke is still desperately trying to heal Han, while Leia, seems to be willing all of her strength into him. 

“I said enough!” Palpatine bellows through Ben and Ben tries to focus, he really does, but all he can see is his father’s head slumped over. His father, he … he … he’s dead. Though it wasn’t at his hand, it still feels like his fault. If he’d just been stronger …

_Ben! Please, stay with me. There’s still a chance to save Han!_

Rey. What is she saying? Still save his father? Then his muddled mind puts it all together. He still has Rey and maybe, just maybe between the two of them they can push him out and bring back his father. 

He’s completely unprepared when she goes on her toes, grabs his face and kisses him so hard it almost hurts.

Palpatine is so startled that Ben surges forward, like a tsunami, pushing, pushing so hard, with Rey’s love doubling his strength. 

As her lips move against his, he kaleidoscopes through memory, each precious moment with Rey. How her small hands felt the first time, how _right_ kissing her has always felt. Her peals of laughter. Dancing with her. Being drunk with her. 

The kiss deepens, he holds her to him as close as he can, and Palpatine begins to howl.

Her skin against his, that feeling of completion only she can provide. Sleeping with her curled safe in his arms. Her face when she solves a particularly complicated problem. Her snarl when she protects what she loves. Finally sharing their bodies totally, giving physicality to their sacred bond.

He has almost reclaimed himself completely, when Rey frantically sends, _Wait! We can’t just push him out, we have to obliterate his very soul!_

She’s right, they have to trap him, remove him from this plane of existence and the next. No hiding place can be left.

Communication becomes unnecessary, they’re so deeply entrenched in each other that to think it is to share it. 

Working as one being, they take the link between their souls and wind it around the oily essence of Palpatine. Entomb him with their love.

_-I’ll just come back. Again and again!-_ taunts Palpatine. Ben doesn’t correct him, soon it won’t matter.

Now, they _squeeze_. Bit by bit, Ben can feel himself being cleansed as they close the space around this creature that has stalked the galaxy.

As the Emperor dims, Ben is better able to focus on the divine feeling of Rey’s tongue in his mouth, and the fire she breathes into him begins to consume the interloper. 

_-No! No! What are you doing?_ -

His voice is shrill and panicked, and Ben doesn’t bother to respond; he has Rey in his arms and they’re taking back the universe from his malevolent influence, his repulsive control. 

_-No!-_

For everything this man—this sick, corrupt man—has done to him, to his family, to Rey, there’s a grim satisfaction in closing the space completely. A howl of terror is the last he hears of Palpatine and a cold wind rushes around them. He feels Rey’s hands in his hair and that’s when he realizes that they’ve really done it.

Palpatine is gone. Well and truly gone.

Ben never should have doubted, with Rey at his side, everything is possible. Ben smiles against Rey’s lips; the Emperor never stood a chance, not against them.

A dyad in the Force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare for reading this bad boy twice. The struggle is real. Thank you Silvergrain for your help and kindness!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who whisked me to an adorable B&B for my birthday!
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I'd hoped to post last week, but was in a car accident (I was the passenger and only had minor injuries) so I was addled. Now, assuming something else doesn't happen *looks around suspiciously* I will post again next week at the latest. Thank you all for being such a marvelous and supportive group!


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will history--or rather the future--repeat itself? Is Helpful Han destined to die in every timeline? Or do our young lovers say, "Not today, Satan."?

Reveling in feeling his mind completely under his control—totally free of the taint of Palpatine, Ben stretches out through his connection with Rey. They’re all alone in this sacred place and he never wants to leave. There’s something he doesn’t want to face … nothing can touch him here.

That’s when his ears finally hear his mother’s wails.

Dad!

With shared purpose, they break apart and lock eyes. So many things enter their shared awareness. They might be too late. But they have to try. His family will be ripped wide open if they have truly lost his father, and Rey can’t bear to lose Han a second time. What it would do to Ben doesn’t bear thinking about.

It’s time to right the wrongs of the future.

Ben and Rey rush to where Han lays, held by his wife and they both fall to their knees on either side of his form. Leia looks at her son with suspicion, and then she nods, clearly sensing this is Ben and not the sick Sith lord.

“Help him,” sobs Leia.

Luke still clutches at his father’s chest and his eyes are filled with disbelief as he feebly continues to try to heal him. Rey curls her fingers with his and gently pulls him back, revealing the ghastly wound. With a bowed head, Luke retreats.

Not needing to communicate their intentions, Ben and Rey each reach for one of Han’s hands, still warm. Then they grasp each other across Han’s form. Once again, sliding together, they become one being, their split soul merging, singing in joy to be with its mate once more. The circle created with their linked hands beckons his father to claim back life.

Closing his eyes, he focuses intently on imbuing healing into Han’s still body, and soon, his mind swims with memories. 

The first time he was allowed to fly the _Falcon_ , now finally able to see the amusement in his father’s eyes hadn’t been mocking, it had been his _pride_. Ben had misunderstood so much, and he won’t lose him now that he finally sees Han clearly.

Maz ruffling his hair while Han tries to explain to Leia over the comm why he’s brought their child to _Maz’s Castle!_ That conspiratorial wink he’s begun to notice again in the recent weeks. What other clues had he missed?

The look in Han’s eyes when Ben had first truly understood that his father genuinely loved him. The security he now has because his dad has proven he’d give _everything_ to protect him. 

There, a flicker, just a flicker, but it’s his father’s love, and they both home in on it, adding the tinder of _their_ love to this small ember of Han. 

Rey’s feelings for his father bubble to the forefront and he sees that Han was the first person to make her feel like she mattered, that she wasn’t just a sand rat. In the future, in the space of a day he’d become more dear to her than any, save her parents.

Other memories join his own.

Rey showing Han how to fix a tricky problem with the _Falcon’s_ hyperdrive, the small quirk of his lips filling her with warmth.

Fleeting snatches of conversation glide by, things he’s never been privy to.

_... like the daughter I never had …_

_… almost better at this than me …_

_… my son loves you, even if he hasn’t said …_

Shared memories, how his father had supported them from the beginning; the teasing glint in his eyes when he’d give them a thumbs up. 

Again, his own experiences come to the forefront. That night on that cold bridge when Han had made him believe he didn’t have to become Kylo Ren. That precious afternoon of watching the races, pleasantly drunk and so secure in his father’s love. When his father had told him he did well on the run to Kamino—followed by offering him a job.

Pride blooms in his chest. His father is proud of him. He isn’t a failure; he never has been. 

Ben feels whole, complete, ready to greet the future. And he’ll do it with his father by his side.

The warmth filling him expands, his heart overflowing with the love he feels for his flawed, embarrassing, perfect father.

And Han takes a breath. Then another. And another. 

Ben opens his eyes and watches as the wound knits back together, until there’s only a singed hole in his shirt to show he was ever injured.

When he moves his gaze to his father’s face, he finds Han’s eyes open and bright, his mouth in a wide grin.

“Han!” Leia cries out before launching herself at her husband. Han pulls his hands away in order to capture his wife in his arms and with his lips.

Ben has to look away when he sees his father push his tongue into his mother’s mouth. 

“Uhm, Dad?” Ben says, trying to gain his attention. Han waves in his general direction, making Rey giggle. It becomes quite clear that his parents aren’t coming up for air any time soon, so he and Rey get to their feet. He sees Luke stand awkwardly, his body trembling. 

As Ben peers at his uncle, he realizes that his uncle is weeping silently, relief and something like shame throbbing from him through the Force. He turns his back to his family as he curls in on himself.

“Uncle?” Ben queries cautiously.

Luke just shakes his head, making Ben frown. But then his mother starts _whimpering_ as Han rolls Leia over onto her back, following close behind her. Oh no, uh uh.

“Mom! Dad!” Ben squawks in panic. 

_That_ gets his mother’s attention, and she pushes Han away gently, mouthing, “Later,” to his father.

At least Han has the decency to look a _little_ sheepish while his mother blushes like a school girl.

Leia glides her hands over Han’s chest. “Are you alright? Truly alright?”

“I feel like I could pull the ears off a gundark!” With that, his father leaps to his feet and helps Leia join him. He moves to stand in front of Ben and puts his hands on his shoulders. “Whatever you did, I feel ten years younger!”

Han may be smiling, but his eyes, they’re haunted and Ben puts one of his hands over his father’s. “Dad …”

“Nope, no time. We gotta go help Poe.” There’s a frantic note to his tone.

Rey asks, “Where is Poe, anyway?”

Leia ducks under Han’s arm and clings to him, clearly still needing to reassure herself that he’s alive. “He’s looking for the children. We need to get out of here fast and alert the fleet.”

Luke finally rejoins the group, his eyes red but clearly back in control of himself. “There’s nothing more here for us; let’s go.”

\---

Rey and Ben lead, holding hands, use their heightened power to search for Poe. Though his friend isn’t Force sensitive, he’s finding that it may not matter, every being burning bright and clear in his and Rey’s shared consciousness.

Sweeping the warren-like complex, they note there aren’t nearly as many personnel as Ben had assumed. Clearly, Snoke and the Emperor overestimated their own abilities.

There. They’ve found him, surrounded by the vibrancy of children. “He’s found the kids… and … they’re on the move,” Ben informs his family.

Rey jerks her head to the right. “This way.”

\---

They hear them before they see them, a murmur of tittering and children hushing each other. Around the corner comes Poe leading a large group of children who are in regimented lines with blasters at their sides, but clearly enjoying this taste of freedom as they gossip and gawk. 

A boy of about 13 is conferring with Poe while the pilot manhandles a slender, pale, red-headed man in binders with a blaster held to his temple. 

Ben catches the prisoner’s eyes, curious as to his role, and the ferret-faced man sneers imperiously. Ben hates him on sight. 

“Guys!” Poe says brightly. “You made it!”

“So did you!” Rey responds with equal enthusiasm, eyes focusing on the boy who had been speaking with Poe. “Who’s this?” she asks the way she does when she already knows.

“FN-2187, ma’am,” the young man responds respectfully.

Poe does a double take. “What kind of a name is _that_?”

“It’s the only one I was ever given,” the boy answers with downcast eyes.

Rey goes up to him and with a gentle tone asks, “How about Finn?”

The young stormtrooper stands a little straighter and repeats, “Finn.” A smile splits across his face. “Yeah, I like that. Finn!”

“He’s my little buddy!” crows Poe. “He’s the one that convinced the rest to come with me.”

The captured man with the thin face and sickly complexion sniffs loudly then hisses, “Reconditioning.”

Rey moves quickly from Ben’s side, her saber ignited in an instant. She holds it to the ginger’s throat and growls, “Never again. These children will be free, like they always should have been!”

The supercilious man’s eyes widen at the saber, but he keeps his composure. “Rebel scum.” His lip curls with disdain.

“Who the hell is this idiot?” Han asks. “He sounds like he’s playing Imps and Rebels like you an’ Poe did when you were kids,” he says with a jerk of his thumb towards the idiot himself.

Dark clouds gather in the red-headed man’s eyes. “Lieutenant Armitage Hux of the First Order. And when you’re captured, you’ll rue the day—”

Han just bursts out laughing. “Armitage? Your name is _Armitage_?”

Soon Lt. Hux’s cheeks match his hair. 

Hux … Ben remembers that name from the files his mother ‘liberated’ from the Senate. He was rather high up, wasn’t he? But that can’t be their prisoner, he’s too young, appearing to be in his early 20s.

Ben is about to ask the group if anyone else remembers the name when his mother glides over to the unfortunately named lieutenant. She’s every inch the senator when she looks him up and down. “Brendol Hux’s boy, I presume?” Of course his mother would know.

Gently, she encourages Rey to remove her saber, which his love does with bad grace. Clearly Rey shares his opinion about Hux. Everything about this ginger irritant rubs him the wrong way.

Though he says nothing, Hux’s eyes betray him and Leia nods. “He’s coming with us. He’ll be a useful hostage as we clean up the rest of the First Order.” A flash of pain streaks through Hux’s eyes and it makes Ben uncomfortable. 

“Does he have to?” whines Ben. Every time the fool opens his mouth, his tone just _grates_.

Rey’s eyes widen as the bond comes alive with realization and she breathes in sharply. “Yes, he does. He can help us find their families.”

Finn’s gaze goes swiftly to Rey and the adoration he sees in the boy’s brown eyes makes Ben rather obviously put his arm around her shoulder. He may be far too young to be any threat, but it’s the principle of the thing. Finn looks away sheepishly and Rey’s brow arches. “Seriously?”

Hux raises his chin and declares, “I’ll die before I help you.”

Ben quite likes the idea, but Rey gets a smug look in her eyes before saying, “We’ll see.”

Luke clears his throat, and Ben realizes they’ve just been standing around in the corridor. They’re damned lucky no patrols have come by.

“Yeah, we should get a move on,” Han says.

“Alright, Hugs, which way back out of this maze?” Poe asks, winking at the lieutenant. 

“It’s Hux,” he grits out. 

Poe’s gaze rather obviously drags over _all_ of Hux, then he says, “But you’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

He never had been particularly picky.

Hux chokes and mutters, “This way.”

Poe grins as he leads his little child army down the next corridor.

If this goes the way Ben fears, he’s likely to kill Armitage Hux himself.

\---

Ben’s beginning to think they might just make it out undetected as the gleaming durasteel gives way to craggy rock. They’re almost to the exit of this labyrinth. 

Then the pounding beat of boots echoes down the tunnel and all the adults spring into action, ushering the children behind them. Ben blinks as the unconscionably young soldiers immediately drop to a fighting stance and cock their blasters. Gone is the brief levity of their newfound freedom, all vestiges of childhood falling away. Finn seems to be their leader and he barks orders.

Ben pulls his own blaster from its holster and soon all the adults are the first line of defense, but the downright creepy children seem more than ready to handle themselves.

The rock formations provide some cover, and all they can do is wait, listening to the sound of First Order closing in on them. A huge part of him wants to send Rey ahead to the _Falcon_ , but he knows that … well that wouldn’t go well for him.

His mother and father easily pick off the first few soldiers, no stormtrooper armor to be found. But then the surge arrives and his vision is soon impaired by the smoke of blaster fire. Luke is deflecting bolt after bolt, neatly aiming them back towards the enemy while his father is actually cackling.

“Imps never could shoot!” Han crows.

The children, however, are excellent shots, and soon there are so many bodies that the remaining soldiers are effectively trapped. It stinks of blood and burned flesh, making Ben wrinkle his nose. He’s not amused when he notices Hux making the same expression.

“Come on!” Leia calls out and grabs Han by the arm. He looks almost disappointed as she drags him back.

As quickly as they prepared for battle, the children follow Leia, clearly their new commander. There’s no need to push them to hurry, everyone feels the press of time. It won’t take the First Order long to break through the grisly wall.

They run through the cavern so quickly, Ben barely notices the cloying darkness.

Once everyone is through the secret entryway under the Sith lord monument, Luke makes a grimly satisfied smile as he pulls the statue down with the Force. It breaks into hundreds of pieces, obliterating any trace of a passageway. There’s no way they’ll make it through any time soon.

An audible sigh sweeps through the party and Rey rushes to check over the children. Ben’s limbs feel impossibly heavy and he really wants to sit down.

He’s eying a very comfortable looking rock when Rey asks, “Little help?” She purses her lips at him in frustration as she begins to Force heal minor scrapes and cuts.

Ben shakes his head in bemusement. When did Rey start to sound like his mother? 

He joins her, but he’s not quite sure how to conduct himself. Rey is clucking and fawning over them like they were her own children, yet Ben can’t help but feel that they’re not really children, not any longer.

But he obediently finds a girl of about 8 and scans her with his eyes. She seems uninjured; maybe there’s something he can’t see. “Are you, uh, hurt?” he asks awkwardly

“Nothing I can’t handle, sir,” she responds, sounding like the most respectful of soldiers, but she’s so _tiny_. That’s when the illusion shatters and Ben shakes his head. This is monstrous; no child should know how to endure like this. Not even the rigors of Jedi training had been so callous.

“Tell me where it hurts,” he requests softly.

Her little face takes on a wary cast and that’s when his heart breaks. She’s been conditioned to hide her pain.

He kneels down in front of her and takes her small hand in his. “Please?”

She pauses for what feels like an eternity before she hesitantly gestures to her knee. Carefully, he rolls up the leg of her trousers and finds her knee mottled with old bruising and he realizes this isn’t a fresh injury.

He takes in a sad breath and begins to heal her.

\---

As soon as they reach the _Falcon_ , his mother rushes to the cockpit to comm the waiting fleet so that the clean-up can begin. Now that Leia can confirm that the Emperor had been behind the First Order, the Senate will step in. She seems to think they’ll put the full weight of the Republic behind the endeavor, but Ben isn’t so sure.

He helps Rey encourage the children up the ramp and into the main cabin. It’s a tight squeeze, but everyone fits. 

Soon, he feels the shudder of hyperspace beneath his boots and he finally sits down, staring with unseeing eyes at the vibrating _life_ of so many children.

It’s over. Dear Maker, it’s truly over. The parasite in his head is gone forever—they made sure of that. And he’s alive; Rey is alive. Everyone is alive! 

If he was alone, he’d probably break down in tears.

Gods, he wants to take Rey back to their little cabin and just hold her for the whole trip home, but now she’s surrounded by a circle of adoring fans while she makes a handful of credits spin with the Force. Though they have much to discuss, her happy grin invites Ben to just watch.

There’s an ease in her shoulders that makes him realize she’s been tense since he met her, like she never felt truly safe. Now though, her bright laugh is unrestrained and Ben sighs happily.

For the first time in his life, the dark isn’t looming, waiting to pounce. It’s going to take some time to learn how not to instinctively keep himself braced for the next blow.

He lets his vision scan the cabin and he finds Poe trying to teach Hux how to play dejarik. Just being reminded of the red-headed idiot makes Ben grimace. But he does get some amusement from watching the sour man attempt to use the controls with his hands still in binders. 

Poe keeps looking up from the game and _grinning_ at Hux. Ben’s eyes narrow when he sees Poe shift his foot next to the prisoner’s. Hux looks up, a startled, confused expression on his face. Then Ben’s friend scoots a little closer to the red-head and high spots of color appear on the erstwhile lieutenant’s cheeks.

Okay, time to get out of here.

He needs to talk to his dad, anyway. There’s been a slightly hysterical edge to him ever since he and Rey brought him back. 

Trundling through the corridor to the cockpit, he stops suddenly when he finds Luke crouched in shadow, his head bent.

For a moment, Ben wonders if he should just let him be, but his uncle hasn’t been right since they came out of their dark visions in the cavern. While his mother had seemed stronger when she came to, Luke had seemed diminished. _Something_ happened to him in that otherworldly space. Something bad.

“Uncle?” Ben queries hesitantly.

Luke’s head snaps up. “Ben. What did you need?” His tone is kind, but his eyes are hollow.

“It’s more about what _you_ need.” Ben slides down the wall and sits cross-legged next to his uncle.

Luke makes a forlorn smile. “You always were a thoughtful boy. I can’t believe I ever worried the dark would take you.”

“We both know that it would have without Rey.”

His uncle hums his agreement but says nothing else.

“Why couldn’t you heal my dad?” Ben asks, deciding to just get to the crux of the matter. “Was it because of your vision?

Luke breathes in sharply and gets to his feet, clearly intending to leave.

“Wait,” Ben pleads.

He stops with his back to Ben then his shoulders fall. With a heavy sigh, he turns and joins Ben on the deck. His head thunks back on the rounded hull of the _Falcon_. 

The silence stretches, and Ben is about to say something when Luke finally speaks. “I was wrong.”

“About what?”

“ _Everything_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare and Silvergrain! I'm terribly lucky to have both of you beautiful people looking over my shoulder. You both see different things and it makes me a stronger writer. *blows kisses*
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing! So, I love pickles. I mean, I can motor through a whole jar and want more. But what I truly adore is FANCY pickles and Mr. Downing came home with a grocery sack full of six different kinds of pickles that I've never tried!
> 
> Thank you, Readers! Well, originally Han was going to die because symmetry. But back when the pandemic started I realized there was no way I could kill him. So, coronavirus saved Han Solo. We're getting into the last few chapters, thank you so much for stickin' with me!


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *whisks hands* Tying up loose ends? Why yes, yes my muse is. Loser Luke really should get a new nickname, but my muse is still salty about Force Ghost Luke in TRoS, so Loser Luke he stays. Helpful Han continues to earn his title. Oh, and I think Besotted Ben might be Betrothed Ben by now.

Simply hearing his uncle admit he had made a mistake—about _anything_ —is a bit of a shock for Ben, but to make such a sweeping statement, to think he’s been wrong about all of it makes him sit up a little straighter, listening keenly.

Luke is silent for so long that Ben wonders if he should press him to say more, but he finally speaks, his voice far away. “I … I’m not sure how to put it into words.”

He lets out a long sigh and begins. “You know the story of Darth Vader … you know he was my father.”

“ _Now_ ,” Ben says with a touch of bitterness.

His uncle frowns slightly and Ben wishes he’d held his tongue. “I always thought the answer to the seductive power of the dark was to shut it out completely, to never give in to temptation. That my father never would have fallen if he hadn’t met Palpatine.”

It’s Ben’s turn to frown, because it never felt quite like that to him. It was more chaotic, more intense, but Luke speaks of it like a siren’s call. Yes, Snoke stoked the fire, but it’s _always_ been a part of Ben and he’s certain he would have had to find his balance regardless. Would he have been as brutal as Kylo Ren? Likely not. But with only the Jedi or Sith to choose from … he knows he couldn’t be a Jedi.

“I researched my father’s life extensively, and I always thought he just hadn’t been strong enough, that if I kept myself to the old ways of the Jedi, I would never fall.”

Echoes of his old thought patterns shift through him, but Ben pushes away the whispers of _weak, worthless_. This isn’t about him. His uncle is hurting and—for once in his life—he’s not so absorbed in his own battle. “And you never did. Fall to the dark.”

Looking down the hallway, his eyes unfocused, Luke continues. “But I was _wrong_ about the dark, the Jedi—wrong about you.”

Ben can only nod, struck wordless by this monumental shift in his old master.

“My father, if the Jedi had learned to work _with_ the dark, he never would have had to choose. I saw …” He trails off and Ben sees tears in his eyes. “I saw what would have been if the Jedi hadn’t been so … so … _myopic_. The galaxy at peace, the Empire never having existed in the first place. My parents … happy. My father, whole.”

“Is that … is that all you saw?”

His face closes and he tenses. But then he visibly forces himself to relax. “No,” he whispers. “I saw … I saw the night in the future, when … when I considered killing you.”

“Oh.” Ben doesn’t know what else to say to that. It won’t happen, now, but he can’t help but be reminded of that sense of betrayal that it _could_ have. That in a time that will never come, his own blood felt the best answer to the dark was to _murder_ it. Especially when you can’t; the dark is the shadow of the light. They need each other as much as he needs Rey.

“It was me, Ben … I didn’t really understand before, but _I’m_ the reason you turned.”

Ben snorts incredulously. It might have taken longer without the voice, but the conflict Luke created within him would have always come to fruition. Now, though … now is not the time to make that point. Instead, he says, “I think Snoke had something to do with it.”

His uncle winces and looks at his hands. “And yet, I never talked to you about the dark side. I only pushed you towards the light. I didn’t use my judgement, my experience, just relied on old Jedi teachings. I tried to stay above attachments.”

Cocking his head in confusion, Ben slowly says, “But you didn’t seem to mind about me and Rey.”

Luke shoots him a look. “Even I knew not to get in the way of a dyad.” He reaches out and puts his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I didn’t intend to, but I did everything a person could do to isolate you when I should have _loved_ you.”

An unexpected lump forms in his throat. Would the voice have found such fertile ground in his young self if he hadn’t felt discarded by everyone in his family? Leaving his mother and father, the only thing that made it bearable was that he was going to his uncle. Luke would show him how to use the Force; he’d make the nightmares stop. Up until than … he’d thought the voice was simply his power. Oh, how wrong he’d been.

“If I’d been open to you, not afraid of the darkness in you, do you think you would have told me about Snoke being in your head?” Luke asks as if terrified of the answer.

Blinking rapidly, Ben’s mind unspins at the thought. His parents hadn’t really made the space for that sort of conversation … but if Luke had welcomed him like family, encouraged him to talk about the light _and_ the dark ... Slowly, he nods.

Luke’s eyes clench shut in pain. “That’s what I thought. I know I could have protected you if only I’d made it safe for you to come to me. So, no … it’s not just what my future self attempted. I failed you, Ben. And it nearly cost the galaxy, and _did_ cost you your life. The dark isn’t to be feared, it’s to be _understood_. Like I should have tried to understand you.”

Now Ben’s throat is so tight he’s not sure he can speak, so he just looks at Luke with wide eyes. Because he’s right. What he needed was safety, trust, love. Not his cold, regimented ways.

“There was a prophecy, that the chosen one would bring balance to the Force.”

Swallowing through the strangled feeling, Ben half croaks, “I read about it.”

Luke makes a light chuckle. “Of course you did. You always read _everything_. I used to worry it would lead you astray.” He rubs his forehead. “I used to worry about it _all_ when it came to you.” Sighing, he continues, “The Jedi thought it was Anakin, Vader, because he was so powerful. But I think it’s you. You and Rey. You’ve always been right about the dark side. It’s a part of us, we can’t pretend otherwise. _You_ are the balance.”

Ben’s head swims with memories of debating Luke about the nature of balance, well, more attempting to. His uncle wouldn’t really allow it. To hear that he believes in him so strongly that he thinks _he’s_ the answer to an ancient prophecy makes his heart ache with how different his childhood could have been. 

Ben looks up at the curvature of the _Falcon_ ’s corridors. “I should be angry,” he says quietly.

“It would be your right,” Luke agrees.

His sigh echoes with its intensity. “I’ve spent so much of my life being angry … angry at my parents, you … the galaxy. But … now that I have Rey, I just … it’s not worth the _energy_ ,” he says with a lift of his shoulders. 

Pursing his lips, Luke’s brows knit, but he doesn’t respond.

“Why couldn’t you heal?” Ben asks suddenly. He still doesn’t understand why his uncle’s powers failed him at such a crucial time.

Luke’s face crumples and he looks away as he says in a low voice, “I couldn’t access the light. Having to face killing you, truly killing you after my vision … the dark was the only way I could. I was too dark.”

Reaching out, he clutches Luke’s knee. “You know I wanted you to do it. There are times the dark is _good._ It’s not the same as what happened in the future.”

“I don’t think my sister would have seen it that way.”

He squeezes his uncle lightly. “But you _didn’t_ kill me. You weren’t mindless; you didn’t strike me down while I was vulnerable. We found a different way.”

Luke puts his hand over his. “You always have, I just couldn’t see it. I’m sorry, Ben.” 

He holds his uncle’s gaze and thinks of how much his life has changed, how he’s no longer constantly at war with himself, plagued by self-doubt and rage. Somehow, having his family _understand_ him is enough. He doesn’t need more than that, he doesn’t need atonement. He just needs their love.

His decision is so very easy. “I forgive you, Uncle.”

Luke’s eyes widen, and his lips pull into a grimace. “No … it’s too soon, you haven’t thought about it properly, the harm I did to you.”

“Well, it’s lucky that you don’t get to tell me what to do any longer. Accept it when you’re ready, but I give it freely, all the same.”

Luke looks at him like he’s seeing him for the first time. “When did you become a man?”

Cracking a smile, Ben gives his uncle a wry look. “I don’t think you really want to know that.”

Looking scandalized, Luke mutters, “Yes … well …”

“But if you really want to know—”

“Alright, alright!” Luke exclaims waving his hands in front of him. 

All Ben can do is laugh, and he’s oddly pleased that Luke joins him. It hits him, then, that he truly has his whole family now. Somehow, all the fractures are healing.

He never could have imagined he could feel so light.

\--- 

“Dad?” Ben pokes his head into the cockpit.

His mother stands from the co-pilot’s chair and kisses Han on the cheek. “I’m going to go check on the children. Ben, stay with your father.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Han grouches.

“All the same,” Leia says, holding Ben’s eyes with firm command. She pulls him close for a moment and whispers in his ear, “We’ll talk later. I knew you and Rey could do it.” 

Then she slides past him and he moves to sit next to Han.

“I don’t know why she’s makin’ such a fuss. I feel great!”

“You almost died. I think you did for a moment there,” Ben argues.

“An’ you saved me. Nothing to talk about.” Han resolutely keeps his eyes faced forward and fiddles with unnecessary controls. 

“Well, _I_ need to talk about it,” Ben says gently, but with an undeniable firmness.

Han’s jaw works but he doesn’t say anything. Ben takes his silence as grudging assent. 

“You went up against a Jedi Master while I was … possessed.” He can’t think of a better way to put it.

His father looks at him as if he thinks he’s daft. “Of course I did. Yer my kid.” Then his eyes shift to something intense and deep. “You’re my _son_.”

“But, you had to know it was hopeless. Your odds against Luke—”

“Never tell me the odds!” 

Ben can’t help the twitch of his lips. He’s heard this his whole life and he really should have known better. 

“Still …” Ben trails off, not knowing how to express what it means to him that his father would sacrifice himself to save him. 

Han exhales loudly and rubs his chin before sitting back in his chair. “Look … the way things are goin’ with you an’ Rey, you’ll understand soon enough. There’s nothing you won’t do for your child.”

Breathing in sharply, Ben’s chest constricts with the memory of his imagined girls and he can see it, even now. They would be of Rey, of course he would die for them. He nods in understanding and his father nods back.

There’s a long silence as Ben watches the stars streak by. His hands ball in frustration. Han is still putting up a front of some kind; there’s something he’s not talking about.

Breaking the silence, he sighs heavily then asks, “Are you okay? Really okay?”

“Never better,” Han says far too brightly.

“Dad …”

“What do ya want? I’m here. My family is whole. Hell, we saved a bunch of freaky kids _and_ the galaxy.”

“I want to know what’s wrong. I can tell. Mom can, too.”

“Force users,” Han mutters.

“Just good old-fashioned instincts.”

His father surprises him by turning and looking at him head on. “I almost lost it all when I’d only just gotten it back. All the things I still gotta tell you, all the ways I messed everything up … I didn’t even know if you’d _survive_. So, yeah, that’s hard to face.”

“You can talk to me about it.”

“Nah. Let yer ole man protect you from his _feelings_. Can’t protect you from much else.” He grins slyly, but Ben hears the pain under it all as Han’s gaze slides away and they lapse into silence.

“I never wanted the Force,” Ben says suddenly. Han’s eyes flick to his. “I wanted to be like you. A pilot.”

“Well, you ain’t so bad, ya know.” It’s obvious he wants to move on from this line of conversation.

“I just … I never … I never thought less of you because you don’t have it.”

Han’s lips turn down and his eyes fill with something Ben can’t define. It’s gone in a moment and his father goes back to focusing on flying, though there’s nothing to do in hyperspace.

It occurs to Ben, then, that both Han and Luke seem hellbent on blaming themselves for so much and it makes him feel a queer sensation in his belly. He used to blame his family for all of it, too, but now that they’re reaching down and picking it up themselves … all of his anger is just … gone.

“Dad—” 

Han cuts him off. “I know just what I need.”

Frowning, Ben wants to push him, but now his father seems almost afraid, so he relents. “A night of gambling without Mom finding out?”

Han snorts and pauses, looking like he’s pondering it. But then he shakes his head. “Good idea, but nope. I gotta go punch Luke again.”

All Ben can do is stare at his father. Is he serious? He’d better explain. “Don’t blame Luke. It was the only way, or it seemed like the only way.”

“Still tried to kill my boy,” Han grumbles.

“Dad, no. I wanted him to do it. I was ready.” His voice is strong as he remembers accepting his own death, a price he would willingly pay to protect Rey. Then Ben lets out a shuddering breath. He has his own feelings to contend with but Rey is the only one he wants to talk to about _that_.

Han’s gaze grows so sad, and he reaches out, cupping Ben’s cheek. It’s such a tender gesture, that Ben instantly feels like a boy again. His father doesn’t say anything, though, all of his love and pride shimmering in his eyes. 

He gives his cheek a little pat and withdraws, turning back to the _Falcon_ ’s controls. “So, about finding a good game of sabacc,” Han’s lips pull into a hopeful smile, “wanna come with me?”

\---

When Ben makes it back to the main cabin, he finds the children are squeezed anywhere they can find space. Quite a few of them are fast asleep and it makes Ben smile softly. He knows there’s a lot of healing that needs to be done, but that they feel safe enough to sleep is a good sign.

Poe and _Hux_ are still playing dejarik, and oh hell, where in blazes is Poe’s right hand? Not going to think about it. Just look away.

He finds his mother and Rey standing in the corner with their heads together and that makes his smile return. That she gets along so well with his parents bodes well for the future. Soon, he’ll turn 20, but he feels like he’s lived a lifetime already. 

He’s ready for peace.

As he draws closer, both of their gazes snap to his.

“Ben!”

“Son!”

Both of the women in his life look so happy to see him that now he’s fully grinning as he walks over to them.

“Did you speak with your father?” Leia asks.

“Yeah, and Luke, too.”

Leia looks away guiltily. “I should have checked on him … just, with Han …” Her hands flail.

“He’ll be okay,” Ben reassures. “They both will. Though maybe pretend not to notice if Dad and I come home very late, very drunk, and very broke.”

His mother snorts and rolls her eyes. “I’m going to get back to him.” Ben tries to imagine how he would feel if he’d almost lost Rey like that and he understands why his fierce, independent mother simply wants to be by his side. 

She pats both him and Rey as she moves away from them, carefully walking around a sleeping child.

“What was that about?” Rey asks.

“Oh. Well, I think I’ve agreed to go bar hopping with my father,” he says with chagrin as he rubs the back of his neck.

Rey’s face falls and panic spikes in his blood. Is that something he should have talked with her about, first? They’ve been nearly inseparable for a while now; he probably should have checked.

He’s about to apologize when Rey asks tentatively, “Tonight?”

“What? Gods, no. A few days at least.” Her relief is palpable, and Ben strokes her cheek. “Did you think I’d be able to leave you after … after …” His words fail him because he’s not sure how to even bring up what they’ve been through. Palpatine’s sick games and twisted plans have to have left a mark on her. They certainly have on him.

“Good.” She wraps her arms around his torso and tucks her head under his chin. Maker, he’ll never really know how to believe he gets to just _hold_ her like this. Whenever he wants. 

For the rest of his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my brilliant, stunning alpha/beta/i dunno readers. ArtemisBare, you always nudge me to be better, and Silvergrain, you have an impressive insight into character. I'm beyond lucky that you both give me your time.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing! For those of you who found my writing after the TFA era, you may not know that Mr. Downing had my first completed fic, He Knows He Needs to Stop, printed and bound. Well, I'd intended to give them to a few stalwart commenters, but time, life ... yeah. Anyway. When we moved they moldered in storage and I was bereft. So what did he do? Researched how to restore books and has been painstakingly wiping away the stains with rubbing alcohol. I can't even.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! We're in the final stretch! I think two more chapters, but possibly three. We're so close! Then I'll finish up Unbidden, Tethered, and Unearthed. Thank you so, so much for riding this Pain Train (which is perhaps more fluffy than usual).


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betrothed Ben contemplates the future and finds true peace. This is it. The last of the narrative (though there will be an epilogue). My muse is sobbing in the corner and I'm a little choked up.

He holds Rey for quite some time, just being together, but she begins to shift and draw her head back to catch his gaze. He wants to press her head back into his chest, but she clearly wants to say something, so he ignores the impulse.

“I really need to be alone with you.” She looks around the main cabin at all of the children sprawled out wherever they could find space. Some sleep soundly, others fitfully. Finn and a few of the other older kids murmur quietly in a corner. “Do you think they’ll be okay with just Poe and … Armitage to watch over them?” she asks.

Ben’s nose scrunches up at the mention of the annoying man. He’s not sure why he dislikes him so much, but his ire is visceral. Though ... he seems harmless enough. It _would_ be a balm to his soul to have Rey just to himself in their small cabin. And anyway, the kids are still armed. “I think so, but maybe we should check in with Poe.”

She nods once and gets a pensive expression on her face. “In the future, Hux is a genocidal mad man, but whatever happened to him clearly hasn’t yet. Because now he just seems sort of lost, like a twyla that’s been kicked too many times.”

His eyes widen. “Genocide?” How bad did the future get?

Rey grimaces. “It doesn’t matter, it won’t happen now. But yeah … he was sort of responsible for blowing up the whole Hosnian system.”

Now Ben’s eyes are bugging out of his skull. “And you wanted to bring him with us?!”

Rey hushes him and he quiets down, watching the sleeping children shift. “He was also responsible for the stormtroopers. In my time he was a general.”

Ben’s glance cuts to where Poe and Hux sit, the game completely forgotten as Poe flirts and the ginger idiot blushes. He tries to see it, how this slender, vaguely sickly-looking man rose to general, but instead he catches him stealing looks at Poe. All Ben can do is shake his head. So much had changed for him in the future, who’s to say what events did to Armitage Hux.

Holding hands, Rey and Ben approach the two men and stand there awkwardly.

“Course, my ship is only a one-seater, but I think we could make something work,” Poe says to Hux in a conspiratorial voice.

The lieutenant chokes and Ben clears his throat while Rey’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Oh, hey Ben, Rey,” Poe acknowledges casually. 

“Uh, can we talk to you? Over here?” Rey asks with a jerk of her head.

Then Poe cups Hux’s face for just a moment, grinning. “I’m sure he’ll behave himself. Right, Hugs?”

He raises his hands, still trapped in binders, and wiggles his fingers, making an incredulous look.

Poe’s lips pull into a mocking pout and he says, “Not ‘till I’m sure you mean everything you’ve been telling me. You’re cute, but no one is _that_ cute.”

When Hux ducks his head, Ben thinks he might wretch.

At least Poe takes a moment to add a set of binders to Hux’s ankle, linking him to the dejarik table. “Be back in a bit,” he says, flashing one of his blinding smiles.

As they turn away, Ben doesn’t know what to make of the sadness he sees in the _prisoner’s_ eyes.

\---

Once they’re out of Hux’s earshot, Rey whirls on Poe. “What the hell was that?!” she whispers furiously.

Poe rubs the back of his neck and gives her a sheepish look. “I know, I know … but you shoulda seen his expression when I burst in on him. He just looked … haunted. Didn’t fight when I put the binders on him, and only asked what I was gonna do with the kids if he took me to them. I think … I think he was worried about ‘em.”

With a troubled face, Rey shakes her head. “I know he’s not the same man I heard about in the future, and I do hope we can work with him. But … I don’t think he’s a _good_ man. The things he does in the future ...”

“Well he ain’t done ‘em yet,” Poe argues stubbornly. “He coulda commanded the kids to fire on me. They were drilling, fine little fighters. I wouldn’t have stood a chance. But he never said a word. Just stood there while I talked to ‘em.”

Her worried eyes catch Ben’s and he can feel through their connection how conflicted she is about this. Rey doesn’t want Poe to be hurt. She lets out a long sigh. “Okay. Okay.” She pauses and briefly glances back at the topic of discussion. “Do you think he’ll help us find their families?”

Poe stands up straighter. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

Ben snorts. “This isn’t just because you want to use those binders for something _else_ , now, is it?” The dark look Poe gives him takes Ben aback. He’d thought Poe was just having a bit of fun, but … “Wait, Poe, are you _serious_ about him?”

“I don’t know!” Poe exclaims and one of the children snuffles in his sleep so he lowers his voice. “I just … there’s something about him. Like … if someone just gave him a little care he might … oh hell, I have no idea what I’m doing.” He throws his hands up in the air.

Rey’s mood shifts quickly, and she steps up to Poe. “We’ll have to have a long chat. I have some pointers,” she says with a knowing smile.

Through the bond, Ben gets strong impressions of Kylo Ren and he wants to be offended, but now that he’s met … himself, he must admit that Rey probably does know something about the care and feeding of homicidal maniacs.

Poe gets a relieved look on his face and he eagerly asks, “Yeah?”

Nodding, she says, “Yeah.”

“Well,” Ben interrupts. “Not that your twisted love life isn’t _fascinating_ , but do you think you can handle the kids and Hux for a little bit?”

Poe’s face splits into a huge, smug grin. “I hope you’re staying hydrated.”

Rolling his eyes, Ben huffs out an annoyed sound, but Rey just giggles.

With a dismissive wave of his hand, Poe mutters, “Yeah, yeah, I got it. Go be soulmates or whatever.”

Rey leans forward and pecks him on the cheek. “Thanks, Poe.”

\---

Finally alone, Ben takes Rey’s face in his hands and simply looks at her. There’s so much to say … but right now he just wants to drink her down, allow his fear of losing her to be drowned out by her love.

“Are you alright?” he asks from his heart.

He watches as her face shifts into a mask and she nods, smiling through the bleakness he feels emanating from her.

“Rey …” he pushes, his tone laced with doubt.

Her eyes grow liquid with grief. “I … I didn’t know someone could be so cruel, so … _malignant_.”

“I hate that you had to hear those words in my voice.” He’s surprised at the venom in his voice.

She presses her cheek into his palm as she places her hand over his. A shuddering breath escapes her, and she holds his eyes intensely. “I never, ever thought of him as you. That wasn’t you. It could never _be_ you. Even … even at your darkest, you would never have done to me what Palpatine had planned.”

A thread of discomfort winds through him—he feels better able to claim he knows what his future self would have done after his vision—but it’s still not him. Then he decides it’s all too confusing. They have a lifetime to untangle everything. Together.

“You’re right. I never would have. I … _he_ … could never even conceive of something so monstrous.”

Her head tilts in his hands and she says, “You seem … more confident about him, I guess.”

Even though it’s only been a few hours since he came face-to-face with Kylo Ren, it feels like another life and the reminder of his haunted eyes and desperate love for Rey makes his chest constrict, almost painfully.

“I … my vision, it was him. In the cavern. I understand him, now. I think.”

Her eyes fly wide and her lip quivers slightly. “You s-saw him?”

Ben nods his head. “He asked me to take care of you.”

“He … he did?” Her voice quavers.

“Oh, Rey … he truly did love you. I think it was the only thing he had, in the end.”

Gaze clouding with disbelief, she frowns. “But … it was just a vision. It came from you.”

Ben takes in a deep breath. He’s surprised he’s not hurt that she’s so eager to know that his future self loved her. He thought she knew, but she’s clearly still seeking confirmation. Instead of the jealousy he would expect, he just wants to give her all the security he can.

“Time doesn’t matter to the Force. The future, the past, it’s all the same. It was him.”

“How do you know?” she asks, her voice breaking but her eyes shining with hope.

He smiles at her, gently, warmly. “I felt it.”

Swallowing thickly before she lets out a long sigh, she presses herself forward, wrapping her arms around him. He immediately enfolds her and feels her smaller body tremble against him. 

“Thank you,” she sighs into his tunic. 

Then she pulls back and lifts her face, clearly inviting him to kiss her. 

Chest swelling with happiness, he swiftly descends on her mouth. Oh, yes. This. Just the two of them is all he needs, all he wants. And nothing will stand in their way.

It’s not long before his hands begin to wander.

\---

Rey’s perfect sleeping face makes his heart _ache_ with how much he loves her. He’d thought he’d be asleep, too. She’d certainly done her best to tire him out. But he’s wide awake, his mind spinning out into the realm of _possibility_. 

He wants to laugh until he cries, yell his triumph to the skies, revel in his freedom. Tripping through his own mind, he’s a livewire of energy and he can’t stay settled any longer.

Gently, he untangles himself from around his precious Rey and she makes a sad little whimper when he withdraws. It’s enough to make him want to return to their small berth, but he contents himself with watching her slip back into deep sleep.

Ben dresses quickly, not sure why he’s so hurried, but he’s impatient to live this new life he’s wrenched back from his dark masters. The Force glints and shimmers, wrapping him in surety. His life is his now, no more taint, no more corruption. Just him and his girl.

\---

When he bursts into the main cabin, he’s frustrated to find everyone asleep. Even Poe is snoring away with Hux’s head leaning on his shoulder. Ben sighs. He’s going to have to find a way to accept the ginger irritant. 

He steps around all the sleeping children, making his way to the cockpit. He almost trips over his uncle tucked against the far wall as he leaves the central gathering space. Luke is also sleeping lightly.

Is anyone still awake? Sure, they’d been through hell, but he can’t be the only one feeling like this. How can they all be sleeping when the bright, brilliant future is right here, right now?

\---

His mother is alone in the cockpit, reviewing something on a datapad.

“Where’s Dad?” he asks, surprised to find they aren’t glued at the hip.

“Oh, I finally convinced him to get some sleep. It’s not every day he almost dies.” She cracks a wry grin. “At least not _every_ day.” Her eyes grow serious and she sits up from her lounging position, setting aside her datapad. “And you. It’s not _every day_ you get possessed by pure evil. How _are_ you?,” she asks seriously.

He flops into the co-pilot’s chair and looks out onto the blue of hyperspace. How is he? One would think he’d be full of anger at being so ill-used, but instead he’s simply impatient to _live_. 

“I’m good, Mom.”

A skeptical eyebrow shoots up and she looks at him keenly. “Really?”

Taking in a deep breath, he tries to think over everything that has happened from the minute they set foot on Moraband. He’d laid his future self—his fear _of_ himself, really—to rest, then finally faced the shadow presence of his whole life … sent that shadow to the abyss. He should probably be traumatized; he’s not entirely certain that Rey isn’t. Hell, maybe he is. 

But right now, he’s brimming with life and an uncontainable joy at finally being truly free.

“Yes, Mom. Really.”

She smiles and pats his knee. “I’m proud of you. I’ve always been proud that you’re my son, but now … now you’ve become the young man I always knew you could be. Despite spectacular failure on our parts.”

Ben rolls his eyes. How long will it take his family to forgive themselves and just get on with it? But then he looks at his mother more closely. She doesn’t seem wracked with guilt like his father and uncle. Instead, there’s a deep serenity to her, a new wisdom.

“What’s changed?” he asks curiously.

Leia snorts loudly and gives him an incredulous look.

Chuckling lightly, Ben says, “Okay, other than finally putting down Palpatine for good. I mean with you.”

She gives him a look of complete peace then smiles at him with something in her eyes he can’t define. “I finally talked with my father.”

For a moment, he thinks she means Bail, but no, he couldn’t be a Force ghost. Ben certainly wishes he could; he’d like to meet him. Growing up, she’d kept Alderaan alive for her son with such beautiful tales, raising him with nearly-dead traditions. His grandparents had figured prominently in such stories.

But no, she means Anakin … Vader. He wants to say something, but it all just feels trite. What can you really say about the Princess of the Rebellion coming to terms with the Sith Terror of the Galaxy?

Leia seems to understand his struggle and explains, “For years I refused to have anything to do with him. Luke would speak with him from time to time, but the only way I routinely used the Force was to make him leave when he would try to talk to me. The minute he opened his mouth, he was gone.”

Maker, his mother is so effortlessly strong. She’s no Jedi, but she can wield the galaxy with her hands. The only person he knows with more ferocity is his beloved. 

“But this time,” she continues, “I decided to listen. Everything changed with you when Rey made me finally _listen_. So I did.”

“What did he say?” Ben asks, finding he needs to know for his own journey.

Unfortunately, his mother shakes her head. “No … that’s mine. But the past doesn’t own me any longer.”

And there it is. The truth of Ben’s new life. He leans forward and takes her hand in his, catching her gaze. “Yes. Exactly. It doesn’t own any of us any longer, Mom.”

Leia’s lips curve into a proud smile. “No … no it doesn’t.”

He pulls away and sits back. They both return their eyes to the streaking stars and Ben’s exhilaration keeps pace with the _Falcon_ at light speed.

After a long while, Leia stifles a yawn and Ben is relieved at the reminder that his extraordinary mother is human after all. “Go. Sleep. I’ll stay here.”

“You don’t want to get back to Rey?”

He focuses on where she lives in the back of his mind and finds her slumbering soundly. “She’s fine.”

Leia shakes her head and lets out a quiet chuckle. “You’d think the Force couldn’t still surprise me, but what you two have …” She stands and clasps his shoulder. “Well, it’s beautiful.”

\---

In his mind, Ben has almost designed the whole house he wants to build for Rey when her hand in his hair makes him turn as he groans in pleasure. 

She never startles him, every molecule in his body knowing hers like his own. But he must have been deeply focused not to consciously realize she was awake. Reaching up, he pulls her hand from his hair and tangles his fingers with hers.

Leaning down, she kisses him. One of those deep, connected kisses that whispers ‘later’ and ‘forever’ in the same languid sweep of her tongue. After she’s thoroughly kissed him, she takes her seat next to him, their hands still connected.

“Are we almost home?” she asks.

“Is Hosnia Prime home to you?” he asks, pleased that she thinks of his family’s apartments in such a way.

Rey shrugs and squeezes his fingers. “Home is where you are.”

Such a simple statement, but she’s right. From the moment he laid eyes on her, she has been his home. Across time and the stretch of the galaxy, she has _always_ been his home.

Turning towards her, he declares, “I love you, Rey. I think I was born loving you.”

Her eyes catch his, and there’s a whisper of insecurity. He wonders if he can ever finally chase it away. But then it’s gone, as if he imagined it, and she’s beaming at him. She floods the bond with her emotions, how she can’t remember feeling loved before him, how he showed her what tenderness was. She loves him, utterly. He doesn’t need to hear the words to feel it in his sinew and bones.

“I think … I think this was how it was always meant to go. The Force … something went wrong in the future. Do you feel it? The balance?” she asks.

“I feel it, I do.” It’s as if the Force itself has healed. 

Rey nods and turns back to the stars but keeps his hand in hers. He smiles and pulls her fingers to his mouth, kissing them softly before also facing the glow of hyperspace.

It all feels impossibly right, Rey here, turned towards the future, finally moving forward instead of struggling through the morass of legacy and expectation. He’s not destined for anything, anything but Rey.

After a short lifetime of nearly breaking under the weight of too many masters, he’s found freedom in _sharing_. He may be Rey’s, and she his, but somehow, it’s finally happened. His life is his own to craft, to win, to lose. To succeed, to fail. It’s his.

He’s Ben Solo.

And his life is finally his own.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ArtemisBare and Silvergrain for your encouragement and input. You both make me better.
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who scratched his cornea and still insisted on making me treats.
> 
> Thank you, Readers! I can't believe the story itself is over. I'll try to post the epilogue in the next few days. I cannot begin to express what an amazing group you are. So generous with your kindness. Thank you for holding my hand through this journey.


	49. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just how long did Resplendent Rey make Betrothed Ben wait to make an honest man outta him?

_Ten years later …_

“Shhh!” Ben hushes the boisterous three trouble-makers gathered around their dining table while Finn looks around with a huge grin on his face. “You’re going to wake the baby. And are you really sure that’s appropriate for Finn?” Ben asks the only mildly chastened group.

“Sorry,” Rey mumbles with a smirk as Hux politely says, “My apologies.” But Poe playfully puts his hands over Finn’s ears and declares in a loud whisper, “And then Armie says—”

“Enough!” Ben exclaims. He supposes he is a bit protective of Finn, even after all these years. He’ll always be that eager boy he met, desperate for love and connection. He no longer bristles when anyone vaguely male expresses interest in Rey; in fact, he’s now a bit ashamed of his jealousy. How could he ever have questioned Rey’s commitment to him?

“You know, I _am_ 23,” grouses Finn.

Rey leans over and kisses Ben on the cheek then whispers into his ear, “Remember what we were up to when you were a babe of 19 …” Her suggestive tone has him shifting a bit. Adjusting to parenthood has really slowed things down and he’s on a hair trigger these days. 

“ _You_ were only 20,” Ben reminds her through their bond.

“But women mature faster,” she shoots back. 

“Oh dear Maker, they’re doing _that_ again,” moans Hux dramatically. 

Rey sticks her tongue out at him. “You’re just jealous.”

“Having my innermost thoughts shared with this one?” Hux jerks his head towards Poe. “I think not.”

“Oh, come on, sweetheart, imagine how it would spice—”

“Seriously, Poe, have you _no_ discretion?” Ben asks, playing his usual role. Poe is never as happy as when he’s riling Ben up.

Hux snorts and Poe looks at Ben innocently while Finn snickers. “Uh, I’ve been around these two for 10 years, this is _nothing_ ,” reminds Finn.

“Ben, man, you got old before your time.” Poe gives him a pitying look.

“Oh … I don’t know about that,” Rey muses with a telling leer.

“Oh my gods!” Ben stands up from the table with mock offense. “I’m going to go check on Eassa. Don’t completely pervert my wife while I’m gone.”

“Too late!” Rey crows.

\---

His baby daughter is peacefully asleep when he tiptoes into her small bedroom. Her thatch of dark curls seems almost midnight in the dark of her nursery and though he’d never wake her, he misses her bright hazel eyes. He thinks she looks just like her mother, but Rey insists she’s a melding of them both. At just over a year old, Ben no longer feels like the walking dead from the lack of sleep.

They take turns watching her during the day now that Rey is finished with breastfeeding. He’s so proud of how, in just a few short years, she's become one of the most sought-after ship design consultants on Hosnia Prime. She’d clearly taken on an unimaginable amount of information during her childhood of dragging herself through a graveyard of giant relics to the futility of power. Her understanding of their systems is almost innate.

Gazing at his little girl, he wonders what she’ll dream of and his chest expands with that warm, endless feeling that he can’t put into words. Somehow, Rey continues to make magic; she redefined love all over again by giving him his second reason for living. He really could watch his daughter sleep all night long.

Eassa is already so big that Ben is beginning to wonder how long he should wait before suggesting another. He’d hated being alone as a child and he wants as many babies as Rey is willing to carry. Maybe next labor she’ll allow him to siphon off some of her pain into himself instead of stubbornly keeping him out until the final moments when she just couldn’t any longer.

Once he’d understood just how powerless she was to the waves of agony coursing through her, he’d finally been able to lessen the effects and Rey had been forced to admit that it helped. She’s still as stubborn as ever. Gods know, he’d have taken it all, if she’d let him.

The sounds of barely contained revelry echoes from downstairs and he’s fairly certain Rey has opened another bottle. They always go through a shocking amount of his dad’s favorite whiskey when the Dameron-Hux clan comes to visit. 

A particularly loud hoot comes from Rey and Eassa shifts in her sleep. Her eyelids flutter and Ben holds his breath. Much as he adores every minute he gets to spend with his child, it’s better for everyone if she stays asleep. Soon, she’s again lost to slumber and he slowly exhales.

He’s not quite ready to return to their little dinner party so he sits down in the rocking chair next to Eassa’s crib. Her snuffling baby sleeping sounds make him smile and his heart becomes uncontainable when she begins to suck her thumb.

Somehow, he’d known from the minute he’d first _seen_ Rey that she was his only real chance at happiness, but he couldn’t have imagined the life she’s given him. Without her … none of it could have happened: reconciling with his parents, finding genuine connection with his uncle, freeing himself from the clutches of Snoke and Palpatine … None of it would have been possible.

Rey argues with him on that point, saying she knows he would have found his way through, somehow, but his memory of his other self’s haunted eyes tells him a far darker tale. No … Rey was the key and he has tried to worship at her feet every day in the slim hope that someday she’ll understand what she means to him.

“Oh, sweet girl, Papa loves you. More than you’ll ever know,” he whispers.

Grazing his fingers along Eassa’s cheek he takes in a deep breath, remembering their life before her, how they’d travelled the galaxy, sometimes with his father—from time to time his whole family—sometimes just the two of them. He has never tired of the light that fills Rey’s face when he shows her something new. Or how she glows with joy when _she’s_ the one to open his eyes to a unique experience. That began to happen more and more as the years progressed. She always does this little dance of pride that makes him completely weak for her.

He misses those long nights in hyperspace, when it felt like they were the only people in the galaxy. When he would concentrate his whole being on her and her alone, teasing out every last bit of pleasure that a man could. But, life shifts, and his parents are always eager to see their granddaughter. It’s a bit tricky to get her _back_ and the end of a visit. 

Luckily, the visits are frequent as they’ve settled outside of the city, not willing to be too far away from his mother and father. There’s been enough distance to last the rest of their lives. Again, he’s reminded of how Rey changed absolutely everything.

Just like he’d promised, they live in a small cottage, not far from the babbling brook they’d enjoyed such a long time ago. When Rey got pregnant— _that_ hadn’t taken more than a single try—they’d added a second floor. There are still two extra bedrooms that he’s eager to fill.

Smiling, he thinks of what he has planned for Rey tomorrow. It will be a decade since she burst into his broken life, and he’s been working tirelessly with his mother to create the most perfect two nights for her. This is their first time away from Eassa for longer than an evening and his amazing wife deserves everything he could ever even think of to do for her.

He’s been saving Sheytaya and their singing rock formations for a long, long time. Every afternoon it storms, and the sky riots with more rainbows than you can count. Just after sunset, the air is filled with the ethereal music of the tides creating an almost eerie sound as air is pushed through the rocks.

Leia found the perfect place to stay, with grand suites nestled into the cliffs and total privacy for each guest, should they choose. He can’t see them leaving their little haven.

He’d _almost_ suggested it for their honeymoon, but something had told him to wait. Now, he’s impatient to remind her with his body and his soul how completely he loves her, and he can’t think of a more beautiful place in which to worship her.

Fingering the twin braids at one of his temples, he lets out a light chuckle. _Six years_ she’d made him wait to finally agree to let him claim her properly, always saying there was too much to see, too much to do. 

His hands had shaken when he’d first braided her hair after their wedding, pure _emotion_ cascading through him. Finally, _finally_ she was his in the Force and his in life. Eyes flitting around as if caught, he remembers that he _might_ have teared up. But only a little.

Standing with a happy sigh, he places his hand on his perfect child’s chest, feeling her breath go in and out. This, this is more than he’d ever known he could have. That he could deserve. But Rey won’t have his occasional dark moods, reminding him relentlessly that he’s _worthy_.

Rey. Suddenly, he needs to see her, and with one last look at his sleeping baby, he begins to make his way back to his beloved wife.

\---

Preparing for bed, Rey yawns hugely as he brushes her hair. He’ll rebraid it tomorrow, enjoying the titillation of her hair flowing and free. Losing himself in the cadence of the brush, and the silk of her locks, he doesn’t hear her at first.

“I _said_ , ‘my turn’.”

“I’m not done yet.”

“Ben, if you keep brushing it, it’s going to start falling out.”

“You know I love doing this,” he almost whines.

“And I love your hair just as much. Hand over the brush.”

Grumbling with no real intent, he mulishly relinquishes it as she stands before pushing him into the chair in their bedroom. 

She begins to take out his braids, and then the soothing feeling of the bristles against his scalp makes him let out a sound of pleasure.

“See? You like this almost as much,” Rey reminds him.

“ _Almost_.” 

Rey huffs with exaggerated irritation and begins to twine together his dark hair into the two braids that still make him swell with pride.

“Where are you taking me tomorrow?” she asks far too casually.

“You’ll _see_. I’ve not told you the last hundred times you’ve asked, why would this time be any different?”

She sets down the brush and he yelps in surprise as she straddles him, her nose almost brushing his. “Because Eassa is sleeping soundly and _I_ managed a nap today.”

_All_ of him perks up at that and he slides a hand behind her neck, pulling her to him to capture her lips. Stars, he never gets to just kiss her and kiss her like he used to. Once he’s indulged himself thoroughly with her mouth, he places his hands under her thighs and stands. She clings to him and starts to nibble at his neck, her legs firmly wrapped around his waist.

As he walks them back to their bed, she murmurs, “Come on, just a hint?”

He lifts her easily from her perch around him and rather unceremoniously deposits her on the bed. Gods, she looks so good sprawled out like that, her legs parted and her nightgown riding up. 

Eyes consuming her hungrily, his sleeping pants are quickly dispensed with and he covers her completely with his larger frame.

“Please?” she whines.

Slipping his hand into the silk that’s thoughtlessly hiding her heat from him, he captures some of her essence with his fingers and begins to make firm circles over the center of her bliss. 

She’s already moaning when he leans down and growls in her ear, “ _No_.”

\---

“Gimme,” Leia demands impatiently, her hands out and making a grasping motion in the air.

“Nice to see you, too, Mom,” Ben deadpans, holding Eassa on his hip.

“Oh hush. I want to hold my granddaughter.”

“Hey, I thought it was my turn first!” Han grouses.

Rey pats her father-in-law on the bicep, “You have her for two whole nights. You’ll get plenty of time with her.”

“Not enough with my _wife_ around,” he complains.

“I can’t help it if she’s just too precious to share,” Leia responds as she takes Eassa from Ben’s arms and they all move into his parents’ apartment.

Leia makes little nonsense noises at the baby while Rey pulls her bag of Eassa’s things off of her shoulder. “Han, since Leia won’t remember a thing while she’s cooing at the baby, here’s everything she should need while we’re gone.” Rey begins to tell him all the little foibles that Han certainly already knows, but he just nods and hums in acknowledgement.

Ben smiles to himself, marveling at how _diplomatic_ his father has become. He’s actually learned quite a bit from Han when it comes to being with someone for years. Things he’d completely missed as a child. All that time, he’d thought they were truly fighting, but as he’s grown older and learned how invigorating a good verbal sparring match can be, he’s begun to recognize that more often than not, they poke at each other for _fun_.

But where he’s been the most surprised is when it comes to fatherhood. There was such nuance to his dad’s love and ways of expressing it. Something Ben has become much better at discerning. He might rarely voice his feelings with words, but he was saying it every day as he grew up. As a boy, he just didn’t know how to _listen_.

“Who’s the prettiest girl in the whole galaxy? Is it Eassa? I think it is,” Leia babbles to the baby, who stares at her grandmother with wide, alert eyes, trying to answer her with a string of nonsense syllables. 

“Alright, alright. Grandpa wants a turn,” Han announces as he rather firmly takes Eassa from Leia’s arms.

As soon as she’s with her grandfather, Eassa lights up in the way she only does for her grandpa. She starts pulling at his nose, making Han grin like he’s won the _Falcon_ all over again.

He tickles her little side and the peel of laughter makes Ben almost reluctant to leave her. Almost. There’s a thread of anxiety about leaving her so long running through both Rey and Ben, but they’ve talked about it and he’s made sure they aren’t more than an hour away should anything go wrong. Not that it will. The Force has been blessedly quiet for years and he’s learned to believe in peace.

“Gaa gaa gaa,” Eassa says quite seriously.

“Hmm, very interesting. Tell me more,” Han responds as if they’re having a conversation.

“Gaa paaaah paa paa paa.”

Both Rey and Ben look at each other swiftly. Is she …?

But Han hasn’t understood the way her parents can, and he just keeps chattering with his adored granddaughter.

“Gaaapaa!” she almost screeches, and this time Han looks to Leia, a heartbreaking vulnerability cracking across his face.

“Did she … did she just …” Han’s voice cracks and he seems nearly frightened.

Ben draws Rey to his side, waiting for the disappointment to come that her first word hadn’t been for either of them, but from Rey he only feels an explosion of pride. As to himself, he can’t begrudge his father this joy.

“Gaapaa, Gaapaa, Gaapaa,” Eassa continues to trill.

“Good girl!” Leia gushes, as she stands next to her husband. “Han, tell her how proud of her you are.”

“Grandpa’s so proud of you, Eassa. So proud.” His eyes shine as he crushes the baby to his chest. “So proud.”

But Eassa doesn’t feel like being cuddled and makes an annoyed sound as she wriggles in her grandfather’s arms. He gets the hint, and soon they’re sitting on the floor playing peek-a-boo.

Leia chuckles as they all watch Han with the baby. His dad might be a gruff old pirate, but never with Eassa. He’s as soft as aircake and it makes Ben … happy. He long ago let go of any resentments he might have held.

“There will be no living with your father, now. I’m going to hear about this for the rest of my life,” Leia notes with good humor.

“Somehow, I think you’ll manage,” Ben quips.

Leia nods and continues gazing at her husband and granddaughter with undisguised emotion.

“Gaapaa!”

\---

“You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?” Rey asks with disbelief as he hunches to hide the coordinates as he sets the course to Sheytaya. A few years back they’d purchased their own ship, small enough for just the two of them and a child. They’ll need to upgrade when they have another. He’ll make sure there’s plenty of room.

“No, I’m really not. You do know what surprise means, dear wife.”

“This is infuriating.”

“I suspect you’ll survive.”

It’s a good thing he listened to his mother and joined the diplomatic core. The Republic was more than pleased to have another Force sensitive within the government and his mother hadn’t even needed to pull her ever-present strings.

Though, there’s nothing he can do about the cache of being from his family and for the first time in his life, he’s grateful for it. They’ve been tripping over themselves to accommodate his new schedule in fear that he’ll go back to his father’s life.

But Ben really can’t be galivanting across space with his dad if he’s serious about his family. He may understand his parents far more than he did, but he still plans to do things _much_ differently. 

He’s even grown to see Luke more clearly. His uncle made massive changes at the training temple and seems years younger, now. It took letting in the dark to truly find the light. He even makes sure to visit more frequently, now that the next generation of Skywalkers is just beginning to toddle around.

Rey lets out a strangled yell and flops into the co-pilot’s chair. “Irritating bantha’s ass,” she mutters under her breath.

“What was that, sweetheart?” he asks mildly.

“You heard me.”

Ben frowns and engages the hyperdrive before turning to Rey. “Are you truly angry with me?” He could check the bond, but he’s come to find allowing her to express herself is better for them both.

She makes a small, somewhat apologetic smile. “No, of course not. I just want to know!”

He takes her hand and draws her to him until she’s sitting on his lap. Wrapping his arms around her midsection, he nuzzles her ear.

“Do you trust me?” he breathes into her neck.

“You know I do.”

“Then trust me to do this for you. This is the first time I’ve been able to really have you all to myself since Eassa was born and … I want to spoil you.”

She reaches behind her and runs her fingers through his hair. “You always spoil me.”

“Love, we’re only just now recovering from sleep deprivation. I haven’t been able to take care of you the way I like for over a _year_.”

“Ben … you know you don’t have to take care of me.”

He nips at her neck and sighs. “But I do, Rey. You … I can never, ever give you what you gave me, but I can keep trying until the end of our days.”

She turns in his arms and looks at him seriously. “But you _did_. You …” Her face becomes questioning. “Don’t you know?”

Shaking his head slowly he says, “No.”

“Ben Solo, you are ridiculous and I love you, every day and all the time.” Her lips turn into a wide grin. “ _I_ can never give _you_ what you gave to me. So let’s call it even.”

Then she’s kissing him and it doesn’t matter who saved who. 

Besides, he knows better than to argue with his precious, exquisite, incomparable bride. 

It was Rey.

Until the stars go out and the Force fades.

It will _always_ be Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this Pain Train! Please keep your tickets for the next journey!
> 
> Thank you ArtemisBare! You have held my hand through so many fics now that I truly can't imagine writing without you. And thank you to Silvergrain, a recent addition to the crew--your enthusiasm is infectious!
> 
> Thank you, Mr. Downing, who STILL manages to act excited when a fic is well and truly complete.
> 
> Thank you, Readers!!! How can I ever express just how important you all are to my process? I'm so lucky to have you in my corner. *blows kisses*
> 
> Next up: I will FINALLY complete 'Unbidden' (after I take a little break). Then 'Tethered' makes it back into rotation, followed by 'Unearthed'.


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